Watch “The Transparent ME – Enquiring Minds Wanna Know – Everything At The Forefront… No holding back!!!” on YouTube

The Transparent ME 1

Hey P-Duds,

So, we’re on day 2, and as promised, I’m giving it to you RAW!!! This VLog takes us back to my website, dauglyducklin.org, and into the mind of PASSION, from 2014, when I transitioned from mere blogging to VLogging, and my first post was really short, on July 9, 2014, where I gave a verse, concerning God’s desire for marriage, and I added “So Into You” by Fabolous and Tamia. But, I am totally clueless as to what drove me to pick that song smh… Or exactly what my mind was focused on at that moment. Nevertheless, The Transparent ME is where we’ll go deep deep into the craziness that PASSION has endured for the past 19 years… To include, but most certainly not limited to dealing with the whirlwind of roller-coaster emotions and chaos, that’s a reflection of my suffering from multiple mental health issues, several bouts of homelessness, that my psychiatrist simply writes off as “THE NORM” for (people like me)… Dafuq?!?!? What is that supposed to mean… Okkkkkrrrrrrtttttt, doc Imma let that slide, sense you got all them lil cute degrees hanging up on that wall behind you, because frfr you’re more than likely right, now that I think πŸ€” about it grrrrrrhhhhh, I am a humdinger at times, and I’m almost positive I do da most, soooooo I probably had a few temper tantrums, that aided in my being unfortunately displaced #THANKCHU. Also, we’ll delve into my many near death experiences #getdastrap, my need for 3 reconstructive surgeries geeeesssshhhh and I’ll elaborate on my horrible war wounds and 14 suicide attempts. Strap your seat belts, sit back, and enjoy the ride, we’re in a caravan, on a mind blowing road trip, traveling down the path of unpaved tar of “The Life of PASSION”… Stay tuned and ENJOY πŸ‘ŒπŸ€£πŸ˜΅πŸ˜²πŸ™πŸ’—πŸ’žπŸ’‹πŸ’–πŸ‘

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Looking Back on 7/18 /15 cont.

My determination to do the Will of God regardless of the video keep stopping. Don’t sit on the things God’s impressing upon you to do. The things you’ve gone through and experienced are for a reason… Allow your tests to become your testimonies. HCYMABH by 7/18 /15 has been in existence since 2009… 6 years and even though it lies dormant people don’t fall away… That’s God!!! Alone No More and the need for the app and being able to video chat even when you’re feeling suicidal, and me being suicidal in February 2015 and getting hospitalized and not liking it at all. Continuum of care for Alone No More is very much needed and long term therapy sessions will be implemented. H. U. T. (HOLDING US TOGETHER) Family Togetherness Ministry – Wanting families to see each other 4 times a month if not that, at least once.

Watch “CeoSonSon – Check Remix | Dir By YSE” on YouTube

When they say the Apple don’t fall far from the tree they never lied… My mother and father were both musically inclined and even had a band back in the day… My ONLY brother was Blessed with their gifts in abundance and it eventually dwindled down to MY baby, and he’s deftly on FIRE!!!

Watch “Ceosonson – SelfMade Official Music Video (Explicit) feat. 2cups & Kidwatah” on YouTube

This man right here is so talented, I must say I’m very impressed, and that’s NOT ONLY because he’s my only Son… I’m loyally one to give credit where it’s due… to God be the Glory!!!

Watch “Ceosonson- Early Age (Official Music Video)” on YouTube

Another video off the 1 year Later CD. My Son never fails to make me smile… I’m sooooo happy for him and ultimately proud of him… Keep up the Good work babez!!!

When the Lord Frustrates His Child

Isaiah 14:27

It may sound strange, but I actually get excited about certain times of frustration. When I sense a restlessness followed by dissatisfaction but cannot identify the cause, then I know to ask the Lord what He’s doing. Past experience tells me that once I make the move He desires, my frustration will end and I’ll be in sync with His plan for my life.

Frustration is usually considered a negative feeling. However, when God agitates us, His purpose is always good. He sometimes uses our sense of dissatisfaction as well as spiritual and physical barriers to guide us toward new insights. For example, I woke up one Saturday morning during my seminary years feeling as if I were in an emotional butter churnβ€”I could not settle to any task or relax, and I did not know why. So I started praying about these feelings and asking the Lord to reveal His will. I spent most of the day on my knees. Soon I discovered that the good plans I had made to temporarily pastor a California church were not His plans. Had I ignored the frustrated feeling, I would have missed a vacation to North Carolina, which resulted in a call to the church God intended for me.

