#thingsthatmakeyougohmm

Be careful what you take for granted ” 🎢 🎡 πŸŽ™οΈ 🎀

All my life, although I was outwardly aggressive, in all honesty, I was also pretty sensitive inside; which became overshadowed, by the domineering attributes about me, that were displayed more often than not. Leading me to become ostracized and set apart. No longer invited to this special event or that spectacular extravaganza, and I must admit that it had lasting affects, that I am struggling to shake back from.

Over a period of nearly six years, I’ve been doing a self analysis, in order to rebuild my structure and make myself a more likable and accepted individual, that people are pleased to congregate with; and not cringe.

Success and prosperity is no mysterious magnet, that haphazardly draws individuals in, to celebrate with you, without you first making amends with those who you’ve offended or wronged. 

The moral of the story is this, we live in a cause and effect atmosphere, where I’ve learned, and you should too. That, our horrible actions and repulsive reactions, can devastatingly make or break us.

So, it’s highly imperative, that we’re kind to others and are sure to have their best interest at heart daily, and if you know that you haven’t followed these best practices throughout life, and it’s obvious to see this, because your once huge crowd of friends, family and love ones, is now to the point, where you can count them on one hand, then you gotta make it right πŸ…ΏοΈeriod πŸ’›πŸš€πŸ’™β€οΈβ€¦ Therefore, in the words of the great Ruben Studdard “I’m sorry”🎢 🎡 πŸŽ™οΈ 🎀 

#PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #TheEmpire #TheEmpireKids #TheEmpireTots #BnFEnt #CeoSonSon

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#thingsthatmakeyougohmm

#thingsthatmakeyougohmm Opinions welcomed, criticism accepted grudgingly πŸ₯ΊWhy am I lonely, sad & miserable? I feel like I have it all together; in every aspect of life πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«HBU? #PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #TheEmpire #TheEmpireKids #TheEmpireTots #BnFEnt #CeoSonSon

Gotta have #FAITH, Da size of a mustard seed #STAYWOKE
Don’t hate the game, hate the player 😍
Passion feelin herself #PERIODTT
Behind that smile, lies an abundance of unmatched love β€οΈπŸ’‹πŸš€πŸ₯°

My looks aren’t a deal breaker, I’m highly intelligent, an author, college educated, hilarious, family oriented, loyal, honest 😍 what’s missing? Let’s chat about it πŸ’›πŸ…ΏοΈβ€οΈπŸš€πŸ’™

BTW… NEW BOOK onna way #yaay #woohoo drops Mother’s Day… But, in the meantime go grab you a copy of my first 2 β€œThe Transparent ME” & “Sister Sistah Connection”#greatreads #youwontregretit Thanks for the support #PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #TheEmpire #TheEmpireKids #TheEmpireTots #BnFEnt #CeoSonSon

Sister Sistah Connection by Paulette “Passion” Williams
The Transparent Me by Paulette “Passion” Williams

Introducing DMV_Xoe πŸ₯°β€οΈπŸ˜

Please follow her here https://instabio.cc/DMVXOE… She dances, raps, comedy and acting. BTW I’m only 9 yrs old, but I can assure you that I’m ready, pumped up, determined and motivated, to be the very BEST that I can be, and I appreciate each of you supporting me in my endeavor and along my journey… I won’t disappoint πŸ’›πŸ˜‡πŸ’™

#danceteam #dancer #dancing #danceskills #dance #dancers #TheEmpire #TheEmpireKids #TheEmpireTots #BnFEnt #CeoSonSon DMVXoe

Ohhhhh yeah it’s opinion time… Yall ready???πŸ€”

Love don’t love NOBODY πŸ’™ πŸ…ΏοΈ πŸ˜‡ πŸ™Œ πŸ™ πŸ’›… #letsargue #letsdebate #letsagreetodisagree #letschataboutit

Why can’t I keep a man πŸ€ͺπŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«πŸ˜©πŸ™„πŸ€―
  • 1. Uhhhhhh, I totally disagree!!! I’ve been happily married for years.
  • 2. Ohhhhh yessssss, I wholeheartedly agree. Smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ for some reason I just can’t seem to get it right.
  • 3. Well, to be honest, I’m 2 sided and I’ll elaborate for ya.
  • 4. F*ck love πŸ…ΏοΈeriod, I’m absolutely done with it fah sho fah sho.
  • 5. Girllllllll I’m headed to the court house as we speak grrrhhhh πŸ™„

148 Days… Nothing beats a failure but a TRY πŸ˜πŸ’―πŸ₯°πŸ’‹πŸ˜˜

Today has been very productive, and I gotta thank all who’ve been Praying for and with me for almost a week now, since I began this unwarranted countdown, and most certainly I thank You Daddy, for hearing our Prayers, and slowly but surely bringing me out of the sunken place, that had me bound… Yes, I can refer to it in the past tense, because I’m believing God for a total miraculous breakthrough, to the point where, even the lingering ideation disappears for good!!! I claim it, believe it, and so SHALL receive it.

All the good things that happen for me today, reassures me, that there’s definitely POWER in Prayer; especially Prayer in numbers. I started to have some cigarette withdrawal jitters earlier, and was about to give in to the cravings, and rush out to buy a fresh pack, but God said… Ohhhhh no you won’t, and He reminded me of my nicotine transdermal patches, that were just stored up for this type of emergency 🀩 #ThankYou Jesus, You’re the BEST πŸ₯°… I did awesome in my workout sessions for today, I noticed that I was able to push myself further than before #Hallelujah πŸ’–… Pandora was on fire πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯ earlier, once Bacc Seat came on, my lil legs was getting it lol πŸ˜‚… I had to slow myself down, so I wouldn’t gas out so fast πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«πŸ˜©πŸ€ͺ

I stopped for a while, and baked myself some fish, covered in sautΓ©ed onions, butter and lemon juice πŸ‘Œ, with some sweet corn on the side, and some good ole kool-aid, then I was back to the races… I started with Body, thank God it’s slow paced, cause I was stuffed and sluggish… So, I took my time in the beginning, but before I knew it Ballin came on, and once again my legs was going so fast, I most certainly could’ve beat the greatest marathon runner of all times lol πŸ˜‚ lls 🀣… I’m just so ecstatic that my mood has improved significantly… God knows how grateful I am to each of you, who have supported me; some of you, for many many years, have been here since I created this site, and was going through all types of turmoil, you never left me, and always sent me great words of encouragement, and I appreciate it, really I do 😘

Today, when I realized how happy I was, of course I thanked God, for even giving me the presence of mind, to get back on my site and reach out for help. Just imagine, had I missed Him leading and guiding me, I wouldn’t be moving in the right direction, towards healing, and just may have gotten so frustrated, that I could have acted on my suicidal thoughts sooner than I planned smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… But, God makes nooooo mistakes 😜… Also, while pondering on my blissful feelings, I thought about my future, and the things that I need to began to work towards, in order for me to have a long lasting span of happiness, and I remembered my Pastor always said that we should Pray specifically, not merely trivial. So, I mustered up the courage, to ask God for a handsome, God fearing, intelligent man, who don’t cheat, don’t hit women, loves to travel, loves children (I have 14 grandchildren and 1 great grand), loving my babies just like I do is a MUST πŸ₯°… I’m retired, but I want to be either a radio personality, social media influencer or start a record label, music is my life, not to mention all the talent in my family. But, I want my mate to be like minded, and desire one or all of the things I’m interested in, not to be selfish, as if everything has to revolve around me and my wants… Absolutely not!!! Just compatible and able to work together on our endeavors as a team. “Team work makes the dream work”

Welp, it’s time to relax and this is when I get bored and the racing thoughts began to drive me nuts grrrhhhh 😩… I’m scared to make and take my famous OTC cocktail, after it gave me the night terrors, that I experienced the other night shewww lawd… That was scccaaarrryyy πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€. But, I honestly think until I find an online support group, I’ll have to keep self medicating, in an effort to rid myself of mental torment. BTW, if any of you know of a site, that posts about good movies, please fly me in… “Put me in the game coach” lol πŸ˜‚… As always, I love you guys to the moon and back and once again thank you so freekin much ttyl πŸ’£πŸ’–πŸ€©

#PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #shootahdcpassion #CertifiedSTEPPAH #putemonnashirt4Passion #pluckemoff4passion #pressemout4passion

149 Days… Father God in Heaven… Have Your Way πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ˜˜

Man ole man ole man… I opened my site to blog for today, and seen that a fairly old post had been reblogged, and I took the time to read over the post, from nearly 7 years ago, and I seen how optimistic and positive I was, even though I was homeless smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… Not getting many hours at work 😩.. But, I was always taught that you never allow yourself to look like what you’re going through. Also, “Faith is the substance of things Hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen”… Back then, I can remember that I would keep a smile daily smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ and believe God to do the unthinkable for me; which He has so many times before, and just as I hope He does again for me, before my time runs out. #JesusTakeTheWheel

Something else I surprisingly noticed today, is that a nice author reblogged my first book post for me… I’m so thankful for that; as I expressed to them, and I elaborate on that, with great emphasis, because that’s gotta be God, Who led them to reblog the book, because I was so sad that my books done so poorly, and I know it’s my fault, that I failed to promote the books properly duhhhh πŸ™„… Like how would anybody be interested in my books, when they have no clue who I am lol πŸ˜‚ lls 🀣… But, still the fact that they took the initiative to assist meant a lot to me #ThankYou

But, back to the old post I mentioned earlier, even though I’m happy that the post and video was so πŸ…ΏοΈositive, I just had a #thingsthatmakeyougohmm moment, where I just wanted to break down and cry my eyes out, to think that I even have horrible memories to look back on, dating back so many freekin years ago, and people have the audacity to wonder why I’m counting down my days so openly!!! My God, just take the time to analyze my HCYMABH page, different posts from my YouTube and many other social media platforms… A lot of things I’ve archived, because my family would be embarrassed of my transparency, and instead of me moving forward with my attempts to link with others, who were going through the same things I were; in hopes that we could support one another, to please my family… I denied myself, probably some of the best help I could have ever received smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… Not this time dammit 😩… If it’s meant for me to live through this and finally get connected with good people, who are also suffering, and we can help one another, then that’s what will happen. #ironsharpensiron #loveyourfamily #eachoneteachone #PrayWithoutCeasing #ohana #happy

I’ve actually had some inconsistent inconsiderate therapists and counselors, one who fell asleep on me, one who reintroduced herself to me, after I’d been visiting her for months πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€… I’m like wtf… You can’t be serious… I just feel like it should be more than a paycheck for these people smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… For me, I get really attached to my therapists, or I can’t disclose any personal information πŸ€ͺ… So, when you prove to me that we really don’t have a genuine caring specialist client relationship… Then I’m turned off and totally done thereafter. Nonetheless, I really thank God for the 2 miracles He performed for me today, showing that He is answering my Prayers, for Him to turn things around for me, before my plan can become a horrible reality… God knows I really don’t wanna die… Just wanna be loved, appreciated, taking serious, seen as important and worthy of life. As always, I love each of you and thank you from the top and bottom of my heart for all of your Prayers, support, likes, comments and shares πŸ˜πŸ’‹πŸ₯°πŸ’―

#PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #shootahdcpassion #CertifiedSTEPPAH #putemonnashirt4Passion #pluckemoff4passion #pressemout4passion

150 Days… My uneventful night put the “I” in Ironic fah sho fah sho πŸ€©

Straight out the gate, it’s no secret the types of things I mainly expound on on all of my pages… Hell, to keep it a hunnid, I really don’t even post regularly, unless I’m desperately in need of Prayer and support. Well, what do you know smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… Last night I had a #thingsthatmakeyougohmm moment for real… Where I thought I was dying, but was begging God to save me πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€. I was in and outta sleep and the pain was excruciating and I honestly thought I was vomiting up my liver 😩… And I only refer to that organ, because I remember when I was a really bad alcoholic, I was always fearful that God would punish me by giving me Cirrhosis of the liver, and I don’t know if it’s true or not, but people use to tell me that if you have Cirrhosis, that your liver can become so badly mangled and choppy, that you can actually regurgitate it up πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«… Well, let me explain… I knew that the pieces of whatever it was that was coming up and out was absolutely huge each time… To the point where it was choking me, and nobody inna world could swallow regular normal food that big period. In my head I was dying fast, and remember my lil Peaceful place I purposely snuck off to live in… Off the grid, where nobody knows the address, shewww lawd… Honey child I was wishing upon a thousand stars that at least one person had slipped through the cracks and remembered my address, from back when I shared it during my travel and could please please please please please send help smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ. I’m sooooooo happy to have finally woke up and still had all my fingers, toes, vision, taste, sight etc… I was confused asf… Like wtf just happened 😳… Shoot my niece taught us all very well, how to masticate 100 times before we devour our food dammit… So, how in the heck did I have pounds (globs) of who knows what spewing up outta me like that???πŸ€”… I was thinking, perhaps you just had a complete outta body experience and none of it happen… Uhhhhhh, I would have believed that, except for the remnants of the night before were staring back at me, from my bedside garbage can, letting me know that the former and neither the latter were so. I had indeed went through pure hell earlier and the most important point and fact of it all, is that I literally thought I was dying, but was begging for God to please save me, and spare my life… You talking about a confused individual… I’m lost lost at this point.

I went ahead and did my workout, the whole time trynna make sense of the irony of it all… Thinking, hmm maybe you really want to see if good things will happen before the 150 Days dissipate, that will make all of the horrible thoughts go away. I was on board with that thought and I added, that the way I see me going out does NOT constitute all the pain, and I started thinking long and hard about that pain, and I’ve had 4 babies, but the pain I experienced last night toppled that times 3 smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… It felt like I was having abdomen surgery without anesthesia, and it was simply my punishment, for allowing myself to fall back into this suicidal pitiful state of mind again, when you’ve been free of it since 2017. Another #thingsthatmakeyougohmm moment… Welp, it’s true that I haven’t gone as far as to act on my suicidal thoughts since 2017, and although that appears to be a celebratory point, on the face of it all, I think it’s important to realize that some of the worst things to ever happen to me, occurred well after 2017 and I remained strong and held on to the place I’m at now, where I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. TBH, I can admit that the other attempts were behind much more trivial things than what I’ve gone through since 2017, and I was determined not to go out weak, but to fight with everything in me and I have, unfortunately Covid-19 messed up a very good case that I had in the works, that appears to be stored away on the shelf; as if somebody’s livelihood don’t depend on a verdict, but who am I?

But, back to last night. I seriously think I was Praying to God, to spare me and explaining that it’s most certainly not my intention to neither make a mockery of Him nor give Him an ultimatum… I’m just hurting, confused, lonely, sad, miserable, devastated, in pain (literally), numb and mute for the most part smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… It’s a heavy burden for me to go to my mailbox, brush my teeth, grease my hair, cook, bathe; and I’m a female, so God knows I’m down bad, as low as one can get πŸ₯²

The irony continues

For some time now, since I became overweight, I’ve purposely avoided mirrors, family photos and videos fah sho fah sho… But, mainly mirrors!!! Well, I had professional movers to move me in to my new home and I did all the paperwork electronically, without ever seeing my home beforehand… Covid-19 changed us and the dynamics of the way we move smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… After the movers left I locked my door and messed around with some things in the living room and kitchen, before going to my bedroom… Omg, when I tell you I could have passed out… I’ve never seen anything like it… My entire closet is made of freekin mirror… And the movers set my darn bed up directly adjacent to it… There’s no effin escaping it πŸ€ͺ… And both of my bathrooms have damn panoramic mirrors… I’m like I’m doomed lol πŸ˜‚ lls 🀣 #bingbong can somebody send Joe Byron to help me πŸ₯° #gottalaughtokeepfromcrying

More irony smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

Sooooooo, I stopped smoking cigarettes, where I’ve been smoking for 27 years and highly addicted, up to two and half packs per day… No exaggeration 😜… Wouldn’t you think that my breathing would be better during my workout sessions instead of worse πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€… Before, when I would work out and go smoke I could breathe just fine… Yes, I said I would finish working out, light a cigarette and breathe absolutely delightful… Today!!! I nearly died while on my aerobics bike… I’m like you gotta be kidding me… Am I cursed??? Wtf is really going on, that everything is in total reverse for me lately πŸ’£πŸ€©πŸ’ΈπŸ’°πŸ’΅… I don’t do well wit the unknowns and weird stuff happening… So yall Pray wit and for me… I live alone smh πŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ and I scare easily lol πŸ˜‚ #loveyall #ThankYou #Prayer #JesusTakeTheWheel #family

#PaulettePassionWilliams #PauletteWilliams #shootahdcpassion #CertifiedSTEPPAH #putemonnashirt4Passion #pluckemoff4passion #pressemout4passion