Month: May 2015

Be ANGRY but sin NOT…

I could only be furious with myself right now, because I’m the one who made the dumb mistake, and it’s so ironic, because I’m a stickler for checking everything twice.

Knowing that what God gave me is for a worthy cause and much needed, I really looked to see if the many individuals who viewed and liked the post had in fact taken the initiative to give a donation, only to find out the link was faulty SMH.

Do, I get frustrated and denounce the entire VISION due to one set back, merely on day 1 of implementation… Lord Nooooooo!!! I’m no quitter and the race is not giving to the swift, but rather to those who’ll ENDURE till the end.

That just means I have to do extra work to gain back the number of supporters who temporarily missed the opportunity to assist. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

Nevertheless, here’s the correct link http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Also, I’ve added a few stories to the gofundme page, just to enlighten all on the many families who have collectively been affected by the stigma of suicide. Some without warning, thus no perpetration or chance to help at all.

That’s why this app is so important. We’ll be right at the hurting party’s fingertips. Pain and anguish can strike at any giving time of the day or night. And Alone No More will be readily available at everyone’s beckoning.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Alone No More (Gofundme) info

I have no clue how to write proposals. So, I’ll raise money to hire someone to do that. Then, prayerfully get grant money to move forward with the app, website and team of helpers.

I know it’s gon be expensive and I’ll need energy to work two jobs and bring this all together. But, God is gonna give me His strength when I feel weak or bogged down.

http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Please at least pass that link around… It could be someone close to you next… Don’t overlook or criticize because it hasn’t hit home yet, and prayerfully it Neeeeeevvvveeerr does. Nonetheless, help in any way you can Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Write the VISION and make it plain!!!

Well, reality just kicked in that this will be harder than I thought. But, if it’d be easy I wouldn’t need Jesus to see it through!!!

I refuse to get upset and angry, because obstacles seem to be too much for me. God gives VISIONS and He’ll also bring about provision. Rome wasn’t built overnight… Likewise, this well needed ministry will take time to come together.

There’s a lot I didn’t factor in. The most important factor is that hurting people are all around the globe and I’m just one person in one state ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. I thought in terms of using the worldwide web to see this through. But, some feedback I just got has changed my train of thought!!!

Then, he/she is right, who could I possibly pay enough money, to sit by the phone late hours waiting on calls??? My only thoughts is to stop suicide at any cost… And unless you’ve been affected by it in one way or another you probably won’t be as sensitive to it and apt to jump in and lend a hand.

I don’t even care to profit from this… I just want it working sooooooo badly SMH. Once again I want my magic wand or I go back to if only I were rich!!! If so, I’d hire people and pay them large amounts to save hurting people. I’ve been in that same place twelve miserable disgusting times. And while I’m at a stable place in my life I wanna do what I see to be necessary to help. I reiterate, the system don’t have a working plan trust me… I’ve been in several institutions and you’re just sitting there day to day, wasting away… Taking ridiculous medications, drawing or coloring… How is that fixing your issue??????? Come on people… Help me pull this together… I need you like Neeeeeevvvveeerr before.

Da UGLY Ducklin -IN DA LIFE OF PASSION

After experiences with suicidal thoughts firsthand, then seeing how prevalent it is with celebrities and others who one would think are established and shouldn’t even be experiencing such problems that’ll ever make them feel worthless, hopeless or inadequate. But, that further proves that suicidal tendencies has nuttin to do with how much money you have nor does popularity make a difference. Hurting people are everywhere… And I wanna HHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!

Alone No More

Is a non profit organization I wanna structure, that will operate 24 hrs a day and have an app attached to it, do that none will have to waste time dialing numbers to get help. What if they’ve already taken the pills or injured themselves, but have a change of heart, and too weak to dial out. This app will stay on the home screen (widget) and instantly a live counselor pops up and will be able to…

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by shootahdcpassion

Write the VISION and make it plain!!!

After experiences with suicidal thoughts firsthand, then seeing how prevalent it is with celebrities and others who one would think are established and shouldn’t even be experiencing such problems that’ll ever make them feel worthless, hopeless or inadequate; further proves that suicidal tendencies has nuttin to do with how much money you have nor does popularity make a difference. Hurting people are everywhere… And I wanna HHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!

