Sooooooo, I have 364 days left to improve the way I feel inside and about life in general. No doubt, I’m unhappy! But, what’s missing? I mean, everything I assumed made me feel so terrible years ago no longer exists. In fact, some would haphazardly claim I’m living the american dream (man at home, children self sufficient, gainfully employed, health up to par) what else could anyone want or need?
My question exact!!! I have no clue what I’m experiencing, and that in itself is driving me crazy. Sorta like a catch 22 or should I say I’m dammed if I do or don’t geeeesssssshhhhh… How much longer till I rrreeesssttt??? It use to be “I can’t get no man, so I’m so sad” next suicidal thoughts creep in. Well, he’s doing his best and I’m still effin unhappy SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh.
My children don’t call on nor depend on me like before, when I was able to lay blame to them for all my so call stress… Jesus, Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee step in, and lead, guide and direct me… If I’m the primary culprit for my own demise; I’m prepared to take full responsibility, and allow You to show me myself transparently. There’s gotta be a better waaaaaayyyyyyy, and I’m determined to find it!!!