Watch “Put UR Yes God Into ACTION… Nothing Beats A Failure But A TRY… Keep Having MUSTARD SEED FAITH” on YouTube

Put UR Yes God Into ACTION

Hey P-Duds,

Always remember, nothing beats a failure but a TRY!!! I just keep finding myself giving up on trying to VLog, because I can’t for the life of me seem to get it right 😢😢😢😲😲😲😵😵😵😭😭😭 But, THIS TIME, I’m determined not to fall away grrrrhhhh… Even this video 📹 📸📷🎞️📽️ I’m boutta upload, the dang music 🎶 🎵🎤🎼is too freekin loud 🔊🔊🔊🎧🎧🎧 again, and I’m like God do I keep giving Your people crappy work, just to feel as though I’m being obedient or should I just wait until I get the funds necessary to hire a professional smh… Decisions DECISIONS 👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿

I be thinking I have discernment, but that can’t be, if I’m still wrestling within. But, enough murmuring… In the video, I make mention of Miracle Man, a highly anointed man of God, who my children and I had the pleasure of meeting, and was Blessed with his testimony… There’s no doubt that God’s Word says “We’re overcome by our testimonies” and His intentions are for us to transparently reveal the things that we went through, and give Him the Praise for how He brought us through… I get that, and I’m honestly and earnestly all in for the long haul… I’m just upset that it’s not quality QUALITY 😞😞😞

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Watch “KILL SUICIDE NOT YOURSELF… SEEK HELP… PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE… GOD GOT US… YOU ARE NOT ALONE” on YouTube

KILL SUICIDE NOT YOURSELF

Hey P-Duds,

Sooooo, I’m back again with another video 📹 📸📷📽️🎞️ where I’ve fused together a couple of my beginning videos, from nearly 4 years ago, where I was introducing to you guys the PASSIONS that God laid on my heart, whilst showing me how He intends to use everything I’ve ever experienced in life, that I thought to be overly horrific, for His good. Now, I’m no professional at this editing thing smh, so you’ll see that the transitions are not as good as Warner Brothers and Paramount lol 😂 😂 😂😵😵😵 😲 😲 😲 but don’t judge me 👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿#PERIODTT

In the videos, I’m discussing the app that I wanna some day implement, where one would actually be able to click into a live session with a Prayer Warrior, who’ll deter them from the final mistake of suicide and get their mind back on the right track, and help them realize that life actually IS worth living after all, because that’s exactly how I always feel days, weeks or months later, after an attempt, and I’m happily amongst family and enjoying every single ounce of everything different, that each one of them has to bring to my life, from the crazy dances that all my grandchildren do, to the funny clapbacks that show forth in hellah large family group texts, right on down to my oldest daughter, who everybody knows to be the most hilarious of us all #nocap, and her capabilities to mimic anybody on the face of this earth, and keep the entire room falling outta their chairs cracking their sides… Sometimes literally ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚱️⚱️⚱️nah, I’m just kidding, but Sus most certainly got dis comedian thing down pact.

But, more importantly, is the text I received about the 2 mothers, who both threw their babies from high places and then jumped themselves… That thing ran all through me and it just shows that suicide awareness and prevention is definitely necessary, and I gotta stop procrastinating, and get into gear, doing whatever I can to build Alone NO MORE, so that we’re readily available for all that’s in need.

Watch “Alone NO MORE 1…Suicide prevention and awareness. We shall live and not die. Peace BE STILL 🙏😇🙏” on YouTube

Alone NO MORE 1

Hey P-Duds,

We’re finally tapping into one of the segments that fall under Da Ugly Ducklin that really really hits home with me, and will always be a subject/topic that is fragile, in my opinion, and I feel the need to cradle it, just as I did every single newborn I birthed.

Alone NO MORE is geared towards suicide prevention and awareness first and foremost, but of course you can’t just eat all the icing and throw away the cake; uhhhhhhhh it’s a package deal #nocap, and for that reason we’ll broadly integrate mental health issues, treatment and the likes as well

Please please please please please be on point guys, as it relates to friends and family members, who are suffering with any of the underlying problems, regardless of whether or not you feel that they just want attention… Of course they do duhhhhhhh #staywoke and do any and everything in your power to cater to their needs when and wherever they summons you… Their life depends on it #PERIODTT

Watch “The Transparent ME – Enquiring Minds Wanna Know – Everything At The Forefront… No holding back!!!” on YouTube

The Transparent ME 1

Hey P-Duds,

So, we’re on day 2, and as promised, I’m giving it to you RAW!!! This VLog takes us back to my website, dauglyducklin.org, and into the mind of PASSION, from 2014, when I transitioned from mere blogging to VLogging, and my first post was really short, on July 9, 2014, where I gave a verse, concerning God’s desire for marriage, and I added “So Into You” by Fabolous and Tamia. But, I am totally clueless as to what drove me to pick that song smh… Or exactly what my mind was focused on at that moment. Nevertheless, The Transparent ME is where we’ll go deep deep into the craziness that PASSION has endured for the past 19 years… To include, but most certainly not limited to dealing with the whirlwind of roller-coaster emotions and chaos, that’s a reflection of my suffering from multiple mental health issues, several bouts of homelessness, that my psychiatrist simply writes off as “THE NORM” for (people like me)… Dafuq?!?!? What is that supposed to mean… Okkkkkrrrrrrtttttt, doc Imma let that slide, sense you got all them lil cute degrees hanging up on that wall behind you, because frfr you’re more than likely right, now that I think 🤔 about it grrrrrrhhhhh, I am a humdinger at times, and I’m almost positive I do da most, soooooo I probably had a few temper tantrums, that aided in my being unfortunately displaced #THANKCHU. Also, we’ll delve into my many near death experiences #getdastrap, my need for 3 reconstructive surgeries geeeesssshhhh and I’ll elaborate on my horrible war wounds and 14 suicide attempts. Strap your seat belts, sit back, and enjoy the ride, we’re in a caravan, on a mind blowing road trip, traveling down the path of unpaved tar of “The Life of PASSION”… Stay tuned and ENJOY 👌🤣😵😲🙏💗💞💋💖👍

In need of HELP

Hello,

My name is Paulette Williams and I work daily for USPS and have my own means of transportation. However, as of May 31, 2016 my husband and I will need a place to stay. I can’t afford much, but I’m willing to pay our way. We will take a basement, single room, RV, or even a shed.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/7/15 (DAY 19)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Woke up to car GONE… You talkin bout FURIOUS!!!

I lost the car“… Are you serious???

How your mates choice to indulge in illicit drugs creates unnecessary problems for the both of you.

Telling your grown children to live one way, but you settle for the things you’re trynna save them from… DOUBLE STANDARD

If you choose to put up with your mate… Don’t bagger them thereafter

Living with others is hard… Food issues arise, and everyone not buying household supplies… NOT FAIR

How my family is all of a sudden going through simultaneously SMH

My son’s up and coming rap career… My feelings about the uneasy content

How I want my children to get and keep my grandbabies before the face of God

How bad I want God to fall upon me on a daily basis… to help me serve Him correctly

We’re living in our last days… The signs are here… Get and/or keep yourself right in the eyes of God

My desires to be in full-time Ministry for the sake of my entire clan

Give God back His Word, He’s good to act on it, because He cannot and will not lie

Live a life of example in front of the youth around you, so that they’ll grow up successful

My husband trynna compare his wrongdoings with K2 to my old alcohol issues… Not the same!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/6/15 (DAY 18)

WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY continued…

Worked ONLY 2 1/2 – 3 hours SMH

Don’t EEEEVVVEEEERRRR fake sick… It’ll definitely come back to bite ya in the rumpelstiltskin

Enraged at how my (thought to be) good deed was so insignificant… gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Be careful dealing with banks, colleges, and I’ll go as far as to say that FAFSA is suspect.

Why am I still holding a FRAUDULENT check, nobody thought it to be serious enough to send anyone out… just horrible.

Day went left real quick… My manager went from 0 to 100 lol!!!

Get covered by the Union guys… They’re your safety net

Learn the rules about your rights to take off and leave work early multiple times in a specific time frame.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/4/15 (DAY 16)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Master RESET again??? What the heck is going on with my phone… Hackers or nah?

