Strong Bonds That Hurt (((TEARS)))

My name is Paulette Williams, and I’m reaching out to you on the behalf of my family.  The entire family is dysfunctional for real and I’d like to see a change in that, but that’d take some time understandingly so. Therefore, my primary focus right about now is my immediate family, which consists of my four children and their eleven children.

As it stands, my two youngest daughter​s have severed ties with me after a family vacation this past week turned rather ugly, and hidden ill feelings reared its ugly head, causing complete chaos. No one​ actually became physical, but the end result was the police having to be called to mediate certain situations to the best of their abilities, but still upholding the law, with advice to each of us to seek out legal help for many unresolved financial issues.

A little history: Since the age of 15 I began raising my children alone, with absolutely no help from their fathers, all four different, which was something I was always shameful about and another thing I constantly discouraged for my three daughters. I repetitively used my many mistakes as points of reference for the way I did not want them to follow, seeing as though my adolescent and beginning adult years was filled with several arrests, alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, suicide attempts, multiple marriages and reconstructive surgeries, that came about because of my ways, attitude, disposition, actions and crazy reactions.

After my last jail stay, I took a good look at these new little faces joining our lineage (MY gorgeous grandbabies), and I vowed to myself to be a BETTER mother and grandmother (The expected Echelon/Matriarch) that I should’ve been from start. I took the initiative to go back to college and I finally received my certificate in Medical Assistance and I secured a prominent position for a wonderful OB/GYN and together we successfully ran both her offices at two of the best hospitals in Washington, DC, and this was my way of life and something positive being modeled in front of them for some time, until I came down with Sciatica and had to have emergency surgery, which inadvertently landed me on disability. In the interim I continued to profess my Faith in God and they too followed my lead, and I’m ever so thankful for that, because it kept my family strong and bonded.

Before long, SSI help became inadequate, as the cost of living increased from year to year. So, I obtained a Ticket to Work, and became gainfully employed by the United States Postal Service, where all three of my daughters followed my lead, but eventually resigned unadvisable, and it seems like things have been rough for all of us since then.

Speed forward: Due to all the time I wasted either from being incarcerated, in mental institutions, totally drunk or high, away from my babies I never was able to do anything nice for them. So, I bought us a timeshare, that we all could utilize either individually or as a family, and I own the eleventh week of each year, which happens to always fall in my second daughter’s birthday month, and it worked out perfect for the first year of her going down with her friends and family and my request was merely that the rest of us join sometime throughout the course of that week for a family gathering. I was ecstatic to give her this yearly gift, because she was one of my children who claimed to feel that she was the black sheep, and overlooked by me. Although I didn’t see this, I will attest to one thing. If it’s true that she’s been made to feel that way, in actuality it’s all deserving, seeing as she’s the one of my children that has always been outlandish and blatantly disrespectful to me and anyone else that tries to speak logic, rules, reality and constructive criticism to her.

Nonetheless, March 12, 2017 thru March 19, 2017 should’ve been a happy moment for our Lil family, but it was everything but that; it turned out to be a complete nightmare, with my baby daughter not even showing up, but sent her only daughter to me half packed, hair not done and in my opinion not properly fed, all for the sake of chasing a man who tried to kill her in her apartment bedroom, while her toddler baby lay asleep on the bed just steps away from the gunfire, not to mention he kidnapped her baby, torturing her by repetitively threatening that he was gonna kill her Mommy SMH. There was a stay away order in place between them, that my daughter illegally allowed him to break, by willingly letting him come back around her and her daughter, not even considering the fact that this man still indulges in illicit drugs and drinks regularly, which can cause him to snap again. Had me and my husband not been present to help her and the baby out of the unfortunate predicament, my thoughts are that they’d both probably be dead. Her reasons for “cutting me off” is because of my threats, (out of frustration), to report her to Child Protection, in an effort to forcefully get my granddaughter out of harm’s way. Perhaps I did appear to be mean by saying that, but I felt I was left with no other option, seeing as she’s 23 and totally disregarded my motherly advice to never see him again or at least not allow him anywhere around the baby. I had gotten her a rental car, because she now lives in Tennessee, and needed a better source of highway transportation to come to and from DC for visits. So, I thought about punishments that I use to implement when they were younger that worked and taking things from them that they really liked always got their attention, and brought about immediate change. So, I snatched the keys to the rental car, Praying that’d make her see how serious I was about her leaving that toxic man alone, but it caused her to hate me instead, and I come to find out that was because she no longer had her car, that’s been parked for five months, while she enjoyed the luxuries of the rentals, to resort to, because the prohibited man, during one of his many nights of rage flattened all four of her tires, and it’s gonna cost nearly $800 to get someone to professionally come to the car and remove each tire, change it from the rim, and reinstall them.

It would appear that she’d see all the things that this man has done to negatively impact her life and leave him on her own, but she turns the blind eye and deaf ears obviously. She has a permanent huge chunk missing from her abdomen, from where he bit her and ripped flesh away. On many occasions she has to be stuck for weeks leading into months with no phone, because he destroys them. After the mishap with her Post Office job, she went to school and was overjoyed at the fact that she secured her CNA license. After the shooting in her home and the terrible attack she endured, she had to be put on major medications to help get rid of flashbacks and nightmares, but she kept falling asleep while on patient watch, now once again she’s left jobless. I stressed to her to please see the culprit for all her downfalls to be this man, and do the right thing and separate herself from him at once. Lastly, about this particular daughter; I would hate for any before and after pics to be shown of her, with the comparison timeline being since the day she hooked up with him to present. It’d bring tears to your eyes, just as it does me being her mother and having to watch my babygirl self destruct; only because she’s reached the age of appropriation, and no longer has to abide by my rules. It crushes my heart to see how frail my child is now, face all sunken in, and her baby looks even worse, but every time I feel it’s my duty to get officials involved my two eldest children and other friends and family members say I’ll be doing the baby an injustice. Please help!!!

To add, back to the daughter I spoke about earlier, the one that felt a bit slighted by me years ago and still does now I’m sure, after this weeks horrible vacation. From a child all the way through to where we are today, she’s always been a very mean, rude, disloyal and obnoxious young lady, not only to me, but also to strangers, extended family and her own siblings, and she knows and apparently adores this about herself, even to the point that her nickname “Rudiist Bitch” was coined after her crudeness, something I hate with a passion and always tried to help her lose sight of to no avail.

But, the night things got blown out of proportion concerning my baby daughter, I made a statement that caused friction to transpire between us two, and I regret it, because she was actually trying to help me figure out a course of action for her younger sister. My oldest daughter asked a question about how I intended to handle the fact that I’d never be able to see or talk to my baby daughter and her child again, and my stupid reply was that I’d just start treating her as I had been doing my middle daughter “feeding her with a long handled spoon“. Instantly, my middle daughter went off, it was like a domino effect the entire night, even spilling over to my oldest daughter and my only son, who wasn’t even present. Certainly it was misplaced anger, that was definitely geared towards my baby daughter for how she left my granddaughter outside in the cold, to wait for her sister to bring her to me, while she rushed away back to this evil man she’s connected with, something she never would have done before meeting him.

But, my reasons for starting to deal with my middle daughter that way is because she was and still is involved in a way worse domestic violence relationship and she has four small babies who cringe at the sound of any raised voices, even if it’s in excitement during a sports game or we’re watching a boxing match. Her lip is disfigured and she has all types of permanent slits and cuts, that’s been stitched up from her crazed maniac. It’s nothing to walk in her home and find blood splatter everywhere and all the furniture flipped and broke. But, she never would adhere to my begging her to leave the unhealthy relationship, and even went a step further to simply tell me to mind my business, and just like with my baby daughter, I was encouraged not to contact the police, because the children may get the bitter end of the stick in the end. So, I just made up in my mind to stay away from them as much as possible. To her, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, since she said she’d been trying to put a finger on why I’d been so distant. She decided if that was my initial thought pattern, let’s make it all the way official and indefinite. Not once did she consider the fact that I’m her mother and could NOT bare to see her face always bloody or her neck with deep scratches, knowing a young punk ass nigga was abusing her, and I was powerless to help.

As for my oldest daughter, even though she got dragged into it, she has never lost her ability to withhold verbal disrespect. So, she just disregarded the things that was brought up about her and continued to try to fix things happening with her two sisters. I will say this though about my oldest daughter, the two younger ones may be more verbally overbearing, but she and I have had three real bad fist fights, that left my pinky on my right hand deformed and she has put me out of her home, where I was helping with bills, to sleep on the streets four times. I’ll never EVER trust her in that aspect again. Usually three’s a charm. But, I got hurt for the fourth time believing in tainted family values. But, for the most part as long as I don’t have to depend on my oldest daughter for living arrangements we’re pretty cool. My son on the other hand is now and always has been very weird and disconnected from ALL of us girls, and to be honest it could very well be for all the right reasons. Too much Drama at every event. But, then too if that is the case, instead of standing on the outside looking in, maybe it’d behoove him to intervene and help us females iron out the many differences​ for the sake of the eleven babies coming behind us, which is my imperative reason for reaching out to you. Again I reiterate… Please help!!! Thanking you in advance​.

Strong Bonds​That HURT (((TEARS)))

My name is Paulette Williams, and I’m reaching out to you on the behalf of my family.  The entire family is dysfunctional for real and I’d like to see a change in that, but that’d take some time understandingly so. Therefore, my primary focus right about now is my immediate family, which consists of my four children and their eleven children.

As it stands, my two youngest daughters have severed ties with me after a family vacation this past week turned rather ugly, and hidden ill feelings reared its ugly head, causing complete chaos. No one actually became physical, but the end result was the police having to be called to mediate certain situations to the best of their abilities, but still upholding the law, with advice to each of us to seek out legal help for many unresolved financial issues.

A little history: Since the age of 15 I began raising my children alone, with absolutely no help from their fathers, all four different, which was something I was always shameful about and another thing I constantly discouraged for my three daughters. I repetitively used my many mistakes as points of reference for the way I did not want them to follow, seeing as though my adolescent and beginning adult years was filled with several arrests, alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, suicide attempts, multiple marriages and reconstructive surgeries, that came about because of my ways, attitude, disposition, actions and crazy reactions.

After my last jail stay, I took a good look at these new little faces joining our lineage (MY gorgeous grandbabies), and I vowed to myself to be a BETTER mother and grandmother (The expected Echelon/Matriarch) that I should’ve been from start. I took the initiative to go back to college and I finally received my certificate in Medical Assistance and I secured a prominent position for a wonderful OB/GYN and together we successfully ran both her offices at two of the best hospitals in Washington, DC, and this was my way of life and something positive being modeled in front of them for some time, until I came down with Sciatica and had to have emergency surgery, which inadvertently landed me on disability. In the interim I continued to profess my Faith in God and they too followed my lead, and I’m ever so thankful for that, because it kept my family strong and bonded.

Before long, SSI help became inadequate, as the cost of living increased from year to year. So, I obtained a Ticket to Work, and became gainfully employed by the United States Postal Service, where all three of my daughters followed my lead, but eventually resigned unadvisable, and it seems like things have been rough for all of us since then.

Speed forward: Due to all the time I wasted either from being incarcerated, in mental institutions, totally drunk or high, away from my babies I never was able to do anything nice for them. So, I bought us a timeshare, that we all could utilize either individually or as a family, and I own the eleventh week of each year, which happens to always fall in my second daughter’s birthday month, and it worked out perfect for the first year of her going down with her friends and family and my request was merely that the rest of us join sometime throughout the course of that week for a family gathering. I was ecstatic to give her this yearly gift, because she was one of my children who claimed to feel that she was the black sheep, and overlooked by me. Although I didn’t see this, I will attest to one thing. If it’s true that she’s been made to feel that way, in actuality it’s all deserving, seeing as she’s the one of my children that has always been outlandish and blatantly disrespectful to me and anyone else that tries to speak logic, rules, reality and constructive criticism to her.

