Strong Bonds​That HURT (((TEARS)))

My name is Paulette Williams, and I’m reaching out to you on the behalf of my family.  The entire family is dysfunctional for real and I’d like to see a change in that, but that’d take some time understandingly so. Therefore, my primary focus right about now is my immediate family, which consists of my four children and their eleven children.

As it stands, my two youngest daughters have severed ties with me after a family vacation this past week turned rather ugly, and hidden ill feelings reared its ugly head, causing complete chaos. No one actually became physical, but the end result was the police having to be called to mediate certain situations to the best of their abilities, but still upholding the law, with advice to each of us to seek out legal help for many unresolved financial issues.

A little history: Since the age of 15 I began raising my children alone, with absolutely no help from their fathers, all four different, which was something I was always shameful about and another thing I constantly discouraged for my three daughters. I repetitively used my many mistakes as points of reference for the way I did not want them to follow, seeing as though my adolescent and beginning adult years was filled with several arrests, alcohol, drugs, mental illnesses, suicide attempts, multiple marriages and reconstructive surgeries, that came about because of my ways, attitude, disposition, actions and crazy reactions.

After my last jail stay, I took a good look at these new little faces joining our lineage (MY gorgeous grandbabies), and I vowed to myself to be a BETTER mother and grandmother (The expected Echelon/Matriarch) that I should’ve been from start. I took the initiative to go back to college and I finally received my certificate in Medical Assistance and I secured a prominent position for a wonderful OB/GYN and together we successfully ran both her offices at two of the best hospitals in Washington, DC, and this was my way of life and something positive being modeled in front of them for some time, until I came down with Sciatica and had to have emergency surgery, which inadvertently landed me on disability. In the interim I continued to profess my Faith in God and they too followed my lead, and I’m ever so thankful for that, because it kept my family strong and bonded.

Before long, SSI help became inadequate, as the cost of living increased from year to year. So, I obtained a Ticket to Work, and became gainfully employed by the United States Postal Service, where all three of my daughters followed my lead, but eventually resigned unadvisable, and it seems like things have been rough for all of us since then.

Speed forward: Due to all the time I wasted either from being incarcerated, in mental institutions, totally drunk or high, away from my babies I never was able to do anything nice for them. So, I bought us a timeshare, that we all could utilize either individually or as a family, and I own the eleventh week of each year, which happens to always fall in my second daughter’s birthday month, and it worked out perfect for the first year of her going down with her friends and family and my request was merely that the rest of us join sometime throughout the course of that week for a family gathering. I was ecstatic to give her this yearly gift, because she was one of my children who claimed to feel that she was the black sheep, and overlooked by me. Although I didn’t see this, I will attest to one thing. If it’s true that she’s been made to feel that way, in actuality it’s all deserving, seeing as she’s the one of my children that has always been outlandish and blatantly disrespectful to me and anyone else that tries to speak logic, rules, reality and constructive criticism to her.

Nonetheless, March 12, 2017 thru March 19, 2017 should’ve been a happy moment for our Lil family, but it was everything but that; it turned out to be a complete nightmare, with my baby daughter not even showing up, but sent her only daughter to me half packed, hair not done and in my opinion not properly fed, all for the sake of chasing a man who tried to kill her in her apartment bedroom, while her toddler baby lay asleep on the bed just steps away from the gunfire, not to mention he kidnapped her baby, torturing her by repetitively threatening that he was gonna kill her Mommy SMH. There was a stay away order in place between them, that my daughter illegally allowed him to break, by willingly letting him come back around her and her daughter, not even considering the fact that this man still indulges in illicit drugs and drinks regularly, which can cause him to snap again. Had me and my husband not been present to help her and the baby out of the unfortunate predicament, my thoughts are that they’d both probably be dead. Her reasons for “cutting me off” is because of my threats, (out of frustration), to report her to Child Protection, in an effort to forcefully get my granddaughter out of harm’s way. Perhaps I did appear to be mean by saying that, but I felt I was left with no other option, seeing as she’s 23 and totally disregarded my motherly advice to never see him again or at least not allow him anywhere around the baby. I had gotten her a rental car, because she now lives in Tennessee, and needed a better source of highway transportation to come to and from DC for visits. So, I thought about punishments that I use to implement when they were younger that worked and taking things from them that they really liked always got their attention, and brought about immediate change. So, I snatched the keys to the rental car, Praying that’d make her see how serious I was about her leaving that toxic man alone, but it caused her to hate me instead, and I come to find out that was because she no longer had her car, that’s been parked for five months, while she enjoyed the luxuries of the rentals, to resort to, because the prohibited man, during one of his many nights of rage flattened all four of her tires, and it’s gonna cost nearly $800 to get someone to professionally come to the car and remove each tire, change it from the rim, and reinstall them.

