148 Days… Nothing beats a failure but a TRY πŸ˜πŸ’―πŸ₯°πŸ’‹πŸ˜˜

Today has been very productive, and I gotta thank all who’ve been Praying for and with me for almost a week now, since I began this unwarranted countdown, and most certainly I thank You Daddy, for hearing our Prayers, and slowly but surely bringing me out of the sunken place, that had me bound… Yes, I can refer to it in the past tense, because I’m believing God for a total miraculous breakthrough, to the point where, even the lingering ideation disappears for good!!! I claim it, believe it, and so SHALL receive it.

All the good things that happen for me today, reassures me, that there’s definitely POWER in Prayer; especially Prayer in numbers. I started to have some cigarette withdrawal jitters earlier, and was about to give in to the cravings, and rush out to buy a fresh pack, but God said… Ohhhhh no you won’t, and He reminded me of my nicotine transdermal patches, that were just stored up for this type of emergency 🀩 #ThankYou Jesus, You’re the BEST πŸ₯°… I did awesome in my workout sessions for today, I noticed that I was able to push myself further than before #Hallelujah πŸ’–… Pandora was on fire πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯ earlier, once Bacc Seat came on, my lil legs was getting it lol πŸ˜‚… I had to slow myself down, so I wouldn’t gas out so fast πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«πŸ˜©πŸ€ͺ

I stopped for a while, and baked myself some fish, covered in sautΓ©ed onions, butter and lemon juice πŸ‘Œ, with some sweet corn on the side, and some good ole kool-aid, then I was back to the races… I started with Body, thank God it’s slow paced, cause I was stuffed and sluggish… So, I took my time in the beginning, but before I knew it Ballin came on, and once again my legs was going so fast, I most certainly could’ve beat the greatest marathon runner of all times lol πŸ˜‚ lls 🀣… I’m just so ecstatic that my mood has improved significantly… God knows how grateful I am to each of you, who have supported me; some of you, for many many years, have been here since I created this site, and was going through all types of turmoil, you never left me, and always sent me great words of encouragement, and I appreciate it, really I do 😘

Today, when I realized how happy I was, of course I thanked God, for even giving me the presence of mind, to get back on my site and reach out for help. Just imagine, had I missed Him leading and guiding me, I wouldn’t be moving in the right direction, towards healing, and just may have gotten so frustrated, that I could have acted on my suicidal thoughts sooner than I planned smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… But, God makes nooooo mistakes 😜… Also, while pondering on my blissful feelings, I thought about my future, and the things that I need to began to work towards, in order for me to have a long lasting span of happiness, and I remembered my Pastor always said that we should Pray specifically, not merely trivial. So, I mustered up the courage, to ask God for a handsome, God fearing, intelligent man, who don’t cheat, don’t hit women, loves to travel, loves children (I have 14 grandchildren and 1 great grand), loving my babies just like I do is a MUST πŸ₯°… I’m retired, but I want to be either a radio personality, social media influencer or start a record label, music is my life, not to mention all the talent in my family. But, I want my mate to be like minded, and desire one or all of the things I’m interested in, not to be selfish, as if everything has to revolve around me and my wants… Absolutely not!!! Just compatible and able to work together on our endeavors as a team. “Team work makes the dream work”

Welp, it’s time to relax and this is when I get bored and the racing thoughts began to drive me nuts grrrhhhh 😩… I’m scared to make and take my famous OTC cocktail, after it gave me the night terrors, that I experienced the other night shewww lawd… That was scccaaarrryyy πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€. But, I honestly think until I find an online support group, I’ll have to keep self medicating, in an effort to rid myself of mental torment. BTW, if any of you know of a site, that posts about good movies, please fly me in… “Put me in the game coach” lol πŸ˜‚… As always, I love you guys to the moon and back and once again thank you so freekin much ttyl πŸ’£πŸ’–πŸ€©

#PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #shootahdcpassion #CertifiedSTEPPAH #putemonnashirt4Passion #pluckemoff4passion #pressemout4passion

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Can’t sleep 😩

So frustrated smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ … Then to add insult to injury… There’s nuttin to watch on TV. Imma basket case, this has gotta stop dammit 😀

This insomnia is starting to affect the way I look, which has a detrimental impact on my ideation… Gotta pull myself together, but I’m clueless about the anecdote or remedy needed #notincontrol #outtacontrol #outofcontrol #desperate #please

#shootahdcpassion #CertifiedSTEPPAH #putemonnashirt4Passion #pluckemoff4passion #pressemout4passion

152 Days… Jesus take the wheel πŸ˜©

Today I’m so down in the dumps. I honestly thought I was over actual suicide attempts smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ. Yes, I constantly suffer with ideation, but things feel different lately. Family is so busy, with their own affairs, which I respect; don’t get me wrong. However this right here –>> Family member desperately crying out for help Should have never happen.

Continue reading “152 Days… Jesus take the wheel πŸ˜©”

From March 30, 2014

Before walking in to work, I was vexed in my spirit because the word “capsize” continued to maneuver through my brain. Instantly, I looked the word up, to obtain a better understanding of what, if anything, God was trynna show me, but the definition was disheartening and scary; so I prayed for EVERYONE then posted my Lil warning… Nonetheless, I still didn’t feel the settling within that I expected or shall I say like what normally occurs following intercession… That comfort that overcomes me, reassuring me that all is well. However, I proceeded on, setting up my work station, entrusting all to my Father… Then, a small still voice spoke “your life” I’m like huh??? Again, He reiterated “YOUR LIFE, and went on to express to me that my life is getting ready to flip for the better… Everything about me has to and will change… Not as time passes on… Ohhhhh no my dear, you don’t have that type of time… You have known about your calling since 1993 but never hearkened… No, I won’t force Myself upon you, for I’m a gentleman at best. But, know that I have work for you to do and it’s NOT optional”!!!

On any other day, this experience would have scared me outta my wits… But, God is a God of order, and disarray fits no where in His schema… Therefore, His omniscient powers already for seen this turn of events, and He had me prepared… For the past three days, there’s been no Drake, Sevyn Streeter nor Lil Wayne bumping through my Bluetooth, instead, I’ve been eating good from none other than Bishop T.D. Jakes, and his messages have all been flowing in the direction God needed me to trod.

Even writing about it now I can feel God’s presence and His fresh anointing is ever so near and comforting… I love You Daddy, and I thank You for Your patience, grace and mercy that’s always shown evident in my life… Even down to the generation that my grand babies are living out now… You talking bout AWESOME; there’s absolutely NONE like You, and most definitely, I say yes to Your will and way for our lives… All 16 of us… To include (My four and their eleven) πŸ’“

Nothing beats insolvency but a TRY!!!

Because I love YOU

Grant it, we all goΒ “THROUGH” rough times, and understandably so, considering our Father own the cattle on a thousand hills!!! The devil BIG mad or little mad??? Without a shadow of doubt, know that He’s got the WHOLE world in His hands, and it ain’t but so much lucifer can do to us and keep us ostracized, bound, sad, hurt ad plenty more other bouts of emotions his wicked curve balls attempt to invoke once twirled.

The emphasis put on through shows that there’s a pot of gold at the end of EVERY RAINBOW, we just gotta remain steadfast and keep right on PUSHING… Love yall to pieces… Stay Encouraged and Prayed Up πŸ™‚

Things are looking UP for me, and that covers a multitude of the previous bad… Hallelujah!!!

The pic is Carrot Top, my son’s fiance’s son. He’s been in the family for eleven years, and he’s loved and accepted just as my biological grand babies.

Forgive me for it being sooooooo low, I was sneaking and making this Vlog, at work in the break room. This is one of my early morning days SMH, having to get up and leave out while it’s still dark. But, I will not complain, because going in like that guarantees me eight hours… Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yoppington πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Gotta really get more serious about Church. The same way I didn’t miss school not one day, and wouldn’t dare EVER miss work, I can’t be lenient about about the importance of seeking the face of God EVERY single time them doors open. I’m pressed to be at work to pay bills, by trivial things and make sure I’m up on the latest fashion, and I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about trynna obtain my degree, to the point where missing class was Neeeeeevvvveeerr an option… Sick, sleepy or half dead, it didn’t matter, I had a goal and I wouldn’t deviate. Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s OK to miiiiisssssssssss Church several times a month, even after I begged for Sundays off and finally got iiiiittttttttt… Where’s my loyalty to God??? ALL while I’m depending on Him to Bless me with 40 hrs a week at work, a home of my own and Salvation for my entire family. That’s simply me using God as a spare tire, only getting benefits out of Him when it’s in my favor. Not right at ALL, and must change immediately!!!

HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil and neither SEE no evil… Just BELIEVE!!!

The pic is my only son… He gave me my first granddaughter and she came out looking juuuuussssttttt like me… You talking about haaaappppyyyy!!! I was ecstatic πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I Neeeeeevvvveeerr wanted to have favorites, but my babbbbbbyyyyyyyy boy was some kinda special to me lol, and he felt the same about his Mom also. Whenever I had to grocery shop, go to school or work, he would cry sooooooo hard for hours, and hold his breath til he turned blue geeeesssssshhhhh.

“ConsiderΒ it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Just when I start doing good, my old fling, who broke EVERYTHING off with me wanna start contacting me again, buuuutttttt he’s clearly playing games SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. One minute we’re texting back to back. Then, all of a sudden it’s complete silence… I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster. Sooooooo I really prefer he refrain from bothering me EVER again in life… His unexplainable inconsistencies drives me up a wall, and only allows the devil an opportunity to play tricks on my mind… Like, Ohhhhh he had to stop texting because his girlfriend woke up and caught him. ALL of iiiiittttttttt is irritating… Just goooooooooooooooo, and leave me ALONE!!!

God is sooooooo good, I’m getting 32 hours this week, and I get to run Post 1 by myself again… That’s unexpected Blessings of elevation and gain at work. As I said before, the things they’re allowing me to do, I wasn’t even thinking about doing for probably nine to ten more years… Walking around with keys to Federal Government buildings… Woooooowwwwwwww πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I’m waaaaaayyyyyyy tooooooo Blessed to EVER be stressed!!!

I was upset yesterday, I won’t lie!!! Because it seems like bad stuff keep coming out the woodwork… I read the pamphlet that said MAX 90 days at the shelter, and that had me in my feelings off the break, but I dealt with it, rules are rules, and I just planned to cross that bridge when I came to it, and I depended on only having to request two extensions, which I thought were good for a period of thirty day’s. Come to find out, the maximum stay has been switched to sixty days, and the extensions, if granted are only for two week increments at a time SMH… That just blew me terribly!!!

Buuuuuutttttttt, today is FREE YOUR MIND FRRRRRIIIIDDDDDAAAAAYYYYY and just as I express to you guys… Nothing is to bombard or overwhelm you today!!! Therefore, this possible upcoming trouble is merely a figment of my imagination!!!

Guys, I can tell when I’m doing things right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He’ll just have people walk up and hand me sympathy cards with money in them… I’m so overjoyed and THANKFUL, immediately I Pray for BIG/HUGE Blessings to fall upon each of them and their entire families. Especially the one who helped me today, because she was just crying until her eyes was stop sign red over some personal issues she was having… And yet she unselfishly gave to me… Praise, Honor and Glory to my Daddy, because ultimately it’s ALL Him… They’re just vessels He’s using.