Tag: rap

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/22/15 (DAY 3)

Please forgive me for the dumb videos that end abruptly, without a proper outro message. But, time will definitely fix that, as I get more better at recording. Eventually, I’ll have a better device, with a huger storage. However, until then I ask you to bear with me.

I was cut off while explaining what happened with my last husband, and why we separated. As I was telling you, I made the horrible mistake of marrying way too quick from start. But, I was terribly lonely. Remember, I have ALL grown children, and they were moving on with their lives and happy for the most part… going out to eat, coupled up. Beach trips, constantly at the casino or club. Even though some of the places they frequented, I’m no longer interested in, I still wanted a mate, and I jumped at the very first chance that came my way and the latter months was beyond overkill. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t really over my previous husband, who I’m BACK with SMH, and that’ll be elaborated on as time progresses. Moreover, I carried hurt and all types of other damaging baggage over into my marriage, thus reaping unnecessary havoc for myself.

I was constantly bickering, complaining, nitpicking and physically abusing this man, and he held it all in until it came out in the worst way on that gruesome night, turned morning, beat down that I received, where God once again spared my life. now, this time, I wasn’t able to drive myself to the hospital like before and not because of any physical impairments. But, primarily because my husband didn’t want to leave me alone with in the ER, in fear of me contacting the police.

Enough of that already though, before too much explaining rolls into flashbacks, and emotions causes diverse reactions. I can’t say when I’ll discuss it. But, I wanna give my testimony about my reunification with my third husband, and how we’re doing now.

by shootahdcpassion

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 6/28/15 (Trial run – My first video trying out Vlogging)

This is my first attempt at Vlogging, and it was in June… I never could get the videos uploaded, so I completely gave up. But, I started back a month and a half later, and those are the videos on the site that are still not as good as I would like for them to be. But, I feel confident that I’m finally doing what’s pleasing to God. Even though they’re choppy and some are too long, in my opinion. Nevertheless, it satisfies my charge from above.

To recap: I discussed my reasons for getting away from the whole psychological team of nitwits, and it’s simply because thy weren’t doing me any good whatsoever!!! In fact, I spoke out about two drugs specifically that I’m not to fond of at all, and that’s Trazodone, because it causes shortness of breath and makes me feels anxious, and as if I’m hyperventilating. And lithium simply because I’m worried about any medication that gives cause for my blood to be continually monitored SMH… Nope, I’m GUCCI!!!

To add, I don’t know how to put the fact that I see NO need for repetitive trips to see therapist and psychiatrist no clearer than I have, with so much seriousness to back… I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous to make all these appointments, in an effort to find the “NORM” as most people call it, to no avail. I’m through being toyed with!!! Together with God and the testimonies of overcomers I’m gonna master my care without fake anecdotes and meaningless couch conversations.

I mentioned the stabbing that gave rise to my arrest, that aided in my eventual psychological assessment and corrupt diagnosis. My daughter, her husband and I were on our way home from picking him (her husband) up from his granny’s house when I rode up on the worse scene I’d ever encountered. My husband, openly walking with a female, who I later found to be his mistress for several months prior… I literally lost my mind. How dare you!!! Right in the neighborhood we met and married in. That’s making a total mockery of me, seeing as how EVERYONE knows we’re married, and have been together for three years before this craziness, and you even have the audacity to flaunt her around, while still bringing me around your friends and family members, who obviously knew about your secret rendezvous. But, continued to smile in my face as if everything’s all well and fine… Some nerve SMH. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal plays out with me going with the police, him with the paramedics, and the floozy running away, at record speed, with my Tasmanian devil daughter in HIGH pursuit lol. That was a day I never wanna see again, and Prayerfully no one else has to ever experience.

by shootahdcpassion

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/21/15 (DAY 2)

I’m sooooooooo happy… God tells us to take the first step, out on Faith, towards any endeavor, and He’ll provide the INCREASE. I did just that, in spite of all my insecurities and uncertainties, and each video is getting better as I go.

To elaborate, the messages above refer to some hard times I experienced years ago while I was still a babe in Christ, and not at all able to properly rationalize, and almost lost my life because of it on several occasions.

Also, spoke about Miracle Man, a vessel for God who also ran from his calling, and underwent a detrimental mishap before totally surrendering, and is now disfigured for life.

I can’t believe I took this long to heed to His (God’s) beckoning, for me to open up in this way. I actually like it, and Prayerfully it’ll help as many people as possible, to heal, and also the feedback that I receive will enhance my healing process as well.

