Daily feelings, Surrender

Haaaappppyyyy New Year… Or nah???

Sooooooo, I have 364 days left to improve the way I feel inside and about life in general. No doubt, I’m unhappy! But, what’s missing? I mean, everything I assumed made me feel so terrible years ago no longer exists. In fact, some would haphazardly claim I’m living the american dream (man at home, children self sufficient, gainfully employed, health up to par) what else could anyone want or need?

My question exact!!! I have no clue what I’m experiencing, and that in itself is driving me crazy. Sorta like a catch 22 or should I say I’m dammed if I do or don’t geeeesssssshhhhh… How much longer till I rrreeesssttt??? It use to be “I can’t get no man, so I’m so sad” next suicidal thoughts creep in. Well, he’s doing his best and I’m still effin unhappy SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh.

My children don’t call on nor depend on me like before, when I was able to lay blame to them for all my so call stress… Jesus, Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee step in, and lead, guide and direct me… If I’m the primary culprit for my own demise; I’m prepared to take full responsibility, and allow You to show me myself transparently. There’s gotta be a better waaaaaayyyyyyy, and I’m determined to find it!!!

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Published by dcpassion2009

44 yrs. old, employed by the Federal Government. I have four grown children and eleven grandchildren, whom I love very much. This blog will be used to help me deal with Bipolar, which I was diagnosed with in 2000.

61 thoughts on “Haaaappppyyyy New Year… Or nah???”

  3. HI dcpassion, First of all, thanks for the follow at faithsighanddiy. You are not alone in your feelings. I have a background as a lay counselor, Bible teacher and hospital chaplain. Most of my blog centers on mental health issues. I hope you’ll check out some of my older posts. I have a lot of information that will help.
    But as to what responsibility you have, the fact is, you do. We all do. No one else can make us happy anymore than we can make them happy. I’m counseling right now with a young woman who wants to blame everyone else. Consequently, her depression isn’t resolving itself as it should even with medication.
    Anyway, God bless and thanks for your honesty.

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  10. Thanks for following my blog, I hope you can find some humor in the “humor stories” that will lift your spirit and gain some spiritual insight in the devotions. My wife suffers from severe depression and anxiety and has to be on medication, those advising a thearpist are spot on, I believe being able to talk and express her feelings without worrying about them being spread and gossiped about is a large part of her well being. She is not what one would call happy, but she is coping and has good moments and can laugh at stuff once again. I don’t see how anyone could make it through what she/we have been through without God who gives us hope. Your pretty brave for putting “it” out there for all the world to see, God Bless

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  13. Thanks for following my blog. I hope you find a way out of your current state – sounds corny, I know, but it helps to note down every day the positive things that happened. Basically counting your blessing, big and small. Good luck!

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  14. I know what it’s like waiting for the children to call. But once I accepted they’re busy with their own lives and problems (like I was at their age), things got much better. I rarely call them, but now they call often, and I simply tell them I love them. Now they feel more free to come or not, without any guilt. Take care and all my wishes for your birthday and the new year ahead. Love.

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  15. Thanks or dropping by and deciding to follow my blog. I am not blogging as often as I did in the past but I do hope there will be things on there that will interest you,
    Depression is something I have no experience of personally but do know from various friends just how awful it can be. I shall be back often to read and check on how you are getting on. XX

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  16. Thanks for the follow! I hope that this year will be a good one for you. Depression is something that I have been very familiar with throughout my life and the only thing that has helped me after much trial and error was writing for the most part. Writing in the simplest way possible such as my blog, it isn’t much, not like many blogs out there, mine is really more like a personal diary but it serves me extremely well. It keeps the flood of depression at bay and that is what counts. šŸ™‚

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  18. I appreciate your honesty and have struggled with similar feelings. This morning I was reminded to dwell in gratitude, fight despondency with joy, and focus on the “giver of immortal gladness.” Have you read PROOF OF HEAVEN? Great book to remind us of eternal realities and how they overshadow all of our stuff. Hope to keep in touch. Pam

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  22. I would be feeling much the same as you if not for my husband wanting to retire to Costa Rica, me having to give up nearly everything I own to move down there only to have to move back due to financial “challenges” and starting over. I am now the happiest I have ever been, living simply, knowing my children are all fine and I don’t have high living expenses to keep me grovelling for every cent I can get. I work but have the best job ever and I think it is because I let go for the “freefall”. I had my vision quest by going into the complete unknown. How liberating and terrifying it was. I can no longer recall some of the things I used to feel. Peace, love and light to you.

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  27. I’ve just been on the other end of this dilemma. My husband was looking for some unrealistic Xanadu, euphoric, blissful life that doesn’t exist. Someone else, some place else, some unrealistic idea of what happiness is makes people yearn for something more. We are now divorced, he has screwed up my life and his life. He’s playing house with a bimbo slut waitress, and our family is torn apart. Love what you have and those who love you. Love yourself. You are special. I hope you find happiness within you. It’s there,

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    2. Wow, toniandrukaitis, Don’t be so bitter! I’ve been through everything that you have, a wife who cheated, separation after 30 years, financial dislocation, depression and lost my job at the same time. I was in a funk for a year. I decided to change my life. Put everything I own into storage and moved from Australia to the west coast of Ireland. I have ‘retired’ and play and learn Irish music, and do my photography. I don’t know if I am ‘happy’ but I can tell you I am happier than I have been for the last twenty years. There is an alternative. Check out my blog at singersongblog.wordpress.com. Hang in there dcpassion2009. Things do improve. Thanks for following me by the way.

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  28. Thank you for following my blog first of all!

    Secondly, I know that when in the midst of a depression it is really necessary to get proper treatment before we usually feel like trying ways to stop chasing the next thing. For me, I have done some reading about living in the present, meditating and thinking of nothing (I know it sounds wacky but it has really made me take notice of the fact that there really is only now, this moment. Stop, take a breath and notice everything around you in a particular moment and find gratitude in what you see in that moment.) Life is a series of instances that pass in just that, an instant. If we are regretting or worrying about moments that have past or not yet come to pass, we are missing now. Trying to slow down and notice every moment and live in it has helped me immensely. Sometimes I just notice a leaf, blowing in the wind and I feel grateful for the moment, the breeze. I notice that while thinking about and feeling gratitude for those tiny events happening around me, I can’t be worrying about past or waiting for future events at the same time, and my mind finds some moments of peace. Give it a try! I truly wish you a new year of beautiful moments and that you grab and feel gratitude for every one.

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  29. Hoping this will be a great year for you. I love how you express what’s going on inside you. My experience with doing that is that it helps healing so much. Looking forward to reading more over the course of 2015 – I wish you health, happiness, and healing.
    ~Audrey

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  30. I lived through depression for a long time. It wasn’t any circumstances that cause it, it just was. I saw an amazing therapist, we talked about all the options. I wanted to try talking and seeing what God did through that before I was willing to try a proscription. The Holy Spirit worked through the counseling and the work I did at home. I didn’t end up need the prescription, but I know others that do, and God works in and through them just as much if not more than through me. Seeking help outside my own circle and letting God work through it was the BEST thing I ever did! I am a new creation in Him because of the work He did in me during of it.

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