Category: Surrender

My failure to discern SMH… Daddy, draw me nearer

I hate the fact that I haven’t fully gotten to the place where I can totally ween out the devil being able to trick me… I wanna know that I know that I shonuff KNOW that the voices, unctions and leadings I receive daily are ALL my Daddy… If not, I run the risk of acting out inappropriately and making decisions based on my flesh and/or human desires.

Yes, I must live in this bbody. But, my hugest desire is to die to self, and walk out my life in the supernatural, to the point that I hear from God in every aspect of my life, and make minimal to no mistakes each day. Now, of course I realize I’ll never be perfect, and that’s fine. But, being Blessed with discernment helps you live a Godly life not to the best of your ability. Rather, to the best of His ability, as you allow the Holy Spirit to have total control of your thought process. It’ll amaze you how you’ll notice things outwardly and inwardly changing about you. The old way you use to handle issues will become a figment of your imagination.

I can’t take rejection, so anytime someone upset me, I have a bad habit of alienating them and that’s horrible, they’ll try to make Peace, but the built up frustration inside caused me to keep them away from me for days on in. Today though, I’m actively letting God show me how to interact with people better, and help me accept the fact that I cannot get my way all the time, and can’t isolate myself every time things get me mad.

Even I’m my marriage SMH, my husband just reminded me of how I’ve done him in the past two years and how hurtful things have been ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… I feel sooooooo bad (((TEARS))). Nonetheless, with me being able to discern more effectively, the enemy won’t be able to trick me any longer and ultimately I’ll end up being a more pleasant person to be around and I’ll eventually know how to give and receive the love God has placed in me to share and benefit from.

by shootahdcpassion

Aunt Diane (Documentary)

This here show made me appreciate God more, simply because I have been delivered from alcohol and drugs. The events that played out in this documentary took me back to some miserable places in my life, and the tears I shed weren’t sad ones, but rather for the joyous fact that I’ll Neeeeeevvvveeerr undergo nor put myself through turmoil anymore.

Multiple DUI’s didn’t make me stop drinking and driving, and I could’ve killed one of my loving grand babies in 2010, driving erratically, at speeds reaching 91mph, I was a mess, and had no regard for human life whatsoever during this time. That’s why I can’t Praise God enough, I could be locked away for awhile or even ddddeeeeaaaadddd SMH… God is AWESOME, and He’s better to us then we are to ourselves.

Not to mention the marijuana addiction, I caused my baby daughter significant development delays at birth, but once again all Praise to God… Today she’s gainfully employed, out on her own and you wouldn’t even know she literally lived in a long term care facility for the first sixteen months if her life.

Back to the documentary… Without speculating about what actually happen that day and whether Diane intentionally took her life… One more again I have to PRAISE God for bringing me through 12 unsuccessful suicide attempts and fixing my life to the point where suicide will Neeeeeevvvveeerr be a thought that crosses my mind again. To add, there’s accusations that Daniel (her husband) was having an affair, and that led to her actions that day… God, You’re amazing, because I’ve dealt with and no longer bogged down with infidelity and adultery occurring in my marriage anymore… Daddy, You’re absolutely THE BEST!!!

But, we must seek His face and allow Him full reign in our lives, then all the issues we face He’ll handle shonuff!

by shootahdcpassion

If you’re HAPPY and you know it clap your hands… CLAP, CLAP!

Praise Is What I Do – William Murphy: http://youtu.be/vIPKnj-0Czw

God inhabits the Praises of His people. When our Praises go up, showing gratitude adoration, admiration and appreciation, undoubtedly an abundance of Blessings WILL come raining down.

We take the good God does for us for granted far too much. The food He provides, the homes we live in, the vehicles we drive, the bills we pay, the safety we enjoy, the clothes on backs, etc. None of those things do we technically deserve, it’s only because of His Grace and Mercy that we’re not consumed, and being Blessed with more than enough or at least what is sufficient to sustain us.

Even aside from all the STUFF He does for us and gives us, we can do Him the Honor of thanking Him just for Who He is in our lives… Without Him there’d be no you!!! He saw fit to breathe air into your lungs and give you life, that wasn’t His duty… Lest we should have the attitude “uhhhhhh, that’s His job” – Nooooooo pumpernickel bread… He owes us nothing, and Him providing for us definitely deserves a round of applause… I mean that’s the least we can do, considering we’re not barely getting by. Rather, we’re living an amazing, wonderful and awesome life.

Make it a practice each day, to spend the first couple of minutes Praising God, telling Him how Good He is, and thank Him for what He’s done, doing and going to do for you and yours. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee, refrain from asking for anything during this time, just let Him get His shine on 🙂 He loves to feel puffed up, and deserves every second of it. By the way, even if you miss the quality time with Him at the start of the day… Don’t trip, He Neeeeeevvvveeerr sleeps nor slumbers! The same way you can access Him in a state of an emergency – when in need. Likewise, He’s open for our outpour of Praise 24/7/365 as well. Sooooooo, let’s make Him HAAAAPPPPYYYY by making crescendos happen.

by shootahdcpassion

From suicide to HOMICIDE… Lucifer flat lined

Keep calm crime scene investigators… Dusting for prints NOT necessary! No need for forensics, ballistics nor toxicology reports… I plea NO CONTEST… I’m guilty as charged with this massive 187. This slaying tops David and Goliath and is well overdue!!!

I could claim self-defense, since he’s been nitpicking and attempting to destroy my life for umpteen years. Anyone in their right mind would agree I’m justified for this massacre 🙂

All the obnoxious suicide attempts you caused, how does it feel, now that the shoe is on the other feet, and you’re bogged down, with Nooooooo control? You feel helpless right??? Do you feel like everything you’ve lived for and tried to build has been snatched out from under you… Good! What goes around comes around jerk… Karma’s a b!+©π huh???

All the sleepless nights, swollen eyes, war wounds, adultery, punches, kicks, spit in my face, sexual abuse, jail terms, loose living (sexually) and poverty I endured, because you had me brainwashed SMH!!! Nooooooo MORE 🙂 The same grave you dug for me on several failed occasions you’ll rest in starting TODAY.

You’re through being my puppet master; stringing me along into every sin imaginable. And I’m extra careful to make sure you’ll Neeeeeevvvveeerr get a chance to wreck my grand children’s lives, that’s why killing you off all together is a MUST! No more making me feel inferior, and telling me my crazed and deranged way of acting was Ok… Just blame it on bipolar. Nope, I’ll never settle for mediocrity. Jail cells and mental institutions look nuttin like the mansion my Daddy has for me.

I could go on listing all the chaotic mess you once had me indulging in, but it’s pointless and gives you too much credit, that you’re in no way worthy of… You’re merely the scum beneath my shoe. So take this death sentence and leave me, my family, my finances, my health, my job and relationships alone for GOOD!!!

I’m in control now sucka lol… My Daddy gave me power over you; to trample you underfoot, and with that being said… Ssssqqqqquuuuaaaasssshhhh – you’re gone!!! (((TOODLES)))

by shootahdcpassion

Dysfunctional family… Be NOT bitter or dismayed

 

1 Peter 2:9-10

9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”

No doubt, living in or being a product of a dysfunctional family can definitely be overwhelming. But, what matters most is your attitude, actions, reactions and responses. Make it a daily habit to remind yourself that you’re not in this alone. God placed you there for a purpose, and He’s surely with you through it all.

In most cases, your charge is to become that beacon of light and set apart from the rest. So that you may lead the lost ones to Salvation. Hard I know, but not impossible! Determination and repetition is imperative, and not you merely giving lip service, about what everyone else needs to do. Rather, you are to be the model they can follow and appreciate… Live a righteous life of example before them, and before you know it conversion will run through each person like a domino effect.

You may be thinking “Things are too bad here, nothing will ever change the course of this household”. Not true, God already knows about the drug usage, verbal & mental abuse, theft, lies, gossip, backbiting and slander; to say the least, that you endure regularly, and He wants you to know He’s well pleased with your staying abilities. Moreover, your breakthrough is near, and He’s about to turn every test you’ve passed into TESTIMONIES.

You did well in refraining from murmuring and complaining… Never considering yourself to be a victim. Instead, you remained strong as a VICTOR!!! Keep up the good work fam, everything is working in your favor. Look to see change very soon… But, you gotta believe. No matter how it looks, even if the enemy tries to show you reasons why God can’t possibly be on your side… Shut him up with your Faith, by exclaiming the goodness of God thus far.

Now, walk with pomp and circumstance, into your destiny, knowing that you’re more than a conqueror 🙂

The Winans Millions: http://youtu.be/So_LUItMFc8

by shootahdcpassion

Our FUTURES… Lead them correctly now and eventually FOLLOW them in their success!

“Train up a child in the way they should go…”

I don’t even attend church, so this is insignificant… WRONG!!! Your spiritual status has no bearing on your parental capabilities, you’re not minutely defined by whether you’re walking upright or not… Of course it’d be better if we all were grounded and rooted. However, certain instances beyond our control sometimes puts a damper on our being able to fellowship.

Nonetheless, there’s things we can do in our own capacities… Like encouraging them, praying with them or if they’re age appropriate, teach them how to pray for themselves. Don’t let them think praying to or relying on God is corny or makes one less than… In fact, find ways to explain to them that they must be leaders in this and every other aspect, and it’s OK to pray in their own personal spaces, if not comfortable with collective prayer amongst peers.

Do you know or have you even concerned yourself with their career dreams? If so… Great!!! Keep persevering along side them… Rooting for them every step of the way… And together you’ll be successful.

On the other hand, you’ve never talked to your baby in that manner, and more; they don’t even feel they can confide in you… Parents, the cray cray ends now… Wherever that child is, get him or her front and center and let them know newness begins for you guys, and you vow to be everything they long for.

Thrust our babies not only into this Nnnnnneeeeeeewwwwwww year with a better mindset, but also they’ll know… After that sentimental valuable time with my parent… Ain’t nothing I can’t conqueror, overcome nor endure, because they’re my backbones and instilling only the best in me.

Follow me as I allow Christ to LEAD!!!

by shootahdcpassion

Haaaappppyyyy New Year… Or nah???

Sooooooo, I have 364 days left to improve the way I feel inside and about life in general. No doubt, I’m unhappy! But, what’s missing? I mean, everything I assumed made me feel so terrible years ago no longer exists. In fact, some would haphazardly claim I’m living the american dream (man at home, children self sufficient, gainfully employed, health up to par) what else could anyone want or need?

My question exact!!! I have no clue what I’m experiencing, and that in itself is driving me crazy. Sorta like a catch 22 or should I say I’m dammed if I do or don’t geeeesssssshhhhh… How much longer till I rrreeesssttt??? It use to be “I can’t get no man, so I’m so sad” next suicidal thoughts creep in. Well, he’s doing his best and I’m still effin unhappy SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh.

My children don’t call on nor depend on me like before, when I was able to lay blame to them for all my so call stress… Jesus, Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee step in, and lead, guide and direct me… If I’m the primary culprit for my own demise; I’m prepared to take full responsibility, and allow You to show me myself transparently. There’s gotta be a better waaaaaayyyyyyy, and I’m determined to find it!!!

by shootahdcpassion