​PLEASE Pray for Me, it never fails yearly that things start happening bad for me around THIS month and BEFORE you know it, I’m suicidal and getting my fuckin stomach pumped full of black coal SMH. 

I use to think my job would stop the horrible feelings or at least KEEP me from acting on the thought enough NOT to take the pills, but even that NO longer helps. Then the circle of life and things happening with my children and grandchildren mimicking what I experienced ALL my life is terrible in and of itself grrrrrrrhhhhhhh.

I’m sooooo upset that My babies can’t catch a break, it’s ALWAYS something or someone reaping havoc in our midst and it’s absolutely tooooo MUCH to bear!!! And I refuse to believe that it’s ONLY a mental illness that operates on me exactly in the same window year AFTER year; if that were the case I don’t think I’d be able to pinpoint exactly what things that’s occurring to MAKE me go off the deep end EVERY time. Some times in life things CAN appear one way, but literally NOT be as bad as perceived. However, that’s anything but TRUE for ME at THIS moment. I real CAN put a FACE on EACH aggravating culprit and it’s sickening and becoming a really overwhelming bother.