Hair FINALLY on #fleek

Hubby back home SMH… I never got a chance to put him out and thank God I didn’t, because he’s WORKING yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

  • More money
  • Move quicker
  • No K2 smoked… Thank You Daddy.

Feeling awfully strange in my spirit… Sum just ain’t right. Can’t pinpoint it yet, but I’m feeling sum type of way 😦 😦 😦

Trust God to run your marriage… Breadwinners are NOT in control.

Prayers pay off, again I reiterate that!

Never fight against mandatory change

Do what God says no matter the cost

Personal ad (Possible Disaster)

Testimony may lead to Tricky Tracking #

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/3/15 (DAY 15)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Contradictory Vlog: Yesterday I stated we must love in spite of. Then, I turn right around and ditch my husband to sleep on the streets.

Ironically, I have every reason not to smile.

My daughter nearly died behind illicit drugs.

Misplaced anger towards my mother-in-law SMH.

The BREADWINNER can’t even get a decent meal???!!!

The effects of K2 on your marriage, family and life.

Get rid of your flesh, it destroys you and others you interact with.

Should you leave your spouse for indulging in drugs, simply because they’re irresponsibly still doing it, even after something bad has happened.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/2/15 (DAY 14)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Important for older children, who indulge in bad things, to have a cell phone for emergencies.

We must allow God to transform us to where we’re loving supernaturally… Not in the natural (HUMAN)

Generational curses MUST be broke

How God gave me favor while receiving beautification services

Take care of skin, feet and hair… Imperative for self-preservation

Don’t let the devil reap havoc in your relationship!!! Let God show you what’s really going on

Don’t plan how to be nice, that’s fake… Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to move through you

We are not to only love those who we’re comfortable with, but we gotta Pray about loving EVERYONE in spite of

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/1/15 (DAY 13)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

  • Let God control who you date, your marriage or already established relationship (NO FORNICATING)
  • Trust God to lead you down the right path as you plan and confirm your annual vacation.
    • You’re destined to get the BEST deals
    • Reassurance that any problems, should there be ANY will be minimal to NONE.
    • You’ll find new things to do to have fun, ATTRACTIONS and ACTIVITIES will come to you like never before
  • Career choices and continuum of education… He definitely knows, and I’ll guarantee you that your new sought out and obtained profession will be one that you’ll look forward to every day.Unlike many of us, who merely go for a paycheck. Your God geared job will be one sufficient enough to retire from and you won’t have to double up (Work 2 or more jobs simultaneously)  either, because the one income will be Heaven sent more than enough… You’ll be the lender and NEVER a borrower.

Got my eyes, feet and nails done up yaaaaaaaayyyyyyy, just waiting for my stylist to grocery shop, and my hair gon be on #fleek too!!! She always flicks her wrist 🙂 🙂 🙂

PLEASE subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow me on EVERY social network that we connect in… Thanking you in advance!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/31/15 (DAY 12)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Did not get my hair done 😦 😦 😦 Whole day went left!!!

No nail salon visit ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh… that’s ok, because I should be off tomorrow (fingers crossed)

Baby girl doin it up in the Dominican Republic… Finally enjoying her vacation away, after a few rough patches that God helped her through.

Still Noooooooooo sleep SMH, tonight gotta be the night no doubt!

Husband finally back after another brief break-up (Talkin to me rude and harsh) That’s a no no, and automatic deal breaker – ZERO tolerance for utter disrespect.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/30/15 (DAY 11)

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

Shooting in my daughter’s house (Close call SMH)

Her trip to the Dominican Republic

The 8 hours beautification process (Oh how HAPPY I’ll be afterwards)

HCYMABH… Back up and active.

Alone No More… Lying dormant, which is a GOOD thing, because nobody’s suicidal.

H.U.T. My desires for an immediate family (Annual Reunion) on a Yacht, even though I’m terribly scared of water.

TMOB – The Mouth Of Babez (New Ministry) For youth 21 and under, to learn the importance of having a relationship with God and the POWER in Prayer. Taking our children to church ain’t at all the gist of it. They MUST know what’s expected of them and all the BENEFITS within. More important, we don’t want them embarrassed or fearful to Pray to or interact with God.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/29/15 (DAY 10)

Today is WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY

A day where we hold to the fact that we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.

My 13 yrs. old grandson arrested for a gun in his book bag. Could have caused the officers to shoot him unnecessarily.

Me experiencing Insomnia due to my being manic… Driving to work with eyes barely open SMH.

“Many are called, but few are CHOSEN”!!! Me disrespecting a coworker, then feeling awful afterwards… Open repent.

We MUST change in order to please God.

The thorn in my flesh is there for a worthy purpose.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/28/15 (DAY 9)

 

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY initially intended for friends and family to discuss different sermons, scriptures or Godly topics that each came across on previous days, for the purposes of readying yourselves for Wednesday Bible Study, where you’ll Prayerfully be armed with plenty of questions.

However my day didn’t begin good, and I had to vent after a crying moment, because I was so upset with my children.

Please give your opinion about the situations I discussed.

Thank God I feel 100 % better now… God Bless each of you, and may Heaven continue to smile upon you and yours

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow me on every social network where we meet up, and I’ll surely do the same for you.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/27/15 (DAY 8)

Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This video is all messed up, but I uploaded it anyway, just to show how things can happen SMH. It was two parts. But, instantly one whole part… The beginning just got lost somewhere in cyber space lol. Nevertheless, the ending tells what my theory is on the shenanigans. BTW… Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY!!! With all the craziness going on with me lately, I can’t do nothing else but smile!!! Enjoy guys, in spite of the beginning being M.I.A.

Whaddayaknow, here’s the lost video… I knew it’d surface SMH

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/24/15 (DAY 5)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY no matter what the enemy tries to throw your way DODGE it, and keep it movin. Show him he has NOOOOOOOOOOOO power or control,and will not keep you bogged down!

Chris Brown with the suicide rumors going around. I searched through several sites, only to find out the world is getting all worked up about what they’re considering to be a cryptic message on his instagram… and more can be read here http://sandrarose.com/2015/05/is-chris-brown-suicidal/ & http://sandrarose.com/2015/06/chris-brown-wont-be-around-next-year/

I Pray she’s wrong. But, I’m not too happy about the writings she wrote, and many others stated their feelings on her site.

My apologies for getting upset, after talking about the beating I received from my last husband, and not really doing well in the Vlog.

Family should always stick together and help one another out, especially during homelessness.

Parents Pray for your grown child or children who’s not doing right in the eyes of God.

Sometimes our wayward children are complete replicas of us… Hmmmmmmm!!! “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they’re old they won’t depart from it”

The affects illicit drugs had on me, and my transition into alcoholism, and subsequent deliverance from it all.

How to be the bigger person and apologize for your wrong actions when you’ve hurt someone.

How the good in your mate can help you. (My husband making me share and diminish my stingy ways).

The shooting in my daughter’s home that caused our homelessness.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/25/15 (DAY 6)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY and make sure you read a scripture, Pray, Praise or Worship Him today.

Christian wife/ Muslim husband (How you interact) (Praying, Praising & Worshipping together impossible)

Me seeing the aftermath of my two sisters after getting brutally beating (Reason for my hostility toward men)

Women should stay in their place (We cannot beat NO man)

A mother’s job is NEVER done (Talk to your grown child) (Help them identify and then succeed at their goals)

Feeling ostracized after alcohol cease (How to enjoy life when everyone else still indulges)

Family should never see each other homeless (Well to do family won’t help SMH)

Never seclude your mate because you have no friends or family to chill with.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/26/15 (DAY 7)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY and I ask that you support anyone in any capacity… Heaven smiles upon us for doing so.

This was a short video, that I’m not pleased with at all. Just had an altercation with my husband, and wasn’t feeling myself… My apologies.

Either the enemy is causing bad things to occur, because I’m following the plan of God for my life or God sees that my husband means me no well, and chose to remove him from my life.

FEEDBACK WELCOMED!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/23/15 (DAY 4)

 

Not too pleased with today’s Vlog, because I got to talking about the beating at the hands of my last husband, and lost my whole train of thought… gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nonetheless, I went on with it, and talked about how God has kept me, and is still keeping me through all the craziness that I’ve endured and still experiencing.

