My failure to discern SMH… Daddy, draw me nearer

I hate the fact that I haven’t fully gotten to the place where I can totally ween out the devil being able to trick me… I wanna know that I know that I shonuff KNOW that the voices, unctions and leadings I receive daily are ALL my Daddy… If not, I run the risk of acting out inappropriately and making decisions based on my flesh and/or human desires.

Yes, I must live in this bbody. But, my hugest desire is to die to self, and walk out my life in the supernatural, to the point that I hear from God in every aspect of my life, and make minimal to no mistakes each day. Now, of course I realize I’ll never be perfect, and that’s fine. But, being Blessed with discernment helps you live a Godly life not to the best of your ability. Rather, to the best of His ability, as you allow the Holy Spirit to have total control of your thought process. It’ll amaze you how you’ll notice things outwardly and inwardly changing about you. The old way you use to handle issues will become a figment of your imagination.

I can’t take rejection, so anytime someone upset me, I have a bad habit of alienating them and that’s horrible, they’ll try to make Peace, but the built up frustration inside caused me to keep them away from me for days on in. Today though, I’m actively letting God show me how to interact with people better, and help me accept the fact that I cannot get my way all the time, and can’t isolate myself every time things get me mad.

Even I’m my marriage SMH, my husband just reminded me of how I’ve done him in the past two years and how hurtful things have been ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… I feel sooooooo bad (((TEARS))). Nonetheless, with me being able to discern more effectively, the enemy won’t be able to trick me any longer and ultimately I’ll end up being a more pleasant person to be around and I’ll eventually know how to give and receive the love God has placed in me to share and benefit from.

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Aunt Diane (Documentary)

This here show made me appreciate God more, simply because I have been delivered from alcohol and drugs. The events that played out in this documentary took me back to some miserable places in my life, and the tears I shed weren’t sad ones, but rather for the joyous fact that I’ll Neeeeeevvvveeerr undergo nor put myself through turmoil anymore.

Multiple DUI’s didn’t make me stop drinking and driving, and I could’ve killed one of my loving grand babies in 2010, driving erratically, at speeds reaching 91mph, I was a mess, and had no regard for human life whatsoever during this time. That’s why I can’t Praise God enough, I could be locked away for awhile or even ddddeeeeaaaadddd SMH… God is AWESOME, and He’s better to us then we are to ourselves.

Not to mention the marijuana addiction, I caused my baby daughter significant development delays at birth, but once again all Praise to God… Today she’s gainfully employed, out on her own and you wouldn’t even know she literally lived in a long term care facility for the first sixteen months if her life.

Back to the documentary… Without speculating about what actually happen that day and whether Diane intentionally took her life… One more again I have to PRAISE God for bringing me through 12 unsuccessful suicide attempts and fixing my life to the point where suicide will Neeeeeevvvveeerr be a thought that crosses my mind again. To add, there’s accusations that Daniel (her husband) was having an affair, and that led to her actions that day… God, You’re amazing, because I’ve dealt with and no longer bogged down with infidelity and adultery occurring in my marriage anymore… Daddy, You’re absolutely THE BEST!!!

But, we must seek His face and allow Him full reign in our lives, then all the issues we face He’ll handle shonuff!