It would appear that she’d see all the things that this man has done to negatively impact her life and leave him on her own, but she turns the blind eye and deaf ears obviously. She has a permanent huge chunk missing from her abdomen, from where he bit her and ripped flesh away. On many occasions she has to be stuck for weeks leading into months with no phone, because he destroys them. After the mishap with her Post Office job, she went to school and was overjoyed at the fact that she secured her CNA license. After the shooting in her home and the terrible attack she endured, she had to be put on major medications to help get rid of flashbacks and nightmares, but she kept falling asleep while on patient watch, now once again she’s left jobless. I stressed to her to please see the culprit for all her downfalls to be this man, and do the right thing and separate herself from him at once. Lastly, about this particular daughter; I would hate for any before and after pics to be shown of her, with the comparison timeline being since the day she hooked up with him to present. It’d bring tears to your eyes, just as it does me being her mother and having to watch my babygirl self destruct; only because she’s reached the age of appropriation, and no longer has to abide by my rules. It crushes my heart to see how frail my child is now, face all sunken in, and her baby looks even worse, but every time I feel it’s my duty to get officials involved my two eldest children and other friends and family members say I’ll be doing the baby an injustice. Please help!!!

To add, back to the daughter I spoke about earlier, the one that felt a bit slighted by me years ago and still does now I’m sure, after this weeks horrible vacation. From a child all the way through to where we are today, she’s always been a very mean, rude, disloyal and obnoxious young lady, not only to me, but also to strangers, extended family and her own siblings, and she knows and apparently adores this about herself, even to the point that her nickname “Rudiist Bitch” was coined after her crudeness, something I hate with a passion and always tried to help her lose sight of to no avail.

But, the night things got blown out of proportion concerning my baby daughter, I made a statement that caused friction to transpire between us two, and I regret it, because she was actually trying to help me figure out a course of action for her younger sister. My oldest daughter asked a question about how I intended to handle the fact that I’d never be able to see or talk to my baby daughter and her child again, and my stupid reply was that I’d just start treating her as I had been doing my middle daughter “feeding her with a long handled spoon”. Instantly, my middle daughter went off, it was like a domino effect the entire night, even spilling over to my oldest daughter and my only son, who wasn’t even present. Certainly it was misplaced anger, that was definitely geared towards my baby daughter for how she left my granddaughter outside in the cold, to wait for her sister to bring her to me, while she rushed away back to this evil man she’s connected with, something she never would have done before meeting him.

But, my reasons for starting to deal with my middle daughter that way is because she was and still is involved in a way worse domestic violence relationship and she has four small babies who cringe at the sound of any raised voices, even if it’s in excitement during a sports game or we’re watching a boxing match. Her lip is disfigured and she has all types of permanent slits and cuts, that’s been stitched up from her crazed maniac. It’s nothing to walk in her home and find blood splatter everywhere and all the furniture flipped and broke. But, she never would adhere to my begging her to leave the unhealthy relationship, and even went a step further to simply tell me to mind my business, and just like with my baby daughter, I was encouraged not to contact the police, because the children may get the bitter end of the stick in the end. So, I just made up in my mind to stay away from them as much as possible. To her, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, since she said she’d been trying to put a finger on why I’d been so distant. She decided if that was my initial thought pattern, let’s make it all the way official and indefinite. Not once did she consider the fact that I’m her mother and could NOT bare to see her face always bloody or her neck with deep scratches, knowing a young punk ass nigga was abusing her, and I was powerless to help.

As for my oldest daughter, even though she got dragged into it, she has never lost her ability to withhold verbal disrespect. So, she just disregarded the things that was brought up about her and continued to try to fix things happening with her two sisters. I will say this though about my oldest daughter, the two younger ones may be more verbally overbearing, but she and I have had three real bad fist fights, that left my pinky on my right hand deformed and she has put me out of her home, where I was helping with bills, to sleep on the streets four times. I’ll never EVER trust her in that aspect again. Usually three’s a charm. But, I got hurt for the fourth time believing in tainted family values. But, for the most part as long as I don’t have to depend on my oldest daughter for living arrangements we’re pretty cool. My son on the other hand is now and always has been very weird and disconnected from ALL of us girls, and to be honest it could very well be for all the right reasons. Too much Drama at every event. But, then too if that is the case, instead of standing on the outside looking in, maybe it’d behoove him to intervene and help us females iron out the many differences for the sake of the eleven babies coming behind us, which is my imperative reason for reaching out to you. Again I reiterate… Please help!!! Thanking you in advance.

Absolutely devastated and HURT!!!

Sears is the worse!!! (((TEARS)))

On April 22nd I received wonderful news that I had finally been accepted into an apartment after nearly three years of either sleeping in my car or in between temporary homeless shelters.

When I became homeless I lost all my furniture and set out immediately in search of what I felt to be the most important thing right now, a bed to sleep on, and I knew I couldn’t afford a real bed therefore I settled for a air mattress and after reading multiple reviews about how easily they get holes I decided to get two cheap ones, knowing I’d need to sleep on them for a while.

I had ordered a deep freezer before my terrible demise from Sears and considered them a reputable company. So, I placed my order with them and it was due to arrive on May 2nd, I’d get my beds just in time!!! Wrong, my beds was delivered too early, without notification to me, and left at front door, and I’ve tried unsuccessfully to get this rectified through Sears.

It’s a hard knock life for ME

NOT understanding why is causing my confusion. How WILL I EVER get to sleep at night??? Were ALL those good days fraudulent? If so, you deserve an Oscar!!! How could I EVER be so stupid, NOT to have seen this coming beforehand and readied myself for it all… SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh 😦

I haven’t a clue as to why this is taking place the way it is, but I Pray with EVERYTHING in me that God keeps me strong enough NOT to be all suicidal AGAIN… I’m tired of the emotional rollercoaster. I’m sitting at work thinking that it’ll all be good in this or that amount of time, but clearly I really don’t know how long the grieving process will TAKE, especially because I don’t know in the first place why you’re leaving me to start.

I’m feeling that it can’t be another female because I check your phone and it’s ALWAYS empty of calls and texts, but you may have mastered a way to keep it all hidden from me, if that is the case, just know karma is REAL.

I further keep feeling like my healing will take long because I have no friends or family near me to keep my mind off you and depression is adamant in that case. I was gon get on a dating site, just to keep myself busy and in an effort to ward off being somber, but that’s just a temporary fix that I don’t wanna be bothered with… Geeeesssssshhhhh life’s a bi+¢π then you die!!!

Prayers Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee

HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil and neither SEE no evil… Just BELIEVE!!!

The pic is my only son… He gave me my first granddaughter and she came out looking juuuuussssttttt like me… You talking about haaaappppyyyy!!! I was ecstatic 🙂 🙂 🙂 I Neeeeeevvvveeerr wanted to have favorites, but my babbbbbbyyyyyyyy boy was some kinda special to me lol, and he felt the same about his Mom also. Whenever I had to grocery shop, go to school or work, he would cry sooooooo hard for hours, and hold his breath til he turned blue geeeesssssshhhhh.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Just when I start doing good, my old fling, who broke EVERYTHING off with me wanna start contacting me again, buuuutttttt he’s clearly playing games SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. One minute we’re texting back to back. Then, all of a sudden it’s complete silence… I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster. Sooooooo I really prefer he refrain from bothering me EVER again in life… His unexplainable inconsistencies drives me up a wall, and only allows the devil an opportunity to play tricks on my mind… Like, Ohhhhh he had to stop texting because his girlfriend woke up and caught him. ALL of iiiiittttttttt is irritating… Just goooooooooooooooo, and leave me ALONE!!!

God is sooooooo good, I’m getting 32 hours this week, and I get to run Post 1 by myself again… That’s unexpected Blessings of elevation and gain at work. As I said before, the things they’re allowing me to do, I wasn’t even thinking about doing for probably nine to ten more years… Walking around with keys to Federal Government buildings… Woooooowwwwwwww 🙂 🙂 🙂 I’m waaaaaayyyyyyy tooooooo Blessed to EVER be stressed!!!

I was upset yesterday, I won’t lie!!! Because it seems like bad stuff keep coming out the woodwork… I read the pamphlet that said MAX 90 days at the shelter, and that had me in my feelings off the break, but I dealt with it, rules are rules, and I just planned to cross that bridge when I came to it, and I depended on only having to request two extensions, which I thought were good for a period of thirty day’s. Come to find out, the maximum stay has been switched to sixty days, and the extensions, if granted are only for two week increments at a time SMH… That just blew me terribly!!!

Buuuuuutttttttt, today is FREE YOUR MIND FRRRRRIIIIDDDDDAAAAAYYYYY and just as I express to you guys… Nothing is to bombard or overwhelm you today!!! Therefore, this possible upcoming trouble is merely a figment of my imagination!!!

Guys, I can tell when I’m doing things right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He’ll just have people walk up and hand me sympathy cards with money in them… I’m so overjoyed and THANKFUL, immediately I Pray for BIG/HUGE Blessings to fall upon each of them and their entire families. Especially the one who helped me today, because she was just crying until her eyes was stop sign red over some personal issues she was having… And yet she unselfishly gave to me… Praise, Honor and Glory to my Daddy, because ultimately it’s ALL Him… They’re just vessels He’s using.

Resist the devil and he will flee!!!

The pic is my only son’s only daughter, and she’s the other Mini Me I told you ALL about.. To me, she looks like the younger version of me, dimple and all. Then, the Lil chunky Mini Me, that just had a bday resembles me after I’ve put on a few extra pounds lol.

It feels sooooooo good to hear God, even to this day, tell me that I’m fearfully, marvelously and wonderfully made… In spite of what I’ve allowed to take place in my life… He don’t see me as the world does (Less than, trifling or hopeless).

In fact, my Daddy was already well aware of my current predicament, waaaaaayyyyyyy BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK before I EVER came to be. Our Heavenly Father knew our futures before we took our first breath.

EVERY day allotted to each of was a part of God’s perfect plan, and He knew how each day would totally play out before the sun ever took its rightful place in the sky.

I can’t rush ANYTHING to happen when I’m solely depending on You Daddy, but rather it’s my responses to setbacks, holdups and utter disappointments that You’re measuring.

Will I continue to trust You, even when it looks like You’re outlandishly saying NO!!! What about when it feels as though You’re plain ole taking absolutely tooooooo long ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!! Yes indeed, because I know my help comes from You and You ALONE, and there’s nooooooo one else offering to or even able to help me right now.

First day back… There’s a purpose for my homelessness, and God will get the Glory for my deliverance from it ALL!!!

 

I have the slightest idea why ALL of this is playing out the way it is. But, I’m determined to continue on with my Vloggling and blogging because I earnestly and honestly believe that God wants me to show my current bad predicament, and how He’s daily bringing me through and out on the other side.

One thing for sure though, and two things for certain… Once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s Nooooooo place else to go except UPWARDS, and that’s definitely in the making for me and for anyone else who’s experiencing the turmoil I am… Keep your Faith and remain encouraged… God won’t leave US nor forsake US.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/25/15 (DAY 37)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Hair is a mess… gggggrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh! All the back to school babies beat me to the punch with my hair stylist

Still tremendously sleepy… This is ridiculous how fast training came about geesh!!!

Day three of lessons reminding us to make the best use of our time… No Godless chatter, backbiting or gossip

Read God’s Word, Pray, Praise & Worship… We need God like we do food for the nourishments of our body

Make sure your line of importance runs like this God first, others second then focus on yourself thereafter

During transition, your mate has to understand that you’re not shunning them but tired instead, and trying to adjust

My dream is to be in FULL-TIME Ministry for God, then life will definitely be less stressful

Be careful not to act as the world does just because they’re family… “Be NOT conformed to this world…”

Use your talents for God and watch Him increase you like never before

Another poor presentation (Vlog) toooooooo sleepy, and not at my best SMH! Please forgive me

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/24/15 (DAY 36)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Even if you’re use to the atmosphere at your current job, realize change comes with elevation and transformation

How can God take you higher if you keep fear as your confidant or companion?… Trust and Obey!!!

Please forgive me… Terrible Vlog… Sleepy to the fifth power!!!

Miserably sleep deprived… Jesus HAS the wheel!!!

Can’t wait to get situated!!! So outta my element, and so many arenas of my life is being negatively impacted SMH

My Rick Warren emails always comes at 4:44 am, this means my Angels are with me… Thank You Daddy 🙂

Make the best use of your time, remembering that an idle mind is the devil’s playground… Keep him far far away!!!

Watching myself fall asleep while driving… Totally DANGEROUS 😦 😦 😦

When you do wrong,quickly repent,turn from your wicked ways and hop back on the battlefield for Christ

Compliment and/or encourage anyone today, especially those who are normally insecure

Stream televangelists to your TV, so that you can spend quality time with God

Rest is important both spiritually and naturally… Pray for me to start back resting well again. Insomnia’s back

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/23/15 (DAY 35)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Make a special trip to a hospital, hospice, mental institution, nursing home, jail or prison to sit with somebody today

Sit down, call up a long lost friend or estranged family member or love one… Inspire, compliment & encourage them

Lend a helping hand today. Allow God to surprise you through you (Buy someone’s groceries or pay a bill off for them)

Pray and ask God to lead you to that perfect someone who could use the support most that He wants you to give

Show God you trust Him by not fighting against the transitions He has you embarking upon… They’ll pan out beneficial

Do not allow the enemy leeway into your life, mind or heart, to have his way, and reap havoc… Resist & he’ll flee

My reasoning for me being so mushy when people show me love for the things I’m doing for God… “The Passion’s of Christ”

Looking for love in all the wrong places caused me to be promiscuous SMH… But, God shielded me from death & disease.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/22/15 (DAY 34)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

Spent quality time with God and I’m so ELATED

The messages from both Joel Osteen and Rick Warren Blessed  my Spirit immensely!!!

To think of how God can simply speak, and the world is formed, shows just how good He can do in our lives

Thank you all, there’s POWER in Prayer…And even more influence when we go to the Throne in numbers 🙂

I got the job, and even received Favor over some who had a higher seniority!!! Won’t God do it

Be careful what advice you take, even if it’s from a well trusted friend, they mean no harm, but satan does

I must apologize to God for appearing ungrateful, and running from person to person for advice… FEAR

When you ask God for a Blessing and get it, don’t let doubt creep in

God makes nooooooo mistakes, and only wants the BEST for us

Don’t do tricky things to get yourself out of a place God is transitioning you to; especially after you asked for it

God knows how to turn anything the enemy tries to use to harm you into a HUGE Blessing… Trust and Obey!!!

Even when your shift seems like you’re getting the short end of the stick, don’t worry… God Gotcha 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/21/15 (DAY 33)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

When you feel as though you’re being PUNKED, instead see the situations as TESTS that you must pass

Don’t be so overbearing and mean towards others… Consider their feelings and needs FIRST

That brief pause was imperative… my trunk was open, and I seen an accident waiting to happen SMH

The enemy can’t send small irritants your way when you’re grounded & rooted in Christ… he really sticks it to you

Allow God to kill your flesh daily, so that you don’t haphazardly offend nobody… Rudeness is a No No!!!

Recognize your Spiritual tests and pass them…So, you’ll become a Victor in that area, and thus a better person as well

It’s very important to stay before the face of God, lest you give the enemy time to hop in and try you

Allow God to decrease you and have the Holy Spirit increase in you. So that you say and do only what’s Godly

It’s always a Blessing to wake up to no texts or missed calls from family… Reassurance that ALL is well 🙂

Be careful of the things you watch on TV, negative energy transfers, and the news can sometimes be bad for us too

Use your time wisely! Even after work and completing household chores… Still don’t make room for Godless chatter

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/20/15 (DAY 32)

 

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

Lol, I honestly thought I was being PUNKED I ended up babysitting ten children… unknowingly SMH

You talking about a headache from outer space, I had it like never before ggggeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssshhhhhhh

They had the back to school jitters or something… And taming them with candy was a HUGE mistake!!!

I almost spanked their rumpelstiltskins numerous times… But, some of my children are against it… Keep em home!!!

Even though I was frustrated to the nineteenth power, I was lenient, because the adults were handling business

Next time Imma get me a good old-fashioned switch off the nearest tree, “sting em britches” as Granny use to say

Nonetheless, there was a lesson in all of it… God wants me to help out in that arena

I’m good at any other task, Grandma wise. But, babysitting wasn’t my thing at all, and I’m a stickler to that fact

At least I was “a stickler”… God requires and demands more from and of me… We are to help when needed!!!

To add, I gotta stop making mountains out of mole hills, and figure tactful ways to keep them busy and in order

Granny successfully raised her 16, and umpteen of her grands… I’m just as able; with God on my side 🙂 🙂 🙂

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/19/15 (DAY 31)

 

Today is WE CAN DO IT WENESDAY

Happy and cheesing from ear-to-ear… Back to back days off!!! Ohhhhhhhhh yoppington 🙂 🙂 🙂

“We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us!”

God is AWESOME, and showed up and showed out in my life today… Sooooo overjoyed; Thank You Daddy!

Can you say CHANGING FOR THE BETTER x’s two (2)… Go God, Go Me, Go God, Go Me!!!

Washed clothes, three loads… All by lonesome… Good job girly

Cooked and laid out dinner for later

On my way household and necessities shopping… woooo hoooo 🙂

Spent quality, quality, quality time with my Heavenly Father… Filled up to the brim

EVERY adult is outta the house doing something productive… Won’t God do it!!!

Wait on God, don’t dare get suicidal… Believe against all odds that He’s for sure a keeper of those who love Him

Never give up HOPE… Keep the FAITH in the face of adversity

The tables turned… My husband try to reap havoc… But, God just simply ain’t having it, and I never fed in to it

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/18/15 (DAY 30) continued…

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY continued…

Don’t beat yourself up & and question your Salvation, when you repetitively do wrong… Instead Pray harder for CHANGE

If you see the evidence of God in your life (Blessings, Grace & Mercy), worry NO MORE… You’re a part of the family

How do you TAME the tongue??? Tired of lashing out and hurting others… Being human, in my opinion, is NO excuse!!!

Reassured that God still loves me in spite of my loose lips… But, it ANGERS me afterwards, and rightfully so SMH 

“Loose lips sink ships!!!” be mindful of how you address others… They do have feelings you know; or do you???

Even if your mind convinces you otherwise about your mate… Hold your Peace, if you’ve wholeheartedly given it to God

Never avoid altercations to the point where it causes health issues (READ THIS CAREFULLY – TRICKY, BUT TRUE)

Make sure to ALWAYS say “If it’ll be the Lord’s Will I’ll do this, this or that” Our plans still need His APPROVAL

If you and your mate are displaced (Living with others), be good to each other THROUGH it… No misplaced anger

Working God’s adrenaline and strength… Totally sleep DEPRIVED… Sad, sad, sad gggeeeeeeeeeeessssssshhhhhhhhh!!!

What’s the real scoop on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting… Enquiring minds wants to know!!!

Just because you’re agitated, due to things you brought on yourself… That don’t mean take it out on your mate

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/18/15 (DAY 30)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Hubby came home… I Prayed and God answered. Now, I gotta step outta the way!!!

Very IMPORTANT… it’s in no way ok to discuss your relationship with your children… They haven’t a clue what you’re to do

By nature, your babies want to protect. But, they can give you wrong advice, as a safety mechanism; on your behalf

God’s JEALOUS, and He don’t like it when we Pray for His help, then snatch our situations back, to handle ourselves

Regardless of the predicament, your mate should be contacting you daily… Silence makes room for assumptions

Pray SPECIFIC… God knows all. But, wants to hear it from you. He’ll give us the desires of our hearts

Know that you know that you for sure know your Heavenly Father’s voice; as to not give the enemy a foothold in your life

You DON’T have to have an altered mind in order to interact with others (Drugs & Alcohol) only makes it worse

The Holy Spirit can’t and won’t dwell in an unclean Temple… Remain SOBER guys!!!

Allow yourself to decrease, and God rise up when you have to socialize or have important conversations

Once promiscuous, but DELIVERED… unscathed, no deadly diseases… Thank You Daddy 🙂 🙂 🙂

“Judge not lest ye be JUDGED!!!”

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/17/15 (DAY 29)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Know that God is delighted to handle ALL our affairs if we would just TRUST in Him and ask for His help

Before you know it, things will begin to be Peaceful, clear and running smooth all around you… Give Him the Praise

Cast your cares! What? How do I do that? Simple, just raise your arms to God, and say Daddy I’m clueless and I need You

Crazy near death experience in the middle of the night SMH… What in the world was that all about???

My husband and I had a WEIRD interaction… Too sleepy to ponder though. Jesus grab the wheel 🙂 🙂 🙂

Feelings hurt in ER, because I must look like an OLD lady… Asked if I was my husband’s mom ggggggrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh

I see myself as Shallow Hal seen most of his potentials… Preserved, young and beautiful lol… funny right???

Wondering, in my lil inquisitive mind, if my husband is still dealing with an ex for financial gain

Finally destroyed the SCAM check… Had forgotten about it all this time. Thank God it was still there

Stop sabotaging your relationship by always thinking the worse about your mate… God makes NO mistakes

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/16/15 (DAY 28)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Practically NOOOOOOO sleep… Not at all the Will of God. Glad to be rid of my problem… Still Praying for him though

Proud of myself, hospital calls about my husband, and I Trust God and stay at work and finish my shift… GROWING

If your love one resists your help… Let go and let God. Continue to hold them up before God

Mad at myself for some of the harsh things I said to my husband… Anger is no excuse nor justification… MUST REPENT

Don’t get outta character because others are nonchalant and/or rude… Contact a supervisor instead

Even in knowing what harsh effect K2 is having on people, my husband insists on indulging… I’m DONE

If a person don’t take physician advice then surely your opinions won’t be warranted… Give it to God

K2 (Synthetic Drugs) is killing people guys… NEVER touch it, and encourage your love ones to do the same

When enough is enough… Fall back, especially when the person you’re trynna help won’t even help themselves

Instead of remaining sober my husband transitioned to something worse… Stand in Prayer with me please

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/15/15 (DAY 27)

Today is SEEK HIS FACE SATURDAY

After a breakup, Pray for Peaceful rest… I did, and I slept rather good ALONE

Seek God about ALL your situations (Financial, relational, emotional, situational, and definitely Spiritual)

God has plans and a specific purpose for each of us… Certainly seek His face for guidance and direction

Fam, don’t be too friendly with neighborhood individuals of the opposite sex, it only leads to unnecessary problems

It’s ALWAYS best to hear your mate out, opposed to running with the story you hear about them from another

Get to a MATURE place in God where you don’t overreact and lose your job behind relationship issues… TAKE TEN

Questioning another about whether they’re SECRETLY sleeping with your mate is pointless… They’ll never tell!!!

Pray immediately when something’s bothering you, don’t inadvertently suffer from medical issues due to unresolved issues

Meeting with children still not held SMH… Avoidance hhhhmmmmm???

Never stir up confusion with others in an attempt to get the heat off of you… Childish move on your part

Remember: God will make sure that those He don’t want in your life can’t stay, and those He does can’t leave

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/14/15 (DAY 26)

Today is FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

When you give yourself to Christ fully, He’ll show you things that’s occurring with your family that needs your attention

Can’t figure out for the life of me why my life is becoming a COMPLETE rollercoaster

The TRANSPARENT me is meant for my life to be shared, so that others can be helped through my experiences & problems

My baby daughter and my middle daughter are going through something that needs Mommy intervention

When your family is going through something, don’t kick them while they’re down. Instead, help out

Family makes stupid mistakes, but don’t overly punish them, when you have the capabilities to assist

Don’t allow your Union, who you pay weekly/biweekly to lie to you, and cause you to resign (You have rights)

NEVER send your family to a freekin shelter when you have adequate space available for them to live

Of course if your family is able to pay accept it. If not, definitely don’t turn your back on them… That’s not love!!!

Money is not more important than helping your love ones. God will Bless you accordingly

In need of Prayer for me and my family… Things are dwindling downward for each of us on a daily basis SMH

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/13/15 (DAY 25)

Today is THANK HIM THURSDAY

God is AWESOME… I’m in a GOOD mood

We all woke up, we have activity in our limbs, our five senses are operable, we’re healthy & whole [To name a few]

Y’all, I did it again SMH… Spontaneously left work gggrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh!!!

Hubby’s home yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy 🙂 🙂 🙂

Family meeting scheduled… Jesus, take the wheel please

Forgive me guys… I acted a real donkey… Got a lot of maturing to do (SPIRITUALLY)

Cigarettes missing, nobody cares… Now I’m in a stupor and shut completely down

Don’t you dare waste away a whole day moping, murmuring and complaining… God ain’t bout dat life!!!

How you look being so in your feelings, to the point where you can’t be a grandmother? Grow up already!!!

Sad situation that further shows I need maturity… Not happy about my husband’s potential success, in fear of him leaving me

NEVER sabotage your mate’s things out of (FEAR – False Evidences Appearing Real)

Pray for my liwwle (in my granddaughter’s voice) grandbaby, her not feeling well; two trips to ER

Stop Praying for more when you know you haven’t been a good steward over the things you’ve been given

*** Juanita Bynum “No More Sheets” a must see

Sistahs… Remain the same chick he fell in love with (Hair done, nails did, outfits on #fleek, house clean, and feed him)

Ladies… Keep yourself up! Don’t just let your weight get outta control, even baby fat can come off… Do it!!!

God has BIG things in store for us… It’s NOT His desire that any of us live in lack (poverty, depression, misery, etc.)

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/12/15 (DAY 24)

Today is WE CAN DO IT WEDNESDAY

I’m now a firm believer that the things you do to your parents will eventually return to haunt you

Things were crazy all night and morning… But, still I TRUST God

Hard for a caring grandmother to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to things going wrong with the babies in her life

Started to place myself back in a homeless state due to frustration with my daughter… Thank God I didn’t overreact!!!

Single again because of the mess pertaining to my granddaughter

Just what do you do when your grown child won’t listen to you, but they’re making wrong decisions?

I have no clue as to why things went left between my husband and me. But, God have Your way!