Today is “Thank Him Thursday” be sure to THANK God for everything He’s done and still is doing in your life. He inhabits the Praises of His people.

*** Please comment on how you feel about poverty, generational curses, and utilizing government assistance.

Once again I ask y’all to forgive the video pauses, before you know it I’ll be making top-notch Vlogs.

As promised, I’m going to do my research on the Chris Brown incident, as it relates to what he’s experiencing with suicidal thoughts. I don’t EVER wanna mislead anyone, by giving inaccurate or totally bogus information.

Please follow me, subscribe to my channel on YouTube, and likewise I’ll return the favor.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/22/15 (DAY 3)

Please forgive me for the dumb videos that end abruptly, without a proper outro message. But, time will definitely fix that, as I get more better at recording. Eventually, I’ll have a better device, with a huger storage. However, until then I ask you to bear with me.

I was cut off while explaining what happened with my last husband, and why we separated. As I was telling you, I made the horrible mistake of marrying way too quick from start. But, I was terribly lonely. Remember, I have ALL grown children, and they were moving on with their lives and happy for the most part… going out to eat, coupled up. Beach trips, constantly at the casino or club. Even though some of the places they frequented, I’m no longer interested in, I still wanted a mate, and I jumped at the very first chance that came my way and the latter months was beyond overkill. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t really over my previous husband, who I’m BACK with SMH, and that’ll be elaborated on as time progresses. Moreover, I carried hurt and all types of other damaging baggage over into my marriage, thus reaping unnecessary havoc for myself.

I was constantly bickering, complaining, nitpicking and physically abusing this man, and he held it all in until it came out in the worst way on that gruesome night, turned morning, beat down that I received, where God once again spared my life. now, this time, I wasn’t able to drive myself to the hospital like before and not because of any physical impairments. But, primarily because my husband didn’t want to leave me alone with in the ER, in fear of me contacting the police.

Enough of that already though, before too much explaining rolls into flashbacks, and emotions causes diverse reactions. I can’t say when I’ll discuss it. But, I wanna give my testimony about my reunification with my third husband, and how we’re doing now.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 6/28/15 (Trial run – My first video trying out Vlogging)

This is my first attempt at Vlogging, and it was in June… I never could get the videos uploaded, so I completely gave up. But, I started back a month and a half later, and those are the videos on the site that are still not as good as I would like for them to be. But, I feel confident that I’m finally doing what’s pleasing to God. Even though they’re choppy and some are too long, in my opinion. Nevertheless, it satisfies my charge from above.

To recap: I discussed my reasons for getting away from the whole psychological team of nitwits, and it’s simply because thy weren’t doing me any good whatsoever!!! In fact, I spoke out about two drugs specifically that I’m not to fond of at all, and that’s Trazodone, because it causes shortness of breath and makes me feels anxious, and as if I’m hyperventilating. And lithium simply because I’m worried about any medication that gives cause for my blood to be continually monitored SMH… Nope, I’m GUCCI!!!

To add, I don’t know how to put the fact that I see NO need for repetitive trips to see therapist and psychiatrist no clearer than I have, with so much seriousness to back… I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous to make all these appointments, in an effort to find the “NORM” as most people call it, to no avail. I’m through being toyed with!!! Together with God and the testimonies of overcomers I’m gonna master my care without fake anecdotes and meaningless couch conversations.

I mentioned the stabbing that gave rise to my arrest, that aided in my eventual psychological assessment and corrupt diagnosis. My daughter, her husband and I were on our way home from picking him (her husband) up from his granny’s house when I rode up on the worse scene I’d ever encountered. My husband, openly walking with a female, who I later found to be his mistress for several months prior… I literally lost my mind. How dare you!!! Right in the neighborhood we met and married in. That’s making a total mockery of me, seeing as how EVERYONE knows we’re married, and have been together for three years before this craziness, and you even have the audacity to flaunt her around, while still bringing me around your friends and family members, who obviously knew about your secret rendezvous. But, continued to smile in my face as if everything’s all well and fine… Some nerve SMH. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal plays out with me going with the police, him with the paramedics, and the floozy running away, at record speed, with my Tasmanian devil daughter in HIGH pursuit lol. That was a day I never wanna see again, and Prayerfully no one else has to ever experience.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/21/15 (DAY 2)

I’m sooooooooo happy… God tells us to take the first step, out on Faith, towards any endeavor, and He’ll provide the INCREASE. I did just that, in spite of all my insecurities and uncertainties, and each video is getting better as I go.

To elaborate, the messages above refer to some hard times I experienced years ago while I was still a babe in Christ, and not at all able to properly rationalize, and almost lost my life because of it on several occasions.

Also, spoke about Miracle Man, a vessel for God who also ran from his calling, and underwent a detrimental mishap before totally surrendering, and is now disfigured for life.

I can’t believe I took this long to heed to His (God’s) beckoning, for me to open up in this way. I actually like it, and Prayerfully it’ll help as many people as possible, to heal, and also the feedback that I receive will enhance my healing process as well.

I love being able to expound on the GOODNESS of God, as in He as been ever so present and helpful in my life from day one. And even though I’m going through a trying time right now, I know undoubtedly that none of it is in vain, and I’ll reap the benefits soon enough if I faint NOT!!!

The Transparent Me (Day 1)

This is the start of a new way I’m going to interact. I’ve been blogging for years, to no avail, and I earnestly believe that it’s meant for me to visually convey my messages. To be honest, it took me this long because I’m not happy with the way I look on camera. But, If God has a purpose for you, you’ll get it done, according to His Will eventually… No matter how long you run.

I don’t doubt that the reason I’ve been going through soooooo much is due to my procrastination and fear. “NO MORE”!!! I’m BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK, and I know I’ve said that many many times before, then I’ll fall away again… My apologies, trust me I’m full to the brim, and it’s about to spill over… Don’t believe me JUST WATCH 🙂 🙂 🙂

More on Sharing…

Sharing was always a BIG problem for me and I never understood whether or not it was because I was the babbbbbbyyyyyyyy of seven and was spoiled rotten, coming up, and Neeeeeevvvveeerr was taught or made to share with others. In any event, I learned while rearing my four babies just how selfish I really was SMH, and to this day I get sick to my stomach to even think I was that cruel of a person… Thank God for salvation, sanctification and transformation!!! I’m Nooooooo longer the idiot I once was… Hallelujah!!!

Today, I give quick, fast and in a hurry. Especially to those who are needy. Because God says what we do for the least amongst us, we do unto Him. Also, I was taught that we’ll never know if we missed an opportunity to give to Jesus and/or an Angel, and run the risk of failing the test and missing out on an enormous Blessing unknowingly SMH. To keep that from happening, just share period.

I won’t claim to be all the way there either!!! Because God just reminded me of my sneakiness last night, trynna open my favorite candy bar without having to offer my husband some… I even told him he was allergic to peanuts lol… He was like “no I’m not”… I was so piiiiiiisssssseeeeedddddd. And I think he seen my reluctance frfr, that I was laughing on the outside, but holding back at the same time… Not really wanting to give ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… Dag why did I reblog this post… Now I’m mad at myself for being greedy!!! Daddy, please forgive me and I truly appreciate Your obvious chastisement, and I ask that you remove selfishness and candy greed away from me… Far away, for its not right to be stingy at all, even with things we look at as mediocre.

Itttttt’sssssss sooooooo important that we share unselfishly… Not with a mean or angry heart, so that our Blessings won’t be held up. God loves a CHEERFUL giver 🙂

penpowersong

More on Sharing…
By Apolinario Villalobos

There is more in sharing than what most of us know about it. The heavenly bodies in the universe share ample space. Without the fair sharing in the seemingly infinite space in the universe, the heavenly bodies including earth would have been bumping with each other. Humanity shares the air to be able to survive and so are the lesser creatures. Sharing is not limited to food. The Designer is wise, indeed, and that is what He expects His intelligent creatures to be.

