Watch “KILL SUICIDE NOT YOURSELF… SEEK HELP… PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE… GOD GOT US… YOU ARE NOT ALONE” on YouTube

KILL SUICIDE NOT YOURSELF

Hey P-Duds,

Sooooo, I’m back again with another video ๐Ÿ“น ๐Ÿ“ธ๐Ÿ“ท๐Ÿ“ฝ๏ธ๐ŸŽž๏ธ where I’ve fused together a couple of my beginning videos, from nearly 4 years ago, where I was introducing to you guys the PASSIONS that God laid on my heart, whilst showing me how He intends to use everything I’ve ever experienced in life, that I thought to be overly horrific, for His good. Now, I’m no professional at this editing thing smh, so you’ll see that the transitions are not as good as Warner Brothers and Paramount lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ˜ต ๐Ÿ˜ฒ ๐Ÿ˜ฒ ๐Ÿ˜ฒ but don’t judge me ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿฟ#PERIODTT

In the videos, I’m discussing the app that I wanna some day implement, where one would actually be able to click into a live session with a Prayer Warrior, who’ll deter them from the final mistake of suicide and get their mind back on the right track, and help them realize that life actually IS worth living after all, because that’s exactly how I always feel days, weeks or months later, after an attempt, and I’m happily amongst family and enjoying every single ounce of everything different, that each one of them has to bring to my life, from the crazy dances that all my grandchildren do, to the funny clapbacks that show forth in hellah large family group texts, right on down to my oldest daughter, who everybody knows to be the most hilarious of us all #nocap, and her capabilities to mimic anybody on the face of this earth, and keep the entire room falling outta their chairs cracking their sides… Sometimes literally โšฐ๏ธโšฐ๏ธโšฐ๏ธโšฑ๏ธโšฑ๏ธโšฑ๏ธnah, I’m just kidding, but Sus most certainly got dis comedian thing down pact.

But, more importantly, is the text I received about the 2 mothers, who both threw their babies from high places and then jumped themselves… That thing ran all through me and it just shows that suicide awareness and prevention is definitely necessary, and I gotta stop procrastinating, and get into gear, doing whatever I can to build Alone NO MORE, so that we’re readily available for all that’s in need.

Angry @ Myself

โ€‹I’m almost scared to write this. But, I can’t shake it til it’s totally outta MY system.

Nonetheless, I’m trynna figure out JUST what type of person I am that makes EVERY aspect of my life sooooo unbearable SMH.

I can’t keep friends, because I ALWAYS seem to be standoffish; afraid of being HURT. So, I purposely fail to give it my ALL grrrrrrrhhhhhhh.

Honestly, I believe I do the same thing when it comes to potential significant others as well, and if this same obnoxious pattern continues I’ll unnecessarily go to MY grave a disheartened loner (((TEARS))).

At a certain point in my life I came to grips with the fact that the only people I’m comfortable allowing close to me is my children and grandchildren, and I was OK with that until they all got grown and NOW have children, careers, mates and friends of their own, meaning time spent with me is little to none DAMMIT!!!

What do I DO now??? My career is secure and for the most part of 5-6 days in each week I’m steady working hard and the predicament don’t have room to bother me. But, the evening comes, just as it always will, and I find myself in a downtrodden stupor… Jesus please take the wheel!!!

I never knew what it was like to be jealous over somebody else stealing your friend from you and you inadvertently hating that person until my last babygurl became her own woman and I could NO longer force her to be my confidant. The very thing I long for… Attention, affection, CARE, concern, sympathy, empathy and Love.

My family has long life spans and I give myself at least another 48 years here, and I’m going to have to figure out ways to be happy with the fact that my babies are now happy with others geeeesssshhhhh!!!

It’s a FAMILY AFFAIR!!!

The pic is my only son’s baby son. He’s actually in the the Vlog, and he made sure to give a shout out to his Father for being a well known rapper from Washington DC… I thought that was sooooooo cute.

God is AWESOME, and actually got two of my three daughters to come to Church today and six of my grandchildren… I have not stopped smiling since they arrived.

My daughter had to finish off my hair, which turned out beautiful… and while she did I cooked up some good ole chicken that was mouth watering good… ALL the adults was licking their fingers and complementing me, and that just made my smilitis worse lol.