Seeing one again, the things I did to my mother coming back around on me through my children

Children, regardless of age MUST know “Don’t do what I’m doing or have done”… Rather do what I say

Called a family meeting, and I desire for God to be in total control…. Just want them to know I’m only trynna help

Tragedies are increasing I DC… Prayers please

Hold your peace, and Pray first… Never jump the gun and create a huger problem for yourself or others

Whatever happened to “Mom knows BEST???”

C

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/11/15 (DAY 23)

Today is TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY

Humbly realizing that it’s better to cook at home and stretch my meals, opposed to trynna keep up with the Joneses

Tragedy in the family… Cousin killed at Metro bus stop. Stabbed to death, on his way to visit with his children SMH

Is K2 causing these murders because people are haphazardly losing their minds?

Prayer needed for DC in whole… Car accidents are claiming our youth, coupled with shootings, stabbings and other violence

Pray for Sandra Bland’s family and also that JUSTICE will be served if she was outlandishly murdered

Still following the case where the police shot a young lady who was armed with a knife or multiple knives

God is definitely doing a thing with me, in changing my selfish & mean ways, and I’m openly allowing it ALL

We can’t get mad and decide to write people off because they want what you’ve owed them for months… DEAD WRONG

Mothers, we can’t arbitrarily cut all ties with our children because they anger us… God ain’t having it!!!

The apple don’t fall far from the tree, when you see the bad part of you in your child… Pray against generational curses

Open yourself up fully to God, and allow Him to have His way with you… CHANGE is imperative and beneficial

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/10/15 (DAY 22)

Today is MAKE EM SMILE MONDAY

Really good morning, got everything done, and still had time to spare… Ain’t God GOOD

Don’t let the enemy reap havoc between you and family… God don’t Bless mess!!!

See the devil for who he is amidst altercations… “We wrestle not with flesh and blood…”

Wondering if it’s validity in the Prophet’s claim that witchcraft is either being practiced in the home I’m in or has it been cast over it?

My smiles are due to my hubby taking the initiative to start writing his books again… Hallelujah!!!

When you get angry, please don’t overreact and destroy things that are dear and important to your mate

God is AWESOME, He helped me figure out how to fix a big project for my husband… made us both so happy

Let go of previous hurts, so that fear don’t cause sabotage

See the morals and potentials in your mate, and stick by them… it’ll pan out rewarding before long

Book writing program (Writenow 4)

Did K2 cause a lady to be shot by police in Washington, DC? This horrible drug has to cease and disappear!!!

We are to love in spite of the wrongs people do to us

Allow God to totally wash you clean of any wicked ways He finds in you

Got a Federal Government bid in for two WONDERFUL days off… Pray with me that I get it

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 8/9/15 (DAY 21)

Today is SUPPORT SOMEONE SUNDAY

Hubby been lovey dovey lately… That’s all well and fine, except for the fact that it cut into my planned study time SMH

Cured my seafood cravings… Huge payout though! Next time I’ll be cookin at home for sure.

Continue to Pray, even if God seems to be far away or simply not hearing you

“Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door shall be open unto you, and Ask and you shall receive”

I thank each of you for the wonderful comments, compliments, Prayers and marvelous words of encouragement

Remember: If you’re going through anything, find someone who’s experiencing your same pain, and Pray them through

God is wonderful… He delivered my husband totally from K2, and many others as well… Hallelujah!!!

Wait on God… Don’t rush Him. He knows what’s best for us, and will com through in His time

Don’t be mean and vindictive towards anyone, make less family who’s helping you… God don’t like ugly

Let God make amends between you and the very person who hurt you the worst

Da Ugly Ducklin came to be because of my dysfunctional family, and the lack of communication between us

The face that Nooooooo longer wears a smile

I’m trying, Christ in Heaven knows I am!!!

I need a Word from my Father. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee Daddy send me a message from on high. I know I need to still away in solitude, but there’s no where quiet enough to do this.

Daddy, send anyone to speak to me, and give me clear instructions of what I need to do. I’m not complaining perse. But, I’m in the dumps I can’t lie.

I surrender my all to You Lord, please send a breakthrough. Thank You Daddy for keeping us safe throughout the night. And we even had a bite to eat and were able to shower.

I’m just having a hard time being happy go lucky while experiencing all this. My bday is in six days and I’m sooooooo miserable… Nonetheless, I love You Lord and look forward to deliverance.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Homeless, heart heavy, mind confused and eyes pouring with tears!!!

This Ministry is POWERFUL and the devil is so fearful that he really caused me to sleep on the streets last night, and I’m still going forward with and for Christ!!!

Because he did that, God is simply going to give me something better, and it’ll be mine!

I’m human, and it’s hurting me; so the tears are natural… It in Nooooooo way states that I don’t believe God will come through for me. I know He’s setting everything in order right now.

Moreover, I’m thankful I still have my job and transportation… Eating is a little rough, but that too will change.

When I was just a babe in Christ, a renowned preacher by the name of Juanita Bynum gave her testimony about getting close to God and doing His will and having the adversary take her through brutal changes time after time. But, she held fast to Christ and continued on regardless. That’s the only thing I can see as the reason so many horrific things are coming against me. The fact that God laid it on my heart to start this Ministry.

The devil wants to make sure I have not only no stable place to diligently work with the Ministry, but also make my own personal life sooooooo chaotic that I can’t even think straight enough to put anything together SMH.