Alone No More

Is a non profit organization I wanna structure, that will operate 24 hrs a day and have an app attached to it, so that none will have to waste time dialing numbers to get help. What if they’ve already taken the pills or injured themselves, but have a change of heart, and too weak to dial out. This app will stay on the home screen (widget) and instantly a live counselor pops up and will be able to get your exact location, so long as GPS and location are both engaged on your device.

Also, with the app, say for instance you’re merely in the beginning phase of your plan, and you’re maybe able to just talk to someone and perhaps get to feeling better altogether. The counselor will either spend the needed time with you themselves or get someone local to respond to your location, in case you prefer face to face interactions.

Alone No More

Will have 24 hrs private prayer closets throughout the cities, for anyone to drop in as needed whenever, and they can choose whether they’d like for someone to pray with/for them or they want to spend time with God alone. Yes, we can pray anywhere. But, some people feel better in places that’s dedicated to/for the primary purpose of prayer.

Alone No More

Will either be staffed (on standby) at hospitals and and psychiatric associations, because everybody don’t just need to be medicated and locked on a ward, left alone to still think about your problems. Rather, talking it through is more helpful. Every time I’ve been committed the actual facility I was in did nuttin beneficial for me, aside from food, arts and crafts, an abundance of snacks and tons of mind altering drugs. The crazy thing is you end up lying, and saying your issue has diminished, just so you can finally get home. But, the problem just goes right with you. Instead, Alone No More will take the time to get to the root of your issue, and help you with therapy that surpasses sitting on a couch, going over family history and all the shenanigans. The time together will be spent doing whatever you enjoy, yet while still rectifying your problem. You’ll gain a new helpful friend.

However, this VISION will be expensive and time consuming. I need help writing proposals and staff to work with, ideas on how to turn these thoughts into reality. I can’t do this by myself, although I can see exactly how it should be structured. It’s gon take a committed team of US to pull this together. Come along and let’s put an end to suicide as best we know how… Giving the love that’s needed one click of the app at a time.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Stranger Danger… Ruuunnnnn >>>>>>>

All eleven of my grand babies know this term Ohhhhh tooooooo well. And Nooooooo doubt they take it serious and are always on guard and constant alert. In the same, children and adolescents are taught about this all the more, as they are allowed to enter the cyber world, with the remembrance of the many disgusting predators lurking to devour them.

Growing up, in my era, it was nuttin for young ladies who were either tooooooo lazy to walk or had Nooooooo money for public transportation, to take rides from whom ever offered. But, that quickly died down, when it actually panned out that we were in fact in danger by taking what was supposed to be a generous ride from a stranger turned deadly. Men and even young boys started taking advantage of the opportunity to over power random females and not only kidnap and rape them. But, kill them too SMH!!!

Thank God times have changed and surfing the web has its perks and benefits. And I learned to appreciate it all the more in 2006, when I was too downtrodden to even pull myself outta the bed to seek help for my troubled mind and broken heart. Instead I took to Google, in search of “Online support groups”. That was an amazing experience for me… Although I didn’t particularly find exactly what I needed using those search terms, all was still well. Because God helped me use my wits and HCUMABH was formed, and within months it was flooded with member requests… People were then and still are hurting geeeesssssshhhhh!!! I’m not alone after all 🙂

Nonetheless, my real reason for posting on this topic arose simply from the love, encouragement and support I receive on my new site Da Ugly Ducklin which is connected to WordPress. They’re Nooooooo strangers at all!!! Our interactions are more interpersonal and they always take the bold stance of using their personal testimonies to make me feel better, thus showing me you’re not suffering by yourself… We’re going through the exact same or similar issue as you, and together we’ll conquer these obstacles. I love it!!! What do you call so called strangers, who care like they do, with sooooooo much concern and compassion for your well being???