I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about the message God sent their way, because they were really captivated and listening. Therefore, I’m convinced that they’re not too far off from God’s Grace, and it won’t take much to reel them back in.

My son, in the other hand, will just have to come on his own, as God speaks to his heart. My daughter said don’t force him, because he’ll simply reject it more and more each time, to the point where he may start avoiding me altogether. But, Prayer changes things and God is ultimately in control and can get my son’s attention way far better than I EVER could… So, patiently I await!!!

Optimism intensifies perseverance… I’m Homeless, but God’s got a plan!!!

Feeling better today, looking forward to my meeting with my case manager, and Praying with everything in me that she has GOOD news. There’s a new company overseeing the shelter I’m in, and they’re said to have a 98% turn around rate for housing placement… yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Being able to talk to a young lady last night really made me feel secure within, because she also suffered with mental illnesses, and could relate, on so many levels, to many of the things I’m going through. So, that helped deter my bitter feelings and crazed thoughts of suicide… Thank You Daddy.

In a nutshell, I MUSTย see the enemy in all my opposition, and realize that God’s bigger than any problem that could ever come my way!!! It may seem like my world is crumbling right before my eyes, but there’s actually good in that, because God can now work better with the pieces of me; rebuilding and remaking me into the proper image & person that replicates Jesus.

As for my job, so many other employees keep encouraging me that I’ll get an abundance of hours, because the holidays are right around the corner, and I shouldn’t in the least bit be worried… Therefore, That frustration and stress is out the window too!!!

I knew I’d be HAPPY today, the reflection of myself can be seen on the front of my phone while I’m conducting my presentations, and I was highly upset with the way all this craziness had me feeling and looking… Holding back tears, choking them up… Nope!!! I’m a KINGS kid… And no weapon formedย  against me shall prosper ๐Ÿ™‚ He’s in control of the hub agreement, and will see to it that I get the hours I need and more… Also, He’s gonna open up doors for me for housing that man can’t close nor block the way.

A sister in Christ said to me just yesterday, that her Prayer for me is that God Blesses me with so much that I have enough to share, and when I do, everyone who receives will see God’s fingerprints on every inch of it… That thing sent chills all through my body, and I felt a quickening in my Spirit, because that’s exactly what’s gonna happen… God is a God that cannot and will not lie!!! So, when His Word says He’ll do exceedingly abundant above all we can ever ask or think… He’s gotta stand by that!!! Sooooooooo, look to witness a Hallelujah shouting Praise report really soon ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/7/15 (DAY 19)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Woke up to car GONE… You talkin bout FURIOUS!!!

I lost the car“… Are you serious???

How your mates choice to indulge in illicit drugs creates unnecessary problems for the both of you.

Telling your grown children to live one way, but you settle for the things you’re trynna save them from… DOUBLE STANDARD

If you choose to put up with your mate… Don’t bagger them thereafter

Living with others is hard… Food issues arise, and everyone not buying household supplies… NOT FAIR

How my family is all of a sudden going through simultaneously SMH

My son’s up and coming rap career… My feelings about the uneasy content

How I want my children to get and keep my grandbabies before the face of God

How bad I want God to fall upon me on a daily basis… to help me serve Him correctly

We’re living in our last days… The signs are here… Get and/or keep yourself right in the eyes of God

My desires to be in full-time Ministry for the sake of my entire clan

Give God back His Word, He’s good to act on it, because He cannot and will not lie

Live a life of example in front of the youth around you, so that they’ll grow up successful

My husband trynna compare his wrongdoings with K2 to my old alcohol issues…ย Not the same!!!

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/6/15 (DAY 18)

WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY continued…

Worked ONLY 2 1/2 – 3 hours SMH

Don’t EEEEVVVEEEERRRR fake sick… It’ll definitely come back to bite ya in the rumpelstiltskin

Enraged at how my (thought to be) good deed was so insignificant… gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Be careful dealing with banks, colleges, and I’ll go as far as to say that FAFSA is suspect.

Why am I still holding a FRAUDULENT check, nobody thought it to be serious enough to send anyone out… just horrible.

Day went left real quick… My manager went from 0 to 100 lol!!!

Get covered by the Union guys… They’re your safety net

Learn the rules about your rights to take off and leave work early multiple times in a specific time frame.