Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/23/15 (DAY 4)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8kzmzSQvTY

 

Not too pleased with today’s Vlog, because I got to talking about the beating at the hands of my last husband, and lost my whole train of thought… gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nonetheless, I went on with it, and talked about how God has kept me, and is still keeping me through all the craziness that I’ve endured and still experiencing.

Today is “Thank Him Thursday” be sure to THANK God for everything He’s done and still is doing in your life. He inhabits the Praises of His people.

*** Please comment on how you feel about poverty, generational curses, and utilizing government assistance.

Once again I ask y’all to forgive the video pauses, before you know it I’ll be making top-notch Vlogs.

As promised, I’m going to do my research on the Chris Brown incident, as it relates to what he’s experiencing with suicidal thoughts. I don’t EVER wanna mislead anyone, by giving inaccurate or totally bogus information.

Please follow me, subscribe to my channel on YouTube, and likewise I’ll return the favor.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/22/15 (DAY 3)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQ_pcebt0l0

Please forgive me for the dumb videos that end abruptly, without a proper outro message. But, time will definitely fix that, as I get more better at recording. Eventually, I’ll have a better device, with a huger storage.ย However, until thenย I ask you to bear with me.

I was cut off while explaining what happened with my last husband, and why we separated. As I was telling you,ย I made the horrible mistake of marrying way too quick fromย start. But, I was terribly lonely. Remember, I have ALL grown children, and they were moving on with their lives and happy for the most part… going out to eat, coupled up. Beach trips, constantly at the casino or club. Even though some of the places they frequented, I’m no longer interested in, I still wanted a mate, and I jumped at the very first chance that came my way and the latter monthsย was beyond overkill. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t really over my previous husband, who I’m BACK with SMH, and that’ll be elaborated on as time progresses. Moreover, I carried hurt and all types of other damaging baggage over into my marriage, thus reaping unnecessary havoc for myself.

I was constantly bickering, complaining, nitpicking and physically abusing this man, and he held it all in until it came out in the worst way on that gruesome night, turned morning, beat down that I received, where God once again spared my life. now, this time, I wasn’t able to drive myself to the hospital like before and not because of any physical impairments. But, primarily because my husband didn’t want to leave me alone with in the ER, in fear of me contacting the police.

Enough of that already though, before too much explaining rolls into flashbacks, and emotions causes diverse reactions. I can’t say when I’ll discuss it. But, I wanna give my testimony about my reunification with my third husband, and how we’re doing now.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 6/28/15 (Trial run – My first video trying out Vlogging)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1pFekDYJik

This is my first attempt at Vlogging, and it was in June… I never could get the videos uploaded, so I completely gave up. But, I started back a month and a half later, and those are the videos on the site that are still not as good as I would like for them to be. But, I feel confident that I’m finally doing what’s pleasing to God. Even though they’re choppy and some are too long, in my opinion. Nevertheless, it satisfies my charge from above.

To recap: I discussed my reasons for getting away from the whole psychological team ofย nitwits, and it’s simply because thy weren’t doing me any good whatsoever!!! In fact, I spokeย out about two drugsย specifically that I’m not to fond of at all, and that’s Trazodone, because itย causes shortness of breath andย makes me feels anxious, andย as if I’m hyperventilating. And lithium simplyย because I’m worried about any medication thatย gives cause for my blood to be continually monitored SMH… Nope, I’m GUCCI!!!

To add, I don’t know how to put the fact that I see NO need for repetitive trips to see therapist and psychiatrist no clearer than I have, with so much seriousnessย to back… I mean it’s absolutely ridiculous to make all these appointments, in an effort to findย the “NORM” as most people call it, to no avail. I’m through being toyed with!!! Together with God and the testimonies of overcomers I’m gonna master my care without fake anecdotes and meaningless couch conversations.

I mentioned the stabbing that gave rise to my arrest, that aided in my eventualย psychological assessment and corrupt diagnosis.ย My daughter, her husband and I were on our way home from picking him (her husband) up from his granny’s house when I rode up on the worse scene I’d ever encountered.ย My husband, openly walking with a female, who I later found to be his mistress for several months prior… I literally lost my mind. How dare you!!! Right in the neighborhood we met and married in. That’s making a total mockery of me, seeing as how EVERYONE knows we’re married, and have been together for three years before this craziness, and you even have the audacity to flaunt her around, while still bringing me around your friends and family members, who obviously knew about your secret rendezvous. But, continued to smile in my face as if everything’s all well and fine… Some nerve SMH. Nevertheless, the whole ordeal plays out with me going with the police, him with the paramedics, and the floozy runningย away, at record speed, with my Tasmanian devil daughter in HIGH pursuit lol. That was a day I never wanna see again, and Prayerfully no one else has to ever experience.

Da Ugly Ducklin – The Transparent Me 7/21/15 (DAY 2)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj4zIjuBvdg

I’m sooooooooo happy… God tells us to take the first step, out on Faith, towards any endeavor, and He’ll provide the INCREASE. I did just that, in spite of all my insecurities and uncertainties, and each video is getting better as I go.

To elaborate, the messages above refer to some hard times I experienced years ago while I was still a babe in Christ, and not at all able to properly rationalize, and almost lost my life because of it on several occasions.

Also, spoke about Miracle Man, a vessel for God who also ran from his calling, and underwent a detrimental mishap before totally surrendering, and is now disfigured for life.

I can’t believe I took this long to heed to His (God’s) beckoning, for me to open up in this way. I actually like it, and Prayerfully it’ll help as many people as possible, to heal, and also the feedback that I receive will enhance my healing process as well.

I love being able to expound on the GOODNESS of God, as in He as been ever so present and helpful in my life from day one. And even though I’m going through a trying time right now, I know undoubtedly that none of it is in vain, and I’ll reap the benefits soon enough if I faint NOT!!!

The Transparent Me (Day 1)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08eJh-gEfdk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKjnKUSBCns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HvuupFIKJk

This is the start of a new way I’m going to interact. I’ve been blogging for years, to no avail, and I earnestly believe that it’s meant for me to visually convey my messages. To be honest, it took me this long because I’m not happy with the way I look on camera. But, If God has a purpose for you, you’ll get it done, according to His Will eventually… No matter how long you run.

I don’t doubt that the reason I’ve been going through soooooo much isย due to my procrastination and fear. “NO MORE”!!! I’m BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK, and I know I’ve said that many many times before, then I’ll fall away again… My apologies, trust me I’m full to the brim, and it’s about to spill over… Don’t believe me JUST WATCH ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

More on Sharing…

Sharing was always a BIG problem for me and I never understood whether or not it was because I was the babbbbbbyyyyyyyy of seven and was spoiled rotten, coming up, and Neeeeeevvvveeerr was taught or made to share with others. In any event, I learned while rearing my four babies just how selfish I really was SMH, and to this day I get sick to my stomach to even think I was that cruel of a person… Thank God for salvation, sanctification and transformation!!! I’m Nooooooo longer the idiot I once was… Hallelujah!!!

Today, I give quick, fast and in a hurry. Especially to those who are needy. Because God says what we do for the least amongst us, we do unto Him. Also, I was taught that we’ll never know if we missed an opportunity to give to Jesus and/or an Angel, and run the risk of failing the test and missing out on an enormous Blessing unknowingly SMH. To keep that from happening, just share period.

I won’t claim to be all the way there either!!! Because God just reminded me of my sneakiness last night, trynna open my favorite candy bar without having to offer my husband some… I even told him he was allergic to peanuts lol… He was like “no I’m not”… I was so piiiiiiisssssseeeeedddddd. And I think he seen my reluctance frfr, that I was laughing on the outside, but holding back at the same time… Not really wanting to give ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… Dag why did I reblog this post… Now I’m mad at myself for being greedy!!! Daddy, please forgive me and I truly appreciate Your obvious chastisement, and I ask that you remove selfishness and candy greed away from me… Far away, for its not right to be stingy at all, even with things we look at as mediocre.

Itttttt’sssssss sooooooo important that we share unselfishly… Not with a mean or angry heart, so that our Blessings won’t be held up. God loves a CHEERFUL giver ๐Ÿ™‚

penpowersong's avatarpenpowersong

More on Sharingโ€ฆ
By Apolinario Villalobos

There is more in sharing than what most of us know about it. The heavenly bodies in the universe share ample space. Without the fair sharing in the seemingly infinite space in the universe, the heavenly bodies including earth would have been bumping with each other. Humanity shares the air to be able to survive and so are the lesser creatures. Sharing is not limited to food. The Designer is wise, indeed, and that is what He expects His intelligent creatures to be.

Unfortunately, because of pride and greed among humans, even the road space is not shared fairly, resulting to altercation among greedy motorists. They want to get more than what is provided by going against the flow of traffic or by overtaking the long queue of vehicles as they come to a standstill. This greed sometimes results to violence, and worse, death.

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How can you mend a broken heart???

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hcymabh/

A Facebook group I started in 2008, during the most desperate and desolate point of my life, while in need of like minded supporters.

I was lonely, angry, sad, suicidal and down right hopeless!!! This congregation of hurting people helped me heal, and I returned the favor. Today, the group is flourishing, and I feel bad that I’m not as active as before, because my marriage is better than I could’ve ever imagined. So, I don’t really have much to write about.

Nevertheless, I gotta realize that I made a commitment, and as long as they need me I have to be there for them, just as they were for me years ago… It’s all about creativity, even if it means surfing the web, until I find relevant information to share, then that’s what it’ll be… Because I will not shut them out, no matter how good things go in my life!!! Neeeeeevvvveeerr forget where you came from.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)