In a culture of busyness, we can easily and foolishly overlook or ignore restlessness. But divinely sent frustration is meant to get our attention. God wants us to ask, β€œWhat are You saying?” and β€œDo You want me to be doing or thinking something different?” As soon as we are willing to deal with whatever the Lord brings to mind, He starts revealing what we need to change in order to receive His insight.

How do you begin again???

It’s been sooooo long since I’ve dated, and now I don’t have a clue how to even get started anew.

I was thinking about just remaining single, and continue to work, retire and eventually enjoy life… but I’m NO hermit crab, and this day to day loneliness is really getting to me SMH.

Then, I said I’ll start going out again, so that I can attract men. But, nowadays where do you even go, to be sure NOT to end up with the same type of men that’s been in my life grrrrrrrhhhhhhh.

Absolutely devastated and HURT!!!

Sears is the worse!!! (((TEARS)))

On April 22nd I received wonderful news that I had finally been accepted into an apartment after nearly three years of either sleeping in my car or in between temporary homeless shelters.

When I became homeless I lost all my furniture and set out immediately in search of what I felt to be the most important thing right now, a bed to sleep on, and I knew I couldn’t afford a real bed therefore I settled for a air mattress and after reading multiple reviews about how easily they get holes I decided to get two cheap ones, knowing I’d need to sleep on them for a while.

I had ordered a deep freezer before my terrible demise from Sears and considered them a reputable company. So, I placed my order with them and it was due to arrive on May 2nd, I’d get my beds just in time!!! Wrong, my beds was delivered too early, without notification to me, and left at front door, and I’ve tried unsuccessfully to get this rectified through Sears.

God is AWESOME… Finally a place to call home!!!

I’m absolutely speechless and now the tears that part my eyes are TEARS of pure joy!!!

Two+ agonizing years from car to temporary stays and barely eating… SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. It’s over now!!! Just something I had to endure temporarily.

*** In need of donations though, to build my new home from scratch… https://www.gofundme.com/rsze8dgk

ANYTHING you can do is most appreciated. No amount is too small. Thanx guys πŸ™‚

It’s a hard knock life for ME

NOT understanding why is causing my confusion. How WILL I EVER get to sleep at night??? Were ALL those good days fraudulent? If so, you deserve an Oscar!!! How could I EVER be so stupid, NOT to have seen this coming beforehand and readied myself for it all… SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh 😦

I haven’t a clue as to why this is taking place the way it is, but I Pray with EVERYTHING in me that God keeps me strong enough NOT to be all suicidal AGAIN… I’m tired of the emotional rollercoaster. I’m sitting at work thinking that it’ll all be good in this or that amount of time, but clearly I really don’t know how long the grieving process will TAKE, especially because I don’t know in the first place why you’re leaving me to start.

I’m feeling that it can’t be another female because I check your phone and it’s ALWAYS empty of calls and texts, but you may have mastered a way to keep it all hidden from me, if that is the case, just know karma is REAL.

I further keep feeling like my healing will take long because I have no friends or family near me to keep my mind off you and depression is adamant in that case. I was gon get on a dating site, just to keep myself busy and in an effort to ward off being somber, but that’s just a temporary fix that I don’t wanna be bothered with… Geeeesssssshhhhh life’s a bi+Β’Ο€ then you die!!!

Prayers Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee

In need of HELP

Hello,

My name is Paulette Williams and I work daily for USPS and have my own means of transportation. However, as of May 31, 2016 my husband and I will need a place to stay. I can’t afford much, but I’m willing to pay our way. We will take a basement, single room, RV, or even a shed.

OLD to me… NEW for you!!!

Noooooo sleep crew… check-in!!! WYA & WYD??? is a little slogan I add to my Facebook timeline every time Β I’m up for no unlikely reason, with seemingly nuttin to do… WRONG!!! God’s not dead. Therefore, it’s always sum’n to do, as long as all the craziness is going on in the world all around me. That’s when Praying in the Spirit becomes imperative.

