I’m sooooooo numb, but not suicidal!!! I’m waiting to see just what God is going to do in the upcoming seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years. I’m simply standing on His promises.
My mother’s day ended horrific, and I blame my actions on my inability to refrain from alcohol. I have this misconception that I can’t be friendly and fun unless I’m under the influence… Totally inaccurate!!!
Two days have passed, and I just apologized, but I wasn’t even the initial aggressor. Nonetheless, if I expect anything from God, I gotta ALWAYS be the bigger person, and it don’t seem fair at all… However, obedience is deftly better than sacrifice.
Besides all that, I need a focal point for my life or I run the risk of repetitive altercations. I need some substance, and I know it’ll start once I get wholeheartedly connected with a devout group of believers. But, the obstacles are surmountable and it’s driving me insane… Sort of like a catch 22… I have to work two jobs, in order to make ends meet. But, that impedes on my ability to get grounded and rooted the way I need to ggggrrrrrrhhhhhh… SMH.
Actually, going to services would cause sleep deprivation, because of my chaotic hours at my full-time. Then, trying to do, on my own, in what spare time I force pans out under non beneficial, because in the same way, one cannot teach themselves academically, likewise I’m not able to fully grasp the Holy Word, and know what I should be doing alone.
I’m a runner by nature (when the going gets tough/rough I get going) and my life appears so pointless and inadequate in the DMV, and I feel as though I need new scenery and different opportunities!!! There’s sooooooo much inside me, both good and bad… But, I keep telling myself once I find a new spot and implement a new way of living, thinking and acting… All the overflowing good will absolutely outweigh the bad.
I get daily emails from Rick Warren and Joel Osteen, and lately I’ve been urged to find out exactly what it is that God has for me to do, and I have some ideas. But, I quickly dismiss them, because they all require time, money, energy, and/or support that I don’t possess. Low and behold, I refuse to give up, no more getting so frustrated that I result to taking my life, because I’m confused and angry!!! That’s simply the trick of the enemy.
I’m determined to wait on God… He’s got something BIG planned, and I gotta be ready for it. But, without the flare ups, at the least bit of disturbance in my life. Every day won’t be perfect, and problems WILL arise. So, I’ll stay away from liquor, which makes me react incorrectly, and keep a sober, Prayed up mind… That will allow me to go through chaos calmly, thus passing my test, and eventually moving on with God, in the realm of emotions necessary for the Blessings He had stored up for me and mine.
BnfEnT (CEO Son Son – DMV)
https://funds.gofundme.com/mobile/dashboard?url=h2r43w
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I’m sorry it was horrific. Hope things are better now. Hugs xo
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Thanx… They are xoxoxo
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I’m so glad you reminded me what can happen and has happened if I drink too much. I will practice moderation.
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Yes, I deftly have to… It’s both important to our health and relationships
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It sure is.
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Thank you for following me. I am a new blogger so appreciate it very much. I start my day with a prayer that concludes with “There is no problem, circumstance or situation greater than God. Every battle is in HIS HANDS to fight”. He is fighting your battle right now! Please firmly believe this! I thank him every day for the many battles he has fought for me.
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Thanx and welcome
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I think you are on the right path…just never give up no matter what happens. You need to spend as much as you can to look for God. I wish your luck on your journey 😀
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Thanx bunches
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Well it’s the least I could do…do you have people helping you with your troubles?
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Not at all
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Well that sucks, I kind of know what it must feel to be alone trying to solve important issues. Writing the problem down really does help. Can’t you go ask for help at your local church?
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Haven’t been able to go in a while, gotta work every Sunday
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I am sorry then, I wish there was anything I could do to help you
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Awwwwww, just pray without ceasing…. Things will turn around soon after I’m sure
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Well, that is good 🙂 I Will help you pray then 🙂
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Thanx again 🙂
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No worries, if you even need any words of encouragement, just hit me up 😀
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Gotcha!!!
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good luck my friend 🙂
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√√√
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🙂
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Life is crazy and so complicated! You sound like you’re on the right path. Hang in there and have faith…. But never forget you have do the hard work or it won’t make any difference.
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Thanx, much appreciated
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