Unfortunately, because of pride and greed among humans, even the road space is not shared fairly, resulting to altercation among greedy motorists. They want to get more than what is provided by going against the flow of traffic or by overtaking the long queue of vehicles as they come to a standstill. This greed sometimes results to violence, and worse, death.

View original post 201 more words

How can you mend a broken heart???

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hcymabh/

A Facebook group I started in 2008, during the most desperate and desolate point of my life, while in need of like minded supporters.

I was lonely, angry, sad, suicidal and down right hopeless!!! This congregation of hurting people helped me heal, and I returned the favor. Today, the group is flourishing, and I feel bad that I’m not as active as before, because my marriage is better than I could’ve ever imagined. So, I don’t really have much to write about.

Nevertheless, I gotta realize that I made a commitment, and as long as they need me I have to be there for them, just as they were for me years ago… It’s all about creativity, even if it means surfing the web, until I find relevant information to share, then that’s what it’ll be… Because I will not shut them out, no matter how good things go in my life!!! Neeeeeevvvveeerr forget where you came from.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Better at what I say then what I do SMH… Jesus Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee HHHEEEELLLLPPPP me!!!

I know sooooooo well how to counsel, advise and help everyone stay strong and show forth Faith in the midst of tests. But, when the tables turn I get sooooooo weak and act out… I hate, hate, hate this about myself.

I gotta record myself ministering to others or something, and be able to quickly playback the audio, to defeat the enemy, by not getting depressed or stressed, and prove to him that I do in fact trust God to do just what He says and really and truly believe it in my heart of hearts also.

The darts just keep coming so fast, that it’s hard to get my footing. And the Holy Spirit is immaculate, because He’s teaching right as I’m typing and I’m now able to see the good in my situation either way.

Point at hand: I allowed myself to be scammed Friday, something I always kept a defense against ordinarily, and would’ve never been so naive. But, these people seemed so convincing… Really had a call back number, answering as IRS and appeared to really be in a legit call center and all, and my husband had in fact applied for financial aid. So, I fail for it SMH.

Low and behold, the monies were placed on a greendot card, and I was feeling better because one young lady got my hopes up by having me email her documents to prove I was the initial card holder and in deed was a victim of fraud. But, I got a disturbing reply this morning, that tore me all to pieces. Thus, making me shun and be mean to my husband all over again… When I wasted the entire Friday already in despair and acting ugly… Took off from work, causing myself more loss, wouldn’t eat… Just in the dumps wanting a pity party I guess and for him to feel terrible… I know better, but I couldn’t get myself outta the stupor.

Not today, just as the Holy Spirit showed me… My father is rich and owns the cattle on a thousand hills… He can bring back that and more money and it don’t have to be from greendot… I just have to trust and believe and be ever so careful not to lash out while I wait!!! I can’t lie, I’m humanly mad at the fact that both individuals are able to get away with their actions and my hands are inadvertently tied. The scammers can’t be found and greendot are rightfully doing this to me because of clauses in their policy that cover them SMH… I don’t feel it’s right one bit though, especially since I have proof that I have the card in my possession and the people who falsely registered the card and used the funds cannot produce the same proofs ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… Tests are hard. But, with the help of the Holy Spirit we’ll pass and eventually benefit from doing what’s right no matter what we face.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Sooooooo angry at myself!!!

Just what in the world is wrong with me??? “If God be for me, WHO can be against me?”

I gotta stop letting the enemy reap havoc in my life, and I go curl up under bushes, with my tail tucked… Whimpering and subdued… I’m a child of God, an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus!!!

God has placed tooooooo much in me for me to keep shutting down on His work!!!

My deepest apologies to everyone who has been willing to back me on His endeavor. But, watched me inadvertently sink into that ridiculous nearly two week depression phase… I’m just grateful that God knows me through and through; enough to know that I wasn’t arbitrarily saying no I won’t do it, because other secular issues and/or opportunities took premise.

But rather He saw the distractions the adversary created for me, to veer me off course, and He had to send the right people along to pull me back. I’d like to thank each one of you for continuing to message me, in spite of my silence, during my trying time… That is nobody but God, to keep you steadfast, amidst my craziness… Thanks, thanx… Then thanx one more again!!!

Everybody… Alone No More is about to take off… Hurting individuals will have the love, compassion, attention, affection, care, concern, time, and anything else they need!!! God purposely saved me from twelve obnoxious suicide attempts, and I suffer from Nooooooo brain damage at all… Actually, I’m ridiculously intelligent… Which shows He’s ever so present in my life. Therefore, onward I go… In His service!!!

I’m BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK 🙂 🙂 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Tribute to suicide victims – YouTube

http://de.gofund.me/h2r43w

Please go through each link, and realize, especially through their Facebook posts, that these were once normal individuals, living out each day… Then, something happen!!! Most had an abundance of friends and family interacting with them regularly SMH… Alone No More wants to get to the root of the issues and be able to, with the help of God Almighty, stop suicide altogether.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/fredericknewspost/obituary.aspx?pid=167476731

Jessica Gladhill

https://www.facebook.com/jessica.gladhill


http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/hartfordcourant/obituary.aspx?pid=166939399

Todd Dorey


http://www.suttonguardian.co.uk/news/8327340.Triple_suicide_family_torn_apart_by_fourth_death/

Anna Borau

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1356031/How-mother-bear-After-suicides-child-lost-legal-high.html


http://worlddestiny.proboards.com/thread/11146

Destiny Grindstaff


http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=82774735

Isabel Borau


https://www.facebook.com/neil.lal

Neil Lal


http://www.horancares.com/obituary/Sterling-Alexander-Malec/Northglenn-CO/1123023

Sterling Malec

https://www.facebook.com/events/482613408437952/


http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=jason-mark-ainsworth&pid=156091670

Jason Mark Ainsworth

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=85735259


http://www.newsargus.com/obituaries/archives/2007/04/15/nathan_lynn_ford/

Nathan Ford

http://nathan-ford.virtual-memorials.com/

Be ANGRY but sin NOT…

I could only be furious with myself right now, because I’m the one who made the dumb mistake, and it’s so ironic, because I’m a stickler for checking everything twice.

Knowing that what God gave me is for a worthy cause and much needed, I really looked to see if the many individuals who viewed and liked the post had in fact taken the initiative to give a donation, only to find out the link was faulty SMH.

Do, I get frustrated and denounce the entire VISION due to one set back, merely on day 1 of implementation… Lord Nooooooo!!! I’m no quitter and the race is not giving to the swift, but rather to those who’ll ENDURE till the end.

That just means I have to do extra work to gain back the number of supporters who temporarily missed the opportunity to assist. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

Nevertheless, here’s the correct link http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Also, I’ve added a few stories to the gofundme page, just to enlighten all on the many families who have collectively been affected by the stigma of suicide. Some without warning, thus no perpetration or chance to help at all.

That’s why this app is so important. We’ll be right at the hurting party’s fingertips. Pain and anguish can strike at any giving time of the day or night. And Alone No More will be readily available at everyone’s beckoning.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 2/19/14

I felt compelled to share with you what horrific experience I endured last week, and some of you may have watched it all unfold, yet while other’s will read about it for the first time tonight.

I went through a break up on the 14th that sent me for a loop, and what made it different than any other is the fact that coupled with the overwhelms of emotions, I attempted suicide for the umpteenth time, and it also panned out way far different than before. And as I continue, you’ll understand better where I’m going with this. But, as I write this to you I’m shaking like I suffer from Parkinson’s disease, but it’s merely the affects of the medicine they pumped me up with and the drugs I consumed in my dumb attempt.

I keep asking God why I have to always be lonely, and His reply, one that I’ll finally accept is plainly “you’re not alone, you’re just being savored for Me”. People, I’m 43, and have always been domineering, Soooooo for me to find myself begging for my mommy, while strapped to a hospital bed gave me the biggest wake up call ever. I quickly realized I was no longer in control, and had to be subjected to whatever they did to me… scared me out of my wits.

Point at hand, in God revealing to me that I’m His, I came to the conclusion that all the creativity within shall be used for His purposes, and I was taking back to the very day I started this group, even then it was adamant for me to be doing what God wanted, but I was running.

NO MORE, or I won’t have to take my own life, He’ll do the work for me, and more than likely without warning, and I probably won’t be ready. My problem with surrendering was the fear that I’d live a boring life… as it is now, who cares! I say yes to His will hands down. Trust me, I won’t be missing anything, but the drama that was Neeeeeevvvveeerr good for me from the start.

I’m mad at myself for all the promises I’ve made in this group, but failed to fulfill… please forgive me. Starting tonight, that will change, the power moves that I’ll make for God will integrate the group. While locked away, I seen just how needed this group really is, but not in its dead state, that’s why I must get myself together, Soooooo this group will be what it’s intended to be.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 12/2/13

Update: 5/16/15 We’re together and doing marvelous… Prayer deftly changes things!!!

I think my biggest hurt comes because I don’t have discernment, and I was totally wrong thinking that him coming back into my life after a ten years gap was a divine miracle, but this morning proves I was only fooling myself. I wanted it to work so bad I just didn’t care about any of the signs that showed me it wasn’t of God… I was just tired of being lonely.

I almost feel like being angry with God, even though I don’t walk upright before Him as regularly as I should, doesn’t mean I need to suffer like this… it’s embarrassing. I have my room door locked, so I know my family thinks I’ve been sleeping peaceful all night… but Lil do they know, this pain is probably one of the worst ones I’ve ever had to endure… narcotics couldn’t even knock me out.

The crazy thing though, I have friends and family members who can stay in relationships for years on end, and they won’t even attempt to seek the face of God… but I have Him at the forefront of my life, and repetitive break ups is my destiny.

Back when I was going through those years of suicide attempts, when I first started this group, trust me, it wasn’t because I was weak… because I know my worth, and I realize I CAN make it without a man financially… but that’s not the case… the point is I don’t want to!!! It’s hard going from watching t.v. with someone, cuddled up in their arms… y’all cracking your sides at the same time to the funny parts, or you both get teary eyed simultaneously… once that significant other is gone, t.v. is now a thing you hate… which causes a domino effect to occur, because now depression is working its way into your realm… SMH!!!

But, this is the kicker… although the problems were on and off between he and I, I purposely would over look them because I honestly believed our connection to be of God, since we married the first time in 1998, then again in 2000… calling ourselves renewing our vows, in an effort to have a new slate… in June 2003, God blessed me with a good job, that not only paid good, but it was interesting enough to aide in me being able to wean myself off of him, and there was absolutely no contact until March 2013, when I used this exact venue that I’m posting to right now to track him down, and the rest is self explanatory I guess!!!

Nevertheless, I still have to believe that God has a plan even in this pain I’m going through.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 2/26/14

GM Heartmenders 🙂

Prayerfully all is well with each of you, as for me, life couldn’t be better. NO, everything’s not perfect, but it don’t look like it use to and I have great expectations for the days to come. Starting today, I’ve decided to wholeheartedly TRUST God with my entire life, more than I did in the past. Before, I somewhat gave Him my all, but it was too easy for me to stray. This time around, I’m SOLD OUT, NO turning back, and my desire is to take each one of you with me, as I journey through life in peace and harmony… secure in my mind that God and the heavenly bodies are with me and won’t allow any of US to dash/gash our foot against a stone.

Am I promising you a problem free life going forward? No indeed!!! In fact, I’ll honestly tell you that trials are destined to occur. But, know that is the evidence that we’re walking the straight and narrow… just be sure NOT to deviate. Yes, temptations will rise and you may FALL short, it’s normal my love, just don’t waller in it… immediately get back up, REPENT, and grab our Father’s hand and proceed on.

Each day, before your feet touch the ground, make it a habit to Thhhaaannnkkk God for new life, invite Him into your day, and ask Him to guide and guard every part of your being, and place a covering over your love ones. Then, move into action, allowing Him to have his way with you, of course, follow your routine as normal, taking care of your hygiene and diet, still exercise if you always did, make all your same phone calls and go on to work. The only difference is your quiet conversations with God, that helps you with decision making. For me, I have a spending problem, that arises even more so when I’m bored or sunken… that changes today, as I walk in any store from now on, my prayer will be “Daddy, You know what I need, anything is of no importance, so don’t let me spend unnecessarily”. Likewise, ask Him to aide in your life, in whatever area you struggle. To add, find a point when you open up to be used by Him, for His purpose… just say “Daddy, You’ve been Soooooo good to me and mine, now direct me to do something for You; it’s my pleasure to serve”.

Fam, I know I never finished the series I started about intriguing your man… my bad!!! But, who knows if that was the correct message for me to convey, maybe God will take us back to it or He may lead us somewhere else totally… just be patient with me and enjoy the ride… as always, I love you all to pieces 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 1/19/14

I’m back… at work and can only write during breaks, so bear with me.

Nonetheless, back to what I was conveying earlier; before I jump back to it, I wanna give you some history.

When this group evolved some nearly five years ago, I was probably worse off than I am now and surely didn’t think I’d live to see myself be the supportive individual that God allowed me to soon become, and I say soon, because we (HCYMABH) are about to excel.

Back on the very day I sat at my computer and formulated this group, I had no idea what I was doing, and just how it would even turn out, and even with all my slack, I can proudly say we’re 2k strong, and I look forward to us growing in leaps.

However, the day I spoke about was the day I was released from a mental institution, and actually my first time ever attempting suicide, I couldn’t believe that was the route I took, considering I always thought I could conquer anything. The way I was living my life, back then, you would’ve thought I was in jail for homicide vs me being the victim.

Long story short, after leaving, I still wasn’t feeling up to par, so I looked for support groups in my area to help me cope, but nothing was local, so I searched online to no avail. Then God dropped it in my spirit to start my own… I did and here we are. Except I haven’t been faithful to the group, and that’s none other than a trick of the enemy, who caused me to get sidetracked, by sending temporary relationships my way, to keep me from ever getting the good news out to everyone. But, all that’s out the window now… I’m back focused. But, I’ll have to come back later again, breaks over… but do keep a look out for the following posts, because it’s bout to get juicy… stay tuned.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 6/9/14

GE HCYMABH MEMBERS,

No doubt, I’m ok with allowing God to mend my broken heart, because I know He’ll be genuine in His acts towards me, Neeeeeevvvveeerr wavering in kindness and support and the sadness some people make me feel at times wouldn’t EVER occur with Him. However, what gets me angry, upset and confused is the fact that I’m not able to treat the hurtful people the way they treat me… The flesh side of me wants to be like Rick Ross (God forgives but I don’t) but I’m too afraid of God’s wrath.

He helped me realize FFFFIIIIIRRRSSSSTTTT that I shouldn’t retaliate against the people, because it’s NOT actually them who’s treating me unkind, but rather the adversary is working through them, in an effort to keep me sidetracked from ALL the things I’ve been called to do for Him… see the dumb devil knows it’s about to go down, and many, once again, will change their wicked ways, and come to Christ wholeheartedly, JUST by keeping in close proximity to me… Soooooo, he thinks by reaping havoc unnecessarily between us will complicate OUR relationship to the point that my witness will be of NO effect… NOT!!! Dumb is ya Lucifer 🙂

That just makes me PRAY harder, and the more I seek God on the issue, the faster chains are BROKEN, generational curses diminish, pain and heartache disappear, and family orientation is strengthened… dummy, you’re on notice, TODAY, I am a child of God and always will be, NO MORE falling by the wayside… I’m grounded and rooted… And everything God has for me and mine shall come to pass!!!

How can I mend my broken heart… easy, through continual Prayer and supplication… you have no place here… therefore, return to the pits of hell, WHERE you belong… while Weeeeeeeee move forward in total Salvation… (((TOODLES)))

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 9/1/12

At one point, I would spend countless hours analyzing myself, trying to figure out what was wrong internally, that caused constant problems in my relationships.

I will admitt, I like all others have flaws, and I can tend to be a bit dominate at times. But, to repeatedly meet with disappointment is ridiculous, and I haven’t a clue what the issue is.

While reflecting on myself, I considered my physique to be the primary culprit. So, I got my weight in tact, and happiness re-kindled. But, before long he was gone again. Then, I assumed it had to be my overbearing demeanor. So, I took on the back-seat occupant role of the relationship for a while, and I let my mate drive us for some eight miserable months; to no avail. Let me tell you, that obnoxious ordeal was short lived, and I eventually found myself by myself, and really contemplating suicide.

After a while, I began asking God if He ultimately wanted me alone, because He had other plans for my life. But, I can’t see that being the predicament, because He made woman from and for man… Which indicates that there IS somebody out here for me. I’m just missing the mark somehow.

To sum it all up, I’m not living in this realm of confusion by my lonesome, and I’m asking for input, so that we, who are hurt, can come out of our emotional bondage, and find TRUE happiness. Don’t be shy, we can all benefit from each others testimonies.

#TEAMHOWTOMENDMYBROKENHEART

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

I give myself away

“I give myself away”

William McDowell – I Give Myself Away:

New dedication, new mindset, new task, and onward for Christ Jesus!!!

Last I posted, I was steadfast on the fact that I was waiting for and believing God, against all odds, for a breakthrough in my once chaotic relationship, and that my ex would eventually call, and we’d be miraculously reunited.

Without fail, God gave me my hearts desire, because that’s one of His promises, in His Holy Word, and He’ll never disappoint. Easter morning the phone rang, and I purposely held my composure, to not let him know that I was anxious to hear from him, we talked, and hooked up later that evening. You won’t believe it was a complete disaster!!!

Now, I could’ve been angry with God, asking what kind of games are You playing, it wasn’t suppose to turn out that way. But, I kept an open mind, and looked at it all from a different perspective. I was the one begging for this, so God did in fact Bless in my favor. But, that had absolutely nothing to do with the way my ex was feeling about us, and God could’ve very well changed his heart throughout the course of the day, to make him be receptive and approachable during our rendezvous. But, God is gentle and won’t even force us to do right by Him, make less force any of us into a relationship we’re not interested in pursuing.

With all that said, I just knew after parting ways with him that I’d sink into the deepest depression I’d ever experienced… Nope, total opposite! God gave me the presence of mind to thank Him for the opportunity, grab my phone and block communication, and carry on with the work He has lined up for me to perform. Not one tear fell, I actually got an instant burst of energy, as if I were renewed through and through.

Immediately, I came to the realization that my ex’s job in my life was finished, he had done what God needed him to do, and that was to bring me back into full knowledge and association with Him. God has ways of getting our attention, and my ex was purely the conduit that kept me on my knees and ever before the face of God crying out for direction and deliverance from the mess I had once again entangled myself in.

Believe it or not, all are not intended to be married, it is written. So, I’ve relinquished all to God, telling Him until He sees fit for me to be with someone, I’ll remain His servant, and happily work on His battlefield without contempt. I surrendered my all to Him, to use me as He pleases, knowing deep in my heart that happiness will follow my endurance, if I faint not.

Doing it God’s way

Without Faith, it’s impossible to please God… Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen!!!

Starting today, I change the way I look at, declare & decree, and Pray about my ex and relationship. “NO MORE” will I act and react in the natural, as it relates to how I feel about what I’m experiencing, and continue to sabotage my Blessing.

No matter how it actually is, (not calling, probably being unfaithful, and not even thinking about me as I am him) those things won’t determine how I respond.

Imma child of God, and No good thing shall He withhold from us who walk upright before Him. But, I can’t be double minded though, once I get frustrated, change my Prayers and ask God to take the very thought of him outta my mind, knowing that’s not how my heart actually feels… I’m the one losing and crushing myself ultimately.

I’m believing with all my heart of hearts that God formed our bond from the start and had always been well pleased with the works He performed, but our insecurities, fears, lack of communication and wrongdoings wedged repetitive blocks between us. Nevertheless, we’re not too damaged for God to reconnect… What God joins together, let NO man put asunder.

No, God won’t force our ex’s to be with us, just to heal our broken hearts, if they’re happier where they’ve moved on to. But, if there’s at least one iota of hope within, He begins the process of reunification and before long happiness is in the air again.

I tried old boyfriends and social dating to no avail, and that’s minutely because my true feelings are to him and I would’ve only used the other guy as a pawn anyways and that’s not fair to them nor Godly. So, I’m glad it failed. I’m doing this with every glimmer of hope and I’ll be sure to keep you all abreast along the way. God Bless… Love ya

Because I STOOD… God’s up to something GOOD

It’s always surprised me that I have more war wounds, arrests, and hard times than my only brother and all of the males in my extended family… I’ve Neeeeeevvvveeerr come to grips with why I was so rambunctious, angry and mean… Something in my childhood obviously caused the hideous behavior, and it’s purely the Grace of God that kept my standing and living through it all SMH!

Beat for seven hours, in the interim, loss conscious, I STOOD

Jumped by eight humongous women, while an acquaintance of their stood watch with a pump shotgun I STOOD

Car flipped three times on highway, unexplainably I STOOD

Head and face split wide open, with 40 oz. beer bottle, skull exposed I STOOD

Mother’s Day – should’ve been haaaappppyyyy… Assaulted, with unknown object, entire face bloodied, four front (permanent) teeth gone I STOOD

And the list goes on and on, of the terrible things I endured before knowing Christ as I do now… “Any man be in Christ is a NEW creature, old things are past away, behold all things are made Nnnnnneeeeeeewwwwwww” and I had to emphasize (new) to show just how excited I am about my future.

The devil really tried to take my life on many occasions… But God!!! Until your purpose for God is fulfilled on earth, Nooooooo worries, the enemy can’t take you out, and I’m just getting started… So, look out satan. I mean, he succeeded in roughing me up and giving me a few lifelong scars, but I’m still standing, and those scars are simply reminders of the chaotic days he had me running ramped, with Nooooooo regard for human life SMH.

Those days are gone, God snatched me up, and told me to run on; this race set before, and that’s the best thing that ever could’ve happen for me… Today, I’m drug and alcohol free. I don’t do clubs or house parties, I work daily and come home. NO MORE fighting and craziness… I live my life for Christ and thus shall reap all the benefits… And I patiently wait, knowing He’s up to something GOOD 🙂 🙂 🙂

Follow me as I allow Christ to LEAD!!!

R.I.P. Paulette “Passion” Williams-Murphy

Normally, this would be a time of sadness, mourning, grieving, and a lot of tears being shed. On the contrary, I’ll tell you firsthand… Let any tears that flow be ones of JOY, for this is a glorious time for anyone who experiences this type of death (DYING TO SELF). Where you take on the John 3:3-7 type of death and burial, which totally denounces the flesh and all its wicked desires all together.

Believe me, I’m haaaappppyyyy as a Lark, for I know it’s all uphill from here… Nooooooo good thing will God withhold from me now, because I took the initiative to put Him first and at the forefront of my life, and teach me how to Walk in newness, and I’m excited to proclaim the effects of the Holy Spirit living within and controlling my everyday activities is purely evident.

Thursday, I went to the nail salon, for beautification purposes, and my eldest daughter later joined me, and it was amazing to her how good I was doing upon her arrival and the farewell before leaving… Her jaws dropped, and she just had to say something, which made me even happier about my transformation… Her words were  “wow, I can’t believe what I just saw, maaaaannnnnnn you’re doing good lately, you’ve really changed”!!! That’s how it should be, I don’t have to run around hollering (I’m a Christian)… No indeed, it should be apparent, when people watch you, that God is working out your Salvation, and removing EVERYTHING that could ever inadvertently hinder your Walk.

See, she was use to me coming home with stories about me cursing an artist out, boutta fight somebody, or totally getting banned from the establishment… ” NO MORE “ all those negative attributes, characteristics, and ill personalities are finished… Just like Jesus himself declared as He took His last breath!!!

Ain’t Nooooooo stopping me now. Long lines in grocery stores can’t get me upset, hideous traffic no longer upsets me, people backbiting and gossiping about me can’t get me to respond… That old person, with all those chaotic ways is DDDDEEEEAAAADDDD!!!

The llliiiitttttttllllleeeee engine that COULD!!!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can… I KNOW I CAN 🙂 🙂 🙂

If God be for me, He’s more than all the hurt, pain, malice, strife and agony that could ever come against me.

