Strong Bonds That Hurt (((TEARS)))

My name is Paulette Williams, and I’m reaching out to you on the behalf of my family.  The entire family is dysfunctional for real and I’d like to see a change in that, but that’d take some time understandingly so. Therefore, my primary focus right about now is my immediate family, which consists of my four children and their eleven children.

As it stands, my two youngest daughter​s have severed ties with me after a family vacation this past week turned rather ugly, and hidden ill feelings reared its ugly head, causing complete chaos. No one​ actually became physical, but the end result was the police having to be called to mediate certain situations to the best of their abilities, but still upholding the law, with advice to each of us to seek out legal help for many unresolved financial issues.

A little history: Since the age of 15 I began raising my children alone, with absolutely no help from their fathers, all four different, which was something I was always shameful about and another thing I constantly discouraged for my three daughters. I repetitively used my many mistakes as points of reference for the way I did not want them to follow, seeing as though my adolescent and beginning adult years was filled with several arrests, alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, suicide attempts, multiple marriages and reconstructive surgeries, that came about because of my ways, attitude, disposition, actions and crazy reactions.

After my last jail stay, I took a good look at these new little faces joining our lineage (MY gorgeous grandbabies), and I vowed to myself to be a BETTER mother and grandmother (The expected Echelon/Matriarch) that I should’ve been from start. I took the initiative to go back to college and I finally received my certificate in Medical Assistance and I secured a prominent position for a wonderful OB/GYN and together we successfully ran both her offices at two of the best hospitals in Washington, DC, and this was my way of life and something positive being modeled in front of them for some time, until I came down with Sciatica and had to have emergency surgery, which inadvertently landed me on disability. In the interim I continued to profess my Faith in God and they too followed my lead, and I’m ever so thankful for that, because it kept my family strong and bonded.

Before long, SSI help became inadequate, as the cost of living increased from year to year. So, I obtained a Ticket to Work, and became gainfully employed by the United States Postal Service, where all three of my daughters followed my lead, but eventually resigned unadvisable, and it seems like things have been rough for all of us since then.

Speed forward: Due to all the time I wasted either from being incarcerated, in mental institutions, totally drunk or high, away from my babies I never was able to do anything nice for them. So, I bought us a timeshare, that we all could utilize either individually or as a family, and I own the eleventh week of each year, which happens to always fall in my second daughter’s birthday month, and it worked out perfect for the first year of her going down with her friends and family and my request was merely that the rest of us join sometime throughout the course of that week for a family gathering. I was ecstatic to give her this yearly gift, because she was one of my children who claimed to feel that she was the black sheep, and overlooked by me. Although I didn’t see this, I will attest to one thing. If it’s true that she’s been made to feel that way, in actuality it’s all deserving, seeing as she’s the one of my children that has always been outlandish and blatantly disrespectful to me and anyone else that tries to speak logic, rules, reality and constructive criticism to her.

Nonetheless, March 12, 2017 thru March 19, 2017 should’ve been a happy moment for our Lil family, but it was everything but that; it turned out to be a complete nightmare, with my baby daughter not even showing up, but sent her only daughter to me half packed, hair not done and in my opinion not properly fed, all for the sake of chasing a man who tried to kill her in her apartment bedroom, while her toddler baby lay asleep on the bed just steps away from the gunfire, not to mention he kidnapped her baby, torturing her by repetitively threatening that he was gonna kill her Mommy SMH. There was a stay away order in place between them, that my daughter illegally allowed him to break, by willingly letting him come back around her and her daughter, not even considering the fact that this man still indulges in illicit drugs and drinks regularly, which can cause him to snap again. Had me and my husband not been present to help her and the baby out of the unfortunate predicament, my thoughts are that they’d both probably be dead. Her reasons for “cutting me off” is because of my threats, (out of frustration), to report her to Child Protection, in an effort to forcefully get my granddaughter out of harm’s way. Perhaps I did appear to be mean by saying that, but I felt I was left with no other option, seeing as she’s 23 and totally disregarded my motherly advice to never see him again or at least not allow him anywhere around the baby. I had gotten her a rental car, because she now lives in Tennessee, and needed a better source of highway transportation to come to and from DC for visits. So, I thought about punishments that I use to implement when they were younger that worked and taking things from them that they really liked always got their attention, and brought about immediate change. So, I snatched the keys to the rental car, Praying that’d make her see how serious I was about her leaving that toxic man alone, but it caused her to hate me instead, and I come to find out that was because she no longer had her car, that’s been parked for five months, while she enjoyed the luxuries of the rentals, to resort to, because the prohibited man, during one of his many nights of rage flattened all four of her tires, and it’s gonna cost nearly $800 to get someone to professionally come to the car and remove each tire, change it from the rim, and reinstall them.

It would appear that she’d see all the things that this man has done to negatively impact her life and leave him on her own, but she turns the blind eye and deaf ears obviously. She has a permanent huge chunk missing from her abdomen, from where he bit her and ripped flesh away. On many occasions she has to be stuck for weeks leading into months with no phone, because he destroys them. After the mishap with her Post Office job, she went to school and was overjoyed at the fact that she secured her CNA license. After the shooting in her home and the terrible attack she endured, she had to be put on major medications to help get rid of flashbacks and nightmares, but she kept falling asleep while on patient watch, now once again she’s left jobless. I stressed to her to please see the culprit for all her downfalls to be this man, and do the right thing and separate herself from him at once. Lastly, about this particular daughter; I would hate for any before and after pics to be shown of her, with the comparison timeline being since the day she hooked up with him to present. It’d bring tears to your eyes, just as it does me being her mother and having to watch my babygirl self destruct; only because she’s reached the age of appropriation, and no longer has to abide by my rules. It crushes my heart to see how frail my child is now, face all sunken in, and her baby looks even worse, but every time I feel it’s my duty to get officials involved my two eldest children and other friends and family members say I’ll be doing the baby an injustice. Please help!!!

To add, back to the daughter I spoke about earlier, the one that felt a bit slighted by me years ago and still does now I’m sure, after this weeks horrible vacation. From a child all the way through to where we are today, she’s always been a very mean, rude, disloyal and obnoxious young lady, not only to me, but also to strangers, extended family and her own siblings, and she knows and apparently adores this about herself, even to the point that her nickname “Rudiist Bitch” was coined after her crudeness, something I hate with a passion and always tried to help her lose sight of to no avail.

But, the night things got blown out of proportion concerning my baby daughter, I made a statement that caused friction to transpire between us two, and I regret it, because she was actually trying to help me figure out a course of action for her younger sister. My oldest daughter asked a question about how I intended to handle the fact that I’d never be able to see or talk to my baby daughter and her child again, and my stupid reply was that I’d just start treating her as I had been doing my middle daughter “feeding her with a long handled spoon“. Instantly, my middle daughter went off, it was like a domino effect the entire night, even spilling over to my oldest daughter and my only son, who wasn’t even present. Certainly it was misplaced anger, that was definitely geared towards my baby daughter for how she left my granddaughter outside in the cold, to wait for her sister to bring her to me, while she rushed away back to this evil man she’s connected with, something she never would have done before meeting him.

But, my reasons for starting to deal with my middle daughter that way is because she was and still is involved in a way worse domestic violence relationship and she has four small babies who cringe at the sound of any raised voices, even if it’s in excitement during a sports game or we’re watching a boxing match. Her lip is disfigured and she has all types of permanent slits and cuts, that’s been stitched up from her crazed maniac. It’s nothing to walk in her home and find blood splatter everywhere and all the furniture flipped and broke. But, she never would adhere to my begging her to leave the unhealthy relationship, and even went a step further to simply tell me to mind my business, and just like with my baby daughter, I was encouraged not to contact the police, because the children may get the bitter end of the stick in the end. So, I just made up in my mind to stay away from them as much as possible. To her, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, since she said she’d been trying to put a finger on why I’d been so distant. She decided if that was my initial thought pattern, let’s make it all the way official and indefinite. Not once did she consider the fact that I’m her mother and could NOT bare to see her face always bloody or her neck with deep scratches, knowing a young punk ass nigga was abusing her, and I was powerless to help.

As for my oldest daughter, even though she got dragged into it, she has never lost her ability to withhold verbal disrespect. So, she just disregarded the things that was brought up about her and continued to try to fix things happening with her two sisters. I will say this though about my oldest daughter, the two younger ones may be more verbally overbearing, but she and I have had three real bad fist fights, that left my pinky on my right hand deformed and she has put me out of her home, where I was helping with bills, to sleep on the streets four times. I’ll never EVER trust her in that aspect again. Usually three’s a charm. But, I got hurt for the fourth time believing in tainted family values. But, for the most part as long as I don’t have to depend on my oldest daughter for living arrangements we’re pretty cool. My son on the other hand is now and always has been very weird and disconnected from ALL of us girls, and to be honest it could very well be for all the right reasons. Too much Drama at every event. But, then too if that is the case, instead of standing on the outside looking in, maybe it’d behoove him to intervene and help us females iron out the many differences​ for the sake of the eleven babies coming behind us, which is my imperative reason for reaching out to you. Again I reiterate… Please help!!! Thanking you in advance​.

God is AWESOME… Finally a place to call home!!!

I’m absolutely speechless and now the tears that part my eyes are TEARS of pure joy!!!

Two+ agonizing years from car to temporary stays and barely eating… SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. It’s over now!!! Just something I had to endure temporarily.

*** In need of donations though, to build my new home from scratch… https://www.gofundme.com/rsze8dgk

ANYTHING you can do is most appreciated. No amount is too small. Thanx guys 🙂

In need of HELP

Hello,

My name is Paulette Williams and I work daily for USPS and have my own means of transportation. However, as of May 31, 2016 my husband and I will need a place to stay. I can’t afford much, but I’m willing to pay our way. We will take a basement, single room, RV, or even a shed.

OLD to me… NEW for you!!!

Noooooo sleep crew… check-in!!! WYA & WYD??? is a little slogan I add to my Facebook timeline every time  I’m up for no unlikely reason, with seemingly nuttin to do… WRONG!!! God’s not dead. Therefore, it’s always sum’n to do, as long as all the craziness is going on in the world all around me. That’s when Praying in the Spirit becomes imperative.

I find myself angry a lot because my rental unit, that God Blessed me with is even further away from my family then the shelter was, and it appears I’m always lonely. But, that’s definitely a part of God’s Perfect Plan for my life. God knows exactly what He wants to do through me. But, I have to pure, open, humble and totally surrendered. READY to be that conduit that He can use.

Believe it or not… this video has nuttin to do with anything I just mentioned. It’s actually from 9/29/15, and never got uploaded because I was stupidly quitting again… But, I’mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Back!!!

It’s a FAMILY AFFAIR!!!

The pic is my only son’s baby son. He’s actually in the the Vlog, and he made sure to give a shout out to his Father for being a well known rapper from Washington DC… I thought that was sooooooo cute.

God is AWESOME, and actually got two of my three daughters to come to Church today and six of my grandchildren… I have not stopped smiling since they arrived.

My daughter had to finish off my hair, which turned out beautiful… and while she did I cooked up some good ole chicken that was mouth watering good… ALL the adults was licking their fingers and complementing me, and that just made my smilitis worse lol.

I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about the message God sent their way, because they were really captivated and listening. Therefore, I’m convinced that they’re not too far off from God’s Grace, and it won’t take much to reel them back in.

My son, in the other hand, will just have to come on his own, as God speaks to his heart. My daughter said don’t force him, because he’ll simply reject it more and more each time, to the point where he may start avoiding me altogether. But, Prayer changes things and God is ultimately in control and can get my son’s attention way far better than I EVER could… So, patiently I await!!!

Things are looking UP for me, and that covers a multitude of the previous bad… Hallelujah!!!

The pic is Carrot Top, my son’s fiance’s son. He’s been in the family for eleven years, and he’s loved and accepted just as my biological grand babies.

Forgive me for it being sooooooo low, I was sneaking and making this Vlog, at work in the break room. This is one of my early morning days SMH, having to get up and leave out while it’s still dark. But, I will not complain, because going in like that guarantees me eight hours… Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yoppington 🙂 🙂 🙂

Gotta really get more serious about Church. The same way I didn’t miss school not one day, and wouldn’t dare EVER miss work, I can’t be lenient about about the importance of seeking the face of God EVERY single time them doors open. I’m pressed to be at work to pay bills, by trivial things and make sure I’m up on the latest fashion, and I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about trynna obtain my degree, to the point where missing class was Neeeeeevvvveeerr an option… Sick, sleepy or half dead, it didn’t matter, I had a goal and I wouldn’t deviate. Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s OK to miiiiisssssssssss Church several times a month, even after I begged for Sundays off and finally got iiiiittttttttt… Where’s my loyalty to God??? ALL while I’m depending on Him to Bless me with 40 hrs a week at work, a home of my own and Salvation for my entire family. That’s simply me using God as a spare tire, only getting benefits out of Him when it’s in my favor. Not right at ALL, and must change immediately!!!

HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil and neither SEE no evil… Just BELIEVE!!!

The pic is my only son… He gave me my first granddaughter and she came out looking juuuuussssttttt like me… You talking about haaaappppyyyy!!! I was ecstatic 🙂 🙂 🙂 I Neeeeeevvvveeerr wanted to have favorites, but my babbbbbbyyyyyyyy boy was some kinda special to me lol, and he felt the same about his Mom also. Whenever I had to grocery shop, go to school or work, he would cry sooooooo hard for hours, and hold his breath til he turned blue geeeesssssshhhhh.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Just when I start doing good, my old fling, who broke EVERYTHING off with me wanna start contacting me again, buuuutttttt he’s clearly playing games SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. One minute we’re texting back to back. Then, all of a sudden it’s complete silence… I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster. Sooooooo I really prefer he refrain from bothering me EVER again in life… His unexplainable inconsistencies drives me up a wall, and only allows the devil an opportunity to play tricks on my mind… Like, Ohhhhh he had to stop texting because his girlfriend woke up and caught him. ALL of iiiiittttttttt is irritating… Just goooooooooooooooo, and leave me ALONE!!!

God is sooooooo good, I’m getting 32 hours this week, and I get to run Post 1 by myself again… That’s unexpected Blessings of elevation and gain at work. As I said before, the things they’re allowing me to do, I wasn’t even thinking about doing for probably nine to ten more years… Walking around with keys to Federal Government buildings… Woooooowwwwwwww 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m waaaaaayyyyyyy tooooooo Blessed to EVER be stressed!!!

I was upset yesterday, I won’t lie!!! Because it seems like bad stuff keep coming out the woodwork… I read the pamphlet that said MAX 90 days at the shelter, and that had me in my feelings off the break, but I dealt with it, rules are rules, and I just planned to cross that bridge when I came to it, and I depended on only having to request two extensions, which I thought were good for a period of thirty day’s. Come to find out, the maximum stay has been switched to sixty days, and the extensions, if granted are only for two week increments at a time SMH… That just blew me terribly!!!

Buuuuuutttttttt, today is FREE YOUR MIND FRRRRRIIIIDDDDDAAAAAYYYYY and just as I express to you guys… Nothing is to bombard or overwhelm you today!!! Therefore, this possible upcoming trouble is merely a figment of my imagination!!!

Guys, I can tell when I’m doing things right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He’ll just have people walk up and hand me sympathy cards with money in them… I’m so overjoyed and THANKFUL, immediately I Pray for BIG/HUGE Blessings to fall upon each of them and their entire families. Especially the one who helped me today, because she was just crying until her eyes was stop sign red over some personal issues she was having… And yet she unselfishly gave to me… Praise, Honor and Glory to my Daddy, because ultimately it’s ALL Him… They’re just vessels He’s using.

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience when you’re God’s CHOSEN!!!

The pic is my Lil midget granddaughter, who’s already four, but barely comes to her big brother’s knee caps lol… Her sooooooo itty bitty… When I was just up in DC, at my other granddaughter’s bday party, I was able to hold the Lil miniature size baby on my hip; comfortably for a few minutes, and I could’ve gone longer, but she wanted to run off and play… Understandably, I mean it is a child’s party… “Let me goooooooooooooooo Nana – I’m sure she was thinking.”

Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me for my sleepiness… Here lately I’ve been suffering with extreme Insomnia, and I’m scared to take Trazadone, because it gives me heart palpitations SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

The enemy’s fearful of us, because he knows we’re coming for him, full force, to take BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK EVERYTHING he’s EVER stole from us. Our children, who we took the time to rear up in the admiration, honor and respect of the Lord. But, the dumb devil has succeeded in dragging them far away from ALL the morals, potentials and values I instilled in them.

II am sooooooo haaaappppyyy about what God is doing through me on my job, He really placed me in a high position rather quickly, and I’m already doing things that it usually takes us about ten years to transition into… The only thing I’m looking for Him to do, employment wise, now is give me 40+ hours… That would do me good… All that overtime geeeesssssshhhhh 🙂 🙂 🙂

ALL is well… “No GOOD thing shall I withhold from those who walk uprightly”

Haaaaappppyyyy biiiirrrrtttthhhhddddaaaayyy Mini Me… Her turning the big 5 today. Her mother says she’s been long awaiting this day for some time now… I think it’s because her big sister was five for what seems like forever lol. Secret is though, she don’t realize she didn’t catch up with her; instead her sister left her in age again and turned six… Shhhhhh, don’t nobody tell her.

Well, I Neeeeeevvvveeerr did get a plate last night. But, God kept me anyways… Them cheese crackers did me wonders… yummy 🙂 🙂 🙂 That’s just God breaking me out of being so picky.

Today’s Scripture made me think of the Prodigal son, and how he was accepted back into his family without chaos… That’s how easily God receives us back after we stray, and that gives me hope, that He’s not angry with me when I fall short.

When you’re going through and having a bad day,  purposely seek out someone you can encourage. Lifting up others will lift your spirits as well.

I’m homeless and trusting in our Lord with ALL my heart, not leaning on my understanding – I’m acknowledging Him, and He’s directing my path!!!

The pic is my oldest daughter’s son… You met his older brother yesterday, and his Mom and baby sister are coming soon… This is the grandchild I told y’all should’ve been on Bill Cosby’s ” Kids say the darnedest things.” He’s so intellectual, observant and he articulates well above his age range.

Guys, I was so upset that I had to desperately make that post earlier asking for food SMH… I’m not rushing God, but I’ll be sooooooo glad for this to be over. I’m not use to begging like this geeeesssssshhhhh!!! I know it’s all to teach me to get rid of pride and be humble, but it’s terribly embarrassing.

Choose your words wisely… Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Speak your needs, wants and desires into existence in Faith.

Don’t look for a quick fix in your new sought out mate or profession… Instead allow God to provide for you. Our Daddy’s rich, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. If earthly celebrity and athlete father’s can successfully spoil their babies, just know that what God can and will give us surpasses all they could EVER imagine!!!

Say this when the devil’s trynna make you feel down in the dumps… “I’m too Blessed to be stressed and Ohhhhh sooooooo haaaappppyyyy that my God placed ALL my sins as far as the East is from the West 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m homeless, and guess what!!! It ain’t about me, but rather ALL about God.

In all that I’m going through, I’m allowing God to teach me humility. Who am I to walk around with a chip on my shoulders, acting as if nobody has a right to talk to me or give me direction, Nooooooo matter their status or lack thereof.

There’s certain ways about me that must change before I can expect to receive anything from God. He nor no one else owes me anything. So, this prideful attitude I attain has to go!!!

Then, the biggest problem is the fact that I act out towards people because of the things I’ve been told beforehand about them SMH, and I just nearly had the same thing happen to me at work, but God showed forth Mercy. I love it when God shows me things about me that He don’t like, because that proves I am in fact His… He chastens who He loves… Therefore Daddy clean me up, until I have the mindset that pleases You.

Here I am in need of sooooooo much, but I have the audacity to get smart with people, just because I feel like I don’t wanna be bothered, it ain’t right and won’t be tolerated, in the eyes of God… And anything that’s not fitting for Him cannot and will not be a part of my life either!!!

Change has to take place, not only because I need a home, more hours at work and debt clearing help. But, more so because I wanna be the devout woman of God He has called me to become and desires for me to be… Love You Daddy and thanx for leading, guiding and directing me… In Jesus name Amen 🙂 🙂 🙂

Optimism intensifies perseverance… I’m Homeless, but God’s got a plan!!!

Feeling better today, looking forward to my meeting with my case manager, and Praying with everything in me that she has GOOD news. There’s a new company overseeing the shelter I’m in, and they’re said to have a 98% turn around rate for housing placement… yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy 🙂 🙂 🙂

Being able to talk to a young lady last night really made me feel secure within, because she also suffered with mental illnesses, and could relate, on so many levels, to many of the things I’m going through. So, that helped deter my bitter feelings and crazed thoughts of suicide… Thank You Daddy.

In a nutshell, I MUST see the enemy in all my opposition, and realize that God’s bigger than any problem that could ever come my way!!! It may seem like my world is crumbling right before my eyes, but there’s actually good in that, because God can now work better with the pieces of me; rebuilding and remaking me into the proper image & person that replicates Jesus.

As for my job, so many other employees keep encouraging me that I’ll get an abundance of hours, because the holidays are right around the corner, and I shouldn’t in the least bit be worried… Therefore, That frustration and stress is out the window too!!!

I knew I’d be HAPPY today, the reflection of myself can be seen on the front of my phone while I’m conducting my presentations, and I was highly upset with the way all this craziness had me feeling and looking… Holding back tears, choking them up… Nope!!! I’m a KINGS kid… And no weapon formed  against me shall prosper 🙂 He’s in control of the hub agreement, and will see to it that I get the hours I need and more… Also, He’s gonna open up doors for me for housing that man can’t close nor block the way.

A sister in Christ said to me just yesterday, that her Prayer for me is that God Blesses me with so much that I have enough to share, and when I do, everyone who receives will see God’s fingerprints on every inch of it… That thing sent chills all through my body, and I felt a quickening in my Spirit, because that’s exactly what’s gonna happen… God is a God that cannot and will not lie!!! So, when His Word says He’ll do exceedingly abundant above all we can ever ask or think… He’s gotta stand by that!!! Sooooooooo, look to witness a Hallelujah shouting Praise report really soon 🙂 🙂 🙂

First day back… There’s a purpose for my homelessness, and God will get the Glory for my deliverance from it ALL!!!

 

I have the slightest idea why ALL of this is playing out the way it is. But, I’m determined to continue on with my Vloggling and blogging because I earnestly and honestly believe that God wants me to show my current bad predicament, and how He’s daily bringing me through and out on the other side.

One thing for sure though, and two things for certain… Once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s Nooooooo place else to go except UPWARDS, and that’s definitely in the making for me and for anyone else who’s experiencing the turmoil I am… Keep your Faith and remain encouraged… God won’t leave US nor forsake US.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/7/15 (DAY 19)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Woke up to car GONE… You talkin bout FURIOUS!!!

I lost the car“… Are you serious???

How your mates choice to indulge in illicit drugs creates unnecessary problems for the both of you.

Telling your grown children to live one way, but you settle for the things you’re trynna save them from… DOUBLE STANDARD

If you choose to put up with your mate… Don’t bagger them thereafter

Living with others is hard… Food issues arise, and everyone not buying household supplies… NOT FAIR

How my family is all of a sudden going through simultaneously SMH

My son’s up and coming rap career… My feelings about the uneasy content

How I want my children to get and keep my grandbabies before the face of God

How bad I want God to fall upon me on a daily basis… to help me serve Him correctly

We’re living in our last days… The signs are here… Get and/or keep yourself right in the eyes of God

My desires to be in full-time Ministry for the sake of my entire clan

Give God back His Word, He’s good to act on it, because He cannot and will not lie

Live a life of example in front of the youth around you, so that they’ll grow up successful

My husband trynna compare his wrongdoings with K2 to my old alcohol issues… Not the same!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/6/15 (DAY 18)

WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY continued…

Worked ONLY 2 1/2 – 3 hours SMH

Don’t EEEEVVVEEEERRRR fake sick… It’ll definitely come back to bite ya in the rumpelstiltskin

Enraged at how my (thought to be) good deed was so insignificant… gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Be careful dealing with banks, colleges, and I’ll go as far as to say that FAFSA is suspect.

Why am I still holding a FRAUDULENT check, nobody thought it to be serious enough to send anyone out… just horrible.

Day went left real quick… My manager went from 0 to 100 lol!!!

Get covered by the Union guys… They’re your safety net

Learn the rules about your rights to take off and leave work early multiple times in a specific time frame.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/4/15 (DAY 16)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Master RESET again??? What the heck is going on with my phone… Hackers or nah?

Hair FINALLY on #fleek

Hubby back home SMH… I never got a chance to put him out and thank God I didn’t, because he’s WORKING yyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

  • More money
  • Move quicker
  • No K2 smoked… Thank You Daddy.