I find myself angry a lot because my rental unit, that God Blessed me with is even further away from my family then the shelter was, and it appears I’m always lonely. But, that’s definitely a part of God’s Perfect Plan for my life. God knows exactly what He wants to do through me. But, I have to pure, open, humble and totally surrendered.Β READY to be thatΒ conduit that He can use.

Believe it or not… this video has nuttin to do with anything I just mentioned. It’s actually from 9/29/15, and never got uploaded because I was stupidly quitting again… But, I’mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Back!!!

No coveting, what they have God will give you!!!

I can feel myself getting jealous, angry and nearly bitter towards ALL the people in my office who’s happily making six figures, driving fancy cars that are either paid for or for sure the notes ain’t backed up. And the same goes for their homes, they’re ALWAYS walking around talking bout meeting with realtors and either successfully paying off their houses or about to buy a SECOND home ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh.

This afternoon when I was leaving I was sooooooo hurt,I didn’t want nobody looking at me, make less saying stuff to me… Normally we ALL day drive safe, see you in the morning… Buuuuuutttttttt, today I just wasn’t myself, and acted like the Grinch who stole Christmas. Bad thing though, it ain’t even the people’s fault who I was shunning SMH.

So, I felt God leading me to my PO Box. So, I’m assuming definitely it’s either a letter about one of the jobs or an apartment is coming through, to make me feel better, since I was in a terrible stupor… NOT!!!

I just shook my head and said… “Yet will I trust YOU” Ultimately, that’s exactly what it’s ALL about, the enemy trynna break me down to the point where I Nooooooo longer see God as Worthy of ALL Praise, Honor and Glory, because He’s arbitrarily leaving me in this chaotic mess I’m experiencing… And I’m not able to see nooooooo evidence whatsoever of Him actively working things out on my behalf SMH. Still, I won’t waver in my Faith… He promised to Neeeeeevvvveeerr leave me nor forsake be, and He’s a God Who cannot and will not lie. Sooooooo, that means what I need is for sure for sure coming… Buuuuuutttttttt, whenever He’s ready to deliver and set me free from the bondage that I haphazardly got myself into.

It’s a FAMILY AFFAIR!!!

The pic is my only son’s baby son. He’s actually in the the Vlog, and he made sure to give a shout out to his Father for being a well known rapper from Washington DC… I thought that was sooooooo cute.

God is AWESOME, and actually got two of my three daughters to come to Church today and six of my grandchildren… I have not stopped smiling since they arrived.

My daughter had to finish off my hair, which turned out beautiful… and while she did I cooked up some good ole chicken that was mouth watering good… ALL the adults was licking their fingers and complementing me, and that just made my smilitis worse lol.

I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about the message God sent their way, because they were really captivated and listening. Therefore, I’m convinced that they’re not too far off from God’s Grace, and it won’t take much to reel them back in.

My son, in the other hand, will just have to come on his own, as God speaks to his heart. My daughter said don’t force him, because he’ll simply reject it more and more each time, to the point where he may start avoiding me altogether. But, Prayer changes things and God is ultimately in control and can get my son’s attention way far better than I EVER could… So, patiently I await!!!

Things are looking UP for me, and that covers a multitude of the previous bad… Hallelujah!!!

The pic is Carrot Top, my son’s fiance’s son. He’s been in the family for eleven years, and he’s loved and accepted just as my biological grand babies.

Forgive me for it being sooooooo low, I was sneaking and making this Vlog, at work in the break room. This is one of my early morning days SMH, having to get up and leave out while it’s still dark. But, I will not complain, because going in like that guarantees me eight hours… Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh yoppington πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Gotta really get more serious about Church. The same way I didn’t miss school not one day, and wouldn’t dare EVER miss work, I can’t be lenient about about the importance of seeking the face of God EVERY single time them doors open. I’m pressed to be at work to pay bills, by trivial things and make sure I’m up on the latest fashion, and I was sooooooo haaaappppyyyy about trynna obtain my degree, to the point where missing class was Neeeeeevvvveeerr an option… Sick, sleepy or half dead, it didn’t matter, I had a goal and I wouldn’t deviate. Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s OK to miiiiisssssssssss Church several times a month, even after I begged for Sundays off and finally got iiiiittttttttt… Where’s my loyalty to God??? ALL while I’m depending on Him to Bless me with 40 hrs a week at work, a home of my own and Salvation for my entire family. That’s simply me using God as a spare tire, only getting benefits out of Him when it’s in my favor. Not right at ALL, and must change immediately!!!

HEAR no evil, SPEAK no evil and neither SEE no evil… Just BELIEVE!!!

The pic is my only son… He gave me my first granddaughter and she came out looking juuuuussssttttt like me… You talking about haaaappppyyyy!!! I was ecstatic πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I Neeeeeevvvveeerr wanted to have favorites, but my babbbbbbyyyyyyyy boy was some kinda special to me lol, and he felt the same about his Mom also. Whenever I had to grocery shop, go to school or work, he would cry sooooooo hard for hours, and hold his breath til he turned blue geeeesssssshhhhh.

“ConsiderΒ it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Just when I start doing good, my old fling, who broke EVERYTHING off with me wanna start contacting me again, buuuutttttt he’s clearly playing games SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. One minute we’re texting back to back. Then, all of a sudden it’s complete silence… I can’t take the emotional rollercoaster. Sooooooo I really prefer he refrain from bothering me EVER again in life… His unexplainable inconsistencies drives me up a wall, and only allows the devil an opportunity to play tricks on my mind… Like, Ohhhhh he had to stop texting because his girlfriend woke up and caught him. ALL of iiiiittttttttt is irritating… Just goooooooooooooooo, and leave me ALONE!!!

God is sooooooo good, I’m getting 32 hours this week, and I get to run Post 1 by myself again… That’s unexpected Blessings of elevation and gain at work. As I said before, the things they’re allowing me to do, I wasn’t even thinking about doing for probably nine to ten more years… Walking around with keys to Federal Government buildings… Woooooowwwwwwww πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I’m waaaaaayyyyyyy tooooooo Blessed to EVER be stressed!!!

I was upset yesterday, I won’t lie!!! Because it seems like bad stuff keep coming out the woodwork… I read the pamphlet that said MAX 90 days at the shelter, and that had me in my feelings off the break, but I dealt with it, rules are rules, and I just planned to cross that bridge when I came to it, and I depended on only having to request two extensions, which I thought were good for a period of thirty day’s. Come to find out, the maximum stay has been switched to sixty days, and the extensions, if granted are only for two week increments at a time SMH… That just blew me terribly!!!

Buuuuuutttttttt, today is FREE YOUR MIND FRRRRRIIIIDDDDDAAAAAYYYYY and just as I express to you guys… Nothing is to bombard or overwhelm you today!!! Therefore, this possible upcoming trouble is merely a figment of my imagination!!!

Guys, I can tell when I’m doing things right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father, He’ll just have people walk up and hand me sympathy cards with money in them… I’m so overjoyed and THANKFUL, immediately I Pray for BIG/HUGE Blessings to fall upon each of them and their entire families. Especially the one who helped me today, because she was just crying until her eyes was stop sign red over some personal issues she was having… And yet she unselfishly gave to me… Praise, Honor and Glory to my Daddy, because ultimately it’s ALL Him… They’re just vessels He’s using.

Resist the devil and he will flee!!!

The pic is my only son’s only daughter, and she’s the other Mini Me I told you ALL about.. To me, she looks like the younger version of me, dimple and all. Then, the Lil chunky Mini Me, that just had a bday resembles me after I’ve put on a few extra pounds lol.

It feels sooooooo good to hear God, even to this day, tell me that I’m fearfully, marvelously and wonderfully made… In spite of what I’ve allowed to take place in my life… He don’t see me as the world does (Less than, trifling or hopeless).

In fact, my Daddy was already well aware of my current predicament, waaaaaayyyyyyy BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK before I EVER came to be. Our Heavenly Father knew our futures before we took our first breath.

EVERY day allotted to each of was a part of God’s perfect plan, and He knew how each day would totally play out before the sun ever took its rightful place in the sky.

I can’t rush ANYTHING to happen when I’m solely depending on You Daddy, but rather it’s my responses to setbacks, holdups and utter disappointments that You’re measuring.

Will I continue to trust You, even when it looks like You’re outlandishly saying NO!!! What about when it feels as though You’re plain ole taking absolutely tooooooo long ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!! Yes indeed, because I know my help comes from You and You ALONE, and there’s nooooooo one else offering to or even able to help me right now.