Nonetheless, March 12, 2017 thru March 19, 2017 should’ve been a happy moment for our Lil family, but it was everything but that; it turned out to be a complete nightmare, with my baby daughter not even showing up, but sent her only daughter to me half packed, hair not done and in my opinion not properly fed, all for the sake of chasing a man who tried to kill her in her apartment bedroom, while her toddler baby lay asleep on the bed just steps away from the gunfire, not to mention he kidnapped her baby, torturing her by repetitively threatening that he was gonna kill her Mommy SMH. There was a stay away order in place between them, that my daughter illegally allowed him to break, by willingly letting him come back around her and her daughter, not even considering the fact that this man still indulges in illicit drugs and drinks regularly, which can cause him to snap again. Had me and my husband not been present to help her and the baby out of the unfortunate predicament, my thoughts are that they’d both probably be dead. Her reasons for “cutting me off” is because of my threats, (out of frustration), to report her to Child Protection, in an effort to forcefully get my granddaughter out of harm’s way. Perhaps I did appear to be mean by saying that, but I felt I was left with no other option, seeing as she’s 23 and totally disregarded my motherly advice to never see him again or at least not allow him anywhere around the baby. I had gotten her a rental car, because she now lives in Tennessee, and needed a better source of highway transportation to come to and from DC for visits. So, I thought about punishments that I use to implement when they were younger that worked and taking things from them that they really liked always got their attention, and brought about immediate change. So, I snatched the keys to the rental car, Praying that’d make her see how serious I was about her leaving that toxic man alone, but it caused her to hate me instead, and I come to find out that was because she no longer had her car, that’s been parked for five months, while she enjoyed the luxuries of the rentals, to resort to, because the prohibited man, during one of his many nights of rage flattened all four of her tires, and it’s gonna cost nearly $800 to get someone to professionally come to the car and remove each tire, change it from the rim, and reinstall them.

It would appear that she’d see all the things that this man has done to negatively impact her life and leave him on her own, but she turns the blind eye and deaf ears obviously. She has a permanent huge chunk missing from her abdomen, from where he bit her and ripped flesh away. On many occasions she has to be stuck for weeks leading into months with no phone, because he destroys them. After the mishap with her Post Office job, she went to school and was overjoyed at the fact that she secured her CNA license. After the shooting in her home and the terrible attack she endured, she had to be put on major medications to help get rid of flashbacks and nightmares, but she kept falling asleep while on patient watch, now once again she’s left jobless. I stressed to her to please see the culprit for all her downfalls to be this man, and do the right thing and separate herself from him at once. Lastly, about this particular daughter; I would hate for any before and after pics to be shown of her, with the comparison timeline being since the day she hooked up with him to present. It’d bring tears to your eyes, just as it does me being her mother and having to watch my babygirl self destruct; only because she’s reached the age of appropriation, and no longer has to abide by my rules. It crushes my heart to see how frail my child is now, face all sunken in, and her baby looks even worse, but every time I feel it’s my duty to get officials involved my two eldest children and other friends and family members say I’ll be doing the baby an injustice. Please help!!!

To add, back to the daughter I spoke about earlier, the one that felt a bit slighted by me years ago and still does now I’m sure, after this weeks horrible vacation. From a child all the way through to where we are today, she’s always been a very mean, rude, disloyal and obnoxious young lady, not only to me, but also to strangers, extended family and her own siblings, and she knows and apparently adores this about herself, even to the point that her nickname “Rudiist Bitch” was coined after her crudeness, something I hate with a passion and always tried to help her lose sight of to no avail.

But, the night things got blown out of proportion concerning my baby daughter, I made a statement that caused friction to transpire between us two, and I regret it, because she was actually trying to help me figure out a course of action for her younger sister. My oldest daughter asked a question about how I intended to handle the fact that I’d never be able to see or talk to my baby daughter and her child again, and my stupid reply was that I’d just start treating her as I had been doing my middle daughter “feeding her with a long handled spoon”. Instantly, my middle daughter went off, it was like a domino effect the entire night, even spilling over to my oldest daughter and my only son, who wasn’t even present. Certainly it was misplaced anger, that was definitely geared towards my baby daughter for how she left my granddaughter outside in the cold, to wait for her sister to bring her to me, while she rushed away back to this evil man she’s connected with, something she never would have done before meeting him.

But, my reasons for starting to deal with my middle daughter that way is because she was and still is involved in a way worse domestic violence relationship and she has four small babies who cringe at the sound of any raised voices, even if it’s in excitement during a sports game or we’re watching a boxing match. Her lip is disfigured and she has all types of permanent slits and cuts, that’s been stitched up from her crazed maniac. It’s nothing to walk in her home and find blood splatter everywhere and all the furniture flipped and broke. But, she never would adhere to my begging her to leave the unhealthy relationship, and even went a step further to simply tell me to mind my business, and just like with my baby daughter, I was encouraged not to contact the police, because the children may get the bitter end of the stick in the end. So, I just made up in my mind to stay away from them as much as possible. To her, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, since she said she’d been trying to put a finger on why I’d been so distant. She decided if that was my initial thought pattern, let’s make it all the way official and indefinite. Not once did she consider the fact that I’m her mother and could NOT bare to see her face always bloody or her neck with deep scratches, knowing a young punk ass nigga was abusing her, and I was powerless to help.

As for my oldest daughter, even though she got dragged into it, she has never lost her ability to withhold verbal disrespect. So, she just disregarded the things that was brought up about her and continued to try to fix things happening with her two sisters. I will say this though about my oldest daughter, the two younger ones may be more verbally overbearing, but she and I have had three real bad fist fights, that left my pinky on my right hand deformed and she has put me out of her home, where I was helping with bills, to sleep on the streets four times. I’ll never EVER trust her in that aspect again. Usually three’s a charm. But, I got hurt for the fourth time believing in tainted family values. But, for the most part as long as I don’t have to depend on my oldest daughter for living arrangements we’re pretty cool. My son on the other hand is now and always has been very weird and disconnected from ALL of us girls, and to be honest it could very well be for all the right reasons. Too much Drama at every event. But, then too if that is the case, instead of standing on the outside looking in, maybe it’d behoove him to intervene and help us females iron out the many differences for the sake of the eleven babies coming behind us, which is my imperative reason for reaching out to you. Again I reiterate… Please help!!! Thanking you in advance.

When the Lord Frustrates His Child

Isaiah 14:27

It may sound strange, but I actually get excited about certain times of frustration. When I sense a restlessness followed by dissatisfaction but cannot identify the cause, then I know to ask the Lord what He’s doing. Past experience tells me that once I make the move He desires, my frustration will end and I’ll be in sync with His plan for my life.

Frustration is usually considered a negative feeling. However, when God agitates us, His purpose is always good. He sometimes uses our sense of dissatisfaction as well as spiritual and physical barriers to guide us toward new insights. For example, I woke up one Saturday morning during my seminary years feeling as if I were in an emotional butter churn—I could not settle to any task or relax, and I did not know why. So I started praying about these feelings and asking the Lord to reveal His will. I spent most of the day on my knees. Soon I discovered that the good plans I had made to temporarily pastor a California church were not His plans. Had I ignored the frustrated feeling, I would have missed a vacation to North Carolina, which resulted in a call to the church God intended for me.

In a culture of busyness, we can easily and foolishly overlook or ignore restlessness. But divinely sent frustration is meant to get our attention. God wants us to ask, “What are You saying?” and “Do You want me to be doing or thinking something different?” As soon as we are willing to deal with whatever the Lord brings to mind, He starts revealing what we need to change in order to receive His insight.

In need of HELP

Hello,

My name is Paulette Williams and I work daily for USPS and have my own means of transportation. However, as of May 31, 2016 my husband and I will need a place to stay. I can’t afford much, but I’m willing to pay our way. We will take a basement, single room, RV, or even a shed.

OLD to me… NEW for you!!!

Noooooo sleep crew… check-in!!! WYA & WYD??? is a little slogan I add to my Facebook timeline every time  I’m up for no unlikely reason, with seemingly nuttin to do… WRONG!!! God’s not dead. Therefore, it’s always sum’n to do, as long as all the craziness is going on in the world all around me. That’s when Praying in the Spirit becomes imperative.

I find myself angry a lot because my rental unit, that God Blessed me with is even further away from my family then the shelter was, and it appears I’m always lonely. But, that’s definitely a part of God’s Perfect Plan for my life. God knows exactly what He wants to do through me. But, I have to pure, open, humble and totally surrendered. READY to be that conduit that He can use.

Believe it or not… this video has nuttin to do with anything I just mentioned. It’s actually from 9/29/15, and never got uploaded because I was stupidly quitting again… But, I’mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Back!!!

It’s a FAMILY AFFAIR!!!

The pic is my only son’s baby son. He’s actually in the the Vlog, and he made sure to give a shout out to his Father for being a well known rapper from Washington DC… I thought that was sooooooo cute.

God is AWESOME, and actually got two of my three daughters to come to Church today and six of my grandchildren… I have not stopped smiling since they arrived.

My daughter had to finish off my hair, which turned out beautiful… and while she did I cooked up some good ole chicken that was mouth watering good… ALL the adults was licking their fingers and complementing me, and that just made my smilitis worse lol.

I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about the message God sent their way, because they were really captivated and listening. Therefore, I’m convinced that they’re not too far off from God’s Grace, and it won’t take much to reel them back in.

My son, in the other hand, will just have to come on his own, as God speaks to his heart. My daughter said don’t force him, because he’ll simply reject it more and more each time, to the point where he may start avoiding me altogether. But, Prayer changes things and God is ultimately in control and can get my son’s attention way far better than I EVER could… So, patiently I await!!!

Things are looking UP for me, and that covers a multitude of the previous bad… Hallelujah!!!

The pic is Carrot Top, my son’s fiance’s son. He’s been in the family for eleven years, and he’s loved and accepted just as my biological grand babies.

Forgive me for it being sooooooo low, I was sneaking and making this Vlog, at work in the break room. This is one of my early morning days SMH, having to get up and leave out while it’s still dark. But, I will not complain, because going in like that guarantees me eight hours… Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yoppington 🙂 🙂 🙂

Gotta really get more serious about Church. The same way I didn’t miss school not one day, and wouldn’t dare EVER miss work, I can’t be lenient about about the importance of seeking the face of God EVERY single time them doors open. I’m pressed to be at work to pay bills, by trivial things and make sure I’m up on the latest fashion, and I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about trynna obtain my degree, to the point where missing class was Neeeeeevvvveeerr an option… Sick, sleepy or half dead, it didn’t matter, I had a goal and I wouldn’t deviate. Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s OK to miiiiisssssssssss Church several times a month, even after I begged for Sundays off and finally got iiiiittttttttt… Where’s my loyalty to God??? ALL while I’m depending on Him to Bless me with 40 hrs a week at work, a home of my own and Salvation for my entire family. That’s simply me using God as a spare tire, only getting benefits out of Him when it’s in my favor. Not right at ALL, and must change immediately!!!

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience when you’re God’s CHOSEN!!!

The pic is my Lil midget granddaughter, who’s already four, but barely comes to her big brother’s knee caps lol… Her sooooooo itty bitty… When I was just up in DC, at my other granddaughter’s bday party, I was able to hold the Lil miniature size baby on my hip; comfortably for a few minutes, and I could’ve gone longer, but she wanted to run off and play… Understandably, I mean it is a child’s party… “Let me goooooooooooooooo Nana – I’m sure she was thinking.”

Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me for my sleepiness… Here lately I’ve been suffering with extreme Insomnia, and I’m scared to take Trazadone, because it gives me heart palpitations SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

The enemy’s fearful of us, because he knows we’re coming for him, full force, to take BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK EVERYTHING he’s EVER stole from us. Our children, who we took the time to rear up in the admiration, honor and respect of the Lord. But, the dumb devil has succeeded in dragging them far away from ALL the morals, potentials and values I instilled in them.

II am sooooooo haaaappppyyy about what God is doing through me on my job, He really placed me in a high position rather quickly, and I’m already doing things that it usually takes us about ten years to transition into… The only thing I’m looking for Him to do, employment wise, now is give me 40+ hours… That would do me good… All that overtime geeeesssssshhhhh 🙂 🙂 🙂

ALL is well… “No GOOD thing shall I withhold from those who walk uprightly”

Haaaaappppyyyy biiiirrrrtttthhhhddddaaaayyy Mini Me… Her turning the big 5 today. Her mother says she’s been long awaiting this day for some time now… I think it’s because her big sister was five for what seems like forever lol. Secret is though, she don’t realize she didn’t catch up with her; instead her sister left her in age again and turned six… Shhhhhh, don’t nobody tell her.

Well, I Neeeeeevvvveeerr did get a plate last night. But, God kept me anyways… Them cheese crackers did me wonders… yummy 🙂 🙂 🙂 That’s just God breaking me out of being so picky.

Today’s Scripture made me think of the Prodigal son, and how he was accepted back into his family without chaos… That’s how easily God receives us back after we stray, and that gives me hope, that He’s not angry with me when I fall short.

When you’re going through and having a bad day,  purposely seek out someone you can encourage. Lifting up others will lift your spirits as well.

I’m homeless, but my Father says… He plans to prosper me, no harm; rather give me Hope & a Future!!!

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.God is GOOD, and I spent yesterday getting a chance to really look back on ALL the things He so Graciously saved me from… All the times I crazily put myself in harms way and He continually brought me out… Thank You Daddy 🙂

I’ve ALWAYS asked God why in the world He chose me to work for Him, when I was the worst one of my Mother’s seven children, and the other’s appeared to be a perfect fit for anything He needed done… They were more suttle and calm spirited, unlike me. But, His wants is all that matters, and I still say YEEEEESSSSSSS… Nooooooo matter the cost.