Feeling awfully strange in my spirit… Sum just ain’t right. Can’t pinpoint it yet, but I’m feeling sum type of way 😦 😦 😦

Trust God to run your marriage… Breadwinners are NOT in control.

Prayers pay off, again I reiterate that!

Never fight against mandatory change

Do what God says no matter the cost

Personal ad (Possible Disaster)

Testimony may lead to Tricky Tracking #

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/3/15 (DAY 15)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Contradictory Vlog: Yesterday I stated we must love in spite of. Then, I turn right around and ditch my husband to sleep on the streets.

Ironically, I have every reason not to smile.

My daughter nearly died behind illicit drugs.

Misplaced anger towards my mother-in-law SMH.

The BREADWINNER can’t even get a decent meal???!!!

The effects of K2 on your marriage, family and life.

Get rid of your flesh, it destroys you and others you interact with.

Should you leave your spouse for indulging in drugs, simply because they’re irresponsibly still doing it, even after something bad has happened.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/2/15 (DAY 14)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Important for older children, who indulge in bad things, to have a cell phone for emergencies.

We must allow God to transform us to where we’re loving supernaturally… Not in the natural (HUMAN)

Generational curses MUST be broke

How God gave me favor while receiving beautification services

Take care of skin, feet and hair… Imperative for self-preservation

Don’t let the devil reap havoc in your relationship!!! Let God show you what’s really going on

Don’t plan how to be nice, that’s fake… Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to move through you

We are not to only love those who we’re comfortable with, but we gotta Pray about loving EVERYONE in spite of

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/1/15 (DAY 13)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

  • Let God control who you date, your marriage or already established relationship (NO FORNICATING)
  • Trust God to lead you down the right path as you plan and confirm your annual vacation.
    • You’re destined to get the BEST deals
    • Reassurance that any problems, should there be ANY will be minimal to NONE.
    • You’ll find new things to do to have fun, ATTRACTIONS and ACTIVITIES will come to you like never before
  • Career choices and continuum of education… He definitely knows, and I’ll guarantee you that your new sought out and obtained profession will be one that you’ll look forward to every day.Unlike many of us, who merely go for a paycheck. Your God geared job will be one sufficient enough to retire from and you won’t have to double up (Work 2 or more jobs simultaneously)  either, because the one income will be Heaven sent more than enough… You’ll be the lender and NEVER a borrower.

Got my eyes, feet and nails done up yaaaaaaaayyyyyyy, just waiting for my stylist to grocery shop, and my hair gon be on #fleek too!!! She always flicks her wrist 🙂 🙂 🙂

PLEASE subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow me on EVERY social network that we connect in… Thanking you in advance!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/31/15 (DAY 12)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Did not get my hair done 😦 😦 😦 Whole day went left!!!

No nail salon visit ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh… that’s ok, because I should be off tomorrow (fingers crossed)

Baby girl doin it up in the Dominican Republic… Finally enjoying her vacation away, after a few rough patches that God helped her through.

Still Noooooooooo sleep SMH, tonight gotta be the night no doubt!

Husband finally back after another brief break-up (Talkin to me rude and harsh) That’s a no no, and automatic deal breaker – ZERO tolerance for utter disrespect.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/30/15 (DAY 11)

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

Shooting in my daughter’s house (Close call SMH)

Her trip to the Dominican Republic

The 8 hours beautification process (Oh how HAPPY I’ll be afterwards)

HCYMABH… Back up and active.

Alone No More… Lying dormant, which is a GOOD thing, because nobody’s suicidal.

H.U.T. My desires for an immediate family (Annual Reunion) on a Yacht, even though I’m terribly scared of water.

TMOB – The Mouth Of Babez (New Ministry) For youth 21 and under, to learn the importance of having a relationship with God and the POWER in Prayer. Taking our children to church ain’t at all the gist of it. They MUST know what’s expected of them and all the BENEFITS within. More important, we don’t want them embarrassed or fearful to Pray to or interact with God.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/29/15 (DAY 10)

Today is WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY

A day where we hold to the fact that we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.

My 13 yrs. old grandson arrested for a gun in his book bag. Could have caused the officers to shoot him unnecessarily.

Me experiencing Insomnia due to my being manic… Driving to work with eyes barely open SMH.

“Many are called, but few are CHOSEN”!!! Me disrespecting a coworker, then feeling awful afterwards… Open repent.

We MUST change in order to please God.

The thorn in my flesh is there for a worthy purpose.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/28/15 (DAY 9)

 

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY initially intended for friends and family to discuss different sermons, scriptures or Godly topics that each came across on previous days, for the purposes of readying yourselves for Wednesday Bible Study, where you’ll Prayerfully be armed with plenty of questions.

However my day didn’t begin good, and I had to vent after a crying moment, because I was so upset with my children.

Please give your opinion about the situations I discussed.

Thank God I feel 100 % better now… God Bless each of you, and may Heaven continue to smile upon you and yours

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow me on every social network where we meet up, and I’ll surely do the same for you.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/27/15 (DAY 8)

Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This video is all messed up, but I uploaded it anyway, just to show how things can happen SMH. It was two parts. But, instantly one whole part… The beginning just got lost somewhere in cyber space lol. Nevertheless, the ending tells what my theory is on the shenanigans. BTW… Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY!!! With all the craziness going on with me lately, I can’t do nothing else but smile!!! Enjoy guys, in spite of the beginning being M.I.A.

Whaddayaknow, here’s the lost video… I knew it’d surface SMH

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/24/15 (DAY 5)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY no matter what the enemy tries to throw your way DODGE it, and keep it movin. Show him he has NOOOOOOOOOOOO power or control,and will not keep you bogged down!

Chris Brown with the suicide rumors going around. I searched through several sites, only to find out the world is getting all worked up about what they’re considering to be a cryptic message on his instagram… and more can be read here http://sandrarose.com/2015/05/is-chris-brown-suicidal/ & http://sandrarose.com/2015/06/chris-brown-wont-be-around-next-year/

I Pray she’s wrong. But, I’m not too happy about the writings she wrote, and many others stated their feelings on her site.

My apologies for getting upset, after talking about the beating I received from my last husband, and not really doing well in the Vlog.

Family should always stick together and help one another out, especially during homelessness.

Parents Pray for your grown child or children who’s not doing right in the eyes of God.

Sometimes our wayward children are complete replicas of us… Hmmmmmmm!!! “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they’re old they won’t depart from it”

The affects illicit drugs had on me, and my transition into alcoholism, and subsequent deliverance from it all.

How to be the bigger person and apologize for your wrong actions when you’ve hurt someone.

How the good in your mate can help you. (My husband making me share and diminish my stingy ways).

The shooting in my daughter’s home that caused our homelessness.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/25/15 (DAY 6)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY and make sure you read a scripture, Pray, Praise or Worship Him today.

Christian wife/ Muslim husband (How you interact) (Praying, Praising & Worshipping together impossible)

Me seeing the aftermath of my two sisters after getting brutally beating (Reason for my hostility toward men)

Women should stay in their place (We cannot beat NO man)

A mother’s job is NEVER done (Talk to your grown child) (Help them identify and then succeed at their goals)

Feeling ostracized after alcohol cease (How to enjoy life when everyone else still indulges)

Family should never see each other homeless (Well to do family won’t help SMH)

Never seclude your mate because you have no friends or family to chill with.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/26/15 (DAY 7)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY and I ask that you support anyone in any capacity… Heaven smiles upon us for doing so.

This was a short video, that I’m not pleased with at all. Just had an altercation with my husband, and wasn’t feeling myself… My apologies.

Either the enemy is causing bad things to occur, because I’m following the plan of God for my life or God sees that my husband means me no well, and chose to remove him from my life.

FEEDBACK WELCOMED!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/23/15 (DAY 4)

 

Not too pleased with today’s Vlog, because I got to talking about the beating at the hands of my last husband, and lost my whole train of thought… gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nonetheless, I went on with it, and talked about how God has kept me, and is still keeping me through all the craziness that I’ve endured and still experiencing.

Today is “Thank Him Thursday” be sure to THANK God for everything He’s done and still is doing in your life. He inhabits the Praises of His people.

*** Please comment on how you feel about poverty, generational curses, and utilizing government assistance.

Once again I ask y’all to forgive the video pauses, before you know it I’ll be making top-notch Vlogs.

As promised, I’m going to do my research on the Chris Brown incident, as it relates to what he’s experiencing with suicidal thoughts. I don’t EVER wanna mislead anyone, by giving inaccurate or totally bogus information.

Please follow me, subscribe to my channel on YouTube, and likewise I’ll return the favor.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/22/15 (DAY 3)

Please forgive me for the dumb videos that end abruptly, without a proper outro message. But, time will definitely fix that, as I get more better at recording. Eventually, I’ll have a better device, with a huger storage. However, until then I ask you to bear with me.

I was cut off while explaining what happened with my last husband, and why we separated. As I was telling you, I made the horrible mistake of marrying way too quick from start. But, I was terribly lonely. Remember, I have ALL grown children, and they were moving on with their lives and happy for the most part… going out to eat, coupled up. Beach trips, constantly at the casino or club. Even though some of the places they frequented, I’m no longer interested in, I still wanted a mate, and I jumped at the very first chance that came my way and the latter months was beyond overkill. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t really over my previous husband, who I’m BACK with SMH, and that’ll be elaborated on as time progresses. Moreover, I carried hurt and all types of other damaging baggage over into my marriage, thus reaping unnecessary havoc for myself.

I was constantly bickering, complaining, nitpicking and physically abusing this man, and he held it all in until it came out in the worst way on that gruesome night, turned morning, beat down that I received, where God once again spared my life. now, this time, I wasn’t able to drive myself to the hospital like before and not because of any physical impairments. But, primarily because my husband didn’t want to leave me alone with in the ER, in fear of me contacting the police.

Enough of that already though, before too much explaining rolls into flashbacks, and emotions causes diverse reactions. I can’t say when I’ll discuss it. But, I wanna give my testimony about my reunification with my third husband, and how we’re doing now.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 6/28/15 (Trial run – My first video trying out Vlogging)

This is my first attempt at Vlogging, and it was in June… I never could get the videos uploaded, so I completely gave up. But, I started back a month and a half later, and those are the videos on the site that are still not as good as I would like for them to be. But, I feel confident that I’m finally doing what’s pleasing to God. Even though they’re choppy and some are too long, in my opinion. Nevertheless, it satisfies my charge from above.

To recap: I discussed my reasons for getting away from the whole psychological team of nitwits, and it’s simply because thy weren’t doing me any good whatsoever!!! In fact, I spoke out about two drugs specifically that I’m not to fond of at all, and that’s Trazodone, because it causes shortness of breath and makes me feels anxious, and as if I’m hyperventilating. And lithium simply because I’m worried about any medication that gives cause for my blood to be continually monitored SMH… Nope, I’m GUCCI!!!

To add, I don’t know how to put the fact that I see NO need for repetitive trips to see therapist and psychiatrist no clearer than I have, with so much seriousness to back… I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous to make all these appointments, in an effort to find the “NORM” as most people call it, to no avail. I’m through being toyed with!!! Together with God and the testimonies of overcomers I’m gonna master my care without fake anecdotes and meaningless couch conversations.

I mentioned the stabbing that gave rise to my arrest, that aided in my eventual psychological assessment and corrupt diagnosis. My daughter, her husband and I were on our way home from picking him (her husband) up from his granny’s house when I rode up on the worse scene I’d ever encountered. My husband, openly walking with a female, who I later found to be his mistress for several months prior… I literally lost my mind. How dare you!!! Right in the neighborhood we met and married in. That’s making a total mockery of me, seeing as how EVERYONE knows we’re married, and have been together for three years before this craziness, and you even have the audacity to flaunt her around, while still bringing me around your friends and family members, who obviously knew about your secret rendezvous. But, continued to smile in my face as if everything’s all well and fine… Some nerve SMH. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal plays out with me going with the police, him with the paramedics, and the floozy running away, at record speed, with my Tasmanian devil daughter in HIGH pursuit lol. That was a day I never wanna see again, and Prayerfully no one else has to ever experience.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/21/15 (DAY 2)

I’m sooooooooo happy… God tells us to take the first step, out on Faith, towards any endeavor, and He’ll provide the INCREASE. I did just that, in spite of all my insecurities and uncertainties, and each video is getting better as I go.

To elaborate, the messages above refer to some hard times I experienced years ago while I was still a babe in Christ, and not at all able to properly rationalize, and almost lost my life because of it on several occasions.

Also, spoke about Miracle Man, a vessel for God who also ran from his calling, and underwent a detrimental mishap before totally surrendering, and is now disfigured for life.