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience when you’re God’s CHOSEN!!!

The pic is my Lil midget granddaughter, who’s already four, but barely comes to her big brother’s knee caps lol… Her sooooooo itty bitty… When I was just up in DC, at my other granddaughter’s bday party, I was able to hold the Lil miniature size baby on my hip; comfortably for a few minutes, and I could’ve gone longer, but she wanted to run off and play… Understandably, I mean it is a child’s party… “Let me goooooooooooooooo Nana – I’m sure she was thinking.”

Plllleeeeeaaaaassssseeee forgive me for my sleepiness… Here lately I’ve been suffering with extreme Insomnia, and I’m scared to take Trazadone, because it gives me heart palpitations SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

The enemy’s fearful of us, because he knows we’re coming for him, full force, to take BBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK EVERYTHING he’s EVER stole from us. Our children, who we took the time to rear up in the admiration, honor and respect of the Lord. But, the dumb devil has succeeded in dragging them far away from ALL the morals, potentials and values I instilled in them.

II am sooooooo haaaappppyyy about what God is doing through me on my job, He really placed me in a high position rather quickly, and I’m already doing things that it usually takes us about ten years to transition into… The only thing I’m looking for Him to do, employment wise, now is give me 40+ hours… That would do me good… All that overtime geeeesssssshhhhh πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

“Any man be in Christ is a new creation, old things are passed away, behold ALL things are become new!!!”

The pic is my oldest daughter; my BEST friend frfr… Yeah, we clash ALL the time. Buuuuuutttttttt, God got us, we’re probably just tooooooo much alike!!! I mean we did basically grow up together SMH.

Guys, God is beyond good, He’s AWESOME, MARVELOUS & MAGNIFICENT!!! I haven’t stopped smoking since yesterday around 2 pm… My entire evening was wonderful πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I really, really, really, really enjoyed my time spent with ALL my children and grandchildren… Buuuuuutttttttt, it’s BEST expressed in the Vlog… Take a look ^^^

ALL is well… “No GOOD thing shall I withhold from those who walk uprightly”

Haaaaappppyyyy biiiirrrrtttthhhhddddaaaayyy Mini Me… Her turning the big 5 today. Her mother says she’s been long awaiting this day for some time now… I think it’s because her big sister was five for what seems like forever lol. Secret is though, she don’t realize she didn’t catch up with her; instead her sister left her in age again and turned six… Shhhhhh, don’t nobody tell her.

Well, I Neeeeeevvvveeerr did get a plate last night. But, God kept me anyways… Them cheese crackers did me wonders… yummy πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ That’s just God breaking me out of being so picky.

Today’s Scripture made me think of the Prodigal son, and how he was accepted back into his family without chaos… That’s how easily God receives us back after we stray, and that gives me hope, that He’s not angry with me when I fall short.

When you’re going through and having a bad day, Β purposely seek out someone you can encourage. Lifting up others will lift your spirits as well.

I’m homeless and trusting in our Lord with ALL my heart, not leaning on my understanding – I’m acknowledging Him, and He’s directing my path!!!

The pic is my oldest daughter’s son… You met his older brother yesterday, and his Mom and baby sister are coming soon… This is the grandchild I told y’all should’ve been on Bill Cosby’s ” Kids say the darnedest things.” He’s so intellectual, observant and he articulates well above his age range.

Guys, I was so upset that I had to desperately make that post earlier asking for food SMH… I’m not rushing God, but I’ll be sooooooo glad for this to be over. I’m not use to begging like this geeeesssssshhhhh!!! I know it’s all to teach me to get rid of pride and be humble, but it’s terribly embarrassing.

Choose your words wisely… Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Speak your needs, wants and desires into existence in Faith.

Don’t look for a quick fix in your new sought out mate or profession… Instead allow God to provide for you. Our Daddy’s rich, He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. If earthly celebrity and athlete father’s can successfully spoil their babies, just know that what God can and will give us surpasses all they could EVER imagine!!!

Say this when the devil’s trynna make you feel down in the dumps… “I’m too Blessed to be stressed and Ohhhhh sooooooo haaaappppyyyy that my God placed ALL my sins as far as the East is from the West πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I’m homeless, but my Father says… He plans to prosper me, no harm; rather give me Hope & a Future!!!

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The pic is my oldest grandson, my oldest daughter’s son, you’ll meet his brother tomorrow and his Mom and Lil sister soon.God is GOOD, and I spent yesterday getting a chance to really look back on ALL the things He so Graciously saved me from… All the times I crazily put myself in harms way and He continually brought me out… Thank You Daddy πŸ™‚

I’ve ALWAYS asked God why in the world He chose me to work for Him, when I was the worst one of my Mother’s seven children, and the other’s appeared to be a perfect fit for anything He needed done… They were more suttle and calm spirited, unlike me. But, His wants is all that matters, and I still say YEEEEESSSSSSS… Nooooooo matter the cost.

Once you surrender to God, there is no picking and choosing what you’ll allow Him to do through, for and with you… Obedience is better than sacrifice. Therefore, adhere and harken unto His calls!!!

I’m homeless – but it ain’t over, and who cares about da fat lady singing? This ends wit God opening doors dat man can’t close!!!

The featured pic is my Lil granddaughter, the sister of the twin baby boys and my middle daughter’s oldest daughter. She just had a bday, so give her a shout out real quick!!! I’m doing her Lil sister in 3 days on her bday. So, once again we’ll be celebrating for the babies.

I told y’all Jesus has a sense of humor, and He’s a friend who sticks closer than a brother. This morning I was upset about how my job is doing me with my hours, and just as soon as I started the car “Magnify” by Marvin Sapp came on real loud, and I forgot instantly about that sadness, and broke out in a dancing Praise… It was sooooooo hilarious, you’d have to had been there to see it. I guarantee you would have cracked your side, because it wasn’t purposeful or nothing, it just happen. Then, I caught myself and bust out laughing, like “that was a Kodak moment right there.”

Mad about the decrease in pay. Buuuuuutttttttt, I ain’t gon trip… God gotta have sum planned for me to do. Sooooooo, after I grab some grub and eat, Imma let Him lead me.

Be careful when changing crafts at work, so that you don’t do yourself an injustice, as I did SMH ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh. I’m the big dummy I guess lol. Pressed for more money, but ended up with less hours, so it don’t freekin pay off… Some body needs to give me a V8 slap!!!

I’m homeless – counting my Blessings, and naming them 1 by 1… Never desolate!!!

So, here is the mom of that Lil laughing baby… This is my youngest daughter, and the Lol babygirl is her only.

Sooooooo excited, I went to Bible Study last night!!! The teaching really hit home for me… Encouraging me to keep on working. With ALL the chaos and inconsistencies, I honestly considered going back to disability, just to keep a leveled head. Buuuuuutttttttt, God already gave me the answer on that one SMH… And I’m glad He said Nooooooo frfr, because I’m not one for laying around and being lazy. That’s why my children are probably hiding out from me lol, because they know the drill is coming to any one of them that’s not on somebody’s payroll or an entrepreneur.

I almost got myself in trouble again at work today, and once you hear the story you gon be like “girl, I would’ve rung your neck myself if I’d been there ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh”!!!

I’m homeless and relying on the Word expressed in Ecclesiastes… There’s a TIME for EVERYTHING… Waiting with expectancy on God!!!

Meet my middle daughter, the mother to those handsome twin boys… She has two more daughters that you’ll see soon… Stay tuned!!!

Be determined to follow Christ daily, that means setting aside time to seek Him. If you don’t have a Bible (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth)Β then download the app to any of your devices that has internet access, and start topical plans that relate to whatever you’re going through.

Pandora, Tunein radio and Google music are good places to listen to spiritual music, which is soothing to the mind and Spirit and also most of the time the lyrics contain a message.

Use YouTube to listen to sermons… There’s several Pastors that upload their weekly presentations. Even if you already attend Church twice a week for Sunday service and Wednesday Bible study, it’s still beneficial to do this, rather than watching secular programs, just to remain close to God and learn more about Him and His Will for your life.

I’m homeless, but Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen!!!

The featured pic is my Lil lol babygirl… The way this one cracks up laughing will bring a smile to even the saddest persons heart. This is my youngest granddaughter and my youngest daughter’s only baby… I absolutely love her with EVERYTHING in me.

Stress is a NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO… I’m showing you ALL how unnecessary stress caused my hair to fall out completely in the top and how my eyes are still puffy and swollen days later from repetitive crying, when I should’ve been trusting and seeking the face of God instead SMH… No More crying, worrying or allowing problems to linger on… Get rid of stressors immediately… Leave them at the feet of God; He wants to and Will HHHEEEELLLLPPPP!!!

Be not unequally yoked, don’t commit adultery and neither allow yourselves to live in sin by fornicating… I’m taking the initiative to totally cut off a long time relationship because it blocks my way to Heaven… Only what we do for God lasts!!!

See the devil for who he really is, when he tries to bring contention between you and another sister or brother in Christ. Just yesterday he caused multiple small arguments to occur between me and one of my bosses, who’s a devout woman of God and I repented and then asked God to make a way for me to also be a woman and apologize, even though she was really rude and mean towards me.

I’m homeless, and just like Job… I’m about to receive double for ALL my trouble!!!

The featured image is a pic of my twin grandsons that I mentioned in my Vlog. Now tell me they ain’t cute as a button… Remember I told you they’re fast and rambunctious SMH… Love em to pieces though!!!

Today I’m sooooooo haaaappppyyyy… The proof is in the pudding… At lunch and rushing. So, enjoy πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Gotta give a shout out to my Lil cuz Shon… Who’s been supportive here lately, with the encouraging Scriptures… Listen to the one she sent last night… Enough reason to keep pressing on… Love you guys to the moon and back. (((TOODLES)))

I’m homeless… Buuuuuutttttttt, a shift is coming, and I’m waiting on God’s SECOND touch (Joel Osteen)

From my Lil cousin: “Faith is not knowing what the future holds, but knowing WHO holds the future”

Therefore, Nooooooo matter what it looks like right now, as long as I keep my Faith in God; then my future is sho nuff Aiight!!! God’s in control of EVERY situation I’m not only going through now, but He’s already got whatever I’ll face tomorrow and for the days to come too πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ “No weapon formed against me shall EVER prosper”Β I’m a child of God, an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus!!!

No More murmuring and complaining, God knows what’s BEST for me and since I surrendered my ALL to Him, now the things that happen, family or not, is because He desires for it to.

When God can’t get your attention, because you’re too caught up in the craziness of life, he’ll do some sanctifying, right before your very eyes, and have you wondering what in the world is really going on!!!

No need for me to be overly upset about not being able to see my family, because when God has me exactly where He wants me, then the relationship between ALL of us will resume. But, I’ll be a better person, and much more able to be the role model they need to look up to. I can definitely appreciate that too, because they’ll listen to me when it comes to what’s Godly right to do, if I’m walking upright myself. But, if I’m off course they’re like “yeah right MA, are you serious” and they’re within their rights… A mother should purely practice what she Preaches!!!

This SECOND touch is going to be mighty and powerful!!! God won’t only restore to me what I once had, but rather EVERYTHING that’s coming to me this time around will be double for ALL my trouble πŸ™‚

I’m homeless, and nobody cares but God… Neeeeeevvvveeerr seen this day coming!!!

I had to steal this from my niece’s Facebook wall: “If someone sticks by your side through your worst times, they’re the ones who deserve to be with you through your BEST times.”

That’s sooooooo true and exactly what I needed to hear today. One of my daughters didn’t feel it necessary to come by for my visit to DC and I haven’t seen her or my granddaughter in a long time SMH.

My son said maybe three words to me, then went on about his life… Geeeesssssshhhhh!!! You talking bout tears… This thing is horrible.

My middle daughter said the most to me and ALL four of her babies brought out a great big ole smile on my face.

My oldest daughter came out to get her money and went on back to doing what she was doing… Wow this is like overkill!!!

I really looked forward to this day for about a week, thinking today would be the day we’d all make amends. But, I guess they’re better off without me. So, I’ll leave them be. I gotta come up once a month to grocery shop and I’ll just Pray each time that it eventually gets easier, and I don’t have to drive back so sad.

How in the world is this in God’s plan, not that I’m questioning His authority. But, I have no clue what in the world is going on, I can’t imagine life with absolutely Nooooooo family SMH… This can’t be real, and I Neeeeeevvvveeerr dreamed of being a parent who abandoned her children. But what do I do???

I’m homeless, and guess what!!! It ain’t about me, but rather ALL about God.

In all that I’m going through, I’m allowing God to teach me humility. Who am I to walk around with a chip on my shoulders, acting as if nobody has a right to talk to me or give me direction, Nooooooo matter their status or lack thereof.

There’s certain ways about me that must change before I can expect to receive anything from God. He nor no one else owes me anything. So, this prideful attitude I attain has to go!!!

Then, the biggest problem is the fact that I act out towards people because of the things I’ve been told beforehand about them SMH, and I just nearly had the same thing happen to me at work, but God showed forth Mercy. I love it when God shows me things about me that He don’t like, because that proves I am in fact His… He chastens who He loves… Therefore Daddy clean me up, until I have the mindset that pleases You.

Here I am in need of sooooooo much, but I have the audacity to get smart with people, just because I feel like I don’t wanna be bothered, it ain’t right and won’t be tolerated, in the eyes of God… And anything that’s not fitting for Him cannot and will not be a part of my life either!!!

Change has to take place, not only because I need a home, more hours at work and debt clearing help. But, more so because I wanna be the devout woman of God He has called me to become and desires for me to be… Love You Daddy and thanx for leading, guiding and directing me… In Jesus name Amen πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I’m homeless, but not in despair… Trusting God against ALL odds!!!

Things got a little hectic, but I didn’t allow it to break me. A few unexpected obstacles showed face, and each time I merely drew closer to my Heavenly Father. It’s not about what I see, but rather WHO I know!!

I felt sooooooo bad, but that mustard seed Faith, that I Neeeeeevvvveeerr understood kept me pushing!!!

I surrendered my all to Him, and these small set backs don’t change NOTHING πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

EVERYTHING works together for the GOOD for them who love Him and are the called according to His purpose. Therefore, I’m ALL in, Β “use me Lord, until You’ve used me up.

Optimism intensifies perseverance… I’m Homeless, but God’s got a plan!!!

Feeling better today, looking forward to my meeting with my case manager, and Praying with everything in me that she has GOOD news. There’s a new company overseeing the shelter I’m in, and they’re said to have a 98% turn around rate for housing placement… yaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Being able to talk to a young lady last night really made me feel secure within, because she also suffered with mental illnesses, and could relate, on so many levels, to many of the things I’m going through. So, that helped deter my bitter feelings and crazed thoughts of suicide… Thank You Daddy.

In a nutshell, I MUSTΒ see the enemy in all my opposition, and realize that God’s bigger than any problem that could ever come my way!!! It may seem like my world is crumbling right before my eyes, but there’s actually good in that, because God can now work better with the pieces of me; rebuilding and remaking me into the proper image & person that replicates Jesus.

As for my job, so many other employees keep encouraging me that I’ll get an abundance of hours, because the holidays are right around the corner, and I shouldn’t in the least bit be worried… Therefore, That frustration and stress is out the window too!!!

I knew I’d be HAPPY today, the reflection of myself can be seen on the front of my phone while I’m conducting my presentations, and I was highly upset with the way all this craziness had me feeling and looking… Holding back tears, choking them up… Nope!!! I’m a KINGS kid… And no weapon formedΒ  against me shall prosper πŸ™‚ He’s in control of the hub agreement, and will see to it that I get the hours I need and more… Also, He’s gonna open up doors for me for housing that man can’t close nor block the way.

A sister in Christ said to me just yesterday, that her Prayer for me is that God Blesses me with so much that I have enough to share, and when I do, everyone who receives will see God’s fingerprints on every inch of it… That thing sent chills all through my body, and I felt a quickening in my Spirit, because that’s exactly what’s gonna happen… God is a God that cannot and will not lie!!! So, when His Word says He’ll do exceedingly abundant above all we can ever ask or think… He’s gotta stand by that!!! Sooooooooo, look to witness a Hallelujah shouting Praise report really soon πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

First day back… There’s a purpose for my homelessness, and God will get the Glory for my deliverance from it ALL!!!

 

I have the slightest idea why ALL of this is playing out the way it is. But, I’m determined to continue on with my Vloggling and blogging because I earnestly and honestly believe that God wants me to show my current bad predicament, and how He’s daily bringing me through and out on the other side.

One thing for sure though, and two things for certain… Once you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s Nooooooo place else to go except UPWARDS, and that’s definitely in the making for me and for anyone else who’s experiencing the turmoil I am… Keep your Faith and remain encouraged… God won’t leave US nor forsake US.