Therefore, of course I can… I’ve made it nearly through my entire shift and I’ll be here every day of the week to come. I decree and declare that I’m strong in Christ who died on the cross for the remission of my sins… How do I look allowing anything or anybody to cause me this much grief???

I’m not, and won’t think ordinary… With God only extraordinary things of excellence can become of me and to me… I’m determined to make it, and if it means I’ll have to remove the rearview mirror from my vehicle then so be it… Because there’s Nooooooo lookin BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK.

This whole idiocy has only thrusts me closer to God and caused Him to draw me nearer… “Touch not my anointed, and do my prophets Nooooooo harm”!

Daddy, I love You for even bringing us through messes we place ourselves in… Yes, I brought this all on myself… But, God!!! That’s when His mercies are new and everlasting in my life… Thank You Jesus for being a friend to me, who sticks closer than a brother… My tears have been minimal to none… That’s God or nah???

Follow me as I allow Christ to LEAD!!!

Avoid LONELINESS and settle for utter DISRESPECT

Not!!! I just gotta keep myself busy… Maaaaannnnnnn, I thought surely by today at least I’d be feeling a llliiiitttttttllllleeeee bit stronger geeeesssssshhhhh :-(:-(:-(:-(:-(

Then, I thought about firing back up my Tagged and Kik accounts, perhaps that’ll keep me occupied. But, that’s simply a temporary cure, in a place where I need a permanent healing… Daddy, I need You!!! This is one of them times where I could use a great big fatherly hug, and lay my head on His shoulder and cry for a few ticks (((((((TEARS)))))))

Nonetheless, before I’ll save myself from the broken feelings and bring him back, only for me to risk another broken heart in two to three weeks… Nooooooo, I won’t even put myself through the agony. I know all too well that he’ll Neeeeeevvvveeerr change! So, let me stop allowing him to take me down on a monthly basis… With no remorse each time. Of course, he does his whimpering, just to get his foot back in the door. But, obviously it’s not sincere or it wouldn’t be a repetitive norm for us… I’m fed up to the max!!!

Therefore, self you had better snap outta this craziness, of even considering to let him come back into your life, to destroy you over and over again! Where’s your self worth? That inkling that says to you… “Girl, you’re beautiful, and any real man, in his right mind, would love to have you, and treat you like the Queen God intended”

As long as I keep settling, why should he change, if nothing forces him to??? There’s never no repercussions for this unfair treatment, he’s just out of the house for a couple days, then brought right back, to get all the rewards a good husband deserves, and I’m sure he laughs deep within; like “look at this retard, I can do anything to her, and she’ll keep taking me back” and that helps him think I have low self esteem, and accept his mess, because I believe I can’t do any better than him… Lies you tell!!! And I’ll show you this time around… Trust me, I’ll be strong before you know it, and I will move on for sure :-):-):-)

No lookin BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK, I’m gone Mr Maaaaannnnnnn… You lost out, and that’s not a threat, but a promise!!! One man’s trash will be another man’s treasure… Don’t believe me… Just WATCH :-):-):-)

Question:

When God said forgive seventy times seven… Was adultery included?

Does forgiveness mean allow him to come home?

Note: keep in mind this ain’t something later found out about, this gentleman really pulled an all nighter with the other female!!!

Follow me as I allow Christ to LEAD!!!

Grace is not an excuse to sin… Instead, it’s the POWER of the Holy Spirit, WHO helps you not to!!!

Just because we have Grace available to cover us, when we accidentally mess up, that don’t mean that we should arbitrarily do wrong. Yes, God is merciful and He’ll forgive us each time we fall short, but Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee believe punishment is adamant.

If you’re living in an adulterous relationship, know that you’re playing with fire and take a stand today to get out of it. You’re playing with God and straddling the fence, and before long He’ll release you over to the enemy, and allow him to consume you.

You may be committing a sin, and thinking it’s partly Ok, because it’s your only way to make ends meet (prostituting, selling drugs, embezzlement, etc.) STOP!!! God has your back, and I know that’s easier said than done, especially since I can’t say I know what you’re experiencing… No I can’t, in that aspect. But, I’ve been in predicaments where I had to totally Trust God and He deftly came through for me.

I had four babies with Nooooooo food to feed them, and God sent a lady shopping for us and she arrived at our home with her trunk and back seat full of enough food to last us at least two months… So, I can bear witness/attest to His remarkable capabilities.

God knows all our needs, but we still have to Pray to Him for the help we need. Going back to the affair, if it’s been years, I can only imagine how hard it’ll be to sever all ties with the one person you love most… Do it, without thinking twice, and watch God show up and show out for you. The person He’ll send will be ten times better, and most important, they’ll be yours 🙂

Before we were even formed in our mother’s womb, God already had a map laid, allotting exactly how He wanted the course to go, of course it’d be wonderful if we had a copy of the plans, and could walk it out, then we more than likely wouldn’t veer. On the other hand, it is what it is, we have to patiently wait on God to give us bits and pieces, and we simply have to Trust Him to make no mistakes. In the interim, we get into all kinds of craziness, trynna rush into success, happiness, prosperity or wealth… Whatever the case, it’s not part of God’s blueprint and must go, in order for us to ever have the pleasure of enjoying the goods He has in store for us.

Each morning, die to self and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and watch how much better your day unfolds. For those settling for illicit money making schemes, I know it sounds ludacris that you should walk away from the only thing that’s been feeding your family for all these years… But, you must put all your Faith in God, that He’ll make ways for you, when it looks like there’s no way. That’s when it’s gonna be amazing and He’ll get the most gratitude, and He loves every bit of that… When you’re able to testify on how you went cold turkey, Trusting Him fully, and He not only came through, but He went beyond your expectations. God is Marvelous, Miraculous, Rich, Compassionate, Affectionate and Powerful.

Once He sees us putting forth an effort… That’s His invitation to jump in and the rest is history. Therefore, do what’s Godly right to do, and utilize Grace appropriately 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da APPLE don’t fall far from Da TREE

Proverbs 22:6
6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Starting October 26, 1993, following this charge was imperative in my life, and I set out to do just that… In fact my children say they couldn’t wait to get grown, so I couldn’t FORCE them to go to Church any longer. I mean we attended service EVERY time the doors opened, I may have over did it! But, that was because of my lifestyle before transformation, and my believing that we needed extra cleansing, in order to be RIGHT with God. Nonetheless, the Word never lied, because my babies know the goodness of God, and He’s Who they depend on in the time of troubles. To add, they have dignity and integrity, due to the long hours we spent with God. Therefore, it panned out to be worth it :-). Now, let’s meet my clan… I just love these little critters 🙂

My oldest: Kia D. Johnson

kia red

We call her the “Grandma” of the family, because she has an old soul lol. She’s married to her Junior High school sweetheart, and they have three wonderful babies. On Kia’s wedding day, I dedicated a marvelous song to her, and she and I danced together to it… We had a great time in the Lord.

It’s been crazy throughout Kia’s life, we use to think we were twins somehow… because if I got sick, within days she’d come down with the same sickness. If I got a scratch or scar, before long she’d have the same one in the same place… weird but amazingly cute and sentimental. Kia’s personality is unimaginable, I’ve always told her no matter how much the enemy tries to get you to change, by making you think you humble ways allows people to walk all over you… never change, because God made you the way you are, and many people would die to be that way, you merely have the Fruits of God’s Spirit operating inside… Be Thankful!

Me and Kia have worked together at several different companies, to include our current positions with the USPS, where we’ve been employed for nearly three years. God is AWESOME 🙂 🙂 🙂

Here’s Kia’s oldest Bryius, we’re believing God that he’ll play either professional football or basketball. He’s humongous, but in a good way – He has the height to dunk the ball, and the weight to tackle on defense… God makes NO mistakes!!!

drama

I love this kid to pieces, always giving of himself to help others, just like his Mommy… Keep up the GOOD work Drama, Nana sees all! Here is Kia’s second oldest Bry’kuise, we’re believing God that we’ll see him on the big screens. He’s so talented, and has been doing skits and mimicking movie scenes for years now… his day is coming real soon… Thank You Daddy in advance 🙂

dank

Remember this lil handsome face, because you’ll definitely see it again… Nana’s Child Prodigy. Lastly, we have Kia’s only girl, who she Prayed for and wanted so bad… Here’s Blessed

diva

Too early to know what God has in store for her, but I know it’ll be WONDERFUL… Because He wouldn’t have it no other way. He never desires for us to live in lack and a mediocre life.

Next, meet my only son Vincent who built a entertainment business from the ground up, and he works full time as a manager at a lucrative bread company… Vincent was Blessed with optimum rap skills, and has already put out one mix tape… He always makes Mama proud. He has two biological children and one step son. Here’s Vincent

son son

Look for him, performing, in your city in the upcoming months. Very creative lyricist, with 10k fans all across the country… Keep going baby, take us to the top!!! Vincent’s oldest is a beautiful little girl, who the enemy is keeping from us at the moment. But, Prayer changes everything! So, even that situation will eventually unfold in our favor. Meet Najea

najae

I love you baby girl… People use to think she was my daughter, she looks so much like me… In due time you’ll be back with us if I faint not, and keep doing right by God. Here’s Tonio, Vincent’s son through common-law marriage

tonio

This young man has been with us since the age of two, and we love and accept him just like the rest. Last for Vincent is his twin baby boy fatty

fatty

He too will play some type of sports professionally, his body structure says football, and just know we’re totally behind you baby boy… go for it! Your sky has no limits 🙂

Next, meet my Mini-Me,

mia

everybody says she not only looks just like the younger me, but she has all my personality traits as well. She too followed in my footsteps career wise and is currently employed at USPS. And there’s something else special about this young lady, she gave us the first set of twins in three generations… blew my mind when I heard they were coming, and it’s been astonishing watching them thus far… Twins are unique, the way they interact with each other and the world, and these boys are tricking us already and they’re only two… If you ask them their names, they switch up on you… so cute :-). Thank God they’re fraternal or we’d be in trouble lol! But, here’s Mia’s first girl Zai’kiyah

ky

This is the Mommy of the younger ones, she gives all the orders, and really knows how to apply make up too lol. Next , we got Zai’Riyah

ry

You can tell by the pic, she got personality… But, believe it or not, she’s quiet and shy. Now, the grand finale for Mia is the infamous twins… meet Marvin & Malone

twins

these babies are a MUST see… so much different than my children and my other grandchildren… they were truly cut from a different cloth SMH 🙂

The last of the Mohicans is my baby girl Anthonya,

noodles

I’m so proud of her, she successfully finished her training course, in Nursing Assistance and went on to get state certified, and is employed at Howard University Hospital and has one little girl Ms. Xoe

xoe

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Family is my number one priority, and seeing to it that we all live right is a must!!! I’m a stickler for Prayer, and having a concrete relationship with God, and I do my best to make sure my children instill nothing but the best in their children… for they are our futures.

From PITIFUL to POWERFUL

Pitiful: Sad, Miserable, Insufficient, Pathetic, Poor, Meager & Trifling

“NO MORE” I’m in CONTROL, with the HELP of Christ, in determining the course of my life, and I decide that the above words DONOT define me!!! I have set my standards and expectations high, and will move on towards my destiny in newness. I decree and declare that I won’t be a slave any longer to the sins that use to have me bound. Instead, each day I’ll surrender my ALL to God, and allow Him free reign in my life.

Before this, I had to drink every day, just to be able to be sociable, if not I was irritated and angry. Not, knowing that I was actually doing myself an injustice, because the temporary fix was doing nothing but damaging my organs, while appearing to keep me happy. Any mind-altering substance that we take pleasure in, and allow the enemy to trick us with, only separates us from God. True, we live by Grace, and Thank God for that! Nonetheless, we are responsible for our actions, and willfully sinning definitely warrants repercussions and punishment. Several of my friends and love ones today are suffering from or have died from cirrhosis of the liver, which is a direct derivative of chronic alcoholism… Lord I Thank You for deliverance 🙂

Powerful: Strong, Sturdy, Robust, Solid, Influential, Dominant, Compelling, Convincing & Persuasive 🙂

Nooooooooooo Stopping me now… I move through life these days with assurance, never PROUD though! I will never lose my humbleness, because I know God can snatch it all in a blink of an eye. And it’s never been me to make anyone feel inferior, and besides, God is no respecter of person… What He’s done for me, He’ll definitely do for the next. That’s why my Prayers aren’t self-seeking. Rather I Pray for EVERYONE to be Blessed, Successful and Happy.

God’s Word states: For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

With that ^^^^^^ in mind, I keep in mind ALL the good things that I want to occur for me and mine, and Thank God in advance for them, in Faith, that they’re coming in His time. I look at it like this… The Blessings God has for us are humongous, and we have to be ready for them, that’s why the cleaning/purging process had to take place in my life, and once He feels that I’ll be a good steward over what He gives me… I’ll soar 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m getting CLOSE, no doubt… I can feel and see prosperity all around me each day… and like always; Daddy, I Thank You for all You’ve done, doing now, and gonna do for us all… Have YOUR way in our lives… And much appreciation and GRATITUDE sent Your way merely for Who YOU are… Love You to pieces 🙂

Holding on to Heaven while YOUR husband goes THROUGH hell!

I purposely added emphasis to the word THROUGH to show that I indeed have FAITH that he’ll eventually come out of this craziness that he’s bogged down with, and OUR marriage shall be harmonious.

I will say this though, it’s NOT as bad as before. There were years of blatant in-your-face disrespect occurring, with different women and infidelity, and I was Soooooo blindly in love that I excepted ANY and everything he put me THROUGH. After some time, I did grow wiser and I ultimately ended the relationship altogether. But, it is obvious that God wants US together. I mean WE spent ten years away from each other, and both of us married other people. Nonetheless, here WE are… BACK IN STRIDE AGAIN 🙂 🙂 🙂

No doubt, I PRAY and long for God to send me a man who has already converted… I know things WILL be Soooooo much BETTER… we can PRAY and fellowship TOGETHER, I won’t have to worry about HIM cheating, because the conviction within will tear him ALL to pieces. Reading the Bible as one would be POWERFUL, because God delights in marriage. Therefore, the revelation knowledge from on high would be mind boggling… But, I’d ENJOY every second of it 🙂 🙂 🙂

In fact, God’s word says “How can two walk TOGETHER unless they agree” and I always think about that passage of scripture whenever problems arise with US, and I honestly consider breaking it off with HIM at times… But, sum always pulls me BACK. But, for ANY grasping advice from this post… I’d rather you wait on marriage until you’re both genuinely walking upright before God, so that He can lead, guide and direct the both of you on HOW to treat one another.

It’s MORE to marriage then mere intimacy… God WILL show you how to enjoy each other on dates, vacations or JUST sitting around the house play fighting, cuddling while watching a movie, board games, and most importantly dating MUST Neeeeeevvvveeerr cease… it don’t matter that you’ve been together for umpteen years… spending quality alone time TOGETHER outside the bedroom is essential to healthy marriages.

Then, we have the issue of HIM indulging in elicit drugs… my therapist and one of my girlfriends thinks that’s a numero uno deal breaker… I beg to differ, as crazy as it may seem… actually he’s at his best when he’s euphoric… I become his queen literally. I get my food brought to me at bedside, the entire house gets thoroughly cleaned, and his personality is way calmer and KEEPS us at PEACE. And he makes a good point, doctors, lawyers, police and even congressmen smoke… I have NO clue of the validity in that statement, but for ALL it’s worth, him being HIGH don’t affect me and he’s NOT sabotaging things in and around OUR house… so, I don’t trip too bad 🙂 🙂 🙂

Nevertheless, once Jesus gets a grip on Him, ALL that’s gone FALL off. I didn’t do drugs, but I was a terrible alcoholic before, I’m talking violent and chaotic… unbearable to even be around, and God TOTALLY delivered me… Soooooo, I’m convinced my husband is soon to come THROUGH this mess the enemy is using to deter him from what’s Godly right for HIM. I just continue to let my light shine before HIM and eventually he’ll notice my good works and glorify OUR father IN heaven… God got US, HE promised NEVER to put MORE on US than WE can bear… And I reiterate, as long as ALL is well with me and my babies, then I CAN stick in here WITH him until his day of salvation.

Jesus saves!!!