I won’t give up, if it means using public Wi-Fi spots to do all the things necessary, I’m willing to do it. Only what we do for Christ will last. God always takes what the devil plans for bad and turns it into a magnificent Blessing in our lives… When I’m weak He’s then strong for me… I will survive this and it’s merely another portion of the testimony God is giving me.

Stand with me in Prayer… Thanx bunches!!!

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Crisis Text Line helps teens across nation

Like Alone No More, this national program has analyzed technology and realized that the mediums that are widely used these days are face-to-face interactions (face time, ovoo, and Skype) to name a few. Text messaging, which they’ve intelligently integrated and is seeing that it’s working well, kudos to you guys. And also, apps on mobile devices (kindles, iPads, tablets and cellular phones) are also easily accessed and widespread… That’s why Alone No More will couple the app and face-to-face interactions together. Allowing the hurting person to instantly tap into a live supporter, who will talk to them, Pray for them and guide them to resources necessary to bring them back to a place of stabilization.

As this program admits at the end of their posts, that the people who are assisting the people who’s benefiting from their services are NOT therapists. But, rather they’re helping in the same manner we intend to, just by different, yet similar methods.

Regardless of the tactic, this is further evidence that hurting people need and want help, and prefer not to actually go in to a hospital or even a private office with doctors and other forms of trained professionals. They’d like it better if they can text or link through an app. Therefore, please donate and share this link… Help us come together to help others.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Reaching, surpassing one’s limitations.

I hurt that you’re hurting and I empathize with everything you’re experiencing and wish I were close enough to you to just grab you and hug you for hours, then sit with you all day, and just talk things through, until you feel better. I’ve been where you are and I can attest to the fact that Prayer definitely changes things, it did for me. It didn’t happen overnight, in fact I suffered intermittently for fourteen long Yyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrssssss, but that was all my fault. I surely could’ve been done with the craziness I went through faster, had I remained steadfast and avoided my triggers, but Nooooooo, I actually pursued the conduits even the more SMH, and by doing so I prolonged my own demise.

Even though I don’t know you personally, please accept me saying that I do love you like family, and want only what’s best for you moving forward. Without knowing the full magnitude of all that’s bothering you, it’s hard to try and assist. I don’t claim one bit to be a know it all or a professional with a focal point of stress or depression, but rather I’m coming from a place of experience, which has been considered to be our BEST teacher.

The best I can do, with miles in between us, being our hugest barrier is to offer up Prayer for you, if you like. I won’t assume that you’ll be receptive. Therefore, I’ll wait for your reply, I’m even willing to give you my number, in case you just wanna talk or you’d prefer Prayer via landline. Of course, I’m interceding for you as I type. But, I’d like to be more interpersonal and actually touch and agree with you… Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee respond, and Prayerfully I’m not out of line in my approach, your story just captivated me is all… Waiting patiently!!!

Alone No More is here for you; Heavenly sent… Be Blessed my friend

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

Write the VISION and make it plain!!!

After experiences with suicidal thoughts firsthand, then seeing how prevalent it is with celebrities and others who one would think are established and shouldn’t even be experiencing such problems that’ll ever make them feel worthless, hopeless or inadequate; further proves that suicidal tendencies has nuttin to do with how much money you have nor does popularity make a difference. Hurting people are everywhere… And I wanna HHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!

Alone No More

Is a non profit organization I wanna structure, that will operate 24 hrs a day and have an app attached to it, so that none will have to waste time dialing numbers to get help. What if they’ve already taken the pills or injured themselves, but have a change of heart, and too weak to dial out. This app will stay on the home screen (widget) and instantly a live counselor pops up and will be able to get your exact location, so long as GPS and location are both engaged on your device.

Also, with the app, say for instance you’re merely in the beginning phase of your plan, and you’re maybe able to just talk to someone and perhaps get to feeling better altogether. The counselor will either spend the needed time with you themselves or get someone local to respond to your location, in case you prefer face to face interactions.

Alone No More

Will have 24 hrs private prayer closets throughout the cities, for anyone to drop in as needed whenever, and they can choose whether they’d like for someone to pray with/for them or they want to spend time with God alone. Yes, we can pray anywhere. But, some people feel better in places that’s dedicated to/for the primary purpose of prayer.

Alone No More

Will either be staffed (on standby) at hospitals and and psychiatric associations, because everybody don’t just need to be medicated and locked on a ward, left alone to still think about your problems. Rather, talking it through is more helpful. Every time I’ve been committed the actual facility I was in did nuttin beneficial for me, aside from food, arts and crafts, an abundance of snacks and tons of mind altering drugs. The crazy thing is you end up lying, and saying your issue has diminished, just so you can finally get home. But, the problem just goes right with you. Instead, Alone No More will take the time to get to the root of your issue, and help you with therapy that surpasses sitting on a couch, going over family history and all the shenanigans. The time together will be spent doing whatever you enjoy, yet while still rectifying your problem. You’ll gain a new helpful friend.

However, this VISION will be expensive and time consuming. I need help writing proposals and staff to work with, ideas on how to turn these thoughts into reality. I can’t do this by myself, although I can see exactly how it should be structured. It’s gon take a committed team of US to pull this together. Come along and let’s put an end to suicide as best we know how… Giving the love that’s needed one click of the app at a time.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)