I love being able to expound on the GOODNESS of God, as in He as been ever so present and helpful in my life from day one. And even though I’m going through a trying time right now, I know undoubtedly that none of it is in vain, and I’ll reap the benefits soon enough if I faint NOT!!!

by shootahdcpassion

The Transparent Me (Day 1)

This is the start of a new way I’m going to interact. I’ve been blogging for years, to no avail, and I earnestly believe that it’s meant for me to visually convey my messages. To be honest, it took me this long because I’m not happy with the way I look on camera. But, If God has a purpose for you, you’ll get it done, according to His Will eventually… No matter how long you run.

I don’t doubt that the reason I’ve been going through soooooo much is due to my procrastination and fear. “NO MORE”!!! I’m BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK, and I know I’ve said that many many times before, then I’ll fall away again… My apologies, trust me I’m full to the brim, and it’s about to spill over… Don’t believe me JUST WATCH 🙂 🙂 🙂

by shootahdcpassion

Post from HCUMABH 6/28/14

ATTENTION: If you have a friend or loved one who suffers from a mental illness, make it your business to implement a plan of action for the time when you notice that they’re in a stupor.

Which means you need to dedicate time now to figuring them out through and through, and Plleeeaaaasssseeee don’t have the attitude(s) “That’s their problem, they better deal with it, and stop being weak.” Or “Bless their lil heart, I’ll be Praying for em.” Or here’s a good one… “I’m not feeding into them, they just want attention.” Duhhhhh, that’s exactly what WE long for and NEED.

Trust me, the illness is real, and NOT something that should be taken lightly, and this goes for both parties (the ill and the should be help mate). Especially when thoughts of suicide have EVER come in to play, if not treated correctly, the attempt will eventually turn into a well thought out success, and that’s going to be detrimental TRUST me.

For me, at this moment, my mind is clear, and I’m realizing that my situation can be used to help others, just by conducting prominent research and collectively keeping this page updated with cases of people who struggled for years, without getting proper love, attention, medication and guidance, and ultimately ended their lives… SMH.

You are OUR brothers/sisters keeper, and those who can’t help themselves needs you… be there for them.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Permeate me √√√√√√√

Daddy, I continually surrender my ALL to You and Your Work. I want You to live in and through me, to the point where my words, actions, ways, responses and thoughts surprise me.

True, we have free will! But, I relinquish ALL to You. I keep messing up being myself, following after the lusts and desires of this crazy and chaotic world, and always letting this filthy flesh win. I’m completely sick of it. My primary reason for breathing is to please You in EVERY aspect of my life.

Yes, we have every right to repent, and You do forgive instantly, and that’s MUCH appreciated. But, I just wanna be transformed and renewed to the point where my mess-ups are minimal to none at all!!! You’re sooooooo wonderful to me, BETTER to me than I am even to myself. So, I wanna express my gratitude by being a Good and Faithful servant… I too wanna hear the words “Well done!!!”

Just like Paul said… The things I’m supposed to do I don’t do. But, ALL the things I shouldn’t do; I end up doing ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh 😦 😦 😦 I’m tired of playing tag with the adversary… NOOOOOOO MORE!!!

Father, I’m totally and completely sold out for You… Have Your way in my life, and use me till You use me up!!! Help me to be humble, meek, compassionate, loving, caring and considerate to ALL, even if they’ve hurt me. And it takes dying to my flesh to be able to look past the hurt that others have intentionally caused me, and still love them just as Christ loves the Church… That’s why I beg of You to purge me with hyssop and wash me white as snow.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Cry me a river (((((TEARS)))))

I hate moments like this, when I see my baby trying sooooooo hard to win a contest, in pursuit of his dream. I just wish I had the magic wand, so I could zap him into the place of success that he desires.

As mothers, we always wanna kiss our baby’s ouchies, encourage them when they’re down, nourish them back to health when they’re under the weather… But, this endeavor right here is beyond my reach, and it crushes me.

He’s my ONLY boy, and has Neeeeeevvvveeerr given me any trouble… In fact, he lifted the weight off me, as a single struggling Mom, rather early, by 14 years old he was totally providing for himself, and has kept the same momentum up to this very day.

Generally, anything he sets out to accomplish he drops jaws in amazement. But, this industry that he’s embarking upon ain’t very friendly and easy to tap into. There’s something we just ain’t doing quite so right or shall I say what we were doing… As of today, I give it ALL over to Christ, and watch Him direct our paths.

I was reluctant all these years because my son’s music choice falls within the lines of secular entertainment, and I didn’t feel apt to Pray on his behalf because of it. Then I realized, God loves and knows us ALL!!! The skills, talents and gifts my son possesses came from Him. Of course, I believe things would move much quicker if he were glorifying God with his music. Nonetheless, it’s my child, and I’m determined to Pray his strength, believe in and support him.

God knows better than me 🙂

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion