From March 30, 2014

Before walking in to work, I was vexed in my spirit because the word “capsize” continued to maneuver through my brain. Instantly, I looked the word up, to obtain a better understanding of what, if anything, God was trynna show me, but the definition was disheartening and scary; so I prayed for EVERYONE then posted my Lil warning… Nonetheless, I still didn’t feel the settling within that I expected or shall I say like what normally occurs following intercession… That comfort that overcomes me, reassuring me that all is well. However, I proceeded on, setting up my work station, entrusting all to my Father… Then, a small still voice spoke “your life” I’m like huh??? Again, He reiterated “YOUR LIFE, and went on to express to me that my life is getting ready to flip for the better… Everything about me has to and will change… Not as time passes on… Ohhhhh no my dear, you don’t have that type of time… You have known about your calling since 1993 but never hearkened… No, I won’t force Myself upon you, for I’m a gentleman at best. But, know that I have work for you to do and it’s NOT optional”!!!

On any other day, this experience would have scared me outta my wits… But, God is a God of order, and disarray fits no where in His schema… Therefore, His omniscient powers already for seen this turn of events, and He had me prepared… For the past three days, there’s been no Drake, Sevyn Streeter nor Lil Wayne bumping through my Bluetooth, instead, I’ve been eating good from none other than Bishop T.D. Jakes, and his messages have all been flowing in the direction God needed me to trod.

Even writing about it now I can feel God’s presence and His fresh anointing is ever so near and comforting… I love You Daddy, and I thank You for Your patience, grace and mercy that’s always shown evident in my life… Even down to the generation that my grand babies are living out now… You talking bout AWESOME; there’s absolutely NONE like You, and most definitely, I say yes to Your will and way for our lives… All 16 of us… To include (My four and their eleven) πŸ’“

Things are looking UP for me, and that covers a multitude of the previous bad… Hallelujah!!!

The pic is Carrot Top, my son’s fiance’s son. He’s been in the family for eleven years, and he’s loved and accepted just as my biological grand babies.

Forgive me for it being sooooooo low, I was sneaking and making this Vlog, at work in the break room. This is one of my early morning days SMH, having to get up and leave out while it’s still dark. But, I will not complain, because going in like that guarantees me eight hours… Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yoppington πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Gotta really get more serious about Church. The same way I didn’t miss school not one day, and wouldn’t dare EVER miss work, I can’t be lenient about about the importance of seeking the face of God EVERY single time them doors open. I’m pressed to be at work to pay bills, by trivial things and make sure I’m up on the latest fashion, and I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about trynna obtain my degree, to the point where missing class was Neeeeeevvvveeerr an option… Sick, sleepy or half dead, it didn’t matter, I had a goal and I wouldn’t deviate. Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s OK to miiiiisssssssssss Church several times a month, even after I begged for Sundays off and finally got iiiiittttttttt… Where’s my loyalty to God??? ALL while I’m depending on Him to Bless me with 40 hrs a week at work, a home of my own and Salvation for my entire family. That’s simply me using God as a spare tire, only getting benefits out of Him when it’s in my favor. Not right at ALL, and must change immediately!!!

HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil and neither SEE no evil… Just BELIEVE!!!

The pic is my only son… He gave me my first granddaughter and she came out looking juuuuussssttttt like me… You talking about haaaappppyyyy!!! I was ecstatic πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I Neeeeeevvvveeerr wanted to have favorites, but my babbbbbbyyyyyyyy boy was some kinda special to me lol, and he felt the same about his Mom also. Whenever I had to grocery shop, go to school or work, he would cry sooooooo hard for hours, and hold his breath til he turned blue geeeesssssshhhhh.

“ConsiderΒ it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Just when I start doing good, my old fling, who broke EVERYTHING off with me wanna start contacting me again, buuuutttttt he’s clearly playing games SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. One minute we’re texting back to back. Then, all of a sudden it’s complete silence… I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster. Sooooooo I really prefer he refrain from bothering me EVER again in life… His unexplainable inconsistencies drives me up a wall, and only allows the devil an opportunity to play tricks on my mind… Like, Ohhhhh he had to stop texting because his girlfriend woke up and caught him. ALL of iiiiittttttttt is irritating… Just goooooooooooooooo, and leave me ALONE!!!

God is sooooooo good, I’m getting 32 hours this week, and I get to run Post 1 by myself again… That’s unexpected Blessings of elevation and gain at work. As I said before, the things they’re allowing me to do, I wasn’t even thinking about doing for probably nine to ten more years… Walking around with keys to Federal Government buildings… Woooooowwwwwwww πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I’m waaaaaayyyyyyy tooooooo Blessed to EVER be stressed!!!

I was upset yesterday, I won’t lie!!! Because it seems like bad stuff keep coming out the woodwork… I read the pamphlet that said MAX 90 days at the shelter, and that had me in my feelings off the break, but I dealt with it, rules are rules, and I just planned to cross that bridge when I came to it, and I depended on only having to request two extensions, which I thought were good for a period of thirty day’s. Come to find out, the maximum stay has been switched to sixty days, and the extensions, if granted are only for two week increments at a time SMH… That just blew me terribly!!!

Buuuuuutttttttt, today is FREE YOUR MIND FRRRRRIIIIDDDDDAAAAAYYYYY and just as I express to you guys… Nothing is to bombard or overwhelm you today!!! Therefore, this possible upcoming trouble is merely a figment of my imagination!!!

Guys, I can tell when I’m doing things right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He’ll just have people walk up and hand me sympathy cards with money in them… I’m so overjoyed and THANKFUL, immediately I Pray for BIG/HUGE Blessings to fall upon each of them and their entire families. Especially the one who helped me today, because she was just crying until her eyes was stop sign red over some personal issues she was having… And yet she unselfishly gave to me… Praise, Honor and Glory to my Daddy, because ultimately it’s ALL Him… They’re just vessels He’s using.

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience when you’re God’s CHOSEN!!!

The pic is my Lil midget granddaughter, who’s already four, but barely comes to her big brother’s knee caps lol… Her sooooooo itty bitty… When I was just up in DC, at my other granddaughter’s bday party, I was able to hold the Lil miniature size baby on my hip; comfortably for a few minutes, and I could’ve gone longer, but she wanted to run off and play… Understandably, I mean it is a child’s party… “Let me goooooooooooooooo Nana – I’m sure she was thinking.”

Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me for my sleepiness… Here lately I’ve been suffering with extreme Insomnia, and I’m scared to take Trazadone, because it gives me heart palpitations SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

The enemy’s fearful of us, because he knows we’re coming for him, full force, to take BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK EVERYTHING he’s EVER stole from us. Our children, who we took the time to rear up in the admiration, honor and respect of the Lord. But, the dumb devil has succeeded in dragging them far away from ALL the morals, potentials and values I instilled in them.

II am sooooooo haaaappppyyy about what God is doing through me on my job, He really placed me in a high position rather quickly, and I’m already doing things that it usually takes us about ten years to transition into… The only thing I’m looking for Him to do, employment wise, now is give me 40+ hours… That would do me good… All that overtime geeeesssssshhhhh πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

ALL is well… “No GOOD thing shall I withhold from those who walk uprightly”

Haaaaappppyyyy biiiirrrrtttthhhhddddaaaayyy Mini Me… Her turning the big 5 today. Her mother says she’s been long awaiting this day for some time now… I think it’s because her big sister was five for what seems like forever lol. Secret is though, she don’t realize she didn’t catch up with her; instead her sister left her in age again and turned six… Shhhhhh, don’t nobody tell her.

Well, I Neeeeeevvvveeerr did get a plate last night. But, God kept me anyways… Them cheese crackers did me wonders… yummy πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ That’s just God breaking me out of being so picky.

Today’s Scripture made me think of the Prodigal son, and how he was accepted back into his family without chaos… That’s how easily God receives us back after we stray, and that gives me hope, that He’s not angry with me when I fall short.

When you’re going through and having a bad day, Β purposely seek out someone you can encourage. Lifting up others will lift your spirits as well.

I’m homeless, but my Father says… He plans to prosper me, no harm; rather give me Hope & a Future!!!

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.God is GOOD, and I spent yesterday getting a chance to really look back on ALL the things He so Graciously saved me from… All the times I crazily put myself in harms way and He continually brought me out… Thank You Daddy πŸ™‚

I’ve ALWAYS asked God why in the world He chose me to work for Him, when I was the worst one of my Mother’s seven children, and the other’s appeared to be a perfect fit for anything He needed done… They were more suttle and calm spirited, unlike me. But, His wants is all that matters, and I still say YEEEEESSSSSSS… Nooooooo matter the cost.

Once you surrender to God, there is no picking and choosing what you’ll allow Him to do through, for and with you… Obedience is better than sacrifice. Therefore, adhere and harken unto His calls!!!

Formulation of Alone No More (small group)

There are MANY of you who’ve offered to help with the planning and building phase of Alone No More, and I plan to start holding online meetings for us to come together all in one place, so that we can finally get this much needed Ministry moving in the correct direction. Instead of me checking each comment and inviting you to the meeting, please reply with your email address or mobile number, depending on the device you intend to use for the meeting(s). I’ll be using Anymeeting, beforehand you can check it out, and see which method you feel you’d be comfortable using and leave the corresponding information accordingly. Until I actually get the hosting site up and going, I don’t even want to throw out tentative dates and times, I’d rather post it once I know that I know for sure that it’s a go!!! Pray with me everyone that this finally works and God will increase during these meetings, and I’ll decrease, allowing Him to overtake my mind and speak through me according to how He desires for us to proceed from here. (sigh)… finally smiling, believing deep in my heart that it’s all uphill from here… We just gotta learn to be still, and watch Him work when we’re clueless about what in the world we’re suppose to be doing SMH. Well, time to knock down these hours… At least I’m going in here today feeling like a heavy weight has been lifted up off my shoulders… Thank You Daddy, and a multitude of Blessings sent in every direction for you guys as well πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

Be ANGRY but sin NOT…

I could only be furious with myself right now, because I’m the one who made the dumb mistake, and it’s so ironic, because I’m a stickler for checking everything twice.

Knowing that what God gave me is for a worthy cause and much needed, I really looked to see if the many individuals who viewed and liked the post had in fact taken the initiative to give a donation, only to find out the link was faulty SMH.

Do, I get frustrated and denounce the entire VISION due to one set back, merely on day 1 of implementation… Lord Nooooooo!!! I’m no quitter and the race is not giving to the swift, but rather to those who’ll ENDURE till the end.

That just means I have to do extra work to gain back the number of supporters who temporarily missed the opportunity to assist. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

Nevertheless, here’s the correct link http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Also, I’ve added a few stories to the gofundme page, just to enlighten all on the many families who have collectively been affected by the stigma of suicide. Some without warning, thus no perpetration or chance to help at all.

That’s why this app is so important. We’ll be right at the hurting party’s fingertips. Pain and anguish can strike at any giving time of the day or night. And Alone No More will be readily available at everyone’s beckoning.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

I give myself away

“I give myself away”

William McDowell – I Give Myself Away:

New dedication, new mindset, new task, and onward for Christ Jesus!!!

Last I posted, I was steadfast on the fact that I was waiting for and believing God, against all odds, for a breakthrough in my once chaotic relationship, and that my ex would eventually call, and we’d be miraculously reunited.

Without fail, God gave me my hearts desire, because that’s one of His promises, in His Holy Word, and He’ll never disappoint. Easter morning the phone rang, and I purposely held my composure, to not let him know that I was anxious to hear from him, we talked, and hooked up later that evening. You won’t believe it was a complete disaster!!!

Now, I could’ve been angry with God, asking what kind of games are You playing, it wasn’t suppose to turn out that way. But, I kept an open mind, and looked at it all from a different perspective. I was the one begging for this, so God did in fact Bless in my favor. But, that had absolutely nothing to do with the way my ex was feeling about us, and God could’ve very well changed his heart throughout the course of the day, to make him be receptive and approachable during our rendezvous. But, God is gentle and won’t even force us to do right by Him, make less force any of us into a relationship we’re not interested in pursuing.

With all that said, I just knew after parting ways with him that I’d sink into the deepest depression I’d ever experienced… Nope, total opposite! God gave me the presence of mind to thank Him for the opportunity, grab my phone and block communication, and carry on with the work He has lined up for me to perform. Not one tear fell, I actually got an instant burst of energy, as if I were renewed through and through.

Immediately, I came to the realization that my ex’s job in my life was finished, he had done what God needed him to do, and that was to bring me back into full knowledge and association with Him. God has ways of getting our attention, and my ex was purely the conduit that kept me on my knees and ever before the face of God crying out for direction and deliverance from the mess I had once again entangled myself in.

Believe it or not, all are not intended to be married, it is written. So, I’ve relinquished all to God, telling Him until He sees fit for me to be with someone, I’ll remain His servant, and happily work on His battlefield without contempt. I surrendered my all to Him, to use me as He pleases, knowing deep in my heart that happiness will follow my endurance, if I faint not.