I can’t believe I took this long to heed to His (God’s) beckoning, for me to open up in this way. I actually like it, and Prayerfully it’ll help as many people as possible, to heal, and also the feedback that I receive will enhance my healing process as well.

I love being able to expound on the GOODNESS of God, as in He as been ever so present and helpful in my life from day one. And even though I’m going through a trying time right now, I know undoubtedly that none of it is in vain, and I’ll reap the benefits soon enough if I faint NOT!!!

The Transparent Me (Day 1)

This is the start of a new way I’m going to interact. I’ve been blogging for years, to no avail, and I earnestly believe that it’s meant for me to visually convey my messages. To be honest, it took me this long because I’m not happy with the way I look on camera. But, If God has a purpose for you, you’ll get it done, according to His Will eventually… No matter how long you run.

I don’t doubt that the reason I’ve been going through soooooo much is due to my procrastination and fear. “NO MORE”!!! I’m BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK, and I know I’ve said that many many times before, then I’ll fall away again… My apologies, trust me I’m full to the brim, and it’s about to spill over… Don’t believe me JUST WATCH 🙂 🙂 🙂

The face that Nooooooo longer wears a smile

I’m trying, Christ in Heaven knows I am!!!

I need a Word from my Father. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee Daddy send me a message from on high. I know I need to still away in solitude, but there’s no where quiet enough to do this.

Daddy, send anyone to speak to me, and give me clear instructions of what I need to do. I’m not complaining perse. But, I’m in the dumps I can’t lie.

I surrender my all to You Lord, please send a breakthrough. Thank You Daddy for keeping us safe throughout the night. And we even had a bite to eat and were able to shower.

I’m just having a hard time being happy go lucky while experiencing all this. My bday is in six days and I’m sooooooo miserable… Nonetheless, I love You Lord and look forward to deliverance.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Homeless, heart heavy, mind confused and eyes pouring with tears!!!

This Ministry is POWERFUL and the devil is so fearful that he really caused me to sleep on the streets last night, and I’m still going forward with and for Christ!!!

Because he did that, God is simply going to give me something better, and it’ll be mine!

I’m human, and it’s hurting me; so the tears are natural… It in Nooooooo way states that I don’t believe God will come through for me. I know He’s setting everything in order right now.

Moreover, I’m thankful I still have my job and transportation… Eating is a little rough, but that too will change.

When I was just a babe in Christ, a renowned preacher by the name of Juanita Bynum gave her testimony about getting close to God and doing His will and having the adversary take her through brutal changes time after time. But, she held fast to Christ and continued on regardless. That’s the only thing I can see as the reason so many horrific things are coming against me. The fact that God laid it on my heart to start this Ministry.

The devil wants to make sure I have not only no stable place to diligently work with the Ministry, but also make my own personal life sooooooo chaotic that I can’t even think straight enough to put anything together SMH.

I won’t give up, if it means using public Wi-Fi spots to do all the things necessary, I’m willing to do it. Only what we do for Christ will last. God always takes what the devil plans for bad and turns it into a magnificent Blessing in our lives… When I’m weak He’s then strong for me… I will survive this and it’s merely another portion of the testimony God is giving me.

Stand with me in Prayer… Thanx bunches!!!

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

It’s me, it’s me it’s me Oh Lord… Standing in the need of Prayer

WARNING: Before you say I do in marriage, there’s all types of counseling sessions couples can take part in, and if it’s equivocally decided that they’re NOT a match, the two can part ways, and on to the next!!!

On the contrary, once you’re called by God and, you take the initiative to totally surrender your all to Him; and even go a step further and say “use me Lord, till You use me up” watch out there!!! Lucifer and his imps are instantly on a prowl, and they’re coming full throttle… Nooooooo doubt!!!

These past couple of days have been horrific… But God!!! I kept saying this can’t be real… I’ve overcome all this. As a matter of facts, God is currently using me to head up a ministry that speaks against the very likes of this shenanigans SMH… The tricky monster almost had me… Need NOT I elaborate more. Just know he’s not crafty enough. God will use any conduit available to turn that thing around, and He certainly did. Hallelujah!!! I’m still here 🙂 🙂 🙂

Better late than never… I will be posting the dates and times for the small group, regarding Alone No More this week for sure!!! No matter how many fiery darts he sends my way, it won’t stop God’s mission.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Reach Out Before You Act. You Matter.

She was sooooooo beautiful, and also the encouraging words you spoke to anyone who may be suffering from any form of shame, bullying, heartbreak, disrespect, hurt or the likes. She was young and it’s hard to believe she was fearful that something she mistakenly shared online would haunt her later in life… Perhaps she shared a pic revealing too much, even if somebody was being mean and circulated it. It would’ve died down in weeks, at most two months… But, so much other stuff is going on these days on social media that her little mishap would fall to the back burner rather quickly.

You want to control your teen as far as social media is concerned and rightfully so… I mean most of the craziness that teens find themselves in the mix of generates first through one of the social media sites. Nonetheless, girls in whole love their hair… Me and my daughter’s are always saying, when we don’t have new clothes for an outing or special occasion that long as our hair is nicely done we’ll look and feel fine. But, this baby had to stand and look at her pride and joy on the floor SMH… This is still no reason to criminally charge the father though… Even though I’m angered by his outlandish choice of punishment.

To add, long beautiful hair in fact means a lot to girls/women, but I’m sensing it was a multitude of things that drove this Lil sweetheart to do what she did… I’d love to see her last eight letters, just to get a better idea of EXACTLY what the final straw was that broke the camel’s back, and figure out in advance ways that Alone No More will help anyone with her same issues.

My deepest condolences to the family.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Midwestern Mom's Musings

Like many of you, I heard the story about the school girl who jumped off a bridge and killed herself. Initial stories said she was upset about a shaming punishment her dad gave her. Other stories piled on reasons for her actions: she had been bullied in school, she hadn’t been allowed to run for student council.

This report clarifies that all these reasons were wrong. According to authorities, she left several notes explaining why she was going to kill herself. It seems she was ashamed of things she had done and said on social media; she thought one thing in particular was going to follow her for the rest of her life.

http://fox2now.com/2015/06/10/police-reveal-reason-girl-jumped-from-bridge-no-charges-expected/

My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide. There is no one to blame or shame. This is just an opportunity to share.

When you look at the big picture…

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Crisis Text Line helps teens across nation

Like Alone No More, this national program has analyzed technology and realized that the mediums that are widely used these days are face-to-face interactions (face time, ovoo, and Skype) to name a few. Text messaging, which they’ve intelligently integrated and is seeing that it’s working well, kudos to you guys. And also, apps on mobile devices (kindles, iPads, tablets and cellular phones) are also easily accessed and widespread… That’s why Alone No More will couple the app and face-to-face interactions together. Allowing the hurting person to instantly tap into a live supporter, who will talk to them, Pray for them and guide them to resources necessary to bring them back to a place of stabilization.

As this program admits at the end of their posts, that the people who are assisting the people who’s benefiting from their services are NOT therapists. But, rather they’re helping in the same manner we intend to, just by different, yet similar methods.

Regardless of the tactic, this is further evidence that hurting people need and want help, and prefer not to actually go in to a hospital or even a private office with doctors and other forms of trained professionals. They’d like it better if they can text or link through an app. Therefore, please donate and share this link… Help us come together to help others.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Ashes/Demons

This was four days ago, and I’m upset that I didn’t see it earlier. Nonetheless, I’m believing with all my heart of hearts that you’re just fine. Especially since you stated at the end of your post that you REALLY don’t want to die, that you’re just tired. But, more importantly, you have people you must live and be strong for. I’m happy to hear that they’re still meaningful enough in your life, that you’ll do away with those irrational thoughts immediately and NOT act upon them.

Sadly, in February 2014 even with 11 precious grand children, 4 wonderful children and a promising career in the Federal Government I still resulted to taking my life because I was tired. During that time, I had no desire to seek God for myself and rejected any other’s who wanted to intercede for me… I had enough, and couldn’t see anything positive ever becoming of my life at all.

I was living in Maryland at the time, and that was my first time ever going through this there and I learned rather quickly that I’d made the BIGGEST mistake ever… The law there is confinement, with no chance of leaving for a minimum of three days… Ooooooooohhh Nooooooo, I’ve got to go to work, they thought that was hilarious. To them, I was crazy and needed to be there… But, after a couple of hours of seeing that my friends and family did love and care about me was suffice for me… That was all I was initially longing for, and my Facebook message box, cell phone voicemail was packed instantly… But, I was locked away involuntarily… Thank God for one lady who realised that my not reporting to work would cause me to lose it and further intensify my my thoughts fit not wanting to live, and she talked the resident physician into taking a chance with me, and I haven’t looked back since. In turns, I started this blog and begin channeling all my spare time into helping my sisters and brothers all across the Nation diminish those ugly thoughts altogether… We merely need to grasp what it is we’re really in need of and pursue it, if possible, and if for whatever reason that’s not an option, then other alternatives are a must. But, suicide absolutely will NOT be the ultimate outlet under Nooooooo circumstances.

For you, I reiterate how I’m overjoyed at the fact that you have those SPECIAL people who are dear to you keeping your mind at bay. If you like, we can talk anytime… I’m here for you my luv.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

My darkest hours.

My heart doesn’t feel heavy. It doesn’t feel anything as there is just emptiness as that is all the I am now. I am just an empty shell of the person I used to be. I don’t even remember who that person is anymore. I can’t remember what it feels like to feel something positive for more than twenty minutes. I just know the bad feelings, the emptiness and the darkness that is constantly surrounding me. Today I reached my lowest, today for the first time I started having thoughts about hurting myself. I thought about getting a handful of antidepressants, sleeping pills and painkillers and just swallowing them. Hoping that it would stop the pain.

Having thoughts like that… Thinking of harming myself and has never really been part of my illness. I’ve been and I am severely depressed but I have never thought about harming myself as I…

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Homeless man thanks state trooper who talked him out of taking his own life

So glad to have been led to this, obviously by the Holy Spirit, who is helping me regain my courage to move forward with Alone No More.

Yes, this officer was trained “deescalation skills” but in no way does it mention he possesses a degree, license or certificate of any kind… Merely, his EXPERIENCES of working on the force, and witnessing such situations as like that or worse helped him be able to talk the man away from his previous decision to jump from the bridge.

All you gotta have is a pure heart of love and a connection with God in order to successfully do exactly what this officer did.

Alone No More will certainly have to make it known upfront and or beforehand that SOME individuals that may assist have no credentials whatsoever and are simply caring servants of God who’d like to Pray for you and talk to you about the help they received spiritually and resourcefully… Because we will also have a list of local agencies per city/state who offer necessitated services.

I’m doing it guys… I’ve come too far with this in my heart, and I’m confident that God is well pleased with me adhering to His call, and He’s gonna Bless this ministry like never before.

Please share this link and donate at least $1, to help with this well needed ministry coming together… Thanx in advance!!!

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

BringMeTheNews.com

Here’s a story to warm your heart from the Minnesota State Patrol.

You might associate the State Patrol with responding to crash scenes, stopping drunken drivers, and pulling over speeders, but the job also requires troopers to show compassion to those in distress.

Trooper Shaun Leschovsky was on routine patrol in Minneapolis on Feb. 20 when he was called to reports of a suicidal homeless man at Washington Avenue by the Interstate 35W intersection.

He spoke with the man, providing whatever reassurance he would and promising him that he would get him some help. Help then arrived in the form of an ambulance to take the man to Region’s Hospital.

He continued on with his shift, according to the State Patrol’s Facebook page, and might have thought that was the end of it, but a few weeks later he bumped into the same man while at Bobby & Steve’s Auto World and…

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Backlash… Shaking in my boots… Now what???????

Last night was a hot mess, and I’m angered that I allowed myself to be bullied like I did SMH!!!

But, I was driving, it was hard and illegal to text the reply, and I promised myself andwith that I’d be quick to listen, slow to speak and surely slow to anger, if ever. Then I remembered I can be angry… So long as I sin NOT. Which means I have to confront this wisely, not apologetic for the things I’m boutta go in about; I just gotta be respectful… Now, here goes nuttin!!!

Alone No More is a ministry that God inspired me to form, due to the struggles I endured and eventually overcame, with His love, support and HHHEEEELLLLPPPP. The ministry will offer assistance to those contemplating suicide, but at Nooooooo time will any who’s not qualified with state provided licenses or other credentials ever claim to be a professional in that realm… But, I gotta say that one don’t always have to have a degree to counsel another, because several people in my Church that counsels regularly has Neeeeeevvvveeerr walked through the doors of a university, that’s why I emphasized “in that realm” to magnify the fact that my experiencing their trauma firsthand and being delivered from it umpteen times, surely I gathered lessons and walked away each time more wiser than when it began beginning some 13 years ago.

Of course, to keep in line with state requirements, guidelines, rules and regulations, I’m sure I’ll have to display, and if verbal audible disclose that everyone the interested parties work with aren’t tainted professionals, but it’s THEIR choice to accept Prayer from a person who doesn’t have a degree… It just sounds so ridiculous if we have to do that, and I’m not even sure if I’ll have to. But, her comment last night just has me thinking of all the things we may encounter, and it’s better to have it occur now, before we’re fully online and working incorrectly with God’s people.

I can clearly understand the part about letting everyone know we’re not doctors or trained therapists… Gotcha!!! But, since when is wrong to Pray with receptive adults… Now, on my page it does state that God will use me to help people, and before getting this message last night I’d hoped He would… I just think my experiences and Godly knowledge should be sufficient… But, I don’t wanna mislead anyone or risk criminal or civil litigation.

I sure hope some who either have this same type of ministry would reply and let me know my constraints and limitations if any… Just so I’ll feel better. No doubt, even if I can’t interact with the hurting directly, that won’t stop the implementation of the Ministry… Nooooooo indeed!!! It ain’t about me, it’s about hurting people getting the love, care, concern and compassion they so need and desire!!!

I can’t believe I punked out last night though… Nah, I’m kidding I know I handled it well, and I’m fully prepared for more opposing people who will criticize my Vision and even express, yes it’s for a worthy cause, but never attempt to do something different their way, however, it don’t matter, just so help is provided.

Can’t wait to publish this… I’m anxious to know just how valid last night’s comment really was SMH… Thanx bunches guys.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Reaching, surpassing one’s limitations.

I hurt that you’re hurting and I empathize with everything you’re experiencing and wish I were close enough to you to just grab you and hug you for hours, then sit with you all day, and just talk things through, until you feel better. I’ve been where you are and I can attest to the fact that Prayer definitely changes things, it did for me. It didn’t happen overnight, in fact I suffered intermittently for fourteen long Yyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrssssss, but that was all my fault. I surely could’ve been done with the craziness I went through faster, had I remained steadfast and avoided my triggers, but Nooooooo, I actually pursued the conduits even the more SMH, and by doing so I prolonged my own demise.

Even though I don’t know you personally, please accept me saying that I do love you like family, and want only what’s best for you moving forward. Without knowing the full magnitude of all that’s bothering you, it’s hard to try and assist. I don’t claim one bit to be a know it all or a professional with a focal point of stress or depression, but rather I’m coming from a place of experience, which has been considered to be our BEST teacher.

The best I can do, with miles in between us, being our hugest barrier is to offer up Prayer for you, if you like. I won’t assume that you’ll be receptive. Therefore, I’ll wait for your reply, I’m even willing to give you my number, in case you just wanna talk or you’d prefer Prayer via landline. Of course, I’m interceding for you as I type. But, I’d like to be more interpersonal and actually touch and agree with you… Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee respond, and Prayerfully I’m not out of line in my approach, your story just captivated me is all… Waiting patiently!!!

Alone No More is here for you; Heavenly sent… Be Blessed my friend

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Formulation of Alone No More (small group)

There are MANY of you who’ve offered to help with the planning and building phase of Alone No More, and I plan to start holding online meetings for us to come together all in one place, so that we can finally get this much needed Ministry moving in the correct direction. Instead of me checking each comment and inviting you to the meeting, please reply with your email address or mobile number, depending on the device you intend to use for the meeting(s). I’ll be using Anymeeting, beforehand you can check it out, and see which method you feel you’d be comfortable using and leave the corresponding information accordingly. Until I actually get the hosting site up and going, I don’t even want to throw out tentative dates and times, I’d rather post it once I know that I know for sure that it’s a go!!! Pray with me everyone that this finally works and God will increase during these meetings, and I’ll decrease, allowing Him to overtake my mind and speak through me according to how He desires for us to proceed from here. (sigh)… finally smiling, believing deep in my heart that it’s all uphill from here… We just gotta learn to be still, and watch Him work when we’re clueless about what in the world we’re suppose to be doing SMH. Well, time to knock down these hours… At least I’m going in here today feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted up off my shoulders… Thank You Daddy, and a multitude of Blessings sent in every direction for you guys as well 🙂 🙂 🙂 BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Suicidal thoughts affecting siblings… The devil is a LIAR!!! God’s still in CONTROL

This makes me sooooooo sad, to see that a sister transitions intermittently from fearing that her brother would commit suicide, to her herself experiencing overwhelming thoughts of it too SMH.

Yes, it’s likely and normal for family members to follow in each other’s footsteps… Like going into law enforcement, medicine, acting or modeling… That’s all well and fine. All three of my daughters mimicked me studying to become a Medical Assistant and eventually working successfully in the field… Now, that’s something to be proud of, especially me, as their mother, I feel as though I was a phenomenal role model.

On the other hand, suicidal thoughts and tendencies running ramped throughout a household of siblings is a sure enough reason to call together a group of missionaries for the purpose of intercessory Prayer… It’s a message in that happening, it’ll require much supplication in order to get to the root of it all. I don’t believe in or would never express to this family that I was concerned that someone had worked some type of witchcraft on them, casting mind controlling spells on them, because I’m sure that I’d be instantly discredited. But, in trying to analyze what could possibly be going on with them, that was a thought that crept in my mind, to no avail… Even though I threw it out there, trust me it holds no relevance and not even meant to be our true source of conversation. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee act as if it were never mentioned, and instead focus on what ways we can help this family and undoubtedly many other families who also need assistance, as they’re going through this same kind of problem.

Alone No More is a ministry still in its infancy stage, that can deftly be beneficial in such times as these. But, we need help with funding, so that a proposal can be composed for grant monies that’ll be used to bring the whole entity together. Donate any amount, even if it’s $1, every cent helps and also share the link on your site(s). And know that it’s greatly appreciated… Every life counts, and those who are hurting simply needs the love, care, concern and compassion that this ministry’s team members will gladly offer.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

bekindbethoughtful

There are many things that are hard in life. We often have conflicts and dilemmas that stay with us for certain stretches of time. Sometimes they stay for hours, sometimes days, and sometimes they stay with us for years.  The things that make our lives hard are usually not things at all. They are thoughts.

I paused before I knocked on the door. There was slight apprehension in doing so because of the unknown.  What didn’t I know? What do I always fear when knocking on this door?  Whether or not my brother will have killed himself. I used to occasionally fear this, in an abstract manner, but as his outward signs of depression worsen the idea seems less abstract. Sometimes I find myself angry at him because is being selfish and not doing what he needs to be doing. But then there are the days when I feel sad…

View original post 79 more words

With God ALL things ARE possible… This journey takes Faith and supernatural strength!!!

19 days away from the BIG 45, and I’m embarking on a transition that I know will be trying… And this is when I look to see my help ever so near.

Even my PCP advised that I don’t attempt this, while still experiencing such traumas that bring about anxiety, stress and inevitably depression. But, he doesn’t know the Special help I’m relying on at this juncture in my life!!!

My health depends on this change… There’s mornings I wake up and my chest feels like an elephant has escaped the zoo and is now utilizing me for his/her resting post… Totally unacceptable; the huge mammoth & the disgusting, expensive, stinky, lung inhibitors can goooooooooooooooo far far away from me!!!

I’m ooooooooohhhhhhhhh sooooooo done! Now I say that with a reserve pack within arms reach, and they’re still here because I’ve vowed to quit after devouring the last one. I know there’s trillions of you who’ve either already conquered what I’m about to face or you may even be with me at the beginning stage of your cessation add well ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh.

Whatever the case, let’s be each other’s networking empowerment. We MUST get through this, and doing it together will deftly make it much easier. This is when I’ll for sure watch my Faith be activated; every time a craving comes I’ve gotta quickly run fast as I can, like Forest Gump, to God… And y’all remember he had them braces on his legs, and eventually they fell right off… That’ll be me, once God truly delivers me, the very thought of the stupid Lil things will turn my stomach.

Soon I’ll be at the place where the smell of them nauseates me, and that’ll be a good thing for once… Crazy enough, I hate nausea with a complete passion. But, I’ll undergo it for a few ticks, long enough to be sure that I Neeeeeevvvveeerr relapse.

Just imagine all the money Imma save. Prettier skin, whiter teeth, fresh smelling breath, no more people running for dear life when I talk… Joke lol. I’ll be able to run up stairs, all the waaaaaayyyyyyy to the top!!! Where I use to have stop multiple times in between SMH. Most important though is the fact that my vessel will finally be all the way useful for God… Hallelujah!!!

Let’s do it guys… Nooooooo more cigarettes… Starting, when my last one is finished… Stay tuned, to be continued 🙂 🙂 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Better at what I say then what I do SMH… Jesus Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee HHHEEEELLLLPPPP me!!!

I know sooooooo well how to counsel, advise and help everyone stay strong and show forth Faith in the midst of tests. But, when the tables turn I get sooooooo weak and act out… I hate, hate, hate this about myself.

I gotta record myself ministering to others or something, and be able to quickly playback the audio, to defeat the enemy, by not getting depressed or stressed, and prove to him that I do in fact trust God to do just what He says and really and truly believe it in my heart of hearts also.

The darts just keep coming so fast, that it’s hard to get my footing. And the Holy Spirit is immaculate, because He’s teaching right as I’m typing and I’m now able to see the good in my situation either way.

Point at hand: I allowed myself to be scammed Friday, something I always kept a defense against ordinarily, and would’ve never been so naive. But, these people seemed so convincing… Really had a call back number, answering as IRS and appeared to really be in a legit call center and all, and my husband had in fact applied for financial aid. So, I fail for it SMH.

Low and behold, the monies were placed on a greendot card, and I was feeling better because one young lady got my hopes up by having me email her documents to prove I was the initial card holder and in deed was a victim of fraud. But, I got a disturbing reply this morning, that tore me all to pieces. Thus, making me shun and be mean to my husband all over again… When I wasted the entire Friday already in despair and acting ugly… Took off from work, causing myself more loss, wouldn’t eat… Just in the dumps wanting a pity party I guess and for him to feel terrible… I know better, but I couldn’t get myself outta the stupor.

Not today, just as the Holy Spirit showed me… My father is rich and owns the cattle on a thousand hills… He can bring back that and more money and it don’t have to be from greendot… I just have to trust and believe and be ever so careful not to lash out while I wait!!! I can’t lie, I’m humanly mad at the fact that both individuals are able to get away with their actions and my hands are inadvertently tied. The scammers can’t be found and greendot are rightfully doing this to me because of clauses in their policy that cover them SMH… I don’t feel it’s right one bit though, especially since I have proof that I have the card in my possession and the people who falsely registered the card and used the funds cannot produce the same proofs ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… Tests are hard. But, with the help of the Holy Spirit we’ll pass and eventually benefit from doing what’s right no matter what we face.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Tribute to suicide victims – YouTube

http://de.gofund.me/h2r43w

Please go through each link, and realize, especially through their Facebook posts, that these were once normal individuals, living out each day… Then, something happen!!! Most had an abundance of friends and family interacting with them regularly SMH… Alone No More wants to get to the root of the issues and be able to, with the help of God Almighty, stop suicide altogether.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/fredericknewspost/obituary.aspx?pid=167476731

Jessica Gladhill

https://www.facebook.com/jessica.gladhill


http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/hartfordcourant/obituary.aspx?pid=166939399

Todd Dorey


http://www.suttonguardian.co.uk/news/8327340.Triple_suicide_family_torn_apart_by_fourth_death/

Anna Borau

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1356031/How-mother-bear-After-suicides-child-lost-legal-high.html


http://worlddestiny.proboards.com/thread/11146

Destiny Grindstaff


http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=82774735

Isabel Borau


https://www.facebook.com/neil.lal

Neil Lal


http://www.horancares.com/obituary/Sterling-Alexander-Malec/Northglenn-CO/1123023

Sterling Malec

https://www.facebook.com/events/482613408437952/


http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=jason-mark-ainsworth&pid=156091670

Jason Mark Ainsworth

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=85735259


http://www.newsargus.com/obituaries/archives/2007/04/15/nathan_lynn_ford/

Nathan Ford

http://nathan-ford.virtual-memorials.com/

Be ANGRY but sin NOT…

I could only be furious with myself right now, because I’m the one who made the dumb mistake, and it’s so ironic, because I’m a stickler for checking everything twice.

Knowing that what God gave me is for a worthy cause and much needed, I really looked to see if the many individuals who viewed and liked the post had in fact taken the initiative to give a donation, only to find out the link was faulty SMH.

Do, I get frustrated and denounce the entire VISION due to one set back, merely on day 1 of implementation… Lord Nooooooo!!! I’m no quitter and the race is not giving to the swift, but rather to those who’ll ENDURE till the end.

That just means I have to do extra work to gain back the number of supporters who temporarily missed the opportunity to assist. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

Nevertheless, here’s the correct link http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Also, I’ve added a few stories to the gofundme page, just to enlighten all on the many families who have collectively been affected by the stigma of suicide. Some without warning, thus no perpetration or chance to help at all.

That’s why this app is so important. We’ll be right at the hurting party’s fingertips. Pain and anguish can strike at any giving time of the day or night. And Alone No More will be readily available at everyone’s beckoning.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Alone No More (Gofundme) info

I have no clue how to write proposals. So, I’ll raise money to hire someone to do that. Then, prayerfully get grant money to move forward with the app, website and team of helpers.

I know it’s gon be expensive and I’ll need energy to work two jobs and bring this all together. But, God is gonna give me His strength when I feel weak or bogged down.

http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Please at least pass that link around… It could be someone close to you next… Don’t overlook or criticize because it hasn’t hit home yet, and prayerfully it Neeeeeevvvveeerr does. Nonetheless, help in any way you can Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 2/26/14

GM Heartmenders 🙂

Prayerfully all is well with each of you, as for me, life couldn’t be better. NO, everything’s not perfect, but it don’t look like it use to and I have great expectations for the days to come. Starting today, I’ve decided to wholeheartedly TRUST God with my entire life, more than I did in the past. Before, I somewhat gave Him my all, but it was too easy for me to stray. This time around, I’m SOLD OUT, NO turning back, and my desire is to take each one of you with me, as I journey through life in peace and harmony… secure in my mind that God and the heavenly bodies are with me and won’t allow any of US to dash/gash our foot against a stone.

Am I promising you a problem free life going forward? No indeed!!! In fact, I’ll honestly tell you that trials are destined to occur. But, know that is the evidence that we’re walking the straight and narrow… just be sure NOT to deviate. Yes, temptations will rise and you may FALL short, it’s normal my love, just don’t waller in it… immediately get back up, REPENT, and grab our Father’s hand and proceed on.

Each day, before your feet touch the ground, make it a habit to Thhhaaannnkkk God for new life, invite Him into your day, and ask Him to guide and guard every part of your being, and place a covering over your love ones. Then, move into action, allowing Him to have his way with you, of course, follow your routine as normal, taking care of your hygiene and diet, still exercise if you always did, make all your same phone calls and go on to work. The only difference is your quiet conversations with God, that helps you with decision making. For me, I have a spending problem, that arises even more so when I’m bored or sunken… that changes today, as I walk in any store from now on, my prayer will be “Daddy, You know what I need, anything is of no importance, so don’t let me spend unnecessarily”. Likewise, ask Him to aide in your life, in whatever area you struggle. To add, find a point when you open up to be used by Him, for His purpose… just say “Daddy, You’ve been Soooooo good to me and mine, now direct me to do something for You; it’s my pleasure to serve”.

Fam, I know I never finished the series I started about intriguing your man… my bad!!! But, who knows if that was the correct message for me to convey, maybe God will take us back to it or He may lead us somewhere else totally… just be patient with me and enjoy the ride… as always, I love you all to pieces 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 1/19/14

I’m back… at work and can only write during breaks, so bear with me.

Nonetheless, back to what I was conveying earlier; before I jump back to it, I wanna give you some history.

When this group evolved some nearly five years ago, I was probably worse off than I am now and surely didn’t think I’d live to see myself be the supportive individual that God allowed me to soon become, and I say soon, because we (HCYMABH) are about to excel.

Back on the very day I sat at my computer and formulated this group, I had no idea what I was doing, and just how it would even turn out, and even with all my slack, I can proudly say we’re 2k strong, and I look forward to us growing in leaps.

However, the day I spoke about was the day I was released from a mental institution, and actually my first time ever attempting suicide, I couldn’t believe that was the route I took, considering I always thought I could conquer anything. The way I was living my life, back then, you would’ve thought I was in jail for homicide vs me being the victim.

Long story short, after leaving, I still wasn’t feeling up to par, so I looked for support groups in my area to help me cope, but nothing was local, so I searched online to no avail. Then God dropped it in my spirit to start my own… I did and here we are. Except I haven’t been faithful to the group, and that’s none other than a trick of the enemy, who caused me to get sidetracked, by sending temporary relationships my way, to keep me from ever getting the good news out to everyone. But, all that’s out the window now… I’m back focused. But, I’ll have to come back later again, breaks over… but do keep a look out for the following posts, because it’s bout to get juicy… stay tuned.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Post from HCUMABH 6/28/14

ATTENTION: If you have a friend or loved one who suffers from a mental illness, make it your business to implement a plan of action for the time when you notice that they’re in a stupor.

Which means you need to dedicate time now to figuring them out through and through, and Plleeeaaaasssseeee don’t have the attitude(s) “That’s their problem, they better deal with it, and stop being weak.” Or “Bless their lil heart, I’ll be Praying for em.” Or here’s a good one… “I’m not feeding into them, they just want attention.” Duhhhhh, that’s exactly what WE long for and NEED.

Trust me, the illness is real, and NOT something that should be taken lightly, and this goes for both parties (the ill and the should be help mate). Especially when thoughts of suicide have EVER come in to play, if not treated correctly, the attempt will eventually turn into a well thought out success, and that’s going to be detrimental TRUST me.

For me, at this moment, my mind is clear, and I’m realizing that my situation can be used to help others, just by conducting prominent research and collectively keeping this page updated with cases of people who struggled for years, without getting proper love, attention, medication and guidance, and ultimately ended their lives… SMH.

You are OUR brothers/sisters keeper, and those who can’t help themselves needs you… be there for them.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Permeate me √√√√√√√

Daddy, I continually surrender my ALL to You and Your Work. I want You to live in and through me, to the point where my words, actions, ways, responses and thoughts surprise me.

True, we have free will! But, I relinquish ALL to You. I keep messing up being myself, following after the lusts and desires of this crazy and chaotic world, and always letting this filthy flesh win. I’m completely sick of it. My primary reason for breathing is to please You in EVERY aspect of my life.

Yes, we have every right to repent, and You do forgive instantly, and that’s MUCH appreciated. But, I just wanna be transformed and renewed to the point where my mess-ups are minimal to none at all!!! You’re sooooooo wonderful to me, BETTER to me than I am even to myself. So, I wanna express my gratitude by being a Good and Faithful servant… I too wanna hear the words “Well done!!!”

Just like Paul said… The things I’m supposed to do I don’t do. But, ALL the things I shouldn’t do; I end up doing ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh 😦 😦 😦 I’m tired of playing tag with the adversary… NOOOOOOO MORE!!!

Father, I’m totally and completely sold out for You… Have Your way in my life, and use me till You use me up!!! Help me to be humble, meek, compassionate, loving, caring and considerate to ALL, even if they’ve hurt me. And it takes dying to my flesh to be able to look past the hurt that others have intentionally caused me, and still love them just as Christ loves the Church… That’s why I beg of You to purge me with hyssop and wash me white as snow.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

My journey

In 1993 I first learned of God in a way that would truly be beneficial to me, opposed to what I was accustomed to as a child, at my Grandma Toads’ house, having the missionaries come over every Sunday morning, to teach the household how to live right.

Then, I was way too young for any of the teachings to take root, and change my sinful ways. All I did was watch the clock, waiting for the lady to leave, so I could get to play outside. Although the atmosphere was always structured, and the lessons placed before me contained pertinent tips that could have saved me from most of the heartache I endured after becoming an adolescent, I never forced myself to listen, thus reaping havoc in every arena of my life thereafter.

Today, I’m determined to get it right, and seek Gods’ face like never before. I know firsthand that He’s a keeper, and He rewards anyone who diligently pursues Him. I can bear witness to Him being GREAT, because I had a chance, for a couple of years to have Him working closely with me, once I surrendered my all to Him, and asked Him to lead, guide and direct me. However, I took the wheel again, and it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I realized I absolutely need Him at the forefront of my life or I’ll either end up in hell or a jail cell, and neither of them are an option for me. I have eleven (11) wonderful grandbabies that not only depend on their parents for moral support, and look for a positive role model. But, also they definitely expect me, the overseer of the entire clan, to have myself in order, so they’ll know how to conduct themselves.

Back in the day, I use to attend these cell groups, that were so helpful and conducive for me but I can’t find them in existence any more… SMH!!! They were a plus, because each new comer was teamed up with a seasoned member, and the two would schedule Prayer allotments and we would also meet for mid-week Bible studies at one or the other’s home, and that getting together like that always carried me over until Sunday morning worship service. Thinking about those days makes me laugh, because my children would be so angry, because I was so thirsty for Christ that we basically lived in church. Twice on Sundays (AM & PM) services, choir rehearsal on Tuesdays, Bible Study on Wednesday, and the cell groups took place every other Friday… I miss that… It sure did me some good. But, I unfortunately allowed my flesh to take over, and I backslid. Nonetheless, I’m happy to know I serve a God that shows forth Grace and Mercy to every one of us. He knows we can’t keep ourselves, and our flesh craves after the ungodly things of the world… But, it’s our responsibility to remain GROUNDED and ROOTED in the Word, so that we’ll have the power to fight against temptations as they rise.

Tonight, I take the initiative to reconstruct the old workable cell groups again. So, if there’s any God fearing women, who feel just like me… You have a desire to do right, but you need that extra push, let’s team up together and PUSH each other into Heaven’s gates. It’s important that we Pray without ceasing and read God’s Word, and we can make it happen as long as we have FAITH the size of a mustard seed… I’m waiting, inbox me please 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Seek HIS Face Saturday

Passions’ Pottery:

http://bible.com/111/mat.7.7.niv

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Bible.com/app 

God can do ALL things but lie. Now, some may feel, “I’m not too sure about that, I’ve asked, sought and knocked, with no rebecausee” Worry not, be not dismayed! Either that particular thing you desired IS coming or something totally BETTER is deftly on its way. Very important: my texts can only hold ten people, and when God gave me this task I thought it was for the masses and I’d have to forward it multiple times, in order to reach ALL who’d listen or those who’d be interested, and low and behold I Only have seven committed and dedicated individuals, and trust that if you’re really into this your rewards are on their way. Remember, God sees ALL and will react the same towards you as you do Him. It’s better for you to say remove me from the group then to allow the correspondences to lie dormant or out and out plainly delete them upon receipt. Sure, we all get busy, and some just don’t like reading altogether. Trust it’ll pan out beneficial for you to take a few mins each day, not to only read the Messages, and I purposely capitalized Messages, because they’re specifically from and of God. Also, don’t feel as though ” I’m not going the whole nine yards wit God, so my interactions via text are obsolete and will never amount to nuttin ” Wrong!!! I’ve been saved since 1994 and have never been exactly where I wanna be or where I FEEL God wants me to be. But, He deftly still loves and Blesses me regularly. In fact, I was reluctant about moving forward with this group because I felt inadequate… Nope, those are all tricks of the enemy. Regardless of Church affiliation or the lack thereof, if we, like many WHO won’t at all, spend at least 15 mins with God a day… He’s obliged TRUST ME. Nuttin happens by chance, the chosen vessels who are here; are here because God knows that we’ll grasp the value within and do what’s right.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Free Your Mind Frrrrriiiidddddaaaaayyyyy

Passions’ Pottery:

Itttttt’sssssss Frrrrriiiidddddaaaaayyyyy!!! And the day to totally unwind and relax. Even if you must work today, go to school or handle some business that would otherwise be stressful/overwhelming…Don’t allow it! You’re in control of your actions and reactions today. So, every time you feel your adrenaline negatively being impacted… ❎🚫 ⛔ STOP, and remain 🆒 and 🕧 count to ten… Then, smile and realize you’re too BLESSED TO BE STRESSED. with that in mind, carry on with your business at hand, in a peaceful and conducive manner. Purposely think about a vacation you’d love to be on RIGHT NOW and actually allow the very scenery to overtake you, to the point that it feels like an out of body experience, and you really feel the sun beaten down on your shoulders and the sand between your toes, as you slowly approach the fresh blue water ur getting ready to enjoy for a few ticks… Once in the water, and your body has become acclimated… It’s curtains… Nuttin can aggravate nor irritate now… You’re in your zone! Str8 relaxation. FYI if your phone ain’t waterproof don’t even imagine yourself chillin wit Pandora and headphones… Your expensive device hittin that water would ruin the excitement you just built yourself up to lol.    http://bible.com/97/dan.12.13.msg “And you? Go about your business without fretting or worrying. Relax. When it’s all over, you will be on your feet to receive your reward.”
Bible.com/app

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Thank HIM Thursday

Passions’ Pottery:

Sooooooo, thanking God for His goodness can become so cliché. Don’t let it!!! We know how we do when we’re rushing “Father God, I thank You for waking me up, thank You for food, a car to drive and shelter… Amen” Ohhhhh nah, we’s not boutta keep short changing Him… Commit to 7 measly mins of pure and genuine Thanksgiving. For He inhabits the Praises of His people. Go off by yourself and use your headphones, in case you be all embarrassed about interacting wit God. But, go to Pandora and put on VaShawn Mitchell – Nobody greater and start by clapping your hands and audibly saying Hallelujah… Who cares if you look dumb lol. The rewards thereafter will be surmountable. And some may have instant things to thank God for, yet while others may need the Holy Spirit within to intercede on your behalf. Either way, just the mere fact that you obediently took the initiative, Heaven’s gonna cry out. Now, we all know how Pandora works, that specific song may not immediately populate. Nonetheless, go for it, whilst allowing two songs to play through… Hey, if the Spirit takes over, and you find yourself on the floor some hours later, deftly come back to dis link for a Praise report. http://bible.com/97/psa.136.1-3.msg Thank God ! He deserves your thanks. His love never quits. Thank the God of all gods, His love never quits. Thank the Lord of all lords. His love never quits.
Bible.com/app love each of you to pieces!!!

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

We Can Do It Wednesday

Passions’ Pottery:

Still need three more… But, two of my loves have said yes, and joined us!!! http://bible.com/111/php.4.13.niv I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.
Bible.com/app Today is a new day, different than yesterday, and presenting different opportunities for Peace. Disregard any and all things you endured and focus your thoughts on our Father above, Who has within His realm of control all that’s necessary to make matters better. But, we MUST ask. It only takes 10-15 mins to get in His presence and 1) Thank Him for life 2) Repent regardless of your knowledge of apparent sin 3) Ask for the strength needed to conquer any endeavor you’re facing, going to face or simply for emotional, physical, mental, financial or knowledgeable… He’ll deftly do it… He just needs us to come!!!

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

I give myself away

“I give myself away”

William McDowell – I Give Myself Away:

New dedication, new mindset, new task, and onward for Christ Jesus!!!

Last I posted, I was steadfast on the fact that I was waiting for and believing God, against all odds, for a breakthrough in my once chaotic relationship, and that my ex would eventually call, and we’d be miraculously reunited.

Without fail, God gave me my hearts desire, because that’s one of His promises, in His Holy Word, and He’ll never disappoint. Easter morning the phone rang, and I purposely held my composure, to not let him know that I was anxious to hear from him, we talked, and hooked up later that evening. You won’t believe it was a complete disaster!!!

Now, I could’ve been angry with God, asking what kind of games are You playing, it wasn’t suppose to turn out that way. But, I kept an open mind, and looked at it all from a different perspective. I was the one begging for this, so God did in fact Bless in my favor. But, that had absolutely nothing to do with the way my ex was feeling about us, and God could’ve very well changed his heart throughout the course of the day, to make him be receptive and approachable during our rendezvous. But, God is gentle and won’t even force us to do right by Him, make less force any of us into a relationship we’re not interested in pursuing.

With all that said, I just knew after parting ways with him that I’d sink into the deepest depression I’d ever experienced… Nope, total opposite! God gave me the presence of mind to thank Him for the opportunity, grab my phone and block communication, and carry on with the work He has lined up for me to perform. Not one tear fell, I actually got an instant burst of energy, as if I were renewed through and through.

Immediately, I came to the realization that my ex’s job in my life was finished, he had done what God needed him to do, and that was to bring me back into full knowledge and association with Him. God has ways of getting our attention, and my ex was purely the conduit that kept me on my knees and ever before the face of God crying out for direction and deliverance from the mess I had once again entangled myself in.

Believe it or not, all are not intended to be married, it is written. So, I’ve relinquished all to God, telling Him until He sees fit for me to be with someone, I’ll remain His servant, and happily work on His battlefield without contempt. I surrendered my all to Him, to use me as He pleases, knowing deep in my heart that happiness will follow my endurance, if I faint not.

Doing it God’s way

Without Faith, it’s impossible to please God… Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen!!!

Starting today, I change the way I look at, declare & decree, and Pray about my ex and relationship. “NO MORE” will I act and react in the natural, as it relates to how I feel about what I’m experiencing, and continue to sabotage my Blessing.

No matter how it actually is, (not calling, probably being unfaithful, and not even thinking about me as I am him) those things won’t determine how I respond.

Imma child of God, and No good thing shall He withhold from us who walk upright before Him. But, I can’t be double minded though, once I get frustrated, change my Prayers and ask God to take the very thought of him outta my mind, knowing that’s not how my heart actually feels… I’m the one losing and crushing myself ultimately.

I’m believing with all my heart of hearts that God formed our bond from the start and had always been well pleased with the works He performed, but our insecurities, fears, lack of communication and wrongdoings wedged repetitive blocks between us. Nevertheless, we’re not too damaged for God to reconnect… What God joins together, let NO man put asunder.

No, God won’t force our ex’s to be with us, just to heal our broken hearts, if they’re happier where they’ve moved on to. But, if there’s at least one iota of hope within, He begins the process of reunification and before long happiness is in the air again.

I tried old boyfriends and social dating to no avail, and that’s minutely because my true feelings are to him and I would’ve only used the other guy as a pawn anyways and that’s not fair to them nor Godly. So, I’m glad it failed. I’m doing this with every glimmer of hope and I’ll be sure to keep you all abreast along the way. God Bless… Love ya

R.I.P. Paulette “Passion” Williams-Murphy

Normally, this would be a time of sadness, mourning, grieving, and a lot of tears being shed. On the contrary, I’ll tell you firsthand… Let any tears that flow be ones of JOY, for this is a glorious time for anyone who experiences this type of death (DYING TO SELF). Where you take on the John 3:3-7 type of death and burial, which totally denounces the flesh and all its wicked desires all together.

Believe me, I’m haaaappppyyyy as a Lark, for I know it’s all uphill from here… Nooooooo good thing will God withhold from me now, because I took the initiative to put Him first and at the forefront of my life, and teach me how to Walk in newness, and I’m excited to proclaim the effects of the Holy Spirit living within and controlling my everyday activities is purely evident.

Thursday, I went to the nail salon, for beautification purposes, and my eldest daughter later joined me, and it was amazing to her how good I was doing upon her arrival and the farewell before leaving… Her jaws dropped, and she just had to say something, which made me even happier about my transformation… Her words were  “wow, I can’t believe what I just saw, maaaaannnnnnn you’re doing good lately, you’ve really changed”!!! That’s how it should be, I don’t have to run around hollering (I’m a Christian)… No indeed, it should be apparent, when people watch you, that God is working out your Salvation, and removing EVERYTHING that could ever inadvertently hinder your Walk.

See, she was use to me coming home with stories about me cursing an artist out, boutta fight somebody, or totally getting banned from the establishment… ” NO MORE “ all those negative attributes, characteristics, and ill personalities are finished… Just like Jesus himself declared as He took His last breath!!!

Ain’t Nooooooo stopping me now. Long lines in grocery stores can’t get me upset, hideous traffic no longer upsets me, people backbiting and gossiping about me can’t get me to respond… That old person, with all those chaotic ways is DDDDEEEEAAAADDDD!!!

Grace is not an excuse to sin… Instead, it’s the POWER of the Holy Spirit, WHO helps you not to!!!

Just because we have Grace available to cover us, when we accidentally mess up, that don’t mean that we should arbitrarily do wrong. Yes, God is merciful and He’ll forgive us each time we fall short, but Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee believe punishment is adamant.

If you’re living in an adulterous relationship, know that you’re playing with fire and take a stand today to get out of it. You’re playing with God and straddling the fence, and before long He’ll release you over to the enemy, and allow him to consume you.

You may be committing a sin, and thinking it’s partly Ok, because it’s your only way to make ends meet (prostituting, selling drugs, embezzlement, etc.) STOP!!! God has your back, and I know that’s easier said than done, especially since I can’t say I know what you’re experiencing… No I can’t, in that aspect. But, I’ve been in predicaments where I had to totally Trust God and He deftly came through for me.

I had four babies with Nooooooo food to feed them, and God sent a lady shopping for us and she arrived at our home with her trunk and back seat full of enough food to last us at least two months… So, I can bear witness/attest to His remarkable capabilities.

God knows all our needs, but we still have to Pray to Him for the help we need. Going back to the affair, if it’s been years, I can only imagine how hard it’ll be to sever all ties with the one person you love most… Do it, without thinking twice, and watch God show up and show out for you. The person He’ll send will be ten times better, and most important, they’ll be yours 🙂

Before we were even formed in our mother’s womb, God already had a map laid, allotting exactly how He wanted the course to go, of course it’d be wonderful if we had a copy of the plans, and could walk it out, then we more than likely wouldn’t veer. On the other hand, it is what it is, we have to patiently wait on God to give us bits and pieces, and we simply have to Trust Him to make no mistakes. In the interim, we get into all kinds of craziness, trynna rush into success, happiness, prosperity or wealth… Whatever the case, it’s not part of God’s blueprint and must go, in order for us to ever have the pleasure of enjoying the goods He has in store for us.

Each morning, die to self and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and watch how much better your day unfolds. For those settling for illicit money making schemes, I know it sounds ludacris that you should walk away from the only thing that’s been feeding your family for all these years… But, you must put all your Faith in God, that He’ll make ways for you, when it looks like there’s no way. That’s when it’s gonna be amazing and He’ll get the most gratitude, and He loves every bit of that… When you’re able to testify on how you went cold turkey, Trusting Him fully, and He not only came through, but He went beyond your expectations. God is Marvelous, Miraculous, Rich, Compassionate, Affectionate and Powerful.

Once He sees us putting forth an effort… That’s His invitation to jump in and the rest is history. Therefore, do what’s Godly right to do, and utilize Grace appropriately 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da APPLE don’t fall far from Da TREE

Proverbs 22:6
6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Starting October 26, 1993, following this charge was imperative in my life, and I set out to do just that… In fact my children say they couldn’t wait to get grown, so I couldn’t FORCE them to go to Church any longer. I mean we attended service EVERY time the doors opened, I may have over did it! But, that was because of my lifestyle before transformation, and my believing that we needed extra cleansing, in order to be RIGHT with God. Nonetheless, the Word never lied, because my babies know the goodness of God, and He’s Who they depend on in the time of troubles. To add, they have dignity and integrity, due to the long hours we spent with God. Therefore, it panned out to be worth it :-). Now, let’s meet my clan… I just love these little critters 🙂

My oldest: Kia D. Johnson

kia red

We call her the “Grandma” of the family, because she has an old soul lol. She’s married to her Junior High school sweetheart, and they have three wonderful babies. On Kia’s wedding day, I dedicated a marvelous song to her, and she and I danced together to it… We had a great time in the Lord.

It’s been crazy throughout Kia’s life, we use to think we were twins somehow… because if I got sick, within days she’d come down with the same sickness. If I got a scratch or scar, before long she’d have the same one in the same place… weird but amazingly cute and sentimental. Kia’s personality is unimaginable, I’ve always told her no matter how much the enemy tries to get you to change, by making you think you humble ways allows people to walk all over you… never change, because God made you the way you are, and many people would die to be that way, you merely have the Fruits of God’s Spirit operating inside… Be Thankful!

Me and Kia have worked together at several different companies, to include our current positions with the USPS, where we’ve been employed for nearly three years. God is AWESOME 🙂 🙂 🙂

Here’s Kia’s oldest Bryius, we’re believing God that he’ll play either professional football or basketball. He’s humongous, but in a good way – He has the height to dunk the ball, and the weight to tackle on defense… God makes NO mistakes!!!

drama

I love this kid to pieces, always giving of himself to help others, just like his Mommy… Keep up the GOOD work Drama, Nana sees all! Here is Kia’s second oldest Bry’kuise, we’re believing God that we’ll see him on the big screens. He’s so talented, and has been doing skits and mimicking movie scenes for years now… his day is coming real soon… Thank You Daddy in advance 🙂

dank

Remember this lil handsome face, because you’ll definitely see it again… Nana’s Child Prodigy. Lastly, we have Kia’s only girl, who she Prayed for and wanted so bad… Here’s Blessed

diva

Too early to know what God has in store for her, but I know it’ll be WONDERFUL… Because He wouldn’t have it no other way. He never desires for us to live in lack and a mediocre life.

Next, meet my only son Vincent who built a entertainment business from the ground up, and he works full time as a manager at a lucrative bread company… Vincent was Blessed with optimum rap skills, and has already put out one mix tape… He always makes Mama proud. He has two biological children and one step son. Here’s Vincent

son son

Look for him, performing, in your city in the upcoming months. Very creative lyricist, with 10k fans all across the country… Keep going baby, take us to the top!!! Vincent’s oldest is a beautiful little girl, who the enemy is keeping from us at the moment. But, Prayer changes everything! So, even that situation will eventually unfold in our favor. Meet Najea

najae

I love you baby girl… People use to think she was my daughter, she looks so much like me… In due time you’ll be back with us if I faint not, and keep doing right by God. Here’s Tonio, Vincent’s son through common-law marriage

tonio

This young man has been with us since the age of two, and we love and accept him just like the rest. Last for Vincent is his twin baby boy fatty

fatty

He too will play some type of sports professionally, his body structure says football, and just know we’re totally behind you baby boy… go for it! Your sky has no limits 🙂

Next, meet my Mini-Me,

mia

everybody says she not only looks just like the younger me, but she has all my personality traits as well. She too followed in my footsteps career wise and is currently employed at USPS. And there’s something else special about this young lady, she gave us the first set of twins in three generations… blew my mind when I heard they were coming, and it’s been astonishing watching them thus far… Twins are unique, the way they interact with each other and the world, and these boys are tricking us already and they’re only two… If you ask them their names, they switch up on you… so cute :-). Thank God they’re fraternal or we’d be in trouble lol! But, here’s Mia’s first girl Zai’kiyah

ky

This is the Mommy of the younger ones, she gives all the orders, and really knows how to apply make up too lol. Next , we got Zai’Riyah

ry

You can tell by the pic, she got personality… But, believe it or not, she’s quiet and shy. Now, the grand finale for Mia is the infamous twins… meet Marvin & Malone

twins

these babies are a MUST see… so much different than my children and my other grandchildren… they were truly cut from a different cloth SMH 🙂

The last of the Mohicans is my baby girl Anthonya,

noodles

I’m so proud of her, she successfully finished her training course, in Nursing Assistance and went on to get state certified, and is employed at Howard University Hospital and has one little girl Ms. Xoe

xoe

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Family is my number one priority, and seeing to it that we all live right is a must!!! I’m a stickler for Prayer, and having a concrete relationship with God, and I do my best to make sure my children instill nothing but the best in their children… for they are our futures.

From PITIFUL to POWERFUL

Pitiful: Sad, Miserable, Insufficient, Pathetic, Poor, Meager & Trifling

“NO MORE” I’m in CONTROL, with the HELP of Christ, in determining the course of my life, and I decide that the above words DONOT define me!!! I have set my standards and expectations high, and will move on towards my destiny in newness. I decree and declare that I won’t be a slave any longer to the sins that use to have me bound. Instead, each day I’ll surrender my ALL to God, and allow Him free reign in my life.

Before this, I had to drink every day, just to be able to be sociable, if not I was irritated and angry. Not, knowing that I was actually doing myself an injustice, because the temporary fix was doing nothing but damaging my organs, while appearing to keep me happy. Any mind-altering substance that we take pleasure in, and allow the enemy to trick us with, only separates us from God. True, we live by Grace, and Thank God for that! Nonetheless, we are responsible for our actions, and willfully sinning definitely warrants repercussions and punishment. Several of my friends and love ones today are suffering from or have died from cirrhosis of the liver, which is a direct derivative of chronic alcoholism… Lord I Thank You for deliverance 🙂

Powerful: Strong, Sturdy, Robust, Solid, Influential, Dominant, Compelling, Convincing & Persuasive 🙂

Nooooooooooo Stopping me now… I move through life these days with assurance, never PROUD though! I will never lose my humbleness, because I know God can snatch it all in a blink of an eye. And it’s never been me to make anyone feel inferior, and besides, God is no respecter of person… What He’s done for me, He’ll definitely do for the next. That’s why my Prayers aren’t self-seeking. Rather I Pray for EVERYONE to be Blessed, Successful and Happy.

God’s Word states: For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

With that ^^^^^^ in mind, I keep in mind ALL the good things that I want to occur for me and mine, and Thank God in advance for them, in Faith, that they’re coming in His time. I look at it like this… The Blessings God has for us are humongous, and we have to be ready for them, that’s why the cleaning/purging process had to take place in my life, and once He feels that I’ll be a good steward over what He gives me… I’ll soar 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m getting CLOSE, no doubt… I can feel and see prosperity all around me each day… and like always; Daddy, I Thank You for all You’ve done, doing now, and gonna do for us all… Have YOUR way in our lives… And much appreciation and GRATITUDE sent Your way merely for Who YOU are… Love You to pieces 🙂

U say “IMPOSSIBLE”… God says it’s on its way!!!

It’s NOT about what you know… But, rather WHO you know, and I repetitively decree and declare that Imma child of God, an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus 🙂 🙂 🙂 Noooooooooo good thing shall EVER be withheld from me.

Daily my DADDY is teaching me how to walk in this newness, I mean everything about you MUST convert WHEN you give YOUR life to Christ wholeheartedly. God WILL show you how NOT to settle for functioning in dysfunction… before, I was a total wreck, worrying about this, and trynna fix that… “NO MORE” God says to me, instead I am to worry about nothing and PRAY about everything 🙂 🙂 🙂

God is showing me that His Favor is ALL over me, and Blessings are IN deed tracking me down. ALL God needs from me besides my sanctification and righteousness, is for me to be transparent with HIM about my desires… HE says “write the vision and MAKE it plain!” Because I’m destined for wealth, healthy living and success… God gives me the opportunity to let HIM know exactly how I WANT my mansion to look… even down to the furniture, curtains, nick nacks and artwork.

Fam, if you’ve given YOUR life to Christ and you’re confident that you’re at least trying YOUR hardest to walk upright before HIM, then TRUST and believe that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made, and NO good thing shall EVER be withheld from you either… what God does for one of His, He’ll DO for ALL. Day by day God is shedding low self esteem, negative thinking, problems, hate, envy, strife and jealousy from me… It’s NOT of HIM… therefore, it has NO place in me 🙂 🙂 🙂

My DADDY determines I shall live an abundant, prosperous and FAITH filled LIFE, and Noooooooooo weapon formed against me shall prosper. Kinda cliche right??? “NO MORE” living average or in poverty… feeling like JUST making it is ok… mediocrity isn’t in my DNA… My DADDY owns the cattle on a thousand hills… and what father don’t WANT the best for his child???

Fam, monitor the way you think… tell YOUR children and yourself constantly ALL good things are ahead… KEEP YOUR mind stayed on God, and He’ll KEEP you in perfect PEACE… Neeeeeevvvveeerr forget, an idle mind is the devil’s playground… and he’s NOT to get one second to be lackadaisical in OUR quarters point blank period!!! Adhere to the words I speak, and know that what Blessings I receive is stored up for you as well… JUST give YOUR life to Christ and He’ll MAKE it alright.

Jesus saves!!!

My MICROWAVE help :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

God is AWESOME, I mean I sit in awe of how HE shows up and shows out for me, and Fam believe me… HE can and will do the same for you.

ALL day I’ve been smiling, and I know my son MUST think I have special powers lol. Nope, I JUST have a POWERFUL connection with my father, who controls everything earthly, and surprisingly sped up the process on NOT one thing, but HE speedily delivered several things to US in record times. NOW tell me HE ain’t tight!!!

Normally, I’d have to sit on hold with my insurance company, and maybe get transferred to like eight DIFFERENT people before my PROBLEM would be resolved… NOT anymore, my DADDY has me at the forefront, like I’m Obama’s daughter or somebody of real importance… that lady answered the phone, hit a few buttons and wallah… documents transmitted way across town, to alleviate my predicament… Ohhhhh yoppington 🙂 🙂 🙂

My condo had my money tied up… supposedly, the hold wouldn’t drop off for seven to fourteen days… NOT for me, the conference call took perhaps 17 minutes at most… and what do you know… you’ll Neeeeeevvvveeerr guess… I’ll tell you… RELEASED!!! Imma child of the most high God… Noooooooooo good thing shall EVER be withheld from me…

Normally, when I have to go do bills each month, I dread the wait time at the post office… honey, let me tell ya… Ms Thang must’ve had her Wheaties this morning… because she whipped through at least ELEVEN of us in a matter of 23 minutes… when I walked in, faces were sour, people looking intermittently at their watches, and shaking their heads in frustration… but my PRESENCE; all filled with the marvelous Holy Spirit… the atmosphere changed for the BETTER, and things got cracking… that’s HOW my DADDY twerks!!!

I JUST love God, because I see things looking up for me, in MORE ways than one… This is off subject, but a MUST tell… I see a therapist EVERY week… the same lady each time… let me tell you HOW my DADDY fixes situations in OUR lives… the therapist has to come to the lobby to take you BACK to her office. She steps out, calls my name, I walk towards her, she extends her hand and introduces herself… weird but intriguing… with a shocked look I said to her… Uhhhhh, we’ve met, it’s me Paulette… She nearly hit the floor… I looked Soooooo good, she couldn’t believe it. Now I’m NOT tooting my own horn… instead giving Praises to God for IMMEDIATE healing and transformation.

Fam, this testimonial TODAY is for ALL to see the goodness of God flowing EVER so graciously IN my LIFE… and guess what… IT JUST gets BETTER WITH time.

Jesus saves!!!

OUR scares, fears… then ultimate TEARS thrusts OUR heavenly father Ohhhhh so near!!!

Don’t be too deep when pondering on my next statement, because it shouldn’t be taken to heart, in a literal sense so to say… But, do keep in mind that God delights in OUR brokenness… And please allow me to quickly elaborate, because I would NEVER purposely write anything that stirs controversy or confuses any.

Like with OUR earthly parents, when problems arise in OUR lives, and OUR hearts get heavy, it’s human instinct for us to seek out comfort from those seasoned individuals who reared us up and made every attempt to shelter us from ALL heartache that would/could EVER come nigh our dwellings. It’s common for us to either call our parents on the phone or even run to their destination just to get a hug and lay on their shoulders and cry out, in agony, while WE express our discomforts, and like clockwork… they give US the reassurance and encouraging words WE need to make it through.

In the same way, God wants US to run to Him and lay it ALL out for Him, so He can kick into action on OUR behalf. The nurturing nature bestowed upon OUR parents came from God. Therefore, it’s evident that He obviously BETTER knows how to maneuver US through the ups and downs of life that we’ll surely face.

On a day to day basis, WE will have situations that feel like they’re going to break US down to the lowest degree, and I know firsthand that worry and stressing will be OUR initial reaction. But, we MUST train ourselves to beat the clock… start each day fresh… by entering into God’s PRESENCE as soon as you open your eyes… For me, I make EVERY effort to acknowledge Him before my feet hit the ground, and I start out thanking Him for waking me up and for keeping my FAMILY safe as well. Then, I go right into surrender mode… inviting Him in, to control ALL my interactions of the day. To make sure that I don’t offend NO one, and that I don’t overly take offense to anything someone may say or do to me; that would normally cause me to get outta character.

Not to downplay God’s abilities to properly cover us. But, the enemy may find a way to sneak up on, and bring us bad news (death of a love one, life deterring ailment, loss of a job, infidelity in OUR marriages, eviction, and food deprivation) to name a few… I mean the list of tormenting and disheartening events can go on and on. Nevertheless, God is deftly OUR go to in EVERY aspect.

That’s what I was referring to in my earlier statement, about God delighting in OUR brokenness… once these predicaments arise in OUR lives, and we show Him that we’re TOTALLY dependent on Him… believe me, He jumps right on it, in ways unimaginable, and before long you’ll notice that YOUR upset slowly subsides.

Your scares, fears and tears without a shadow of doubt brings God nearer to you, if you take the time to call on Him. Don’t suffer alone… God is forever on the THRONE, waiting to intervene like ONLY He can.

Jesus saves!!!