My thoughts daily. . Jesus Christ grab the wheel!!!
BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)
My thoughts daily. . Jesus Christ grab the wheel!!!
BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)
In 1993 I first learned of God in a way that would truly be beneficial to me, opposed to what I was accustomed to as a child, at my Grandma Toads’ house, having the missionaries come over every Sunday morning, to teach the household how to live right.
Then, I was way too young for any of the teachings to take root, and change my sinful ways. All I did was watch the clock, waiting for the lady to leave, so I could get to play outside. Although the atmosphere was always structured, and the lessons placed before me contained pertinent tips that could have saved me from most of the heartache I endured after becoming an adolescent, I never forced myself to listen, thus reaping havoc in every arena of my life thereafter.
Today, I’m determined to get it right, and seek Gods’ face like never before. I know firsthand that He’s a keeper, and He rewards anyone who diligently pursues Him. I can bear witness to Him being GREAT, because I had a chance, for a couple of years to have Him working closely with me, once I surrendered my all to Him, and asked Him to lead, guide and direct me. However, I took the wheel again, and it wasn’t until a couple of months ago that I realized I absolutely need Him at the forefront of my life or I’ll either end up in hell or a jail cell, and neither of them are an option for me. I have eleven (11) wonderful grandbabies that not only depend on their parents for moral support, and look for a positive role model. But, also they definitely expect me, the overseer of the entire clan, to have myself in order, so they’ll know how to conduct themselves.
Back in the day, I use to attend these cell groups, that were so helpful and conducive for me but I can’t find them in existence any more… SMH!!! They were a plus, because each new comer was teamed up with a seasoned member, and the two would schedule Prayer allotments and we would also meet for mid-week Bible studies at one or the other’s home, and that getting together like that always carried me over until Sunday morning worship service. Thinking about those days makes me laugh, because my children would be so angry, because I was so thirsty for Christ that we basically lived in church. Twice on Sundays (AM & PM) services, choir rehearsal on Tuesdays, Bible Study on Wednesday, and the cell groups took place every other Friday… I miss that… It sure did me some good. But, I unfortunately allowed my flesh to take over, and I backslid. Nonetheless, I’m happy to know I serve a God that shows forth Grace and Mercy to every one of us. He knows we can’t keep ourselves, and our flesh craves after the ungodly things of the world… But, it’s our responsibility to remain GROUNDED and ROOTED in the Word, so that we’ll have the power to fight against temptations as they rise.
Tonight, I take the initiative to reconstruct the old workable cell groups again. So, if there’s any God fearing women, who feel just like me… You have a desire to do right, but you need that extra push, let’s team up together and PUSH each other into Heaven’s gates. It’s important that we Pray without ceasing and read God’s Word, and we can make it happen as long as we have FAITH the size of a mustard seed… I’m waiting, inbox me please 🙂
BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)
I’m sooooooo numb, but not suicidal!!! I’m waiting to see just what God is going to do in the upcoming seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years. I’m simply standing on His promises.
My mother’s day ended horrific, and I blame my actions on my inability to refrain from alcohol. I have this misconception that I can’t be friendly and fun unless I’m under the influence… Totally inaccurate!!!
Two days have passed, and I just apologized, but I wasn’t even the initial aggressor. Nonetheless, if I expect anything from God, I gotta ALWAYS be the bigger person, and it don’t seem fair at all… However, obedience is deftly better than sacrifice.
Besides all that, I need a focal point for my life or I run the risk of repetitive altercations. I need some substance, and I know it’ll start once I get wholeheartedly connected with a devout group of believers. But, the obstacles are surmountable and it’s driving me insane… Sort of like a catch 22… I have to work two jobs, in order to make ends meet. But, that impedes on my ability to get grounded and rooted the way I need to ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… SMH.
Actually, going to services would cause sleep deprivation, because of my chaotic hours at my full-time. Then, trying to do, on my own, in what spare time I force pans out under non beneficial, because in the same way, one cannot teach themselves academically, likewise I’m not able to fully grasp the Holy Word, and know what I should be doing alone.
I’m a runner by nature (when the going gets tough/rough I get going) and my life appears so pointless and inadequate in the DMV, and I feel as though I need new scenery and different opportunities!!! There’s sooooooo much inside me, both good and bad… But, I keep telling myself once I find a new spot and implement a new way of living, thinking and acting… All the overflowing good will absolutely outweigh the bad.
I get daily emails from Rick Warren and Joel Osteen, and lately I’ve been urged to find out exactly what it is that God has for me to do, and I have some ideas. But, I quickly dismiss them, because they all require time, money, energy, and/or support that I don’t possess. Low and behold, I refuse to give up, no more getting so frustrated that I result to taking my life, because I’m confused and angry!!! That’s simply the trick of the enemy.
I’m determined to wait on God… He’s got something BIG planned, and I gotta be ready for it. But, without the flare ups, at the least bit of disturbance in my life. Every day won’t be perfect, and problems WILL arise. So, I’ll stay away from liquor, which makes me react incorrectly, and keep a sober, Prayed up mind… That will allow me to go through chaos calmly, thus passing my test, and eventually moving on with God, in the realm of emotions necessary for the Blessings He had stored up for me and mine.
BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)