Once you surrender to God, there is no picking and choosing what you’ll allow Him to do through, for and with you… Obedience is better than sacrifice. Therefore, adhere and harken unto His calls!!!

I’m homeless – but it ain’t over, and who cares about da fat lady singing? This ends wit God opening doors dat man can’t close!!!

The featured pic is my Lil granddaughter, the sister of the twin baby boys and my middle daughter’s oldest daughter. She just had a bday, so give her a shout out real quick!!! I’m doing her Lil sister in 3 days on her bday. So, once again we’ll be celebrating for the babies.

I told y’all Jesus has a sense of humor, and He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. This morning I was upset about how my job is doing me with my hours, and just as soon as I started the car “Magnify” by Marvin Sapp came on real loud, and I forgot instantly about that sadness, and broke out in a dancing Praise… It was sooooooo hilarious, you’d have to had been there to see it. I guarantee you would have cracked your side, because it wasn’t purposeful or nothing, it just happen. Then, I caught myself and bust out laughing, like “that was a Kodak moment right there.”

Mad about the decrease in pay. Buuuuuutttttttt, I ain’t gon trip… God gotta have sum planned for me to do. Sooooooo, after I grab some grub and eat, Imma let Him lead me.

Be careful when changing crafts at work, so that you don’t do yourself an injustice, as I did SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. I’m the big dummy I guess lol. Pressed for more money, but ended up with less hours, so it don’t freekin pay off… Some body needs to give me a V8 slap!!!

I’m homeless and relying on the Word expressed in Ecclesiastes… There’s a TIME for EVERYTHING… Waiting with expectancy on God!!!

Meet my middle daughter, the mother to those handsome twin boys… She has two more daughters that you’ll see soon… Stay tuned!!!

Be determined to follow Christ daily, that means setting aside time to seek Him. If you don’t have a Bible (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) then download the app to any of your devices that has internet access, and start topical plans that relate to whatever you’re going through.

Pandora, Tunein radio and Google music are good places to listen to spiritual music, which is soothing to the mind and Spirit and also most of the time the lyrics contain a message.

Use YouTube to listen to sermons… There’s several Pastors that upload their weekly presentations. Even if you already attend Church twice a week for Sunday service and Wednesday Bible study, it’s still beneficial to do this, rather than watching secular programs, just to remain close to God and learn more about Him and His Will for your life.

I’m homeless, but Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen!!!

The featured pic is my Lil lol babygirl… The way this one cracks up laughing will bring a smile to even the saddest persons heart. This is my youngest granddaughter and my youngest daughter’s only baby… I absolutely love her with EVERYTHING in me.

Stress is a NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO… I’m showing you ALL how unnecessary stress caused my hair to fall out completely in the top and how my eyes are still puffy and swollen days later from repetitive crying, when I should’ve been trusting and seeking the face of God instead SMH… No More crying, worrying or allowing problems to linger on… Get rid of stressors immediately… Leave them at the feet of God; He wants to and Will HHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!

Be not unequally yoked, don’t commit adultery and neither allow yourselves to live in sin by fornicating… I’m taking the initiative to totally cut off a long time relationship because it blocks my way to Heaven… Only what we do for God lasts!!!

See the devil for who he really is, when he tries to bring contention between you and another sister or brother in Christ. Just yesterday he caused multiple small arguments to occur between me and one of my bosses, who’s a devout woman of God and I repented and then asked God to make a way for me to also be a woman and apologize, even though she was really rude and mean towards me.

I’m homeless, and just like Job… I’m about to receive double for ALL my trouble!!!

The featured image is a pic of my twin grandsons that I mentioned in my Vlog. Now tell me they ain’t cute as a button… Remember I told you they’re fast and rambunctious SMH… Love em to pieces though!!!

Today I’m sooooooo haaaappppyyyy… The proof is in the pudding… At lunch and rushing. So, enjoy 🙂 🙂 🙂

Gotta give a shout out to my Lil cuz Shon… Who’s been supportive here lately, with the encouraging Scriptures… Listen to the one she sent last night… Enough reason to keep pressing on… Love you guys to the moon and back. (((TOODLES)))

I’m homeless, and nobody cares but God… Neeeeeevvvveeerr seen this day coming!!!

I had to steal this from my niece’s Facebook wall: “If someone sticks by your side through your worst times, they’re the ones who deserve to be with you through your BEST times.”

That’s sooooooo true and exactly what I needed to hear today. One of my daughters didn’t feel it necessary to come by for my visit to DC and I haven’t seen her or my granddaughter in a long time SMH.

My son said maybe three words to me, then went on about his life… Geeeesssssshhhhh!!! You talking bout tears… This thing is horrible.

My middle daughter said the most to me and ALL four of her babies brought out a great big ole smile on my face.

My oldest daughter came out to get her money and went on back to doing what she was doing… Wow this is like overkill!!!

I really looked forward to this day for about a week, thinking today would be the day we’d all make amends. But, I guess they’re better off without me. So, I’ll leave them be. I gotta come up once a month to grocery shop and I’ll just Pray each time that it eventually gets easier, and I don’t have to drive back so sad.

How in the world is this in God’s plan, not that I’m questioning His authority. But, I have no clue what in the world is going on, I can’t imagine life with absolutely Nooooooo family SMH… This can’t be real, and I Neeeeeevvvveeerr dreamed of being a parent who abandoned her children. But what do I do???

I’m homeless, and guess what!!! It ain’t about me, but rather ALL about God.

In all that I’m going through, I’m allowing God to teach me humility. Who am I to walk around with a chip on my shoulders, acting as if nobody has a right to talk to me or give me direction, Nooooooo matter their status or lack thereof.

There’s certain ways about me that must change before I can expect to receive anything from God. He nor no one else owes me anything. So, this prideful attitude I attain has to go!!!

Then, the biggest problem is the fact that I act out towards people because of the things I’ve been told beforehand about them SMH, and I just nearly had the same thing happen to me at work, but God showed forth Mercy. I love it when God shows me things about me that He don’t like, because that proves I am in fact His… He chastens who He loves… Therefore Daddy clean me up, until I have the mindset that pleases You.

Here I am in need of sooooooo much, but I have the audacity to get smart with people, just because I feel like I don’t wanna be bothered, it ain’t right and won’t be tolerated, in the eyes of God… And anything that’s not fitting for Him cannot and will not be a part of my life either!!!

Change has to take place, not only because I need a home, more hours at work and debt clearing help. But, more so because I wanna be the devout woman of God He has called me to become and desires for me to be… Love You Daddy and thanx for leading, guiding and directing me… In Jesus name Amen 🙂 🙂 🙂

Optimism intensifies perseverance… I’m Homeless, but God’s got a plan!!!

Feeling better today, looking forward to my meeting with my case manager, and Praying with everything in me that she has GOOD news. There’s a new company overseeing the shelter I’m in, and they’re said to have a 98% turn around rate for housing placement… yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy 🙂 🙂 🙂

Being able to talk to a young lady last night really made me feel secure within, because she also suffered with mental illnesses, and could relate, on so many levels, to many of the things I’m going through. So, that helped deter my bitter feelings and crazed thoughts of suicide… Thank You Daddy.

In a nutshell, I MUST see the enemy in all my opposition, and realize that God’s bigger than any problem that could ever come my way!!! It may seem like my world is crumbling right before my eyes, but there’s actually good in that, because God can now work better with the pieces of me; rebuilding and remaking me into the proper image & person that replicates Jesus.

As for my job, so many other employees keep encouraging me that I’ll get an abundance of hours, because the holidays are right around the corner, and I shouldn’t in the least bit be worried… Therefore, That frustration and stress is out the window too!!!

I knew I’d be HAPPY today, the reflection of myself can be seen on the front of my phone while I’m conducting my presentations, and I was highly upset with the way all this craziness had me feeling and looking… Holding back tears, choking them up… Nope!!! I’m a KINGS kid… And no weapon formed  against me shall prosper 🙂 He’s in control of the hub agreement, and will see to it that I get the hours I need and more… Also, He’s gonna open up doors for me for housing that man can’t close nor block the way.

A sister in Christ said to me just yesterday, that her Prayer for me is that God Blesses me with so much that I have enough to share, and when I do, everyone who receives will see God’s fingerprints on every inch of it… That thing sent chills all through my body, and I felt a quickening in my Spirit, because that’s exactly what’s gonna happen… God is a God that cannot and will not lie!!! So, when His Word says He’ll do exceedingly abundant above all we can ever ask or think… He’s gotta stand by that!!! Sooooooooo, look to witness a Hallelujah shouting Praise report really soon 🙂 🙂 🙂

First day back… There’s a purpose for my homelessness, and God will get the Glory for my deliverance from it ALL!!!

 

I have the slightest idea why ALL of this is playing out the way it is. But, I’m determined to continue on with my Vloggling and blogging because I earnestly and honestly believe that God wants me to show my current bad predicament, and how He’s daily bringing me through and out on the other side.

One thing for sure though, and two things for certain… Once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s Nooooooo place else to go except UPWARDS, and that’s definitely in the making for me and for anyone else who’s experiencing the turmoil I am… Keep your Faith and remain encouraged… God won’t leave US nor forsake US.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/25/15 (DAY 37)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Hair is a mess… gggggrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh! All the back to school babies beat me to the punch with my hair stylist

Still tremendously sleepy… This is ridiculous how fast training came about geesh!!!

Day three of lessons reminding us to make the best use of our time… No Godless chatter, backbiting or gossip

Read God’s Word, Pray, Praise & Worship… We need God like we do food for the nourishments of our body

Make sure your line of importance runs like this God first, others second then focus on yourself thereafter

During transition, your mate has to understand that you’re not shunning them but tired instead, and trying to adjust

My dream is to be in FULL-TIME Ministry for God, then life will definitely be less stressful

Be careful not to act as the world does just because they’re family… “Be NOT conformed to this world…”

Use your talents for God and watch Him increase you like never before

Another poor presentation (Vlog) toooooooo sleepy, and not at my best SMH! Please forgive me

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/24/15 (DAY 36)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Even if you’re use to the atmosphere at your current job, realize change comes with elevation and transformation

How can God take you higher if you keep fear as your confidant or companion?… Trust and Obey!!!

Please forgive me… Terrible Vlog… Sleepy to the fifth power!!!

Miserably sleep deprived… Jesus HAS the wheel!!!

Can’t wait to get situated!!! So outta my element, and so many arenas of my life is being negatively impacted SMH

My Rick Warren emails always comes at 4:44 am, this means my Angels are with me… Thank You Daddy 🙂

Make the best use of your time, remembering that an idle mind is the devil’s playground… Keep him far far away!!!

Watching myself fall asleep while driving… Totally DANGEROUS 😦 😦 😦

When you do wrong,quickly repent,turn from your wicked ways and hop back on the battlefield for Christ

Compliment and/or encourage anyone today, especially those who are normally insecure

Stream televangelists to your TV, so that you can spend quality time with God

Rest is important both spiritually and naturally… Pray for me to start back resting well again. Insomnia’s back

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/23/15 (DAY 35)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Make a special trip to a hospital, hospice, mental institution, nursing home, jail or prison to sit with somebody today

Sit down, call up a long lost friend or estranged family member or love one… Inspire, compliment & encourage them

Lend a helping hand today. Allow God to surprise you through you (Buy someone’s groceries or pay a bill off for them)

Pray and ask God to lead you to that perfect someone who could use the support most that He wants you to give

Show God you trust Him by not fighting against the transitions He has you embarking upon… They’ll pan out beneficial

Do not allow the enemy leeway into your life, mind or heart, to have his way, and reap havoc… Resist & he’ll flee

My reasoning for me being so mushy when people show me love for the things I’m doing for God… “The Passion’s of Christ”

Looking for love in all the wrong places caused me to be promiscuous SMH… But, God shielded me from death & disease.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/22/15 (DAY 34)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

Spent quality time with God and I’m so ELATED

The messages from both Joel Osteen and Rick Warren Blessed  my Spirit immensely!!!

To think of how God can simply speak, and the world is formed, shows just how good He can do in our lives

Thank you all, there’s POWER in Prayer…And even more influence when we go to the Throne in numbers 🙂

I got the job, and even received Favor over some who had a higher seniority!!! Won’t God do it

Be careful what advice you take, even if it’s from a well trusted friend, they mean no harm, but satan does

I must apologize to God for appearing ungrateful, and running from person to person for advice… FEAR

When you ask God for a Blessing and get it, don’t let doubt creep in

God makes nooooooo mistakes, and only wants the BEST for us

Don’t do tricky things to get yourself out of a place God is transitioning you to; especially after you asked for it

God knows how to turn anything the enemy tries to use to harm you into a HUGE Blessing… Trust and Obey!!!

Even when your shift seems like you’re getting the short end of the stick, don’t worry… God Gotcha 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/21/15 (DAY 33)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

When you feel as though you’re being PUNKED, instead see the situations as TESTS that you must pass

Don’t be so overbearing and mean towards others… Consider their feelings and needs FIRST

That brief pause was imperative… my trunk was open, and I seen an accident waiting to happen SMH

The enemy can’t send small irritants your way when you’re grounded & rooted in Christ… he really sticks it to you

Allow God to kill your flesh daily, so that you don’t haphazardly offend nobody… Rudeness is a No No!!!

Recognize your Spiritual tests and pass them…So, you’ll become a Victor in that area, and thus a better person as well

It’s very important to stay before the face of God, lest you give the enemy time to hop in and try you

Allow God to decrease you and have the Holy Spirit increase in you. So that you say and do only what’s Godly

It’s always a Blessing to wake up to no texts or missed calls from family… Reassurance that ALL is well 🙂

Be careful of the things you watch on TV, negative energy transfers, and the news can sometimes be bad for us too

Use your time wisely! Even after work and completing household chores… Still don’t make room for Godless chatter

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/20/15 (DAY 32)

 

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

Lol, I honestly thought I was being PUNKED I ended up babysitting ten children… unknowingly SMH

You talking about a headache from outer space, I had it like never before ggggeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssshhhhhhh

They had the back to school jitters or something… And taming them with candy was a HUGE mistake!!!

I almost spanked their rumpelstiltskins numerous times… But, some of my children are against it… Keep em home!!!

Even though I was frustrated to the nineteenth power, I was lenient, because the adults were handling business

Next time Imma get me a good old-fashioned switch off the nearest tree, “sting em britches” as Granny use to say

Nonetheless, there was a lesson in all of it… God wants me to help out in that arena

I’m good at any other task, Grandma wise. But, babysitting wasn’t my thing at all, and I’m a stickler to that fact

At least I was “a stickler”… God requires and demands more from and of me… We are to help when needed!!!

To add, I gotta stop making mountains out of mole hills, and figure tactful ways to keep them busy and in order

Granny successfully raised her 16, and umpteen of her grands… I’m just as able; with God on my side 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/19/15 (DAY 31)

 

Today is WE CAN DO IT WENESDAY

Happy and cheesing from ear-to-ear… Back to back days off!!! Ohhhhhhhhh yoppington 🙂 🙂 🙂

“We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us!”

God is AWESOME, and showed up and showed out in my life today… Sooooo overjoyed; Thank You Daddy!

Can you say CHANGING FOR THE BETTER x’s two (2)… Go God, Go Me, Go God, Go Me!!!

Washed clothes, three loads… All by lonesome… Good job girly

Cooked and laid out dinner for later

On my way household and necessities shopping… woooo hoooo 🙂

Spent quality, quality, quality time with my Heavenly Father… Filled up to the brim

EVERY adult is outta the house doing something productive… Won’t God do it!!!

Wait on God, don’t dare get suicidal… Believe against all odds that He’s for sure a keeper of those who love Him

Never give up HOPE… Keep the FAITH in the face of adversity

The tables turned… My husband try to reap havoc… But, God just simply ain’t having it, and I never fed in to it

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/18/15 (DAY 30) continued…

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY continued…

Don’t beat yourself up & and question your Salvation, when you repetitively do wrong… Instead Pray harder for CHANGE

If you see the evidence of God in your life (Blessings, Grace & Mercy), worry NO MORE… You’re a part of the family

How do you TAME the tongue??? Tired of lashing out and hurting others… Being human, in my opinion, is NO excuse!!!

Reassured that God still loves me in spite of my loose lips… But, it ANGERS me afterwards, and rightfully so SMH 

“Loose lips sink ships!!!” be mindful of how you address others… They do have feelings you know; or do you???

Even if your mind convinces you otherwise about your mate… Hold your Peace, if you’ve wholeheartedly given it to God

Never avoid altercations to the point where it causes health issues (READ THIS CAREFULLY – TRICKY, BUT TRUE)

Make sure to ALWAYS say “If it’ll be the Lord’s Will I’ll do this, this or that” Our plans still need His APPROVAL

If you and your mate are displaced (Living with others), be good to each other THROUGH it… No misplaced anger

Working God’s adrenaline and strength… Totally sleep DEPRIVED… Sad, sad, sad gggeeeeeeeeeeessssssshhhhhhhhh!!!

What’s the real scoop on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting… Enquiring minds wants to know!!!

Just because you’re agitated, due to things you brought on yourself… That don’t mean take it out on your mate

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/18/15 (DAY 30)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Hubby came home… I Prayed and God answered. Now, I gotta step outta the way!!!

Very IMPORTANT… it’s in no way ok to discuss your relationship with your children… They haven’t a clue what you’re to do

By nature, your babies want to protect. But, they can give you wrong advice, as a safety mechanism; on your behalf

God’s JEALOUS, and He don’t like it when we Pray for His help, then snatch our situations back, to handle ourselves

Regardless of the predicament, your mate should be contacting you daily… Silence makes room for assumptions

Pray SPECIFIC… God knows all. But, wants to hear it from you. He’ll give us the desires of our hearts

Know that you know that you for sure know your Heavenly Father’s voice; as to not give the enemy a foothold in your life

You DON’T have to have an altered mind in order to interact with others (Drugs & Alcohol) only makes it worse

The Holy Spirit can’t and won’t dwell in an unclean Temple… Remain SOBER guys!!!

Allow yourself to decrease, and God rise up when you have to socialize or have important conversations

Once promiscuous, but DELIVERED… unscathed, no deadly diseases… Thank You Daddy 🙂 🙂 🙂

“Judge not lest ye be JUDGED!!!”

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/17/15 (DAY 29)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Know that God is delighted to handle ALL our affairs if we would just TRUST in Him and ask for His help

Before you know it, things will begin to be Peaceful, clear and running smooth all around you… Give Him the Praise

Cast your cares! What? How do I do that? Simple, just raise your arms to God, and say Daddy I’m clueless and I need You

Crazy near death experience in the middle of the night SMH… What in the world was that all about???

My husband and I had a WEIRD interaction… Too sleepy to ponder though. Jesus grab the wheel 🙂 🙂 🙂

Feelings hurt in ER, because I must look like an OLD lady… Asked if I was my husband’s mom ggggggrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh

I see myself as Shallow Hal seen most of his potentials… Preserved, young and beautiful lol… funny right???

Wondering, in my lil inquisitive mind, if my husband is still dealing with an ex for financial gain

Finally destroyed the SCAM check… Had forgotten about it all this time. Thank God it was still there

Stop sabotaging your relationship by always thinking the worse about your mate… God makes NO mistakes

Nominated for an Award… Yayyyyyyy!!!

First let me give honor to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, then of course I would like to thank http://motherofnecessity.net/ for seeing me as a worthy candidate.

In turns, I nominate her and I wish I could do more, because plenty of you have been wonderful to me. But, we can only do 15, and here they are.

1. http://motherofnecessity.net/
2. http://thelivingmessage.com/
3. http://cuppajoeandthou.wordpress.com/
4. http://nutsrok.wordpress.com/
5. https://sarahsatticoftreasures.wordpress.com/
6. https://plainmommy.wordpress.com/
7. http://thepurplecouchblog.com/
8. http://deceptiveinfluences.com/
9. https://fromcrazywithlove.wordpress.com/
10. http://manuscriptwarfare.wordpress.com/
11. http://egyptenglish.com/
12. http://stayinginstep.com/
13. https://writetobreakthrough.wordpress.com/
14. https://hasmeetwrites.wordpress.com/
15. https://tboisuites.wordpress.com/

I reiterate, I wish there was no limit of the people you could add, because my list would go on forever, as I give recognition to the ones of you who’ve been so good to me through ALL my struggles, pain and suffering, in an acknowledgment of your true skills and writing capabilities. Thanx to everyone. Love you guys to pieces.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/16/15 (DAY 28)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Practically NOOOOOOO sleep… Not at all the Will of God. Glad to be rid of my problem… Still Praying for him though

Proud of myself, hospital calls about my husband, and I Trust God and stay at work and finish my shift… GROWING

If your love one resists your help… Let go and let God. Continue to hold them up before God

Mad at myself for some of the harsh things I said to my husband… Anger is no excuse nor justification… MUST REPENT

Don’t get outta character because others are nonchalant and/or rude… Contact a supervisor instead

Even in knowing what harsh effect K2 is having on people, my husband insists on indulging… I’m DONE

If a person don’t take physician advice then surely your opinions won’t be warranted… Give it to God

K2 (Synthetic Drugs) is killing people guys… NEVER touch it, and encourage your love ones to do the same

When enough is enough… Fall back, especially when the person you’re trynna help won’t even help themselves

Instead of remaining sober my husband transitioned to something worse… Stand in Prayer with me please

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/15/15 (DAY 27)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

After a breakup, Pray for Peaceful rest… I did, and I slept rather good ALONE

Seek God about ALL your situations (Financial, relational, emotional, situational, and definitely Spiritual)

God has plans and a specific purpose for each of us… Certainly seek His face for guidance and direction

Fam, don’t be too friendly with neighborhood individuals of the opposite sex, it only leads to unnecessary problems

It’s ALWAYS best to hear your mate out, opposed to running with the story you hear about them from another

Get to a MATURE place in God where you don’t overreact and lose your job behind relationship issues… TAKE TEN

Questioning another about whether they’re SECRETLY sleeping with your mate is pointless… They’ll never tell!!!

Pray immediately when something’s bothering you, don’t inadvertently suffer from medical issues due to unresolved issues

Meeting with children still not held SMH… Avoidance hhhhmmmmm???

Never stir up confusion with others in an attempt to get the heat off of you… Childish move on your part

Remember: God will make sure that those He don’t want in your life can’t stay, and those He does can’t leave

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/14/15 (DAY 26)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

When you give yourself to Christ fully, He’ll show you things that’s occurring with your family that needs your attention

Can’t figure out for the life of me why my life is becoming a COMPLETE rollercoaster

The TRANSPARENT me is meant for my life to be shared, so that others can be helped through my experiences & problems

My baby daughter and my middle daughter are going through something that needs Mommy intervention

When your family is going through something, don’t kick them while they’re down. Instead, help out

Family makes stupid mistakes, but don’t overly punish them, when you have the capabilities to assist

Don’t allow your Union, who you pay weekly/biweekly to lie to you, and cause you to resign (You have rights)

NEVER send your family to a freekin shelter when you have adequate space available for them to live

Of course if your family is able to pay accept it. If not, definitely don’t turn your back on them… That’s not love!!!

Money is not more important than helping your love ones. God will Bless you accordingly

In need of Prayer for me and my family… Things are dwindling downward for each of us on a daily basis SMH

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/13/15 (DAY 25)

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

God is AWESOME… I’m in a GOOD mood

We all woke up, we have activity in our limbs, our five senses are operable, we’re healthy & whole [To name a few]

Y’all, I did it again SMH… Spontaneously left work gggrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh!!!

Hubby’s home yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy 🙂 🙂 🙂

Family meeting scheduled… Jesus, take the wheel please

Forgive me guys… I acted a real donkey… Got a lot of maturing to do (SPIRITUALLY)

Cigarettes missing, nobody cares… Now I’m in a stupor and shut completely down

Don’t you dare waste away a whole day moping, murmuring and complaining… God ain’t bout dat life!!!

How you look being so in your feelings, to the point where you can’t be a grandmother? Grow up already!!!

Sad situation that further shows I need maturity… Not happy about my husband’s potential success, in fear of him leaving me

NEVER sabotage your mate’s things out of (FEAR – False Evidences Appearing Real)

Pray for my liwwle (in my granddaughter’s voice) grandbaby, her not feeling well; two trips to ER

Stop Praying for more when you know you haven’t been a good steward over the things you’ve been given

*** Juanita Bynum “No More Sheets” a must see

Sistahs… Remain the same chick he fell in love with (Hair done, nails did, outfits on #fleek, house clean, and feed him)

Ladies… Keep yourself up! Don’t just let your weight get outta control, even baby fat can come off… Do it!!!

God has BIG things in store for us… It’s NOT His desire that any of us live in lack (poverty, depression, misery, etc.)

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/12/15 (DAY 24)

Today is WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY

I’m now a firm believer that the things you do to your parents will eventually return to haunt you

Things were crazy all night and morning… But, still I TRUST God

Hard for a caring grandmother to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to things going wrong with the babies in her life

Started to place myself back in a homeless state due to frustration with my daughter… Thank God I didn’t overreact!!!

Single again because of the mess pertaining to my granddaughter

Just what do you do when your grown child won’t listen to you, but they’re making wrong decisions?

I have no clue as to why things went left between my husband and me. But, God have Your way!

Seeing one again, the things I did to my mother coming back around on me through my children

Children, regardless of age MUST know “Don’t do what I’m doing or have done”… Rather do what I say

Called a family meeting, and I desire for God to be in total control…. Just want them to know I’m only trynna help

Tragedies are increasing I DC… Prayers please

Hold your peace, and Pray first… Never jump the gun and create a huger problem for yourself or others

Whatever happened to “Mom knows BEST???”

C

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/11/15 (DAY 23)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Humbly realizing that it’s better to cook at home and stretch my meals, opposed to trynna keep up with the Joneses

Tragedy in the family… Cousin killed at Metro bus stop. Stabbed to death, on his way to visit with his children SMH

Is K2 causing these murders because people are haphazardly losing their minds?

Prayer needed for DC in whole… Car accidents are claiming our youth, coupled with shootings, stabbings and other violence

Pray for Sandra Bland’s family and also that JUSTICE will be served if she was outlandishly murdered

Still following the case where the police shot a young lady who was armed with a knife or multiple knives

God is definitely doing a thing with me, in changing my selfish & mean ways, and I’m openly allowing it ALL

We can’t get mad and decide to write people off because they want what you’ve owed them for months… DEAD WRONG

Mothers, we can’t arbitrarily cut all ties with our children because they anger us… God ain’t having it!!!

The apple don’t fall far from the tree, when you see the bad part of you in your child… Pray against generational curses

Open yourself up fully to God, and allow Him to have His way with you… CHANGE is imperative and beneficial

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/10/15 (DAY 22)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Really good morning, got everything done, and still had time to spare… Ain’t God GOOD

Don’t let the enemy reap havoc between you and family… God don’t Bless mess!!!

See the devil for who he is amidst altercations… “We wrestle not with flesh and blood…”

Wondering if it’s validity in the Prophet’s claim that witchcraft is either being practiced in the home I’m in or has it been cast over it?

My smiles are due to my hubby taking the initiative to start writing his books again… Hallelujah!!!

When you get angry, please don’t overreact and destroy things that are dear and important to your mate

God is AWESOME, He helped me figure out how to fix a big project for my husband… made us both so happy

Let go of previous hurts, so that fear don’t cause sabotage

See the morals and potentials in your mate, and stick by them… it’ll pan out rewarding before long

Book writing program (Writenow 4)

Did K2 cause a lady to be shot by police in Washington, DC? This horrible drug has to cease and disappear!!!

We are to love in spite of the wrongs people do to us

Allow God to totally wash you clean of any wicked ways He finds in you

Got a Federal Government bid in for two WONDERFUL days off… Pray with me that I get it

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/9/15 (DAY 21)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Hubby been lovey dovey lately… That’s all well and fine, except for the fact that it cut into my planned study time SMH

Cured my seafood cravings… Huge payout though! Next time I’ll be cookin at home for sure.

Continue to Pray, even if God seems to be far away or simply not hearing you

“Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door shall be open unto you, and Ask and you shall receive”

I thank each of you for the wonderful comments, compliments, Prayers and marvelous words of encouragement

Remember: If you’re going through anything, find someone who’s experiencing your same pain, and Pray them through

God is wonderful… He delivered my husband totally from K2, and many others as well… Hallelujah!!!

Wait on God… Don’t rush Him. He knows what’s best for us, and will com through in His time

Don’t be mean and vindictive towards anyone, make less family who’s helping you… God don’t like ugly

Let God make amends between you and the very person who hurt you the worst

Da Ugly Ducklin came to be because of my dysfunctional family, and the lack of communication between us

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/8/15 (DAY 20)

 

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

Don’t beat yourself up when you feel like you’ve falling away from God, you’re actually still as close as before; if not closer

Love God with EVERYTHING in you, it’s sooooooooo rewarding

The Passion’s of Christ (Mel Gibson) wonderful movie… A must see

How God always brings us out, even from the things we bring on ourselves

TMOB (The Mouth of Babes) a Ministry I want to implement, to bring my grand babies closer to God

No matter your circumstances, you’re still expected to seek God regularly

Know that God still loves you even when you feel that you’re falling by the wayside

Get out the way, and allow God to change your wayward family member or love one

You don’t like traffic… leave early!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/7/15 (DAY 19)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Woke up to car GONE… You talkin bout FURIOUS!!!

I lost the car“… Are you serious???

How your mates choice to indulge in illicit drugs creates unnecessary problems for the both of you.

Telling your grown children to live one way, but you settle for the things you’re trynna save them from… DOUBLE STANDARD

If you choose to put up with your mate… Don’t bagger them thereafter

Living with others is hard… Food issues arise, and everyone not buying household supplies… NOT FAIR

How my family is all of a sudden going through simultaneously SMH

My son’s up and coming rap career… My feelings about the uneasy content

How I want my children to get and keep my grandbabies before the face of God

How bad I want God to fall upon me on a daily basis… to help me serve Him correctly

We’re living in our last days… The signs are here… Get and/or keep yourself right in the eyes of God

My desires to be in full-time Ministry for the sake of my entire clan

Give God back His Word, He’s good to act on it, because He cannot and will not lie

Live a life of example in front of the youth around you, so that they’ll grow up successful

My husband trynna compare his wrongdoings with K2 to my old alcohol issues… Not the same!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/6/15 (DAY 18)

WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY continued…

Worked ONLY 2 1/2 – 3 hours SMH

Don’t EEEEVVVEEEERRRR fake sick… It’ll definitely come back to bite ya in the rumpelstiltskin

Enraged at how my (thought to be) good deed was so insignificant… gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Be careful dealing with banks, colleges, and I’ll go as far as to say that FAFSA is suspect.

Why am I still holding a FRAUDULENT check, nobody thought it to be serious enough to send anyone out… just horrible.

Day went left real quick… My manager went from 0 to 100 lol!!!

Get covered by the Union guys… They’re your safety net

Learn the rules about your rights to take off and leave work early multiple times in a specific time frame.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/4/15 (DAY 16)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Master RESET again??? What the heck is going on with my phone… Hackers or nah?

Hair FINALLY on #fleek

Hubby back home SMH… I never got a chance to put him out and thank God I didn’t, because he’s WORKING yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

  • More money
  • Move quicker
  • No K2 smoked… Thank You Daddy.

Feeling awfully strange in my spirit… Sum just ain’t right. Can’t pinpoint it yet, but I’m feeling sum type of way 😦 😦 😦

Trust God to run your marriage… Breadwinners are NOT in control.

Prayers pay off, again I reiterate that!

Never fight against mandatory change

Do what God says no matter the cost

Personal ad (Possible Disaster)

Testimony may lead to Tricky Tracking #

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/3/15 (DAY 15)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Contradictory Vlog: Yesterday I stated we must love in spite of. Then, I turn right around and ditch my husband to sleep on the streets.

Ironically, I have every reason not to smile.

My daughter nearly died behind illicit drugs.

Misplaced anger towards my mother-in-law SMH.

The BREADWINNER can’t even get a decent meal???!!!

The effects of K2 on your marriage, family and life.

Get rid of your flesh, it destroys you and others you interact with.

Should you leave your spouse for indulging in drugs, simply because they’re irresponsibly still doing it, even after something bad has happened.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/2/15 (DAY 14)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Important for older children, who indulge in bad things, to have a cell phone for emergencies.

We must allow God to transform us to where we’re loving supernaturally… Not in the natural (HUMAN)

Generational curses MUST be broke

How God gave me favor while receiving beautification services

Take care of skin, feet and hair… Imperative for self-preservation

Don’t let the devil reap havoc in your relationship!!! Let God show you what’s really going on

Don’t plan how to be nice, that’s fake… Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to move through you

We are not to only love those who we’re comfortable with, but we gotta Pray about loving EVERYONE in spite of

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/1/15 (DAY 13)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

  • Let God control who you date, your marriage or already established relationship (NO FORNICATING)
  • Trust God to lead you down the right path as you plan and confirm your annual vacation.
    • You’re destined to get the BEST deals
    • Reassurance that any problems, should there be ANY will be minimal to NONE.
    • You’ll find new things to do to have fun, ATTRACTIONS and ACTIVITIES will come to you like never before
  • Career choices and continuum of education… He definitely knows, and I’ll guarantee you that your new sought out and obtained profession will be one that you’ll look forward to every day.Unlike many of us, who merely go for a paycheck. Your God geared job will be one sufficient enough to retire from and you won’t have to double up (Work 2 or more jobs simultaneously)  either, because the one income will be Heaven sent more than enough… You’ll be the lender and NEVER a borrower.

Got my eyes, feet and nails done up yaaaaaaaayyyyyyy, just waiting for my stylist to grocery shop, and my hair gon be on #fleek too!!! She always flicks her wrist 🙂 🙂 🙂

PLEASE subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow me on EVERY social network that we connect in… Thanking you in advance!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/31/15 (DAY 12)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Did not get my hair done 😦 😦 😦 Whole day went left!!!

No nail salon visit ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh… that’s ok, because I should be off tomorrow (fingers crossed)

Baby girl doin it up in the Dominican Republic… Finally enjoying her vacation away, after a few rough patches that God helped her through.

Still Noooooooooo sleep SMH, tonight gotta be the night no doubt!

Husband finally back after another brief break-up (Talkin to me rude and harsh) That’s a no no, and automatic deal breaker – ZERO tolerance for utter disrespect.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/30/15 (DAY 11)

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

Shooting in my daughter’s house (Close call SMH)

Her trip to the Dominican Republic

The 8 hours beautification process (Oh how HAPPY I’ll be afterwards)

HCYMABH… Back up and active.

Alone No More… Lying dormant, which is a GOOD thing, because nobody’s suicidal.

H.U.T. My desires for an immediate family (Annual Reunion) on a Yacht, even though I’m terribly scared of water.

TMOB – The Mouth Of Babez (New Ministry) For youth 21 and under, to learn the importance of having a relationship with God and the POWER in Prayer. Taking our children to church ain’t at all the gist of it. They MUST know what’s expected of them and all the BENEFITS within. More important, we don’t want them embarrassed or fearful to Pray to or interact with God.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/29/15 (DAY 10)

Today is WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY

A day where we hold to the fact that we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.

My 13 yrs. old grandson arrested for a gun in his book bag. Could have caused the officers to shoot him unnecessarily.

Me experiencing Insomnia due to my being manic… Driving to work with eyes barely open SMH.

“Many are called, but few are CHOSEN”!!! Me disrespecting a coworker, then feeling awful afterwards… Open repent.

We MUST change in order to please God.

The thorn in my flesh is there for a worthy purpose.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/28/15 (DAY 9)

 

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY initially intended for friends and family to discuss different sermons, scriptures or Godly topics that each came across on previous days, for the purposes of readying yourselves for Wednesday Bible Study, where you’ll Prayerfully be armed with plenty of questions.

However my day didn’t begin good, and I had to vent after a crying moment, because I was so upset with my children.

Please give your opinion about the situations I discussed.

Thank God I feel 100 % better now… God Bless each of you, and may Heaven continue to smile upon you and yours

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow me on every social network where we meet up, and I’ll surely do the same for you.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/27/15 (DAY 8)

Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This video is all messed up, but I uploaded it anyway, just to show how things can happen SMH. It was two parts. But, instantly one whole part… The beginning just got lost somewhere in cyber space lol. Nevertheless, the ending tells what my theory is on the shenanigans. BTW… Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY!!! With all the craziness going on with me lately, I can’t do nothing else but smile!!! Enjoy guys, in spite of the beginning being M.I.A.

Whaddayaknow, here’s the lost video… I knew it’d surface SMH

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/24/15 (DAY 5)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY no matter what the enemy tries to throw your way DODGE it, and keep it movin. Show him he has NOOOOOOOOOOOO power or control,and will not keep you bogged down!

Chris Brown with the suicide rumors going around. I searched through several sites, only to find out the world is getting all worked up about what they’re considering to be a cryptic message on his instagram… and more can be read here http://sandrarose.com/2015/05/is-chris-brown-suicidal/ & http://sandrarose.com/2015/06/chris-brown-wont-be-around-next-year/

I Pray she’s wrong. But, I’m not too happy about the writings she wrote, and many others stated their feelings on her site.

My apologies for getting upset, after talking about the beating I received from my last husband, and not really doing well in the Vlog.

Family should always stick together and help one another out, especially during homelessness.

Parents Pray for your grown child or children who’s not doing right in the eyes of God.

Sometimes our wayward children are complete replicas of us… Hmmmmmmm!!! “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they’re old they won’t depart from it”

The affects illicit drugs had on me, and my transition into alcoholism, and subsequent deliverance from it all.

How to be the bigger person and apologize for your wrong actions when you’ve hurt someone.

How the good in your mate can help you. (My husband making me share and diminish my stingy ways).

The shooting in my daughter’s home that caused our homelessness.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/25/15 (DAY 6)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY and make sure you read a scripture, Pray, Praise or Worship Him today.

Christian wife/ Muslim husband (How you interact) (Praying, Praising & Worshipping together impossible)

Me seeing the aftermath of my two sisters after getting brutally beating (Reason for my hostility toward men)

Women should stay in their place (We cannot beat NO man)

A mother’s job is NEVER done (Talk to your grown child) (Help them identify and then succeed at their goals)

Feeling ostracized after alcohol cease (How to enjoy life when everyone else still indulges)

Family should never see each other homeless (Well to do family won’t help SMH)

Never seclude your mate because you have no friends or family to chill with.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/26/15 (DAY 7)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY and I ask that you support anyone in any capacity… Heaven smiles upon us for doing so.

This was a short video, that I’m not pleased with at all. Just had an altercation with my husband, and wasn’t feeling myself… My apologies.

Either the enemy is causing bad things to occur, because I’m following the plan of God for my life or God sees that my husband means me no well, and chose to remove him from my life.

FEEDBACK WELCOMED!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/23/15 (DAY 4)

 

Not too pleased with today’s Vlog, because I got to talking about the beating at the hands of my last husband, and lost my whole train of thought… gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nonetheless, I went on with it, and talked about how God has kept me, and is still keeping me through all the craziness that I’ve endured and still experiencing.

Today is “Thank Him Thursday” be sure to THANK God for everything He’s done and still is doing in your life. He inhabits the Praises of His people.

*** Please comment on how you feel about poverty, generational curses, and utilizing government assistance.

Once again I ask y’all to forgive the video pauses, before you know it I’ll be making top-notch Vlogs.

As promised, I’m going to do my research on the Chris Brown incident, as it relates to what he’s experiencing with suicidal thoughts. I don’t EVER wanna mislead anyone, by giving inaccurate or totally bogus information.

Please follow me, subscribe to my channel on YouTube, and likewise I’ll return the favor.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/22/15 (DAY 3)

Please forgive me for the dumb videos that end abruptly, without a proper outro message. But, time will definitely fix that, as I get more better at recording. Eventually, I’ll have a better device, with a huger storage. However, until then I ask you to bear with me.

I was cut off while explaining what happened with my last husband, and why we separated. As I was telling you, I made the horrible mistake of marrying way too quick from start. But, I was terribly lonely. Remember, I have ALL grown children, and they were moving on with their lives and happy for the most part… going out to eat, coupled up. Beach trips, constantly at the casino or club. Even though some of the places they frequented, I’m no longer interested in, I still wanted a mate, and I jumped at the very first chance that came my way and the latter months was beyond overkill. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t really over my previous husband, who I’m BACK with SMH, and that’ll be elaborated on as time progresses. Moreover, I carried hurt and all types of other damaging baggage over into my marriage, thus reaping unnecessary havoc for myself.

I was constantly bickering, complaining, nitpicking and physically abusing this man, and he held it all in until it came out in the worst way on that gruesome night, turned morning, beat down that I received, where God once again spared my life. now, this time, I wasn’t able to drive myself to the hospital like before and not because of any physical impairments. But, primarily because my husband didn’t want to leave me alone with in the ER, in fear of me contacting the police.

Enough of that already though, before too much explaining rolls into flashbacks, and emotions causes diverse reactions. I can’t say when I’ll discuss it. But, I wanna give my testimony about my reunification with my third husband, and how we’re doing now.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 6/28/15 (Trial run – My first video trying out Vlogging)

This is my first attempt at Vlogging, and it was in June… I never could get the videos uploaded, so I completely gave up. But, I started back a month and a half later, and those are the videos on the site that are still not as good as I would like for them to be. But, I feel confident that I’m finally doing what’s pleasing to God. Even though they’re choppy and some are too long, in my opinion. Nevertheless, it satisfies my charge from above.

To recap: I discussed my reasons for getting away from the whole psychological team of nitwits, and it’s simply because thy weren’t doing me any good whatsoever!!! In fact, I spoke out about two drugs specifically that I’m not to fond of at all, and that’s Trazodone, because it causes shortness of breath and makes me feels anxious, and as if I’m hyperventilating. And lithium simply because I’m worried about any medication that gives cause for my blood to be continually monitored SMH… Nope, I’m GUCCI!!!

To add, I don’t know how to put the fact that I see NO need for repetitive trips to see therapist and psychiatrist no clearer than I have, with so much seriousness to back… I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous to make all these appointments, in an effort to find the “NORM” as most people call it, to no avail. I’m through being toyed with!!! Together with God and the testimonies of overcomers I’m gonna master my care without fake anecdotes and meaningless couch conversations.

I mentioned the stabbing that gave rise to my arrest, that aided in my eventual psychological assessment and corrupt diagnosis. My daughter, her husband and I were on our way home from picking him (her husband) up from his granny’s house when I rode up on the worse scene I’d ever encountered. My husband, openly walking with a female, who I later found to be his mistress for several months prior… I literally lost my mind. How dare you!!! Right in the neighborhood we met and married in. That’s making a total mockery of me, seeing as how EVERYONE knows we’re married, and have been together for three years before this craziness, and you even have the audacity to flaunt her around, while still bringing me around your friends and family members, who obviously knew about your secret rendezvous. But, continued to smile in my face as if everything’s all well and fine… Some nerve SMH. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal plays out with me going with the police, him with the paramedics, and the floozy running away, at record speed, with my Tasmanian devil daughter in HIGH pursuit lol. That was a day I never wanna see again, and Prayerfully no one else has to ever experience.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/21/15 (DAY 2)

I’m sooooooooo happy… God tells us to take the first step, out on Faith, towards any endeavor, and He’ll provide the INCREASE. I did just that, in spite of all my insecurities and uncertainties, and each video is getting better as I go.

To elaborate, the messages above refer to some hard times I experienced years ago while I was still a babe in Christ, and not at all able to properly rationalize, and almost lost my life because of it on several occasions.

Also, spoke about Miracle Man, a vessel for God who also ran from his calling, and underwent a detrimental mishap before totally surrendering, and is now disfigured for life.

I can’t believe I took this long to heed to His (God’s) beckoning, for me to open up in this way. I actually like it, and Prayerfully it’ll help as many people as possible, to heal, and also the feedback that I receive will enhance my healing process as well.

I love being able to expound on the GOODNESS of God, as in He as been ever so present and helpful in my life from day one. And even though I’m going through a trying time right now, I know undoubtedly that none of it is in vain, and I’ll reap the benefits soon enough if I faint NOT!!!

The Transparent Me (Day 1)

This is the start of a new way I’m going to interact. I’ve been blogging for years, to no avail, and I earnestly believe that it’s meant for me to visually convey my messages. To be honest, it took me this long because I’m not happy with the way I look on camera. But, If God has a purpose for you, you’ll get it done, according to His Will eventually… No matter how long you run.

I don’t doubt that the reason I’ve been going through soooooo much is due to my procrastination and fear. “NO MORE”!!! I’m BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK, and I know I’ve said that many many times before, then I’ll fall away again… My apologies, trust me I’m full to the brim, and it’s about to spill over… Don’t believe me JUST WATCH 🙂 🙂 🙂

Haaaappppyyyy Father’s Day… And this is NOT gender specific!!!

Quite naturally fathers are referring to men, males & daddys. But, I most certainly have to acknowledge all my ladies WHO have and still are playing both roles… Myself included.

We’re upstanding individuals too… I feel that I did and is still doing a magnificent job at raising all four of my babies by myself, in the earthly realm. Of course my Daddy has ALWAYS and forever will have my back… Showing me the proper way to act and react towards and in front of them.

Teaching me how to cook healthy meals, encourage and help them education wise, and to show love and compassion during their hard times.

Not to mention all the times my Father has miraculously made ways for us when we seen Nooooooo waaaaaayyyyyyy. Short on food, here comes a lady at my door that I didn’t ask to help us out, and brought several bags of groceries. Broke down on steep mountains… Here comes my nephew, who should have been going in the other direction, to give us emergency gas… Again someone I didn’t call SMH.

He’s wonderful, and us parents in whole are toooooooo… Therefore, everyone enjoy your day… Tell your babies you love them 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Failed Suicide Attempt Brings Entire Family To GOD… Next tragedy leaves man blind and DISFIGURED for life.

All my life, throughout EVERY attempt I’ve ever made, I’ve been in close proximity to artillery, but was always to scared that I’d mess up and end up a vegetable and a burden on my children. This very last time in February 2014 I was hurting so bad that if I had a gun close by I would have used it. But, God makes no mistakes… Normally I only get storage bins with 24 hr. access. But, this particular company I was with closed their gates at nine. I was furious at the time, because I simply didn’t wanna be here any longer, and didn’t want the wait time that came with overdosing, and figured the gun shot would be quick and easy. Obviously that wasn’t then, and never will be part of God’s Mighty plan for my life.

Thank God for this family though, that a wonderful outcome resulted from what the father went through. In the end they ALL serve God together. He really got transformed while still in the hospital. His wife bares witness to the fact that he would write notes pointing his family to Christ amidst his pain. And even more, he’s ABSOLUTELY drug free… God is phenomenal!!!

What upsets me the most about this tragedy is the fact that he not only lost his sight, but he’s disfigured for life and has no real love ones around regularly for support. For me, every attempt was an attention seeker, and this last attempt showed me just how much my family and friends truly did love me. They were responsive very quick and remained supportive throughout my hospital stay and for some time afterwards too. They called the hospital back to back, it’s four of them, seeking updates on my status and possible discharge arrangements. Even though I was saddened that I ha scared them so bad, in the same token. I was happy that they finally exemplified the love and attention that I was crying out for. I was totally lonely and needed them badly. But, they were too busy with their own affairs. Believe it or not, the close relationship we developed after the attempt was short lived so to say, because they’ve returned to their old ways of putting me second to last. But, it in no way affects me like before. I’ve come to grips with the fact that they now have their own affairs to tend to, and I have God and Jesus right by my side, and I’m perfectly alright. As with the man in this video, he says he’s ok with the fact that no one comes around, at least he has a better life then before.

Alone No More wants to stop attempts from happening at all, by being available 24/7 and right at the tip of any in need’s fingertips. We wanna Pray with them, and express our testimonies, in an effort to deter the thought altogether. Please donate and share the gofundme link… Thanx bunches

http://www.gofundme.com/h2r43w

Reach Out Before You Act. You Matter.

She was sooooooo beautiful, and also the encouraging words you spoke to anyone who may be suffering from any form of shame, bullying, heartbreak, disrespect, hurt or the likes. She was young and it’s hard to believe she was fearful that something she mistakenly shared online would haunt her later in life… Perhaps she shared a pic revealing too much, even if somebody was being mean and circulated it. It would’ve died down in weeks, at most two months… But, so much other stuff is going on these days on social media that her little mishap would fall to the back burner rather quickly.

You want to control your teen as far as social media is concerned and rightfully so… I mean most of the craziness that teens find themselves in the mix of generates first through one of the social media sites. Nonetheless, girls in whole love their hair… Me and my daughter’s are always saying, when we don’t have new clothes for an outing or special occasion that long as our hair is nicely done we’ll look and feel fine. But, this baby had to stand and look at her pride and joy on the floor SMH… This is still no reason to criminally charge the father though… Even though I’m angered by his outlandish choice of punishment.

To add, long beautiful hair in fact means a lot to girls/women, but I’m sensing it was a multitude of things that drove this Lil sweetheart to do what she did… I’d love to see her last eight letters, just to get a better idea of EXACTLY what the final straw was that broke the camel’s back, and figure out in advance ways that Alone No More will help anyone with her same issues.

My deepest condolences to the family.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Midwestern Mom's Musings

Like many of you, I heard the story about the school girl who jumped off a bridge and killed herself. Initial stories said she was upset about a shaming punishment her dad gave her. Other stories piled on reasons for her actions: she had been bullied in school, she hadn’t been allowed to run for student council.

This report clarifies that all these reasons were wrong. According to authorities, she left several notes explaining why she was going to kill herself. It seems she was ashamed of things she had done and said on social media; she thought one thing in particular was going to follow her for the rest of her life.

http://fox2now.com/2015/06/10/police-reveal-reason-girl-jumped-from-bridge-no-charges-expected/

My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide. There is no one to blame or shame. This is just an opportunity to share.

When you look at the big picture…

View original post 69 more words

Ashes/Demons

This was four days ago, and I’m upset that I didn’t see it earlier. Nonetheless, I’m believing with all my heart of hearts that you’re just fine. Especially since you stated at the end of your post that you REALLY don’t want to die, that you’re just tired. But, more importantly, you have people you must live and be strong for. I’m happy to hear that they’re still meaningful enough in your life, that you’ll do away with those irrational thoughts immediately and NOT act upon them.

Sadly, in February 2014 even with 11 precious grand children, 4 wonderful children and a promising career in the Federal Government I still resulted to taking my life because I was tired. During that time, I had no desire to seek God for myself and rejected any other’s who wanted to intercede for me… I had enough, and couldn’t see anything positive ever becoming of my life at all.

I was living in Maryland at the time, and that was my first time ever going through this there and I learned rather quickly that I’d made the BIGGEST mistake ever… The law there is confinement, with no chance of leaving for a minimum of three days… Ooooooooohhh Nooooooo, I’ve got to go to work, they thought that was hilarious. To them, I was crazy and needed to be there… But, after a couple of hours of seeing that my friends and family did love and care about me was suffice for me… That was all I was initially longing for, and my Facebook message box, cell phone voicemail was packed instantly… But, I was locked away involuntarily… Thank God for one lady who realised that my not reporting to work would cause me to lose it and further intensify my my thoughts fit not wanting to live, and she talked the resident physician into taking a chance with me, and I haven’t looked back since. In turns, I started this blog and begin channeling all my spare time into helping my sisters and brothers all across the Nation diminish those ugly thoughts altogether… We merely need to grasp what it is we’re really in need of and pursue it, if possible, and if for whatever reason that’s not an option, then other alternatives are a must. But, suicide absolutely will NOT be the ultimate outlet under Nooooooo circumstances.

For you, I reiterate how I’m overjoyed at the fact that you have those SPECIAL people who are dear to you keeping your mind at bay. If you like, we can talk anytime… I’m here for you my luv.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

My darkest hours.

My heart doesn’t feel heavy. It doesn’t feel anything as there is just emptiness as that is all the I am now. I am just an empty shell of the person I used to be. I don’t even remember who that person is anymore. I can’t remember what it feels like to feel something positive for more than twenty minutes. I just know the bad feelings, the emptiness and the darkness that is constantly surrounding me. Today I reached my lowest, today for the first time I started having thoughts about hurting myself. I thought about getting a handful of antidepressants, sleeping pills and painkillers and just swallowing them. Hoping that it would stop the pain.

Having thoughts like that… Thinking of harming myself and has never really been part of my illness. I’ve been and I am severely depressed but I have never thought about harming myself as I…

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Suicidal thoughts affecting siblings… The devil is a LIAR!!! God’s still in CONTROL

This makes me sooooooo sad, to see that a sister transitions intermittently from fearing that her brother would commit suicide, to her herself experiencing overwhelming thoughts of it too SMH.

Yes, it’s likely and normal for family members to follow in each other’s footsteps… Like going into law enforcement, medicine, acting or modeling… That’s all well and fine. All three of my daughters mimicked me studying to become a Medical Assistant and eventually working successfully in the field… Now, that’s something to be proud of, especially me, as their mother, I feel as though I was a phenomenal role model.

On the other hand, suicidal thoughts and tendencies running ramped throughout a household of siblings is a sure enough reason to call together a group of missionaries for the purpose of intercessory Prayer… It’s a message in that happening, it’ll require much supplication in order to get to the root of it all. I don’t believe in or would never express to this family that I was concerned that someone had worked some type of witchcraft on them, casting mind controlling spells on them, because I’m sure that I’d be instantly discredited. But, in trying to analyze what could possibly be going on with them, that was a thought that crept in my mind, to no avail… Even though I threw it out there, trust me it holds no relevance and not even meant to be our true source of conversation. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee act as if it were never mentioned, and instead focus on what ways we can help this family and undoubtedly many other families who also need assistance, as they’re going through this same kind of problem.

Alone No More is a ministry still in its infancy stage, that can deftly be beneficial in such times as these. But, we need help with funding, so that a proposal can be composed for grant monies that’ll be used to bring the whole entity together. Donate any amount, even if it’s $1, every cent helps and also share the link on your site(s). And know that it’s greatly appreciated… Every life counts, and those who are hurting simply needs the love, care, concern and compassion that this ministry’s team members will gladly offer.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

bekindbethoughtful

There are many things that are hard in life. We often have conflicts and dilemmas that stay with us for certain stretches of time. Sometimes they stay for hours, sometimes days, and sometimes they stay with us for years.  The things that make our lives hard are usually not things at all. They are thoughts.

I paused before I knocked on the door. There was slight apprehension in doing so because of the unknown.  What didn’t I know? What do I always fear when knocking on this door?  Whether or not my brother will have killed himself. I used to occasionally fear this, in an abstract manner, but as his outward signs of depression worsen the idea seems less abstract. Sometimes I find myself angry at him because is being selfish and not doing what he needs to be doing. But then there are the days when I feel sad…

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More on Sharing…

Sharing was always a BIG problem for me and I never understood whether or not it was because I was the babbbbbbyyyyyyyy of seven and was spoiled rotten, coming up, and Neeeeeevvvveeerr was taught or made to share with others. In any event, I learned while rearing my four babies just how selfish I really was SMH, and to this day I get sick to my stomach to even think I was that cruel of a person… Thank God for salvation, sanctification and transformation!!! I’m Nooooooo longer the idiot I once was… Hallelujah!!!

Today, I give quick, fast and in a hurry. Especially to those who are needy. Because God says what we do for the least amongst us, we do unto Him. Also, I was taught that we’ll never know if we missed an opportunity to give to Jesus and/or an Angel, and run the risk of failing the test and missing out on an enormous Blessing unknowingly SMH. To keep that from happening, just share period.

I won’t claim to be all the way there either!!! Because God just reminded me of my sneakiness last night, trynna open my favorite candy bar without having to offer my husband some… I even told him he was allergic to peanuts lol… He was like “no I’m not”… I was so piiiiiiisssssseeeeedddddd. And I think he seen my reluctance frfr, that I was laughing on the outside, but holding back at the same time… Not really wanting to give ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… Dag why did I reblog this post… Now I’m mad at myself for being greedy!!! Daddy, please forgive me and I truly appreciate Your obvious chastisement, and I ask that you remove selfishness and candy greed away from me… Far away, for its not right to be stingy at all, even with things we look at as mediocre.

Itttttt’sssssss sooooooo important that we share unselfishly… Not with a mean or angry heart, so that our Blessings won’t be held up. God loves a CHEERFUL giver 🙂

penpowersong

More on Sharing…
By Apolinario Villalobos

There is more in sharing than what most of us know about it. The heavenly bodies in the universe share ample space. Without the fair sharing in the seemingly infinite space in the universe, the heavenly bodies including earth would have been bumping with each other. Humanity shares the air to be able to survive and so are the lesser creatures. Sharing is not limited to food. The Designer is wise, indeed, and that is what He expects His intelligent creatures to be.

Unfortunately, because of pride and greed among humans, even the road space is not shared fairly, resulting to altercation among greedy motorists. They want to get more than what is provided by going against the flow of traffic or by overtaking the long queue of vehicles as they come to a standstill. This greed sometimes results to violence, and worse, death.

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Sooooooo angry at myself!!!

Just what in the world is wrong with me??? “If God be for me, WHO can be against me?”

I gotta stop letting the enemy reap havoc in my life, and I go curl up under bushes, with my tail tucked… Whimpering and subdued… I’m a child of God, an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus!!!

God has placed tooooooo much in me for me to keep shutting down on His work!!!

My deepest apologies to everyone who has been willing to back me on His endeavor. But, watched me inadvertently sink into that ridiculous nearly two week depression phase… I’m just grateful that God knows me through and through; enough to know that I wasn’t arbitrarily saying no I won’t do it, because other secular issues and/or opportunities took premise.

But rather He saw the distractions the adversary created for me, to veer me off course, and He had to send the right people along to pull me back. I’d like to thank each one of you for continuing to message me, in spite of my silence, during my trying time… That is nobody but God, to keep you steadfast, amidst my craziness… Thanks, thanx… Then thanx one more again!!!

Everybody… Alone No More is about to take off… Hurting individuals will have the love, compassion, attention, affection, care, concern, time, and anything else they need!!! God purposely saved me from twelve obnoxious suicide attempts, and I suffer from Nooooooo brain damage at all… Actually, I’m ridiculously intelligent… Which shows He’s ever so present in my life. Therefore, onward I go… In His service!!!

I’m BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK 🙂 🙂 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

What’s next???????

I’m sooooooo numb, but not suicidal!!! I’m waiting to see just what God is going to do in the upcoming seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years. I’m simply standing on His promises.

My mother’s day ended horrific, and I blame my actions on my inability to refrain from alcohol. I have this misconception that I can’t be friendly and fun unless I’m under the influence… Totally inaccurate!!!

Two days have passed, and I just apologized, but I wasn’t even the initial aggressor. Nonetheless, if I expect anything from God, I gotta ALWAYS be the bigger person, and it don’t seem fair at all… However, obedience is deftly better than sacrifice.

Besides all that, I need a focal point for my life or I run the risk of repetitive altercations. I need some substance, and I know it’ll start once I get wholeheartedly connected with a devout group of believers. But, the obstacles are surmountable and it’s driving me insane… Sort of like a catch 22… I have to work two jobs, in order to make ends meet. But, that impedes on my ability to get grounded and rooted the way I need to ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… SMH.

Actually, going to services would cause sleep deprivation, because of my chaotic hours at my full-time. Then, trying to do, on my own, in what spare time I force pans out under non beneficial, because in the same way, one cannot teach themselves academically, likewise I’m not able to fully grasp the Holy Word, and know what I should be doing alone.

I’m a runner by nature (when the going gets tough/rough I get going) and my life appears so pointless and inadequate in the DMV, and I feel as though I need new scenery and different opportunities!!! There’s sooooooo much inside me, both good and bad… But, I keep telling myself once I find a new spot and implement a new way of living, thinking and acting… All the overflowing good will absolutely outweigh the bad.

I get daily emails from Rick Warren and Joel Osteen, and lately I’ve been urged to find out exactly what it is that God has for me to do, and I have some ideas. But, I quickly dismiss them, because they all require time, money, energy, and/or support that I don’t possess. Low and behold, I refuse to give up, no more getting so frustrated that I result to taking my life, because I’m confused and angry!!! That’s simply the trick of the enemy.

I’m determined to wait on God… He’s got something BIG planned, and I gotta be ready for it. But, without the flare ups, at the least bit of disturbance in my life. Every day won’t be perfect, and problems WILL arise. So, I’ll stay away from liquor, which makes me react incorrectly, and keep a sober, Prayed up mind… That will allow me to go through chaos calmly, thus passing my test, and eventually moving on with God, in the realm of emotions necessary for the Blessings He had stored up for me and mine.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

R.I.P. Paulette “Passion” Williams-Murphy

Normally, this would be a time of sadness, mourning, grieving, and a lot of tears being shed. On the contrary, I’ll tell you firsthand… Let any tears that flow be ones of JOY, for this is a glorious time for anyone who experiences this type of death (DYING TO SELF). Where you take on the John 3:3-7 type of death and burial, which totally denounces the flesh and all its wicked desires all together.

Believe me, I’m haaaappppyyyy as a Lark, for I know it’s all uphill from here… Nooooooo good thing will God withhold from me now, because I took the initiative to put Him first and at the forefront of my life, and teach me how to Walk in newness, and I’m excited to proclaim the effects of the Holy Spirit living within and controlling my everyday activities is purely evident.

Thursday, I went to the nail salon, for beautification purposes, and my eldest daughter later joined me, and it was amazing to her how good I was doing upon her arrival and the farewell before leaving… Her jaws dropped, and she just had to say something, which made me even happier about my transformation… Her words were  “wow, I can’t believe what I just saw, maaaaannnnnnn you’re doing good lately, you’ve really changed”!!! That’s how it should be, I don’t have to run around hollering (I’m a Christian)… No indeed, it should be apparent, when people watch you, that God is working out your Salvation, and removing EVERYTHING that could ever inadvertently hinder your Walk.

See, she was use to me coming home with stories about me cursing an artist out, boutta fight somebody, or totally getting banned from the establishment… ” NO MORE “ all those negative attributes, characteristics, and ill personalities are finished… Just like Jesus himself declared as He took His last breath!!!

Ain’t Nooooooo stopping me now. Long lines in grocery stores can’t get me upset, hideous traffic no longer upsets me, people backbiting and gossiping about me can’t get me to respond… That old person, with all those chaotic ways is DDDDEEEEAAAADDDD!!!

Grace is not an excuse to sin… Instead, it’s the POWER of the Holy Spirit, WHO helps you not to!!!

Just because we have Grace available to cover us, when we accidentally mess up, that don’t mean that we should arbitrarily do wrong. Yes, God is merciful and He’ll forgive us each time we fall short, but Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee believe punishment is adamant.

If you’re living in an adulterous relationship, know that you’re playing with fire and take a stand today to get out of it. You’re playing with God and straddling the fence, and before long He’ll release you over to the enemy, and allow him to consume you.

You may be committing a sin, and thinking it’s partly Ok, because it’s your only way to make ends meet (prostituting, selling drugs, embezzlement, etc.) STOP!!! God has your back, and I know that’s easier said than done, especially since I can’t say I know what you’re experiencing… No I can’t, in that aspect. But, I’ve been in predicaments where I had to totally Trust God and He deftly came through for me.

I had four babies with Nooooooo food to feed them, and God sent a lady shopping for us and she arrived at our home with her trunk and back seat full of enough food to last us at least two months… So, I can bear witness/attest to His remarkable capabilities.

God knows all our needs, but we still have to Pray to Him for the help we need. Going back to the affair, if it’s been years, I can only imagine how hard it’ll be to sever all ties with the one person you love most… Do it, without thinking twice, and watch God show up and show out for you. The person He’ll send will be ten times better, and most important, they’ll be yours 🙂

Before we were even formed in our mother’s womb, God already had a map laid, allotting exactly how He wanted the course to go, of course it’d be wonderful if we had a copy of the plans, and could walk it out, then we more than likely wouldn’t veer. On the other hand, it is what it is, we have to patiently wait on God to give us bits and pieces, and we simply have to Trust Him to make no mistakes. In the interim, we get into all kinds of craziness, trynna rush into success, happiness, prosperity or wealth… Whatever the case, it’s not part of God’s blueprint and must go, in order for us to ever have the pleasure of enjoying the goods He has in store for us.

Each morning, die to self and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and watch how much better your day unfolds. For those settling for illicit money making schemes, I know it sounds ludacris that you should walk away from the only thing that’s been feeding your family for all these years… But, you must put all your Faith in God, that He’ll make ways for you, when it looks like there’s no way. That’s when it’s gonna be amazing and He’ll get the most gratitude, and He loves every bit of that… When you’re able to testify on how you went cold turkey, Trusting Him fully, and He not only came through, but He went beyond your expectations. God is Marvelous, Miraculous, Rich, Compassionate, Affectionate and Powerful.

Once He sees us putting forth an effort… That’s His invitation to jump in and the rest is history. Therefore, do what’s Godly right to do, and utilize Grace appropriately 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da APPLE don’t fall far from Da TREE

Proverbs 22:6
6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Starting October 26, 1993, following this charge was imperative in my life, and I set out to do just that… In fact my children say they couldn’t wait to get grown, so I couldn’t FORCE them to go to Church any longer. I mean we attended service EVERY time the doors opened, I may have over did it! But, that was because of my lifestyle before transformation, and my believing that we needed extra cleansing, in order to be RIGHT with God. Nonetheless, the Word never lied, because my babies know the goodness of God, and He’s Who they depend on in the time of troubles. To add, they have dignity and integrity, due to the long hours we spent with God. Therefore, it panned out to be worth it :-). Now, let’s meet my clan… I just love these little critters 🙂

My oldest: Kia D. Johnson

kia red

We call her the “Grandma” of the family, because she has an old soul lol. She’s married to her Junior High school sweetheart, and they have three wonderful babies. On Kia’s wedding day, I dedicated a marvelous song to her, and she and I danced together to it… We had a great time in the Lord.

It’s been crazy throughout Kia’s life, we use to think we were twins somehow… because if I got sick, within days she’d come down with the same sickness. If I got a scratch or scar, before long she’d have the same one in the same place… weird but amazingly cute and sentimental. Kia’s personality is unimaginable, I’ve always told her no matter how much the enemy tries to get you to change, by making you think you humble ways allows people to walk all over you… never change, because God made you the way you are, and many people would die to be that way, you merely have the Fruits of God’s Spirit operating inside… Be Thankful!

Me and Kia have worked together at several different companies, to include our current positions with the USPS, where we’ve been employed for nearly three years. God is AWESOME 🙂 🙂 🙂

Here’s Kia’s oldest Bryius, we’re believing God that he’ll play either professional football or basketball. He’s humongous, but in a good way – He has the height to dunk the ball, and the weight to tackle on defense… God makes NO mistakes!!!

drama

I love this kid to pieces, always giving of himself to help others, just like his Mommy… Keep up the GOOD work Drama, Nana sees all! Here is Kia’s second oldest Bry’kuise, we’re believing God that we’ll see him on the big screens. He’s so talented, and has been doing skits and mimicking movie scenes for years now… his day is coming real soon… Thank You Daddy in advance 🙂

dank

Remember this lil handsome face, because you’ll definitely see it again… Nana’s Child Prodigy. Lastly, we have Kia’s only girl, who she Prayed for and wanted so bad… Here’s Blessed

diva

Too early to know what God has in store for her, but I know it’ll be WONDERFUL… Because He wouldn’t have it no other way. He never desires for us to live in lack and a mediocre life.

Next, meet my only son Vincent who built a entertainment business from the ground up, and he works full time as a manager at a lucrative bread company… Vincent was Blessed with optimum rap skills, and has already put out one mix tape… He always makes Mama proud. He has two biological children and one step son. Here’s Vincent

son son

Look for him, performing, in your city in the upcoming months. Very creative lyricist, with 10k fans all across the country… Keep going baby, take us to the top!!! Vincent’s oldest is a beautiful little girl, who the enemy is keeping from us at the moment. But, Prayer changes everything! So, even that situation will eventually unfold in our favor. Meet Najea

najae

I love you baby girl… People use to think she was my daughter, she looks so much like me… In due time you’ll be back with us if I faint not, and keep doing right by God. Here’s Tonio, Vincent’s son through common-law marriage

tonio

This young man has been with us since the age of two, and we love and accept him just like the rest. Last for Vincent is his twin baby boy fatty

fatty

He too will play some type of sports professionally, his body structure says football, and just know we’re totally behind you baby boy… go for it! Your sky has no limits 🙂

Next, meet my Mini-Me,

mia

everybody says she not only looks just like the younger me, but she has all my personality traits as well. She too followed in my footsteps career wise and is currently employed at USPS. And there’s something else special about this young lady, she gave us the first set of twins in three generations… blew my mind when I heard they were coming, and it’s been astonishing watching them thus far… Twins are unique, the way they interact with each other and the world, and these boys are tricking us already and they’re only two… If you ask them their names, they switch up on you… so cute :-). Thank God they’re fraternal or we’d be in trouble lol! But, here’s Mia’s first girl Zai’kiyah

ky

This is the Mommy of the younger ones, she gives all the orders, and really knows how to apply make up too lol. Next , we got Zai’Riyah

ry

You can tell by the pic, she got personality… But, believe it or not, she’s quiet and shy. Now, the grand finale for Mia is the infamous twins… meet Marvin & Malone

twins

these babies are a MUST see… so much different than my children and my other grandchildren… they were truly cut from a different cloth SMH 🙂

The last of the Mohicans is my baby girl Anthonya,

noodles

I’m so proud of her, she successfully finished her training course, in Nursing Assistance and went on to get state certified, and is employed at Howard University Hospital and has one little girl Ms. Xoe

xoe

.

Family is my number one priority, and seeing to it that we all live right is a must!!! I’m a stickler for Prayer, and having a concrete relationship with God, and I do my best to make sure my children instill nothing but the best in their children… for they are our futures.

From PITIFUL to POWERFUL

Pitiful: Sad, Miserable, Insufficient, Pathetic, Poor, Meager & Trifling

“NO MORE” I’m in CONTROL, with the HELP of Christ, in determining the course of my life, and I decide that the above words DONOT define me!!! I have set my standards and expectations high, and will move on towards my destiny in newness. I decree and declare that I won’t be a slave any longer to the sins that use to have me bound. Instead, each day I’ll surrender my ALL to God, and allow Him free reign in my life.

Before this, I had to drink every day, just to be able to be sociable, if not I was irritated and angry. Not, knowing that I was actually doing myself an injustice, because the temporary fix was doing nothing but damaging my organs, while appearing to keep me happy. Any mind-altering substance that we take pleasure in, and allow the enemy to trick us with, only separates us from God. True, we live by Grace, and Thank God for that! Nonetheless, we are responsible for our actions, and willfully sinning definitely warrants repercussions and punishment. Several of my friends and love ones today are suffering from or have died from cirrhosis of the liver, which is a direct derivative of chronic alcoholism… Lord I Thank You for deliverance 🙂

Powerful: Strong, Sturdy, Robust, Solid, Influential, Dominant, Compelling, Convincing & Persuasive 🙂

Nooooooooooo Stopping me now… I move through life these days with assurance, never PROUD though! I will never lose my humbleness, because I know God can snatch it all in a blink of an eye. And it’s never been me to make anyone feel inferior, and besides, God is no respecter of person… What He’s done for me, He’ll definitely do for the next. That’s why my Prayers aren’t self-seeking. Rather I Pray for EVERYONE to be Blessed, Successful and Happy.

God’s Word states: For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

With that ^^^^^^ in mind, I keep in mind ALL the good things that I want to occur for me and mine, and Thank God in advance for them, in Faith, that they’re coming in His time. I look at it like this… The Blessings God has for us are humongous, and we have to be ready for them, that’s why the cleaning/purging process had to take place in my life, and once He feels that I’ll be a good steward over what He gives me… I’ll soar 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m getting CLOSE, no doubt… I can feel and see prosperity all around me each day… and like always; Daddy, I Thank You for all You’ve done, doing now, and gonna do for us all… Have YOUR way in our lives… And much appreciation and GRATITUDE sent Your way merely for Who YOU are… Love You to pieces 🙂

H.U.T. (HOLDING US TOGETHA)

This here acronym is well known to my babies, and has derived to be an uh oh moment for them. But, I don’t like that one bit, and it MUST change!!!

H.U.T. initially evolved because I wasn’t HAPPY about the fact that my children had matured into adults and were pursuing their own lives, and I didn’t get to see them as often as I wanted to, and I surprisingly was MISSING all (11) of my grandchildren. Well, to be quite honest, things haven’t improved at ALL since the plan of action was supposedly set in motion… But, that’s the reason for this post 🙂 🙂 🙂

FAMILY is Ohhhhh Soooooo important to me, and I struggle with the fact that my siblings and I aren’t as close as desired, which MEANS I look even more for my IMMEDIATE family to fill the void… then, I don’t have girlfriends that I spend quality time with. So, I long for ATTENTION from my babies. Purposely, so that I don’t become a burden to them, I ONLY require that we ALL get TOGETHER once a month… Now, of course WHEN God Blesses US with MORE time TOGETHER that’s a plus.

There’s nothing like seeing my babies smiling and laughing WITH one another, while WE reminisce about old times. The uh oh moment I referred to earlier is regarding the ZERO tolerance rule that’s been in affect since each child broke through the womb… my babies are NOT allowed altercations and grudges… NO way shape, form or fashion will I EVER stand for that. As children, when sibling rivalry reared its ugly head, they had to stand in the middle of the floor hugging for hours, if NEED be, unless they quickly resolved their spat.

The ELEVEN I mentioned are growing daily, and doing new exciting things on the regular… I MUST be a part of ALL that. Noooooooooo longer am I settling for mobile phone videos and pics… H E double hockey sticks NO… I want to see those special moments in the flesh 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

God is AWESOME, this morning HE had me write my sister and ask her to help me formulate a FAMILY reunion. Now, that’ll suffice the entire FAMILY coming TOGETHER… But, won’t replace my expectations for FAMILY orientation amongst my clan… sorry, but you won’t get off that easy!!!

The entire summer, ALL I did was cringe EVERY time I opened Facebook, because families, that WE have known for years, was doing da mug… turnt up – TOGETHER, like they were suppose to be… I’m talking bout endless pics, representing the fun and happiness they were experiencing… Noooooooooo MORE, from this day forward, my babies BETTER get ready, cause it’s on and popping… EVERY month WE will be hooking up, the whole lineage -TOGETHER doing sum big… I won’t have it NO other way.

Shoot, my grandchildren WILL know, by mimicking US, how to interact with each other once they make their own families… I WANT them to be able to say… “Man, ALL I remember was my Nana made ALL us get TOGETHER monthly and do something fun, and I really appreciated OUR time together… Soooooo, I’m implementing the same course of action for me and mine”

“Train up a child in the way they should go, and WHEN they’re older, they won’t depart from it” Reciprocation and repetition is essential for growing babies… they witness reciprocated love and happiness amongst the adults in their atmosphere and environment… As they reach adulthood they’ll carry on in the same manner. Also, if the outings and togetherness is repetitious, they’ll see that interactions with FAMILY MEMBERS has to be numero uno.

Love you ALL, let Jesus teach you how to KEEP your FAMILY close 🙂 🙂 🙂

Jesus saves!!!