I know Nooooooo better than to call them FRIEND… Who cares about distance, class, race or demographical background. People like that deserve awards, especially because the acts of generosity is genuine… Let me tell each of you firsthand… I love and appreciate you all, and I hate that it sounds sooooooo cliché. But, just know that it comes from waaaaaayyyyyyy deep down in my heart… And remember Heaven smiles upon you and yours for the good works you do here… Keep up the GOOD work 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Post from HCUMABH 2/19/14

I felt compelled to share with you what horrific experience I endured last week, and some of you may have watched it all unfold, yet while other’s will read about it for the first time tonight.

I went through a break up on the 14th that sent me for a loop, and what made it different than any other is the fact that coupled with the overwhelms of emotions, I attempted suicide for the umpteenth time, and it also panned out way far different than before. And as I continue, you’ll understand better where I’m going with this. But, as I write this to you I’m shaking like I suffer from Parkinson’s disease, but it’s merely the affects of the medicine they pumped me up with and the drugs I consumed in my dumb attempt.

I keep asking God why I have to always be lonely, and His reply, one that I’ll finally accept is plainly “you’re not alone, you’re just being savored for Me”. People, I’m 43, and have always been domineering, Soooooo for me to find myself begging for my mommy, while strapped to a hospital bed gave me the biggest wake up call ever. I quickly realized I was no longer in control, and had to be subjected to whatever they did to me… scared me out of my wits.

Point at hand, in God revealing to me that I’m His, I came to the conclusion that all the creativity within shall be used for His purposes, and I was taking back to the very day I started this group, even then it was adamant for me to be doing what God wanted, but I was running.

NO MORE, or I won’t have to take my own life, He’ll do the work for me, and more than likely without warning, and I probably won’t be ready. My problem with surrendering was the fear that I’d live a boring life… as it is now, who cares! I say yes to His will hands down. Trust me, I won’t be missing anything, but the drama that was Neeeeeevvvveeerr good for me from the start.

I’m mad at myself for all the promises I’ve made in this group, but failed to fulfill… please forgive me. Starting tonight, that will change, the power moves that I’ll make for God will integrate the group. While locked away, I seen just how needed this group really is, but not in its dead state, that’s why I must get myself together, Soooooo this group will be what it’s intended to be.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Post from HCUMABH 12/2/13

Update: 5/16/15 We’re together and doing marvelous… Prayer deftly changes things!!!

I think my biggest hurt comes because I don’t have discernment, and I was totally wrong thinking that him coming back into my life after a ten years gap was a divine miracle, but this morning proves I was only fooling myself. I wanted it to work so bad I just didn’t care about any of the signs that showed me it wasn’t of God… I was just tired of being lonely.

I almost feel like being angry with God, even though I don’t walk upright before Him as regularly as I should, doesn’t mean I need to suffer like this… it’s embarrassing. I have my room door locked, so I know my family thinks I’ve been sleeping peaceful all night… but Lil do they know, this pain is probably one of the worst ones I’ve ever had to endure… narcotics couldn’t even knock me out.

The crazy thing though, I have friends and family members who can stay in relationships for years on end, and they won’t even attempt to seek the face of God… but I have Him at the forefront of my life, and repetitive break ups is my destiny.

Back when I was going through those years of suicide attempts, when I first started this group, trust me, it wasn’t because I was weak… because I know my worth, and I realize I CAN make it without a man financially… but that’s not the case… the point is I don’t want to!!! It’s hard going from watching t.v. with someone, cuddled up in their arms… y’all cracking your sides at the same time to the funny parts, or you both get teary eyed simultaneously… once that significant other is gone, t.v. is now a thing you hate… which causes a domino effect to occur, because now depression is working its way into your realm… SMH!!!

But, this is the kicker… although the problems were on and off between he and I, I purposely would over look them because I honestly believed our connection to be of God, since we married the first time in 1998, then again in 2000… calling ourselves renewing our vows, in an effort to have a new slate… in June 2003, God blessed me with a good job, that not only paid good, but it was interesting enough to aide in me being able to wean myself off of him, and there was absolutely no contact until March 2013, when I used this exact venue that I’m posting to right now to track him down, and the rest is self explanatory I guess!!!

Nevertheless, I still have to believe that God has a plan even in this pain I’m going through.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion