Tag: alone

Ashes/Demons

This was four days ago, and I’m upset that I didn’t see it earlier. Nonetheless, I’m believing with all my heart of hearts that you’re just fine. Especially since you stated at the end of your post that you REALLY don’t want to die, that you’re just tired. But, more importantly, you have people you must live and be strong for. I’m happy to hear that they’re still meaningful enough in your life, that you’ll do away with those irrational thoughts immediately and NOT act upon them.

Sadly, in February 2014 even with 11 precious grand children, 4 wonderful children and a promising career in the Federal Government I still resulted to taking my life because I was tired. During that time, I had no desire to seek God for myself and rejected any other’s who wanted to intercede for me… I had enough, and couldn’t see anything positive ever becoming of my life at all.

I was living in Maryland at the time, and that was my first time ever going through this there and I learned rather quickly that I’d made the BIGGEST mistake ever… The law there is confinement, with no chance of leaving for a minimum of three days… Ooooooooohhh Nooooooo, I’ve got to go to work, they thought that was hilarious. To them, I was crazy and needed to be there… But, after a couple of hours of seeing that my friends and family did love and care about me was suffice for me… That was all I was initially longing for, and my Facebook message box, cell phone voicemail was packed instantly… But, I was locked away involuntarily… Thank God for one lady who realised that my not reporting to work would cause me to lose it and further intensify my my thoughts fit not wanting to live, and she talked the resident physician into taking a chance with me, and I haven’t looked back since. In turns, I started this blog and begin channeling all my spare time into helping my sisters and brothers all across the Nation diminish those ugly thoughts altogether… We merely need to grasp what it is we’re really in need of and pursue it, if possible, and if for whatever reason that’s not an option, then other alternatives are a must. But, suicide absolutely will NOT be the ultimate outlet under Nooooooo circumstances.

For you, I reiterate how I’m overjoyed at the fact that you have those SPECIAL people who are dear to you keeping your mind at bay. If you like, we can talk anytime… I’m here for you my luv.

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

rocketstarr's avatarMy darkest hours.

My heart doesn’t feel heavy. It doesn’t feel anything as there is just emptiness as that is all the I am now. I am just an empty shell of the person I used to be. I don’t even remember who that person is anymore. I can’t remember what it feels like to feel something positive for more than twenty minutes. I just know the bad feelings, the emptiness and the darkness that is constantly surrounding me. Today I reached my lowest, today for the first time I started having thoughts about hurting myself. I thought about getting a handful of antidepressants, sleeping pills and painkillers and just swallowing them. Hoping that it would stop the pain.

Having thoughts like that… Thinking of harming myself and has never really been part of my illness. I’ve been and I am severely depressed but I have never thought about harming myself as I…

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by shootahdcpassion

Backlash… Shaking in my boots… Now what???????

Last night was a hot mess, and I’m angered that I allowed myself to be bullied like I did SMH!!!

But, I was driving, it was hard and illegal to text the reply, and I promised myself andwith that I’d be quick to listen, slow to speak and surely slow to anger, if ever. Then I remembered I can be angry… So long as I sin NOT. Which means I have to confront this wisely, not apologetic for the things I’m boutta go in about; I just gotta be respectful… Now, here goes nuttin!!!

Alone No More is a ministry that God inspired me to form, due to the struggles I endured and eventually overcame, with His love, support and HHHEEEELLLLPPPP. The ministry will offer assistance to those contemplating suicide, but at Nooooooo time will any who’s not qualified with state provided licenses or other credentials ever claim to be a professional in that realm… But, I gotta say that one don’t always have to have a degree to counsel another, because several people in my Church that counsels regularly has Neeeeeevvvveeerr walked through the doors of a university, that’s why I emphasized “in that realm” to magnify the fact that my experiencing their trauma firsthand and being delivered from it umpteen times, surely I gathered lessons and walked away each time more wiser than when it began beginning some 13 years ago.

Of course, to keep in line with state requirements, guidelines, rules and regulations, I’m sure I’ll have to display, and if verbal audible disclose that everyone the interested parties work with aren’t tainted professionals, but it’s THEIR choice to accept Prayer from a person who doesn’t have a degree… It just sounds so ridiculous if we have to do that, and I’m not even sure if I’ll have to. But, her comment last night just has me thinking of all the things we may encounter, and it’s better to have it occur now, before we’re fully online and working incorrectly with God’s people.

I can clearly understand the part about letting everyone know we’re not doctors or trained therapists… Gotcha!!! But, since when is wrong to Pray with receptive adults… Now, on my page it does state that God will use me to help people, and before getting this message last night I’d hoped He would… I just think my experiences and Godly knowledge should be sufficient… But, I don’t wanna mislead anyone or risk criminal or civil litigation.

I sure hope some who either have this same type of ministry would reply and let me know my constraints and limitations if any… Just so I’ll feel better. No doubt, even if I can’t interact with the hurting directly, that won’t stop the implementation of the Ministry… Nooooooo indeed!!! It ain’t about me, it’s about hurting people getting the love, care, concern and compassion they so need and desire!!!

I can’t believe I punked out last night though… Nah, I’m kidding I know I handled it well, and I’m fully prepared for more opposing people who will criticize my Vision and even express, yes it’s for a worthy cause, but never attempt to do something different their way, however, it don’t matter, just so help is provided.

Can’t wait to publish this… I’m anxious to know just how valid last night’s comment really was SMH… Thanx bunches guys.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion

Reaching, surpassing one’s limitations.

I hurt that you’re hurting and I empathize with everything you’re experiencing and wish I were close enough to you to just grab you and hug you for hours, then sit with you all day, and just talk things through, until you feel better. I’ve been where you are and I can attest to the fact that Prayer definitely changes things, it did for me. It didn’t happen overnight, in fact I suffered intermittently for fourteen long Yyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrssssss, but that was all my fault. I surely could’ve been done with the craziness I went through faster, had I remained steadfast and avoided my triggers, but Nooooooo, I actually pursued the conduits even the more SMH, and by doing so I prolonged my own demise.

Even though I don’t know you personally, please accept me saying that I do love you like family, and want only what’s best for you moving forward. Without knowing the full magnitude of all that’s bothering you, it’s hard to try and assist. I don’t claim one bit to be a know it all or a professional with a focal point of stress or depression, but rather I’m coming from a place of experience, which has been considered to be our BEST teacher.

The best I can do, with miles in between us, being our hugest barrier is to offer up Prayer for you, if you like. I won’t assume that you’ll be receptive. Therefore, I’ll wait for your reply, I’m even willing to give you my number, in case you just wanna talk or you’d prefer Prayer via landline. Of course, I’m interceding for you as I type. But, I’d like to be more interpersonal and actually touch and agree with you… Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee respond, and Prayerfully I’m not out of line in my approach, your story just captivated me is all… Waiting patiently!!!

Alone No More is here for you; Heavenly sent… Be Blessed my friend

https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w

by shootahdcpassion

Be ANGRY but sin NOT…

I could only be furious with myself right now, because I’m the one who made the dumb mistake, and it’s so ironic, because I’m a stickler for checking everything twice.

Knowing that what God gave me is for a worthy cause and much needed, I really looked to see if the many individuals who viewed and liked the post had in fact taken the initiative to give a donation, only to find out the link was faulty SMH.

Do, I get frustrated and denounce the entire VISION due to one set back, merely on day 1 of implementation… Lord Nooooooo!!! I’m no quitter and the race is not giving to the swift, but rather to those who’ll ENDURE till the end.

That just means I have to do extra work to gain back the number of supporters who temporarily missed the opportunity to assist. Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

Nevertheless, here’s the correct link http://e.gofund.me/h2r43w

Also, I’ve added a few stories to the gofundme page, just to enlighten all on the many families who have collectively been affected by the stigma of suicide. Some without warning, thus no perpetration or chance to help at all.

That’s why this app is so important. We’ll be right at the hurting party’s fingertips. Pain and anguish can strike at any giving time of the day or night. And Alone No More will be readily available at everyone’s beckoning.

BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)

by shootahdcpassion